OT: family not happy about baby news

[mermaidblue!]

I'm 40 years old & just found out we're having a baby...number 3! My husband & I have discussed adopting over the years, but it never seemed to be the right time. Right time or not, here comes baby! Our kids are thrilled. My husband is thrilled, absolutely happy. A new baby is just more love, he says.

The problem is family. They are stunned & rather frosty about our news. A few are excited, but most are not. Really not. One even said to me that our news was "crazy". My feelings are hurt. I'm guessing my age is a factor, and the fact that we will need to sell our house in a lousy market to make room for baby. I believe they think we're irresponsible?

Anyone gone through this? Tips, advice?

We're planning on WDW for May, when I'm at 20 weeks. (We were originally hoping for Sept 2013, in hopes of free dining, but I'll be giving birth that month instead!) We're not telling the in-laws...they are rather anti-Disney & we don't want any more reasons for more "cold shoulder"!

 

[jennylyn_b]

I have no advice except this.... Don't let them ruin your happy news! Congratulations!!! You have been blessed with a new baby. Hopefully some of them will realize how rude and insensitive they are being and become excited for you.

 

[disneymomto5]

As you can see I have 5 children, when #4 was announced my mother was LIVID! I couldn't understand why, we support our children financially, never have asked for help in that way, what was the big deal? I was 39 and my mother thought it was time for me to "go back to work". We didn't speak for 2 months and it was awful. Ultimately, she got over it, and unfortunately I had a lot of medical problems with that baby. #5 was an adoption, and she was fine with that one, go figure!

 

[IllinoisMommy]

We had a similar reaction from our family when we announced pregnancy #3. I was 38 when I delivered (DH was 40), and our sons were 5 and 7. I think everyone thought we were done- and we did too, but then decided to try for one more. We did not tell anyone because we did not want to get peoples hopes up if we could not become pregnant again. We had to call to tell the news (family out of town)...Mom's reaction: silence then "oh" and stumbling over her words, in laws reaction: more silence at first. My best friend's immediate reaction was "What did you do?". I had several women my age say they thought I was crazy and they would never want to do that. And of course- the questions about whether the pregnnancy was planned (not from family, just acquintances). And overall, just less celebrating from people (fewer cards/presents, no flowers at the hospital, etc). My feelings were a little hurt too- but we could not be happier. Enjoy the pregnancy and don't let anyone put a damper on this happy news

ETA: enjoy WDW! I went at 20 weeks with pregnancy #2. Great time in a pregnancy to go- weather should be good (I did it in the heat of July and had a great time)

 

[RNMom1969]

Hi there!
I'm brand new here but just had to reply to you! 40 is not old! I'm not only a LDR nurse.....I see all ages.... I had my last child (my 6th) at age 41! It just keeps getting better! Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your family and Disney! Don't let anyone upset you!!

 

[mermaidblue!]

Thank you ladies for the encouragement. I seriously need it.

I think people do expect me to "go back to work" in a big way, even though I am currently teaching part time! I even had a family friend tease me by saying I secretly planned this pregnancy to avoid "real work". Right... Crazy talk! Like babies aren't an incredible amount of work? Or maybe the only work that "matters" is work that brings in $$?

Thanks for posting...it helps to know I'm not the only one who's walked this road.

 

[SweetMissy]

OMG...how horrible! Who cares! It's your and your husband's business. That makes me mad and I don't even know you, lol. How sad that they're turning this happy time into a miserable one. Who cares....you and your husband are happy and that's all that matters. I'm sure they'll all get used to the news and if not, whatever to them. CONGRATS!!!

 

[DSNY4ever]

Did you want another baby? If so then just be happy. Maybe they are just thinking you have a lot on your plate right now and that is what they meant by "crazy". Or maybe it is just because it is number 3. Families are usually bouncing off the walls for #1, then are happy for #2, and then by #3 it is more of a "oh how nice." I know my 3rd nephew (although we all love him just as much), got far less pomp and circumstance than my other 2 nephews. Just how it goes.

 

[mom2jcg]

I have no idea why people think its their right to comment on how many children you have! They are a blessing from God and why can't people keep their opinions to themselves? I once had a complete stranger say to me sarcastically, "you really need more kids" and I only have three. Because they are three boys, so many people have said to me that they feel sorry for me. After I heard this about the fifth time, I finally replied, "well, don't! I'm incredibly blessed!". As are you. I'm so sorry they were rude, but just know there are a bunch of us out here that are incredibly happy for you! Congratulations!!!!

 

[Pooh2]

Congrats and enjoy your new baby!

 

[cheer25mom]

Don't worry about what they think, they don't have to raise the baby, you do! I only have one, and people think I am nuts. People think its ok to ask: "When is __________ getting a brother or sister?" and "why can't you have another baby?" when they know nothing about our situation. I think people just natually expect everyone else to want what they want as far as kids go. Really, its none of their business. I have a friend who has 4 boys, the oldest of which is in first grade. Personaly, I would lose my mind and cannot imagine anyone signing up for that, but she is happy and I would never presume to tell her what to do with her life

 

[bumbershoot]

That sounds like a group of people who no wants to be a part of your life. At the very least they weren't worthy of being given the information this early on, and now you know that.

My aunt recently reminded me that HER grandmother was still having babies at 48. My dad's mom had them well into her 40s. And it was NO big deal.


Though I do have to say that the negative stuff about later babies is mainly from that person's own personal issues. My friends all had babies young, and have teens or young adults now. I have an 8 year old and will be open to more as long as my body says the "factory" is open. They think I'm crazy, though that hasn't been said to me in a LONG time, from the frostiness I gave them. (I never told them they were crazy for marrying as teens, never said "thought so" when they divorced in their 20s...what on earth gave them the idea that they got to comment on MY plans?) So it's their own issues, their own feelings of being "old". I, personally, feel younger now than I did in my 20s; not my fault they don't!

 

[100AcreWood]

Congratulations! I know how it feels to have awful reactions from family members. You just want support but they have to share their thoughtless feelings.

We waited 5 years to have a baby and our parents thought we would never have one. My mom's reaction to finally hearing she would have a grandchild - was it planned? I was crushed. 2nd baby - oh it's hard to be excited the second time. And when I told them we were having our 3rd child - I hope it's a boy this time. And my in laws were no better. They had one child and couldn't figure out why we would want more than one.

Best of luck! 40 is far from old.

 

[aliceg]

Just wanted to say...Congratulations! Babies are always good news.

Best wishes! We had a "surprise", too, and he's awesome and a very welcome addition to our family!

 

[Baliezer]

I would ignore what your family says and celebrate. Who really cares what they think. As time passes, they will come around.

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

Don't worry about other people. I had our 3rd child after 3 long years of infertility. I was 40 (almost 41). My kids were 12 & 10. Some people were really rude about it - I learned to smile and act like having a 3rd child that long after was totally normal.

Enjoy your upcoming bundle of joy & to everyone who doesn't understand.

 

[RachaelA]

Thank you ladies for the encouragement. I seriously need it.

I think people do expect me to "go back to work" in a big way, even though I am currently teaching part time! I even had a family friend tease me by saying I secretly planned this pregnancy to avoid "real work". Right... Crazy talk! Like babies aren't an incredible amount of work? Or maybe the only work that "matters" is work that brings in $$?

Thanks for posting...it helps to know I'm not the only one who's walked this road.

Why is it any of their business whether or not you back to work??? What if you didn't want to ever?

Ignore them. And if they continue to act this way, they don't deserve to be a part of your life.

 

[6disneykids]

Congratulations on your growing family. I was 42 when or 6th baby was born, you are not old!

Currently my 6 range in age from 15 to 2, it isn't always easy having an age spread, but you just make it work. We live in a house that is not quite 2000 sq ft. Everyone has to share a room (DS15 & DS13 in one room, DD9 has her own for now, DS7 & DS4 in one room and DD2 is still in our room. So just because your family if growing doesn't always mean you have to sell your house.

 

[sachilles]

Congrats
Hopefully, they were just caught unprepared. They'll probably come around.
My wife was 40 when we had our first and so far only.
People always make assumptions, best to not let it bug you. Easier said than done since its a topic that really tugs at the heart strings of many.

 

[Wills Mom]

Try not to let their negativity dampen your good news! This is wonderful news, a baby regardless of age is always wonderful news IMO. Yet people will always feel the need (and take every opportunity) to comment on you, your bump and eventually your baby. They're small minded so-and-sos! My sister in law had her youngest DD (she has 5 ranging in age from 5-26!) when she was 41. A friend of mine is getting IVF for her first (fingers crossed!) at 40. Other friends of mine had their kids in their early 20s. Different strokes for different folks
Absolutely massive congrats! And wishing you a happy, healthy and safe pregnancy! We might see you at WDW in May