OT: family not happy about baby news

[ScotsMinnie]

How can a new baby being brought into a loving family be anything other than wonderful?

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My family had a similar reaction to number 4 and honestly I just got angry. My brother made a sarcastic comment to me and I said "It's not like you have to support or help me in any way so why do you even care?" and he apologized. DH's mom once said "I guess they haven't figured out how that happens yet." in front of some other relatives, she thought she was being cute, but I was offended. I said "we know exactly how it happens, why do you think we have so many kids?"

But we really don't have any support from family, when my husband deployed no one came to visit even on the holidays, they don't get gifts or anything. If they had tried to be more involved in their lives I would have been a little easier on them. Don't let your family take away your happiness though, in the end it's a decision between you and your husband.

 

[spel]

Just wanted to say congratulations on your exciting baby news! You've already gotten some great advice here and I hope it helps you figure things out. A baby is such a blessing- it's nice to see how excited you & hubby are and how appreciative you are. I wish you the best!

 

[Dragoness]

CONGRATS!!!!
A baby is such great news. Regardless of what anyone else seems to want to make a remark about. This baby will be loved. I don't know why family seems to want to say things like that. I have a similar story. I had it all typed out but it is really long and involves alot.
Just enjoy this new baby. I am considering having another myself.
We have 5- DH has two older ones 23 & 22, We have two teens 18 & 16, plus our " We are done" surprise who just turned 7. I have all boys and DH never was giving the chance to raise his daughter, so there is that little girl hope, but we might just wait for grandchildren. DH is 43 , I am 37.
My mother would poop if we did! LOL

 

[pocomom]

I'm 40 years old & just found out we're having a baby...number 3! My husband & I have discussed adopting over the years, but it never seemed to be the right time. Right time or not, here comes baby! Our kids are thrilled. My husband is thrilled, absolutely happy. A new baby is just more love, he says.

The problem is family. They are stunned & rather frosty about our news. A few are excited, but most are not. Really not. One even said to me that our news was "crazy". My feelings are hurt. I'm guessing my age is a factor, and the fact that we will need to sell our house in a lousy market to make room for baby. I believe they think we're irresponsible?

Anyone gone through this? Tips, advice?

We're planning on WDW for May, when I'm at 20 weeks. (We were originally hoping for Sept 2013, in hopes of free dining, but I'll be giving birth that month instead!) We're not telling the in-laws...they are rather anti-Disney & we don't want any more reasons for more "cold shoulder"!

I would give them time to adjust. Some people just don't take surprises well , and they may have just not thought of a baby as a possibility. My mom who loves loves loves her grandkids was less than thrilled about #3. She just assumed I was done at 2 and isn't a fan of a large family and thought I was ruining things for myself. Now that he is here, she loves him just the same. Either way don't sweat it. Enjoy your wonderful news! and have a happy preganacy and healthy baby!

 

[wallawallakids]

First of all, Congratulations!! That is great.

Second, Have you thought that maybe they are just worried for you? I was so excited when I found out I was having #3 & 4 (twins!). My family, not so much. My mom was VERY upset. She didn't know why we would want more. She complained about having to buy more presents at Christmas, more travel expenses for us, EVERYTHING. It was hurtful. But, in hindsight, I think she was mostly worried for me. We had 4 kids in 5 yrs. We were very busy! I think she was concerned about how it would affect my oldest two children, how we would afford it, how my health would be carrying twins. I think her worry masked her joy and all she could think about were the negatives. Now she is much better. My family loves all 4 of my children. They still say stupid, hurtful things sometimes. (Don't all families? ) Like, "Well, if you only had two this would be so much easier" and stuff like that. I just ignore it. I don't regret for a second my decision to have more children. We are a large, chaotic family but we are a happy family. All 4 of them bring me much joy. Is it hard at times, yes but it is sooo worth the work, struggle, and financial sacrifice. It is even worth the saggy skin and the "NO BIKINI EVER AGAIN" body! Congratulations again and enjoy your baby!! Try to ignore the comments. Your family will come around. No one can resist a baby!

 

[Heather1979]

First off, congrats!!!

Don't let anyone try to define your happiness! I'm sorry you have had such an icy reaction to happy news- I kind of get where you are coming from. I had somewhat of a dicey pregnancy with my daughter, and when I announced I was pregnant with my son when she was 6 months old, I had people tell me I was crazy. But it's what we wanted, and I couldn't imagine life without my son.

And FWIW, if another baby = needing to move, then I'd also tend to think you were already on the cusp of outgrowing the space in your home... KWIM? (Assuming you couldn't just fit another bedroom in somewhere).

 

[capeseal]

Congratulations! Sounds like this baby is very much wanted and loved by you and your little family and that is what is most important. I'm sorry you got less support from your extended family but they may come around after her shock wears off or when baby arrives. It is tough to hold a baby in your arms and be upset about anything . I'm sure my family would be less than thrilled if we added a third. It would bother me too to have them not be rooting for me and baby, but I think I'd give them some time to come around and adjust to the change and realize that it isn't their baby so it isn't any of their business to criticize, just give love and support. Congratulations on growing your family!

 

[mjkacmom]

First of all, Congratulations!! That is great.

Second, Have you thought that maybe they are just worried for you? I was so excited when I found out I was having #3 & 4 (twins!). My family, not so much. My mom was VERY upset. She didn't know why we would want more. She complained about having to buy more presents at Christmas, more travel expenses for us, EVERYTHING. It was hurtful. But, in hindsight, I think she was mostly worried for me. We had 4 kids in 5 yrs. We were very busy! I think she was concerned about how it would affect my oldest two children, how we would afford it, how my health would be carrying twins. I think her worry masked her joy and all she could think about were the negatives. Now she is much better. My family loves all 4 of my children. They still say stupid, hurtful things sometimes. (Don't all families? ) Like, "Well, if you only had two this would be so much easier" and stuff like that. I just ignore it. I don't regret for a second my decision to have more children. We are a large, chaotic family but we are a happy family. All 4 of them bring me much joy. Is it hard at times, yes but it is sooo worth the work, struggle, and financial sacrifice. It is even worth the saggy skin and the "NO BIKINI EVER AGAIN" body! Congratulations again and enjoy your baby!! Try to ignore the comments. Your family will come around. No one can resist a baby!

When we told my parents I was pregnant with #4, my mom tried to be nice (since she knew it was not planned), and said "as long as it's not twins!" We got pregnant with #1 soon after we were married (we had been dating for almost 6 years, but had not planned to start a family yet), and my moms reaction was "and are we happy about this?" Number 2 was planned, and everyone was happy, #3 was planned, but my mom couldn't understand why we wanted 3 kids. Now that they are all here, they are loved liked crazy by the grandparents.

 

[smallandfierce]

First off, congratulations!

We had a few cold reactions over our #4, smart remarks like, "well, as long as it's a boy..." (we have three girls and yes, it was a boy, but we'd have been just as thrilled with a fourth girl) but I will say, as the pregnancy progressed, those with the icy attitudes became much warmer toward us and now that he's here, everyone's thrilled. Like one of the previous posters said: no one can resist a baby! Good luck, and congratulations again!

 

[mm1971]

I'm 40 years old & just found out we're having a baby...number 3! My husband & I have discussed adopting over the years, but it never seemed to be the right time. Right time or not, here comes baby! Our kids are thrilled. My husband is thrilled, absolutely happy. A new baby is just more love, he says.

The problem is family. They are stunned & rather frosty about our news. A few are excited, but most are not. Really not. One even said to me that our news was "crazy". My feelings are hurt. I'm guessing my age is a factor, and the fact that we will need to sell our house in a lousy market to make room for baby. I believe they think we're irresponsible?

Anyone gone through this? Tips, advice?

We're planning on WDW for May, when I'm at 20 weeks. (We were originally hoping for Sept 2013, in hopes of free dining, but I'll be giving birth that month instead!) We're not telling the in-laws...they are rather anti-Disney & we don't want any more reasons for more "cold shoulder"!

First, congratulations! Family can be fickle sometimes. Have you tried to sit down and have a rational conversation to see why they are so upset over this? That seems the best way to at least understand why they are not as excited as you and your family are. Maybe they are nervous or have concerns that need to be addressed like your health, the baby's health, etc... It is possible that the reaction is due to not understanding (and not realizing they hurt your feelings).

In any event, they are family and will come around. Celebrate your blessings with those that are excited and don't let it stress you out.

 

[gatormommy07]

First I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Babies rock!! I agree with others who have basically said if your family doesn't like it, they can suck it! We have 3, a daughter who was a "if it happens it happens baby" My parents were so mad!! My husband and I were engaged when I got pregnant, and we eloped before we told anyone I was pregnant, so I guess I can see why they were mad, but I was 20, so not like I was a 16 year old kid or anything, anyway, our second came about while I was on the depo shot, we were really broke, but made it work with him, our families didn't talk to us much then, our third pregnancy (I was on pills) ended with a miscarriage, and I think some of our family were relieved, still weren't doing great financially. We however were heartbroken. I stopped everything, we were careful, then our fourth pregnancy was about 2 years after that and some were happy-ish about it, but I will tell you one thing, the first time they met any of our babies, it was love at first sight!! My hubby and I would love to have another, but if I talk about it with my mom she gets all snotty about it, saying we don't need a 4th child!! It upsets me, but I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. I had an IUD placed after our youngest was born and this past summer it shifted and had to be removed, when my husbands step mom heard about it she asked if I was going on some other birth control, I am not, because pills make me sick and the shots don't work!! So we lied, and said I was, we are careful in other ways, but we do both want another (hopefully girl) one day, it annoyed me when she asked that because she said something about having to spend more at christmas, I told her if I did have another, they could buy all our kids less, they get them way too much anyway, she didn't care for that!!

Sorry this ended up being so long!!

 

[Juliet25]

Yes, we went through that with #3 as well. Didn't realize we filled our quota with two kids.

Congrats OP.

 

[figment814]

Congrats! I'll be honest, I have occasionally judged internally some friends and family for extending there families... But...it was generally because they were trying to save a marriage or to stay home/avoid work. (These things were stated rather publicly.)

You are happy! You're husband is happy! This is a child being born into a loving home.,sounds like a lucky kid to me!

 

[mermaidblue!]

OP here...You guys rock! I've been reading every post & loving it. I think you're all right about giving the family more time to adjust. And I will be praying for them!

Looking back, I believe one of my biggest mistakes was allowing our family to know our pregnancy was not planned. For some reason, planned vs. unplanned is a big deal for some people. It's none of their business anyway, and it was naive of me to share that personal detail w/them. Crazy as it sounds, I think "unplanned" might be the root of their bad reactions. Admitting the baby is unplanned makes it sound like an accident, which it is NOT!

My husband has been very careful what he's told his co-workers, friends & extended family. He has not said a word about planned or unplanned. All reactions to his news have been quite positive. He recently cautioned me that anyone who asks if this baby was an "oops" is looking for something to gossip about, and not to tell them. I think he's right! So thankful I'm married to him!

 

[Tiger926]

OP here...You guys rock! I've been reading every post & loving it. I think you're all right about giving the family more time to adjust. And I will be praying for them!

Looking back, I believe one of my biggest mistakes was allowing our family to know our pregnancy was not planned. For some reason, planned vs. unplanned is a big deal for some people. It's none of their business anyway, and it was naive of me to share that personal detail w/them. Crazy as it sounds, I think "unplanned" might be the root of their bad reactions. Admitting the baby is unplanned makes it sound like an accident, which it is NOT!

My husband has been very careful what he's told his co-workers, friends & extended family. He has not said a word about planned or unplanned. All reactions to his news have been quite positive. He recently cautioned me that anyone who asks if this baby was an "oops" is looking for something to gossip about, and not to tell them. I think he's right! So thankful I'm married to him!

Yes, oversharing can be very problematic.

Best of luck with your new addition.

Tiger

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[andiob]

It must be fate that I stumbled upon this post... we've been having this very same debate for the last few months. I just turned 40 and every fiber in my being wants #3! Our girls are turning 9 and 7, and would be close to 10 and 8 by the time we had another. My stepchildren are 19 and 21 and out of the house, and this would be like adding a whole new "generation." My sister had #3 at 35 and we saw how everyone reacted bizarrely, and they certainly would hate us for sure. When the only reason on the "pro" list is "because I really want to," is that a good enough reason?