OT - child skipping a grade

[Bell30012]

My daughter was born 9/23/2002. The cutoff was 10/01. At first, I wanted her to start school early. But now, that she is in fourth grade I'm glad we waited. She is the oldest kid in her class. She isn't just the oldest but the most mature. This matters. Some people call it "redshirting kindergarten".

I believe that the additional maturity of that extra year makes a huge difference. Just the opinion of a father who has been there, done that.

 

[wallawallakids]

Op, I think it does vary depending on the area. I live in a very well ranked school district & red shirting is frowned upon. I considered red shirting 2 of mine & was quickly talked out of it by preschool teachers & an evaluation with the kindergarten. I'm happy that I didn't. Even though they're among the younger set, they both score very, very well academically. Our cutoff is Dec. 31st so we have many 4 yo's in kindergarten. I can't imagine a 6 yo in that type of classroom.

This is interesting. We just moved here a year and a half ago and I sent my twins (who have a summer birthday) to Kindergarten this year. They are the youngest in the class and act it. Everyone else turned 6 prior to entering and the entire community on a whole is for it. All of DD's and DS's friends from preschool did not go this year. Now I have a teacher who is recommending I retain both of them next year. To be honest, I am probably going to do it. It would make them the same age as the others in the class next year.

Personally, I hate it. It throws the whole curve of the class off. DD and DS are very normal, average intelligence 5 year olds. They can read, they can add, subtract, know their letters, etc. However, our biggest issue for in that class has been social maturity. They don't hold a candle to the kids in there who are turning 7! At this age a year makes a big difference. I hate the idea of them repeating but I also don't want them to be at a disadvantage. It is just funny how different places are about this issue. Where we lived in Oregon everyone went at 5. No one held their kids back. My oldest DD went at 5 and was smack dab in the middle with a Feb birthday. Moving here, she is one of the youngest kids in 5th grade which is crazy to me!

 

[dogluva]

This is interesting. We just moved here a year and a half ago and I sent my twins (who have a summer birthday) to Kindergarten this year. They are the youngest in the class and act it. Everyone else turned 6 prior to entering and the entire community on a whole is for it. All of DD's and DS's friends from preschool did not go this year. Now I have a teacher who is recommending I retain both of them next year. To be honest, I am probably going to do it. It would make them the same age as the others in the class next year.

Personally, I hate it. It throws the whole curve of the class off. DD and DS are very normal, average intelligence 5 year olds. They can read, they can add, subtract, know their letters, etc. However, our biggest issue for in that class has been social maturity. They don't hold a candle to the kids in there who are turning 7! At this age a year makes a big difference. I hate the idea of them repeating but I also don't want them to be at a disadvantage. It is just funny how different places are about this issue. Where we lived in Oregon everyone went at 5. No one held their kids back. My oldest DD went at 5 and was smack dab in the middle with a Feb birthday. Moving here, she is one of the youngest kids in 5th grade which is crazy to me!

Of course they are socially younger than kids who should be in first grade! So unfair, my son made the cut off by a month and I sent him. There were kids born at the beginning of the year who were one and a half years older than him! Why is the teacher recommending holding them back they are fine academically and socially appropriate for the grade? That makes no sense! No wonder all these kids are "bored". They are too old for the grade. Totally to fair to the kids who go on time and parents don't believe in holding kids back.

 

[aprilgail2]

This is interesting. We just moved here a year and a half ago and I sent my twins (who have a summer birthday) to Kindergarten this year. They are the youngest in the class and act it. Everyone else turned 6 prior to entering and the entire community on a whole is for it. All of DD's and DS's friends from preschool did not go this year. Now I have a teacher who is recommending I retain both of them next year. To be honest, I am probably going to do it. It would make them the same age as the others in the class next year.

Personally, I hate it. It throws the whole curve of the class off. DD and DS are very normal, average intelligence 5 year olds. They can read, they can add, subtract, know their letters, etc. However, our biggest issue for in that class has been social maturity. They don't hold a candle to the kids in there who are turning 7! At this age a year makes a big difference. I hate the idea of them repeating but I also don't want them to be at a disadvantage. It is just funny how different places are about this issue. Where we lived in Oregon everyone went at 5. No one held their kids back. My oldest DD went at 5 and was smack dab in the middle with a Feb birthday. Moving here, she is one of the youngest kids in 5th grade which is crazy to me!

That is crazy- I am totally amazed that anyplace has a 7 year old in kindergarten! Here many kids are in THIRD grade at 7!!! My daughter would have been bored to death at 7 years old in kindergarten!! A three grade difference is insane!
In 5th grade many of the kids are 9 for the first 1/3 of the school year!!

 

[pocomom]

This is interesting. We just moved here a year and a half ago and I sent my twins (who have a summer birthday) to Kindergarten this year. They are the youngest in the class and act it. Everyone else turned 6 prior to entering and the entire community on a whole is for it. All of DD's and DS's friends from preschool did not go this year. Now I have a teacher who is recommending I retain both of them next year. To be honest, I am probably going to do it. It would make them the same age as the others in the class next year.

Personally, I hate it. It throws the whole curve of the class off. DD and DS are very normal, average intelligence 5 year olds. They can read, they can add, subtract, know their letters, etc. However, our biggest issue for in that class has been social maturity. They don't hold a candle to the kids in there who are turning 7! At this age a year makes a big difference. I hate the idea of them repeating but I also don't want them to be at a disadvantage. It is just funny how different places are about this issue. Where we lived in Oregon everyone went at 5. No one held their kids back. My oldest DD went at 5 and was smack dab in the middle with a Feb birthday. Moving here, she is one of the youngest kids in 5th grade which is crazy to me!

You obviously will know what is best for your kids, but I would not hold them back now. My daughter's preschool teacher told me not to send her to school, that she needed more preschool but academically she was great. I didn't listen mainly because at the time I couldn't afford more preschool, by the end of the year we were talking skipping ahead... Hold them back and they will be bored, which may cause acting up etc. Your kids just may not have great social skills right now, but they will naturally develop those skills in the next year or so. Camp,class or a playgroup this summer will probably go a long way in helping them "catch up"if you are concerned. It's unfortunate the expectations are set so high now for kindergarten behavior, When I was a kid it was mostly play and reading readiness- my kids had homework in kindergarten!

 

[pocomom]

That is crazy- I am totally amazed that anyplace has a 7 year old in kindergarten! Here many kids are in THIRD grade at 7!!! My daughter would have been bored to death at 7 years old in kindergarten!! A three grade difference is insane!
In 5th grade many of the kids are 9 for the first 1/3 of the school year!!

My son will turn 6 just days after the cut-off here, my daughter was 4 for several months in NC. Schools keep pushing the dates back so kids will do better on state tests. Much more effective then, you know, better teaching.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

But what kind of surprises me about my daughters is that when they were young, my older dd is the one that always learned things at a much earlier age. She was reading by 3 1/2 yrs old, chapter books by 4 1/2 yrs. Younger dd didn't learn how to read until she was 5 1/2 yrs. But younger dd has a memory now that just floors me. She brings up events that happened when she was 3-4 yrs old, which I know I never discussed with her, and will tell me details about it.

This describes my daughters, too. They have both tested into the gifted program for math and reading, but my older DD was reading chapter books before kindergarten, is very organized, never studies, and gets an A+ in every class. My younger DD didn't start reading until kindergarten and was probably not above grade level in reading until third grade. She is very unorganized compared to her sister and she tends to procrastinate. But she is the kid that I have very interesting math and science discussions with - she is always asking why something is the way it is and trying to figure out how things work. She also gets all A's and A+'s, but she is likely to start a project the night before it is due. She would rarely sit still for a whole story to be read to her, but she is extremely focused if we asked her math word problems. She is much faster than her older sister when doing math in her head - it is just her thing. I love watching how different they are - they will each be successful in life for different reasons.

 

[wallawallakids]

Of course they are socially younger than kids who should be in first grade! So unfair, my son made the cut off by a month and I sent him. There were kids born at the beginning of the year who were one and a half years older than him! Why is the teacher recommending holding them back they are fine academically and socially appropriate for the grade? That makes no sense! No wonder all these kids are "bored". They are too old for the grade. Totally to fair to the kids who go on time and parents don't believe in holding kids back.

I agree!!

She is recommending retainment because of the social aspect. DD cried everyday until Feb. She is doing much better now and stays in the class. No tears since Feb. The teacher couldn't be bothered with her and sent her to the guidance councilor everyday until I had a meeting with her and said it had to stop. Sending her away wasn't making her feel better and she was missing out on learning time.

I volunteer in their class every week, so I see the dynamics. It has been a rough 4 months trying to decide what to do. The girls in the class that are 7 are already talking about clothes, and "kissing". They are nice to DD but she ends up playing alone with her brother at recess because she is too immature for their play. Like I said, she acts 5.

I miss the kindergarten classes my older two had with everyone being the same age and everyone acting like 5 year olds. We live in a great school district, but like someone else mentioned, you do wonder if that is because they are holding the kids back until they are older then grade level, and then they pass state tests at a higher average because of the age, and not because of the school.

It is frustrating to see people wait until 6 because those kids entered Kindergarten reading, so less time was spent during class on the basics. It put my two behind from the get go.

I should note that their preschool teacher last year also told me to wait but I felt they were 5 and they should go. She told me most people wait until 6 to send them but at the time I thought that wasn't such a big deal. Also continuing to pay for two children to go to preschool 5 days a week was killing us, and I didn't think I could afford it for another year.

I don't regret sending them, but I wonder how different it would have been for them to enter school with kids their age. I think DD crying had a lot to do with her feeling left out and uncomfortable. DS handled the change better but he is further behind then her in reading and writing. She seems to excel academically but not socially in the class and he has the opposite problem. I think he is a typical "boy" and will catch on in time.

With two of them it makes the situation so much more complicated then if I just had one. I have a feeling that if I looked at them individually, I would push them on to first grade. Together, as a package, the obstacles seem larger and I feel like I should have them repeat. Honestly, I still haven't decided. I sort of resent having to make this decision based on the fact that everyone else just decided to wait a year and I didn't. My kids are "immature" only based on the classroom dynamics set up by other families, not because they are "immature" for age.

 

[hsmamato2]

We all live in our own personal Lake Woebegons.

so funny!

 

[Leajess99]

14 now too. The school cut-off here is 12/1 and she is 2/6 so she was on the older end, and very tall and mature for her age. If her K teacher was amazing I'm not sure we would have skipped her but it was a trainwreck. My other post explains it more.. but so far she is in 9th and we don't regret it at all. If we had stayed on the path we were on I think we would have had more issues than we do now.

Oh I totally understand. It is very sad that a teacher can really have a negative impact on a child. Thankfully many teachers are wonderful.

 

[lisalis]

With a 9/10 birthday, I was sent to school when I was 4 years old. I was always very strong academically and did well socially, until about 5th grade. I was younger than the other girls and a late bloomer as well. It was very difficult to be a head shorter than everyone else and see everyone else mature, while I was still very much a little girl. Do take into consideration DH and your growth pattern history.

My DH and I sent our DS12, whose birthday is 5/22 to school at 5 years old. Most people around here do not send kids with summer birthdays to kindergarten at five. We wavered with what to do even with him, but sent him because he was reading and able to do basic math facts. I regret it now, because he is the youngest in his class and also a late bloomer like his father and I. It is difficult for him to compete in athletics since he is so much younger than the boys in his grade. Also, he is a middle child and not as mature as his older brother was at his age.

One thing to keep in mind is that schools offer much more academic variation once they hit about 4th grade. Most middle schools offer honors science and literacy classes, as well as high school math courses.

My youngest DS6, whose birthday is 10/17, is well beyond the kindergarten curriculum. At first I wondered if I needed to push for the school to move him up a level for challenge, but decided to wait and see how the year went. He gets pulled out once a week for higher level math instruction and is reading chapter books in his reading group with one other boy who is an advanced reader. It works for us, but I know every situation is different and you have to consider the things that you feel are important.

 

[Ginny Favers]

My DD6 is in first grade, her birthday was 9/13. The cutoff was 8/25 but I had her attend private kindergarten so she could be pushed ahead.

The reasons for me doing this were many. First, she is a girl. Girls mature faster than boys. Second, she's very large for her age, larger than most of the kids in her first grade class, even though she is the youngest. Thirdly, academically, I knew she could handle it. They break the kids into 5 smaller groups based on their abilities, and she is in the most advanced group. Also, she has an agreeable and adaptable personality, is not shy, and will tell you if things aren't working.

My biggest worry was about her being emotionally mature enough, but she takes cues from the other kids and I feel like they have "raised her up" to be more mature. She is so happy, doing so well academically, and has so many friends... I feel like it was the best decision I ever made. But it's an individual decision, one only a parent can make, because they know their children best.

 

[LisaInNc]

I faced this issue with my DD and the school talked me out of it I decided to hold her back. Fast forward she just skipped 6th grade and is still bored in 7th. I wish so badly I had started her early as my heart told me to.

You know you own child better than anyone else. Make the decision with your head and your heart and ignore everyone else.

Lisa

 

[Egdisney]

Wow so many "gifted" and "extremely gifted". I am a teacher and have six kids. Funny, I never actually met one myself.

You will be amazed at what can happen in a few years. Your gifted child may end up average, the average ones may take off. Reading levels don't always predict how a child will do in the long run. One of my daughters did not read until third grade. She is off to nursing school in the fall. She is not gifted or extremely smart. She is a hard worker and motivated.

Also, I think your daughter is too old for Kindergarten. She should be in first grade. My oldest two were the youngest in their class (one born in November when the cut off was December 31 and the other August but they changed it to Aug. 31) and they did fine. They were in class with kids a year, sometimes a year and a half older than them. I was always upset about the fact that my daughter was in classes at 13 Freshman year with a 16 year old freshman (who was held back with a January birthday or stayed back). I don't get the whole "red shirting" thing. Move your daughter to the right grade and then maybe she won't stand out so much (many first graders read at a fourth grade level but don't achieve at that level in other areas) and maybe she won't be so "bored".

I agree that reading levels are not an indicator of being gifted. My daughter is in 3rd Grade and tests at the 7th grade level. Nothing major, but it is well ahead, and I simply think that is because she enjoys reading. The more you do something, the better you are at it. She is smart, but certainly not gifted as I would define it. I disagree about redshirting. I don't understand why a parent would send their child to elementary school when they are only 4. With few exceptions, it is simply too young. There is a reason Finland receives top scores in education, and one of them is because formal education does not begin until age 7.

 

[Egdisney]

Wouldn't it be nice if they decided to make education educational? We'd have fewer "gifted" students if kids weren't forced to sit through dumbed down curricula for 13+ yrs. But we don't revolt and demand real education because we like our kids to be special above all else.

I couldn't agree more!

 

[Egdisney]

I am following this conversation with interest. I would put both of my children in the category of above their peers academically but they are very different children.
Our school board doesn't test or do much for "gifted" children until 5th grade. My daughter was academically very strong, but as she got older and had to develop study skills, and the organization necessary to succeed she fell behind. Things always came easily to her and when these skills became necessary she couldn't keep up. She was very intelligent but forgot her homework every day, left everything to the last minute, and couldn't organize herself out of a wet paper bag. She's my head in the clouds child and that's ok.. it's who she is

My son is very different. He brought home straight A's this past report card with the exception of two B's in Art and Music. He got A+ in every core subject. It's not that so much that makes me suspect he would test as gifted. It's a host of other things. He is rigid about mistakes and won't allow himself to make them. There's an anxiety about perfection that I have seen in him from a young age that we work hard to get him to relax about. He doesn't really understand other children and I have to work on that too. However his empathy is off the charts and always has been which I find unusual in a young boy. He is constantly trying to solve injustice and tackle issues that he lacks the maturity to fully comprehend. He's bored in school and fills notebook after notebook with doodling and drawings. He takes a chapter book of some sort every day. Both of these things are because he's done his work before everyone else and just sits or is asked to help the other kids.
With my daughter it wasn't a bad thing to be at the top of the class when she was. But with my son I see a great deal of frustration. I had wished for a gifted placement for him simply for more challenge and the feeling that he was accomplishing something meaningful but it won't happen at least for 2 more years, and even then for those kids that test in the 98th percentile they simply send them a few times a year to all day workshops so nothing changes much.
My main concern is losing a child who is compelled to do well to behaivoural issues. How long can he stay motivated to do well when he's bored and overlooked and counted on to teach the other kids?

What I ended up doing is applying for a language immersion program. He was accepted and excited. Learning in a new language solves the issue of not being challenged and hopefully will keep him engaged and excited about learning.

I don't find there is anyone I can talk to about this without sounding like saying "My special snowflake is more important than other kids!"

It isn't that at all. I just don't want to lose a kid to frustration and boredom and not fitting in. Hopefully we have found the solution with this new program.

I was the same child as your daughter. I finally discovered when I was 28 that I have ADD. I read a book about adult ADD, and realized that every single story was my story in some way. Girls are labeled as daydreamers, but since they are not problems, no one thinks there is a real issue.
I am not sure how old your daughter is, but I would suggest getting her some sort of help or advise on how to manage before high school and college. It would have helped me so much to have help with the skills that ADD makes difficult. Just look into it, as undiagnosed ADD can often cause depression as we age, as at times we feel like failures.

 

[cheer25mom]

I faced this issue with my DD and the school talked me out of it I decided to hold her back. Fast forward she just skipped 6th grade and is still bored in 7th. I wish so badly I had started her early as my heart told me to.

You know you own child better than anyone else. Make the decision with your head and your heart and ignore everyone else.

Lisa

This! My DD is in 3rd grade and bored silly. In fact, we are moving her to a school with access to gifted services next year due to the fact that she is bored most of the time. She SHOULD have started K a year earlier than she did. She would have ben 4 for all of 6 weeks of school, but the district refuses to make exceptions, even when rediness tests indicate that the child should start. Private schools in the area actively discourage this as well and actively encourage redshirting. I don't understand the one size fits all approach. While the vast majority should start within the established cutoff dates, there are those who are exceptions to that and there should be some sort of testing system in place for those exceptions on both sides of the coin.

 

[photos_101]

I think what alot of people are not realizing, is that being qualified as 'gifted' according to most states programs, is not calculated because you have a high Iowa test score or you are in the top % of your class or because you can do HS math in 7th grade or read at HS level in 3rd grade.

It is more of the way a gifted child thinks. They can think 'outside the box' in a way most children can not. They have ways of solving and analyzing things that most their age (or even older) can not. Yes, they do take into consideration all of the test scores from over the years before being tested for the program. Here, there is a set of guidlines before you can be tested and accepted. Test scores, grades, teacher referrals are looked at. As well as going thru a case study with the school phsycologist (to make sure you are mature enough to handle the workload and such). They give a multitude of tests (not all are basic reading/writing/math), some are basic but others are learning how the child thinks and how they are able to solve things. They are given an IQ test as well that must be met with a certain score.

Here they are set up with an IEP. I have to go to a meeting for my son every few months to sign off (state required) paperwork that he is being offered certain rights and curriculum under state guidlines. He is in a regular class of about 150students and there are only 2 out of his 10th grade class that is in the program. There are about 6 total from his highschool in the program.

My DD(20) is very intelligent. She graduated salutatorian at the top of her class. And is now on the all A honor roll at the University she attends. She is always discussing with her brother how she should have been in the program because she is so smart. Which is absolutely true, she is really smart. However, I do see a difference between them. There is just something about the way DS 'thinks' about things. They both have the same basic book smarts but like I said that is not what being gifted is all about.

I remember the last IEP meeting. The gifted teacher told me that she has never met a student that can 'think' about things the way my son does. She looked at me and said your son is very intriguing. It was kinda mysterious. lol But after I thought about it, I understood what she was talking about. It is such an indepth way of thinking that boggles an 'average' persons mind. lol

I will say, that to the kids at school he is just a normal school buddy like the next kid. He fits right in and although they know him as the smartest kid in the class, he is also the goofiest, easiest to talk to and get along with schoolmate. He has a wide range of friends and this is why the psychologist is so important when going down this path. They certainly need to be ready for it.

 

[marykatmp]

Hello! I am coming at this from both the student and parent perspective. I was one of those children who skipped a grade, and I hated it all the way through school. I was always younger than all my peers. Everyone was driving before me, and always reached those important milestones a year prior to me. I am now a parent of an "exceptional" first grader. Our state does not typically do gifted testing until third grade, however my son was recommended by his teacher this year. The gifted program is an excellent way for your child to get that extra enrichment and not have to skip a grade. We have been extremely impressed with the gifted program and would consider going that route so that you can avoid skipping a grade.


I agree with the poster above. Without knowing your child it is very difficult to know if she is gifted, or just a bit advanced. I would discuss with the teacher and guidance counselor your concerns and discern whether she is a candidate for gifted testing. You would then have to meet with a team that is made up of a group of professionals (school counselor, county psychologist, teacher, etc.) to decide whether testing is right for her. I know here they have to score a minimum of a 128 on an IQ test, and then many other factors go into play.

 

[SamiL]

My birthday is in early September and my parents let me start Kindergarten at 4 (I turned 5 a couple of weeks into school). I also turned 18 a couple of weeks into college. Neither was a big deal. You're just looking at a matter of weeks. If her birthday had been 5 weeks earlier she'd be with those kids anyway. If the school is willing to move her up and she wants to do it and you've prayed about it and have peace about it (as much as a parent can have about any big decision), I say do it.

I was usually one of the youngest in my class, but it never bothered me. It rarely came up. Now that I'm an adult I really like that most of my friends are getting older before me. I was the last one to turn 30!

If you had a boy, I might think differently. I think boys tend to be a little less mature. (I have a Kindergarten-aged boy, so I've been observing this at class parties, field trips, etc.)

On an personal, and unrelated note, If my parents had delayed my starting school I probably wouldn't have met my husband (He was a Senior in college when I was a Freshman). So, I'm really, really glad I started when I did!! No pressure.