OT 13 year old DD YES to Facebook or NO

[Ted in Halifax]

hmmmm Facebook is a major part of teen socialization! but nevertheless I would impose Four "Ted rules".

1 - privacy settings must be set to the max. No public creeping of your daughters photos etc. There is no reason for strangers to see your info. It all must be restricted to your friends.

2 - only add "real" friends as friends. I've had some very suspicious "friend" requests .... No offense to Hot Latino ladies out there

3. Mom (or Dad) gets to keep your password! ... no exceptions. Dad gets to creep this if he chooses to do so .. call it Dad's Patriot Act.

4. Privacy ... this applies to point 3 above. It's my house ... my rules... if you don't like it ... buy your own house.

The big question here is if you want to add your child as a friend. It sounds like a good idea ... until someone posts your vacation photos from the 1970's ...

 

[drag n' fly]

Our dd13 has fb. These are our rules. Both of her parents are on her friends list. We have her password. She has her friends and her friends parents, scout leader, even some teachers. I am constantly monitoring it. IMO children need to be given wings with boundries.

 

[CanadianPaco]

We've said "no" to our 12 yr old turning 13. There is too much hurtful stuff out there. I will control what I can for as long as I can. Same goes for MSN - chat rooms are not for children. Plain and simple.

 

[mejaie]

hmmmm Facebook is a major part of teen socialization! but nevertheless I would impose Four "Ted rules".

1 - privacy settings must be set to the max. No public creeping of your daughters photos etc. There is no reason for strangers to see your info. It all must be restricted to your friends.

2 - only add "real" friends as friends. I've had some very suspicious "friend" requests .... No offense to Hot Latino ladies out there

3. Mom (or Dad) gets to keep your password! ... no exceptions. Dad gets to creep this if he chooses to do so .. call it Dad's Patriot Act.

4. Privacy ... this applies to point 3 above. It's my house ... my rules... if you don't like it ... buy your own house.

The big question here is if you want to add your child as a friend. It sounds like a good idea ... until someone posts your vacation photos from the 1970's ...

I have said many times, I am glad there were no cell phone cameras in my early 20's.

 

[Chelley00]

1 - privacy settings must be set to the max. No public creeping of your daughters photos etc. There is no reason for strangers to see your info. It all must be restricted to your friends.

2 - only add "real" friends as friends. I've had some very suspicious "friend" requests .... No offense to Hot Latino ladies out there

3. Mom (or Dad) gets to keep your password! ... no exceptions. Dad gets to creep this if he chooses to do so .. call it Dad's Patriot Act.

4. Privacy ... this applies to point 3 above. It's my house ... my rules... if you don't like it ... buy your own house.

The big question here is if you want to add your child as a friend. It sounds like a good idea ... until someone posts your vacation photos from the 1970's ...

Those are our rules too. We have the password, they are friends with us and I monitor everything, including friends and messages.

 

[Debbie]

There are just as many kooks in real life as there are in Facebook or any other online community. My kids are too young for Facebook right now, but when they are 13 they will definately be allowed.

The most important thing in letting kids online is to teach them proper online practices, and to keep computers in common areas, like a living room, and not in the child's bedroom. It can be a learning experience for both of you, as many teenagers know much more about computers than their parents.

Disney Dad, you have said it clearly, concisely and correctly.

The big question here is if you want to add your child as a friend. It sounds like a good idea ... until someone posts your vacation photos from the 1970's ...

Our dd13 has fb. These are our rules. Both of her parents are on her friends list. We have her password. She has her friends and her friends parents, scout leader, even some teachers. I am constantly monitoring it. IMO children need to be given wings with boundries.

Well said, everyone. It is great to think that we can protect them and control them, but we need to teach them how to handle situations. Before you know it, they are on their own. Or, sneaking around to do what they want without our inpout. Let them make mistakes under your eyes and when you are there to help pick up any pieces. Lots of great games on FB!

Oh, and in our house, FB time comes out of (naturally) the regulated computer time.

 

[highland3]

hmmmm Facebook is a major part of teen socialization! but nevertheless I would impose Four "Ted rules".

1 - privacy settings must be set to the max. No public creeping of your daughters photos etc. There is no reason for strangers to see your info. It all must be restricted to your friends.

2 - only add "real" friends as friends. I've had some very suspicious "friend" requests .... No offense to Hot Latino ladies out there

3. Mom (or Dad) gets to keep your password! ... no exceptions. Dad gets to creep this if he chooses to do so .. call it Dad's Patriot Act.

4. Privacy ... this applies to point 3 above. It's my house ... my rules... if you don't like it ... buy your own house.

The big question here is if you want to add your child as a friend. It sounds like a good idea ... until someone posts your vacation photos from the 1970's ...

Ted... bang on!!!! These sound just like my rules for my 13 year old DD. To make it even more interesting, some of her friends have added me to their lists (along with their own parents, thank you). It drives my DD a little nutty sometimes. I'm 43 and I love FB. Keep your security settings high and your eyes on your kids account and it's all good!!!

 

[dancin Disney style]

I thought FB set the minimum age at 16 ??????

 

[irisesareblue]

Ted... bang on!!!! These sound just like my rules for my 13 year old DD. To make it even more interesting, some of her friends have added me to their lists (along with their own parents, thank you). It drives my DD a little nutty sometimes. I'm 43 and I love FB. Keep your security settings high and your eyes on your kids account and it's all good!!!

I love FB - drives my 20 and 22 year olds crazy! We have had a househould computer since the girls were in their early teens - our rule of thumb was always that the girls could only access our home computer in a main area of the house - and I often walked by to "check" on what they were doing.

I am a "friend" of their's on FB and I often will comment on something they post (like would you want a future employer to see that???) to which I get a roll of the eyes - but they usually think it over and remove it (or they don't want to listen to me, so they remove it....

 

[momtolots]

I thought FB set the minimum age at 16 ??????

No, it's 13.

 

[YukiPhnx]

I don't know if this helps, but apparently, all those pedophiles that used to have myspace profiles to connect with kids, are not connecting with kids on Facebook. FB has tried to remove those they know are registered sex offenders, but they can only do so much. There are still hundreds of pedophiles on FB, just waiting for your young children

 

[Northstar]

Well, this isn't directly related to the OP's question... 13-year-old Facebook Y/N? .. but this thread reminded me to do my parental due diligence and do a quick browse through my DD's FB. No problems. Then I did a quick browse through her friends list, knowing that some of them have non-Internet-savvy parents.

Found 1 wall with email and cell phone number posted for the world to see (I went back in on a different account to make sure it wasn't only this girl's friends list who could see it). This girl is 12 years old.

Found another wall with "I hate (insert teacher's name here), I'd like to kill him!" Also for the whole world to see.

So I guess I'm going to be the Facebook vigilante mom. Oh well, it takes a village to raise a child, right?

 

[canabrits2]

I don't know if this helps, but apparently, all those pedophiles that used to have myspace profiles to connect with kids, are not connecting with kids on Facebook. FB has tried to remove those they know are registered sex offenders, but they can only do so much. There are still hundreds of pedophiles on FB, just waiting for your young children

But when you set the security options in FB (as every parent should), your child has to actually "friend" people for them to see anything on the account......so just set the security options, add yourself as their friend and watch who their friends are periodically. Tell your child not to friend people he or she doesn't know and there is no problem at all.

 

[YukiPhnx]

But when you set the security options in FB (as every parent should), your child has to actually "friend" people for them to see anything on the account......so just set the security options, add yourself as their friend and watch who their friends are periodically. Tell your child not to friend people he or she doesn't know and there is no problem at all.

Yes, but the point of FB is to socially network with people. That includes meeting new people. What if your child joins an interest group, say that group is a fan of Hannah Montana. They might friend someone from that group because they share the same interests and want to discuss it with them.

And most of our young children nowadays are lot more internet savy than we think. I would say a 13 yr old would be a pretty good computer whiz and be able to bypass any sort of security measures the parent may have put up.

Also, even with all of FB's securities, hackers can easily get into a child's profile and learn they everything need to know

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

I don't know if this helps, but apparently, all those pedophiles that used to have myspace profiles to connect with kids, are not connecting with kids on Facebook. FB has tried to remove those they know are registered sex offenders, but they can only do so much. There are still hundreds of pedophiles on FB, just waiting for your young children

Don't believe all the horrific headlines you see on tv. Facebook and the internet in general are no different than the real world. By watching shows like CSI, Missing, Cold Case Files, Criminal Mind etc., a lot of people want to believe in "stranger danger", that every time a child goes online, or walks out the front door, there are gangs of pedophiles just waiting to jump out and corrupt your children.

Luckily the facts don't back this up. For example, in 2008 the number of children abducted by strangers and kept at least one night away from home in the US was 126, with 50 of them killed. While having even one child go through this is horrible, with approximately 300 million children, your odds are approximately 1.5 million to one that "stranger danger" will actually occur.

It's statistically far more likely fora child to be mistreated by someone they know.

 

[LSmith]

Yes, but the point of FB is to socially network with people. That includes meeting new people. What if your child joins an interest group, say that group is a fan of Hannah Montana. They might friend someone from that group because they share the same interests and want to discuss it with them.

And most of our young children nowadays are lot more internet savy than we think. I would say a 13 yr old would be a pretty good computer whiz and be able to bypass any sort of security measures the parent may have put up.

Also, even with all of FB's securities, hackers can easily get into a child's profile and learn they everything need to know

I agree TOTALLY. You can tell your child a million times all of the "rules". Remember how well that worked for us when we were teens? The bottom line is they are kids. Most predators out there start taking advantage of "kids" from the ages of 13 and up. Why? Because the parents aren't hovering over them like they are in the under 12 group.

Obviously, to each his own. I'm not passing judgement here. Personally, my kids are not allowed on Facebook. Having your child's password may give some a peace of mind. I know many kids that have two Facebook accts. One that their parents know of, and another that their parents are not aware of.

I notice that the kids (like some adults) write every last personal thing going on in their life with pics to match.

Oh teenagers!

 

[Debbie]

Don't believe all the horrific headlines you see on tv. Facebook and the internet in general are no different than the real world. By watching shows like CSI, Missing, Cold Case Files, Criminal Mind etc., a lot of people want to believe in "stranger danger", that every time a child goes online, or walks out the front door, there are gangs of pedophiles just waiting to jump out and corrupt your children.

Luckily the facts don't back this up. For example, in 2008 the number of children abducted by strangers and kept at least one night away from home in the US was 126, with 50 of them killed. While having even one child go through this is horrible, with approximately 300 million children, your odds are approximately 1.5 million to one that "stranger danger" will actually occur.

It's statistically far more likely fora child to be mistreated by someone they know.

Took the words out of my mouth!

 

[LSmith]

Took the words out of my mouth!

Statistics mean nothing to me when it comes to my children.

 

[YukiPhnx]

Don't believe all the horrific headlines you see on tv. Facebook and the internet in general are no different than the real world. By watching shows like CSI, Missing, Cold Case Files, Criminal Mind etc., a lot of people want to believe in "stranger danger", that every time a child goes online, or walks out the front door, there are gangs of pedophiles just waiting to jump out and corrupt your children.

Luckily the facts don't back this up. For example, in 2008 the number of children abducted by strangers and kept at least one night away from home in the US was 126, with 50 of them killed. While having even one child go through this is horrible, with approximately 300 million children, your odds are approximately 1.5 million to one that "stranger danger" will actually occur.

It's statistically far more likely fora child to be mistreated by someone they know.

I didn't get this information from headlines. I took a course on sexual predators and these are the facts that were presented by my professor, with stats from FB to back it up. Just last year, they had to remove about 300 profiles of registered sex offenders off FB. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I think the most important thing to teach your child is not to MEET UP with a stranger they meet online. That's the most dangerous thing. The scary thing is, these predators usually take a long time to become friends with your child and gain their trust so they're no longer just a "stranger", but an actual friend to your child.

And about what you said about someone they know, cyberbullying has increased with the help of social networking sites like FB. So there's also THAT kind of danger waiting for your children on FB

 

[LSmith]

I didn't get this information from headlines. I took a course on sexual predators and these are the facts that were presented by my professor, with stats from FB to back it up. Just last year, they had to remove about 300 profiles of registered sex offenders off FB. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I think the most important thing to teach your child is not to MEET UP with a stranger they meet online. That's the most dangerous thing. The scary thing is, these predators usually take a long time to become friends with your child and gain their trust so they're no longer just a "stranger", but an actual friend to your child.

And about what you said about someone they know, cyberbullying has increased with the help of social networking sites like FB. So there's also THAT kind of danger waiting for your children on FB

My dh is a police officer in Toronto. Not enough parents understand the cyberworld. It's not as easy to monitor your kids as some may think. We have seen many teens taken advantage of someone through FB. Your kids know how to unblock parental controls way better than most adults. The word "stranger" should never be taught to kids. Most kids think "stranger" means some sort of monster. Not someone they met through someone else on FB.