Okay let's try this instead
Fox (Br'er, of course) News
Breaking story!
Bob, we have a late breaking news story coming out of Florida.
In the Magic Kingdom today a tragedy was narrowly averted when a child
was spotted on the tracks of Disney's Big Thundering Railroad (sic).
We now go live to Orlando, Florida. Barb? What happened there today.
Well Ken (get it? Ken & Barb?), we're talking with Joe (gotta throw G.I. Joe in there too, right?) who witnessed today's dramatic turn of events. Joe? Can you tell us what you saw?
Well, I was just waiting in line to ride Splashing (sic) Mountain. The line was huge and it stretched all the way past the railroad ride. Apparently there was a two and a half hour wait, but I was willing to do it, 'cause it looks really cool. You know what, though? If you've got lots of money and stay at one of those really expensive Disney hotels they let you skip the lines and just waltz right in! I mean that's not fair! I paid good money to come here and these people....
Uh, Joe? About what you saw?
Oh, right, right. Well like I was saying, I was standing over by the railroad ride and I hear this woman start to scream. I look over and I see this train coming along just barrelling down the tracks... and not too far ahead of it is this little kid. Probably no more then 3 or 4 years old. I have no idea how he got up there, but there he was. Well I thought for sure he was gonna be a goner when outta nowhere this bald guy vaults the fence and... I'm tellin' ya, I ain't never seen anything like it. This guy vaults the fence and grabs this overhead power cable and swings across the tracks and grabs the kid and gets him outta the way a split second afore he'd a been killt fer sure. This guy was like a superhero! I mean fast! Like a Olymbic (sic) sprinter or sumt'in. And he musta had eagle eye vision to spot the cable and know it'd reach. Just amazing.
Thank you Joe. Well there you have it Ken. A truly remarkable story.
Barb? Did you get the name of the man who rescued the child?
Well, not exactly, Ken. Witnesses describe the hero as fairly tall, average weight and bald with incredible reflexes, sharp eyesight and amazing strength and speed. Apparently he gave his name as 'Nebo'. Obviously an attempt to maintain his anonymity.
Thanks Barb. Well Mr. Nebo, wherever and whoever you are. Thank you.