one child family

[1000HappyWishes]

My brother and I are three years apart, and we don't get along at all. There are advantages and disadvantages, though my upbringing is different than his, so that could be where the issues lie. It's really all up to you.

 

[tillman4]

Just wanted to share a bit from our family. Last year I had DD, she was born 8 yrs & 6 days after DS. So we have a pretty large gap. I didn't want a gap that large, but The Lord knows what we can handle. DD came a month early & had acid reflux which isn't horrible, but it made things a little more difficult. When DS was born it was easy, so this was a new thing for our family. I know if DD had come x #of yrs earlier I would have gone crazy. Also, I would have not been there for all the stuff DS needed. When he was an only , I was at school all the time, everything was focused on him. Not that it's a bad thing. I'm so glad I had those years w just him. Now that DD is here we have to balance things. DS is such an awesome helper & adores is baby sister. I would not close the gap between them if I had the choice. I think it gave him a sense of responsibility when he became "Big B" . I remember the past 2 trips to wdw when DS was 3 & 5, we had so much fun. I loved watching him!! Now we are headed back in Nov., DS will be 9 & DD will be 14mths. I am so looking forward to seeing each of them experience disney in their own way.
No one can tell you do or don't have #2. I just wanted you to know it is possible to enjoy both an only & a large gap. Best wishes!

 

[Surfinpiratee]

Age doesn't matter! My boyfriend has a pretty big gap between all of his older siblings. They're 33, 30, 27, and my boyfriend is 21 lol, his older siblings adored him when he was born and they've all been super close!

His sister in law is expecting a baby next year, and she already has a daughter who's 8, and she could not be more excited! She can help take care of the baby a lot.

I think i'd be fun to have a kid who's old enough to totally understand a new baby coming in to be able to see their face and how excited they are

 

[DSNY4ever]

You are soooo young. What a blessing. A little bigger gap would be no big deal if that is what you really want. And way to go on making the smart decision in looking at your finances first. And it sounds like you know your husbands salary will double?!?! Wow, how lucky, another blessing. There is plenty of time. Enjoy every moment with DD and try again when you are truly ready, there is no rush at your age! Close in age is fun, but having a "cool" older sister would be pretty great too.

 

[rachael95]

We didn't have our DS until I was 37. So chances of having another biological child are fairly slim - doesn't rule out eventual adoption though.

But I come from a family of five kids. I'm the youngest and my oldest sibling (sister) is 19 years older than I am. I have a different relationship with her now than I did when I was 5 or 10 and certainly a different relationship than I did with my closest in age sibling (another sister) who is five years older than me. But my oldest sis and I are now very close and we enjoy our relationship.

One of the benefits though that I got and that my son is getting is that an older parent is usually more laid back than a younger parent. My oldest sister says it's like we were raised by different people in some ways.

What I'm saying is, you have plenty of time. And you don't have to make the permanent decision right this instance. You may tentatively decide to have an only child and then 5 years down the road, you decide you want two. Either way, that can be a good thing!

 

[darnheather]

It is different for every family. My two are five years apart and love each other very much. However, I encourage and nurture their relationship every day.

My sisters are one year apart from each other and six and seven years older than me. None of us are close. My parents never encouraged friendship between us. My mom even said she didn't tell my older sisters that I was coming along!

Finally, while I love both my children immensely I also would have been ok with just one. It really isn't the end of the world to only have one child but you have to find a way to be happy with that. I would never had had a first or second without financial stability, but that was my decision.

 

[worm761]

My kids are 13 and a half years apart. DD was a bit of a surprise as there were some fertility issues. But we are very happy to have her. Currently the kids are DS 17 and DD 3. They fight like they were closer in age. DS dotes on his sister though. He hasn't figured out how to tell her no yet.

A big age gap is not a horrible thing. Personally, I could not have handled another child when DS was little. He is a high functioning autistic so he took up a lot of time and energy. Still does some days. He is a HUGE help with his sister though.

Also, you are very young. With age comes a bit of wisdom. I was all of 19 when I had DS. I was young and I was dumb. I made mistakes. DD is getting a better shot at things because I am older and know the things to fret over and the ones to not so much care about. I think that if you know you want another child and you never have that other child, something will always be missing and you will always wonder what if.

 

[NHTikiBeckie]

This is something only you can decide for your family, however, please don't take this the wrong way, but you are very young. You have plenty of time to have more children when you are in better circumstances. Age gaps should not be a deciding factor. To say you won't ever have another because of an age gap sounds like a lot of unnecessary pressure to put on yourself. But think of all the pressure you could have adding a second baby when the time isn't right.

I waited until I was 29 to have my daughter because we wanted to be set financially. Everyone would tell us "there never is a right time to have a baby" when we said why we were waiting. Most obnoxious and untrue advice ever, IMO. There are definitely better times than others. Now we can relax and enjoy her childhood stress free and I wouldn't change that. If I have another there will be a large age gap.

 

[powellrj]

I learned a long time ago to never say never! I always thought DS #1 would always be an only until DH decided when he was 8 that he wanted another one, 5 years later he really wanted to try one more time for a little girl and low and behold, 2 weeks before our 18th wedding anniversary, we had DD and she is the light of our life (most day!)

My what I thought would be a 1 child family ended up being a family of 3 children!

 

[xmansmom13]

I would like to share my story with you. You draw your own conclusions.

I was 19 when I had my first child. I married his father and about 2 years later got pregnant again. Only I miscarried at 4 months pregnant. We tried for over a year to get pregnant again. As time went on our marriage went down hill. At 24 I had decided I would tie my tubes because of the marriage. Before I could have the procedure, I got pregnant. While I was excited to have a baby, I wasn't happy about bringing another child into my current life. When my second son was born I tied my tubes. When he was 4 months old, he passed away. Right after I divorced my ex. Then I met a wonderful man who was older but had never had any children. When we first got married he didn't want any children of his own but I would have desperately loved to have turned back time and not tied my tubes. But you can't change the past. However, 5 years ago, my husband changed his mind. He decided to let me see a fertility doctor. Today I have a beautiful 4 yr old boy from invetro. My oldest is 15. When I was younger, I always wanted kids close together, no more then 4 years like me and my sister. Today I wouldn't change a thing. I have enjoyed having my kids this far apart. It has allowed me to give each of them plenty of attention during their younger years. I would also tell you that my 15 year old boy loves his little brother to pieces and takes time everyday to play with him, not because I ask but because he wants to.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I just wanted to add, following on to what xmansmom13 said: One of the great joys of having kids spread out is that you get to really appreciate each developmental stage so much more. With your oldest, you're always looking forward to the next milestone, but if there's a good-sized gap, you recognize how fleeting the current stage is. DS7 still thinks I'm God, I can make dreams come true, my kisses can heal a boo-boo. DD18 and DS16 love to remind me that I'm a clueless dinosaur.

 

[sunshineNJ]

My kids are 7 seven years apart. They are very close and hang out with each other all the time!

 

[Alexle2007]

Just wanted to share the flip side...I have only have one, DS6. And only having one is amazing! We can focus all of our attention on him whether that's listening to him talk about grand house building plans when he is an architectural engineer, helping him with his homework, practicing soccer, whatever and there's no competition. He's the center of our universe. I recently asked him if he was happy being an only child and it was resounding yes. While we could afford more children, it would be more them going to state college rather than DS6 who if he decides he wants to go to Cornell or Princeton, we can tell him to go for it. I always worried him being an introvert since every only child I knew was but he is so NOT and feels comfortable talking to adults as well as kids. So in my opinion one is so much more fun!

 

[jjenniboo]

My kids are almost 8 years apart. My oldest daughter is 11 and I had her when I was 25. Our second will be 3 in thirteen days (while we're in Disney). They are very close. I feel I had the best of both worlds. My older daughter had almost 8 years of attention and just as she was getting older and not needing so much from me I had my second. Now she gets the attention her older sister doesn't need as much. My 10 year old plays with her often but when she's had enough she goes off to do her own thing. I also think I appreciate the little things more then I did the first time because I know this is my last child and I won't have these moments again. Of course this is your decision but don't think because your kids may have a gap larger then 4 years they won't be close. Also at 24 you have plenty of time to decide. Good luck.

 

[Tege]

We have our dd who will be 3 in October. She's the light of our lives. She's an only child and will always be an only child as I'm about to get my tubes tied. We only want one. We want to be able to give her all our attention and everything we want her to have. We like taking her to WDW twice a year and doing what she wants. She makes friends with kids easily and loves to play with them. We will just always allow her to have friends over when she gets older so she has lots of peer time. I get to stay at home with her and its the most rewarding job ever. I would not be able to do that with another child. This is what we decided for our family.

You sound very much like me My DD is 4 1/5 and we are planning on her to be an only child for many of the same reasons that you have.
I enjoy being a stay at home mom and enjoy being able to volunteer at her school. I was an only child and only grandchild and I "think" that I have turned out ok.

 

[DisneyJsquared]

It's great that you're thinking ahead, but you really don't have to make this decision now, especially since you're so young. Go to Disney! Have fun! And in all honesty, a bigger age gap might make things a little easier on you. I had my second when DD1 was only two and a half and boy was that tough. I was constantly waddling after a toddler when I was pregnant and then I had the joy of trying to potty train DD1 with a newborn hanging off my ****. It all worked out fine in the end, but I did go a little insane for a while there. Best of luck to you! I'm sure you'll do what works best for you.

 

[DisneyJsquared]

Okay, I was trying to say breast, but I guess if you write b00b, it gets blocked out lol. Anyway, I had to nurse a newborn while trying to potty train my older girl. That's all I was trying to say.

 

[usd2bmd]

Nothing to do with disney but i wonder if people will advise/comfort me. I am the very proud mummy of DD3 who is perfect in everyway and although she has yet to make a friend who she plays with regularily, she has the gift to make friends wherever she goes. I have always wanted two children with a small gap but due to jobs/money it has been impossible. I want to have a baby within the year but our financial situation isnt great - we rent, have no savings, no emergency fund and live payday to payday, and however much i desperately want another baby it seems cruel to bring another life into this world. Although im only 24, if we dont have a baby this year I would never have one as anything above a 4 year gap is too big for me. So please someone tell me im doing the right thing? That i can forgive myself and move on? That DD will not be lonely? That i wont come to wdw and cry for two smiling faces instead of one? It kills me espicially knowing that in three years my hubbys wage will double and money would be easier. Basically, am i making the right choice???

I can understand what you are going through. When we first got married we had a grand plan...we wanted two kids so they weren't lonely.

I had my daughter and we never even discussed another baby until she was two and we both sat down and talked and decided that we were happy...really happy with one. we could do more financially with just one, but more than that we could spend the time we wanted with her.

I was the 2nd youngest of 6 and although I love my siblings I would not do that to my daughter. We went without alot because there simply were alot of us.

Your daughter will not be lonely if she already makes friends where ever she goes. My daughter was the same way and still is. She always came home from Disney with names and email addresses of the friends she made at the Resort pool and when we went on a cruise she made friends that she still talks to regularly.

This decision can only be made by you but if you decide to stop at one it will be wonderful for all of you.

Just wanted to share the flip side...I have only have one, DS6. And only having one is amazing! We can focus all of our attention on him whether that's listening to him talk about grand house building plans when he is an architectural engineer, helping him with his homework, practicing soccer, whatever and there's no competition. He's the center of our universe. I recently asked him if he was happy being an only child and it was resounding yes. While we could afford more children, it would be more them going to state college rather than DS6 who if he decides he wants to go to Cornell or Princeton, we can tell him to go for it. I always worried him being an introvert since every only child I knew was but he is so NOT and feels comfortable talking to adults as well as kids. So in my opinion one is so much more fun!

my daughter has said the same thing...she loves the fact that we have so much one on one time.

 

[lt90]

Thanks for everyones experiences, im so happy to hear familys with large age gaps and well as those with just one child. Do parents with large gaps find it easy to do activities all children enjoy?
Im still so undecided, my sister in law is pregnant with her second and i cant help but feel at little jealous but in the same breath i secretly am happy not to deal with nappies etc. I think im trying to replace the 'lost' first year of my daughters life - i had a terrible birth, ended up with a crash csection and was very very ill for 3/4months and felt left out of DD life, ended up with PND and basically only starting being a proper parent when she turned a year. Oddly im not frightened of it happening again, but i think, deep down, i want another child to gain what i lost. This is not the only reason i desire a second child, obviously, but i wonder if it robbing me of my logic.

 

[ChitownFamily]

Nothing to do with disney but i wonder if people will advise/comfort me. I am the very proud mummy of DD3 who is perfect in everyway and although she has yet to make a friend who she plays with regularily, she has the gift to make friends wherever she goes. I have always wanted two children with a small gap but due to jobs/money it has been impossible. I want to have a baby within the year but our financial situation isnt great - we rent, have no savings, no emergency fund and live payday to payday, and however much i desperately want another baby it seems cruel to bring another life into this world. Although im only 24, if we dont have a baby this year I would never have one as anything above a 4 year gap is too big for me. So please someone tell me im doing the right thing? That i can forgive myself and move on? That DD will not be lonely? That i wont come to wdw and cry for two smiling faces instead of one? It kills me espicially knowing that in three years my hubbys wage will double and money would be easier. Basically, am i making the right choice???

I think you have gotten some very sweet and wise advice on the age gap. I'll briefly share our family's experience. We adopted our DD & found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I was crushed. I thought i had ruined my DD's life. She would no longer know how special she was. nothing could be farther from the truth. They love each other so much! my sister & I are 4 years apart. my kids are 26 months apart, a lot closer than what i would have preferred (initially) but now i'm perfectly fine with it.

I Bolded the part above: for 2 reasons, at 3 kids may still be parallel playing, meaning playing alongside interacting some what but not fully give & take (in their play) I didn't know if you knew that..So i wanted to share it is perfectly normal for deep bonds of friendship to not be there yet.
secondly at 3, if you want a friend she sees regularly, that falls on the parent. They are not at the age, where drop off playdates are happening, just wait for the glorious day of drop & run playdates! They are awesome!

Thanks for everyones experiences, im so happy to hear familys with large age gaps and well as those with just one child. Do parents with large gaps find it easy to do activities all children enjoy?
Im still so undecided, my sister in law is pregnant with her second and i cant help but feel at little jealous but in the same breath i secretly am happy not to deal with nappies etc. I think im trying to replace the 'lost' first year of my daughters life - i had a terrible birth, ended up with a crash csection and was very very ill for 3/4months and felt left out of DD life, ended up with PND and basically only starting being a proper parent when she turned a year. Oddly im not frightened of it happening again, but i think, deep down, i want another child to gain what i lost. This is not the only reason i desire a second child, obviously, but i wonder if it robbing me of my logic.

It's funny how you & I have felt similar emotions along this parenting/birth journey but with very different circumstances. We went thru a miscarriage & infertility, i experienced grief & loss.
You did too. You are experiencing a "grieving" for the loss of your perfect birth. Your birth was not what you expected & there is a certain amount of grief felt when this happens. I've seen it on many different kinds of mommy forums. It is also very normal. Maybe finding a counselor or a VERY supportive & kind friend who will listen without tell you to get over it. That will not be very helpful to you, right now. (((Hugs))) Cherish that baby girl & give her lots of extra hugs & Kisses!