Okay...........now it's Weight Watchers Here I go again!

[Castillo Mom]

I'm away from your journal a couple of days and now I see you've gone and signed up for a marathon! Yay, kudos to you A! I also see that you're setting goals for yourself regularly and post a plan of action every day. You should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work!

 

[A1A1]

I'm quick like that CastilloMom. I have missed you. Glad to read your kind words again.

HHHmmmmmm..........I am unfamiliar with that Alicia Keyes lyric. I only know one of her songs, but I can't think of the title. Is it from that most well-known song?

I think something is wrong with my cat. She is not eating or drinking very much. This has been going on for a little while now. She just turned her nose up at her treats, too. I hope she is alright. My dd just loves her. She is my little buddy too.

I am a little hungry right now, but it is 12:30 in the morning. Probably not a good idea to eat. I will try to read a little more SB, and off to sleep.
Will call the vet in the morning.

 

[A1A1]

Schools are closed here due to extreme cold. Wind chills are 11 below zero. Freezing cold. Glad to be able to spend the day with dd. She needed a day off today with Mom too, I think.

I was up all night with kitty. She is very sick. I am waiting for vet to open.

On to something a little happier. I have done fairly well on my plan, so I will stay the course. I hope I have a chance to tread today.

Off to take meds and wait for the vet.

Goals for today
1. Stay very calm about cat
2. Be able to manage to care and the costs
3. Take meds.
4. Eat on plan
5. find time for treadie
6. Stay awake and positive


7:30 am
Meds taken

10:00
Feta cheese (lite variety) omelet, Bacon, Water, low cab ketchup

 

[DoeWDW]

A, I'm so sorry to hear about your furbaby. I hope the vet can help.

No matter what happens, try to get on the treadie today, even if it's only for 5 minutes. I did NOT feel like doing my WATP workout last night, but I remembered reading in Dr. Phil's book that I don't have to FEEL like doing it, I just have to DO it. I felt better when it was done and very proud of myself for refusing to sit on my bum all evening when that was clearly what I wanted to do! You can do almost anything for 5 minutes, A! Besides, it will help you feel warmer!

Hope you have a good day at home with DD. Give your furbaby lots of extra love and maybe some water with a little chicken broth? That ALWAYS gets my puppy to drink!

 

[Strings]

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I hope everything works out. to you. You've done a great job remembering your meds. Way to go. Try to get on the treadmill. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Like Doreen said, even 5 minutes helps
Beth

 

[septbride2002]

Hello! Just wanted to drop in and give some words of encouragement. Let us know how your visit to the Vet went.

~Amanda

 

[DoeWDW]

A, I'm thinking of you and sending a your way.

 

[lulu201]

Hi, A, just wanted to stop by and catch up on your journal. I am so sorry to hear about your cat. . .I hope the vet was able to help. to you.

A, I know that I don't get around to posting much, but I want you to know that I think you're doing an amazing job on this journey to leading a healthy life. You know, it really is a journey--one that is sometimes bumpy with even a pothole or two along the way --but if we keep taking those baby steps in the right direction it will all come together. Step by step, day by day, onward and downward. It isn't all about the number on the scale, either. It's about wholeness--about finding who we are and creating lives that honor us as individuals. That's what I like about the WISH--we're all doing things a bit differently, but we're united in our quest.

A, I'm praying that in the midst of the craziness our days sometimes have, you find some blessings. Take care now.

Erin

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi A,

Just checking on you my friend. I am so sorry to your kittie is under the weather. I hope the vet can help.

With the school closing, it gives you and your daughter some extra time together and that has to be nice.

I agree with Erin about taking things one step and one day at a time. It can really get overwhelming if we look at the "big picture" all the time. Sometimes I find it helps to just take a section or fragment of the picture and concentrate on that.

I hope you have a good day and I look forward to reading more of your posts. Take care of yourself and stay warm!

 

[A1A1]

Thank you wonderful friends for all of your well wishes. You are the best. My mother always said, "You never know what you can do for someone with just a few words." I will remember that my whole life. She was right. Our words are so powerful. It was amazing to read my journal and find that I actually had messages and friends wondering how I was doing. Thank you all.

Kitty is very, very sick. I spent a fortune and went to two different doctors yesterday. Problem is, they don't know which horrible illness it is for certain. Lots of tests, ultrasound, xrays, etc. I am pretty sure that my Easter trip with dd will have to be cancelled now. My instructions are to feed dear kitty every hour. I have to call the vet in the morning.

Father and his wife still want me to finish helping them with the packing. Movers will be there again tomorrow. I am very upset about this, as I have been there with dd until midnight or 1 am every day this week. I can't keep this up. Step mother's sister and her boyfriend are there tonight. I think I should have a night off, but they say they are counting on me. Dad says his wife will crack up if I am not there. "They rely on me."

I haven't been able to journal all my food, but I have been totally on plan, except for one small bite of dd's ham sandwich. Just one bite. I am not upset about it. The sandwich tasted good, but I had egg and spinach fritatta(sp?).

I have to go check kitty and give her more food. I will post when I can.

I haven't been on treadie, but have been working very hard with the packing and moving of boxes. Rear end hurts. I will get on my treadie probably Sunday again. Can't do it all.

 

[DoeWDW]

A, I'm sending a gentle and some healing pixie dust for your beloved kitty. I'll keep your furbaby in my prayers.

I didn't realize you were still helping with your Dad's packing! Of course you're getting lots of exercise - you just forget about that treadie until you have a day or two to recover!!

Please take care of yourself. That may include taking an evening off from packing. You can't help anyone else if you're exhausted yourself, sweetie! I'm worried about you! Your step mom will NOT fall apart - how melodramatic!! Your first responsibility is to yourself and your sweet daughter. Dad and step mom are adults and are expected to handle their own affairs. Asking for some help is one thing, but abusing your kind and caring and helpful nature is another thing altogether.

I hope you can find a way to stay home with your daughter and nurse your sick furbaby as best you can.

Easier days are coming, A!! I promise!!

 

[Castillo Mom]

A, I hope everything is ok with you. Sorry to hear about kitty. Our pets become part of our family don't they? I hope the vet can figure out what's wrong so that they can find the appropriate treatment.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Doreen said about taking a night off. Sometimes we spread ourselves too thin. Your first responsibility is your own household and you've been a good daughter in helping, but you deserve some rest.

Good to see that you were able to spend a day with your daughter. I took my kiddos to the movies last night, spur of the moment kind of thing. I'm missing them with these long hours I'm working.

Take care A, and I hope you can catch up on some rest this weekend. Take care!

 

[A1A1]

Dear kitty is suffering some kind of liver failure. The cause is unknown for sure at this time. Right now, I am trying to feed her small amounts of food every hour. She also has liquid medicine that I give her.

I never knew what the D-Zone really was, but I think that tonight I must be in it. I am feeling all over sadness. Finally moved everything out of father's house. I feel sad thinking that I will never be able to go there again to get the feelings of my mother around me. Also, dear father has moved a half hour away. I feel very alone right now. My father has been my only support since dear husband's illness and mother's death. Sorry to post sadness. I know that this board is meant to boost people. This is the real me, and this is how I am feeling. I hope to make it to another phase of my life in which I can feel true happiness. This is my ultimate goal. I feel like I have been so sad for so long.


Food today:

I have remained on plan today, I think. I am between two plans, so I get confused sometimes. I ate two chicken wings--don't know if they would be good on Atkins or SBD, but I ate them just the same. About three cheese sticks. Water. Antipasto salad. The cheese and pepperoni off two slices of pizza----but no crust.


Exercise today:

I haven't formally exercised, but I have been working my tail off-packing, lifting, moving, loading box after box after box. I feel that I have gotten good all over body workouts this week.


I could use a hug right about now..............

 

[DoeWDW]

to you, A! Wish I could give you one in person....

I'm so sorry about your dear kitty, and everything else that you're feeling. I've been through some major bouts of depression when the whole world seemed black and I felt very alone, even in a room full of people. Please don't be afraid to post your true feelings here - this is not just a "happy" board. This is a reality board, and we truly want to know how you're feeling. This is a great place to put those feelings into words and vent. Sometimes I feel safer putting my feelings into words here than I do telling them to someone face to face.

I think you need a support system, A! If you are religious at all, start attending a church in your area. Maybe you can get to know some of your DD's classmates' moms? Maybe you can get a part time job, even if it doesn't pay much, and get to know some of your co-workers. Volunteering is also a great way to meet people and it can look great on a resume. You need in-person human contact, A. We can help you but it's hard to be your entire support system from so far away.

You are showing a lot of strength with your food choices, in spite of all that's going on in your life, and you should be very proud of yourself. You've already started to change the way you think about food and your eating habits. You are doing such a good job, and I wish you could feel the joy associated with that. I know it's hard, though, when there are so many other stressful things going on in your life.

Here's another . I hope tomorrow looks a bit sunnier.

 

[A1A1]

Everything hurts. We finished unloading the last box at 9 pm. My Dad is getting older, and certainly couldn't have done this by himself. I was glad that I am able to help him. What a workout! I know it will all feel more sore tomorrow, but at least that will remind me that I my muscles are stronger for all the work. I haven't walked on my treadmill for almost a week, but I think that I have gotten a much more strenuous workout. I will return to treadie tomorrow.

I ate too much today, I think. I just feel really full now. I don't like that feeling.


Meds taken.
Breakfast-----antipasto salad
Snack---two lite cheese sticks
Lunch----grilled chicken cobb salad from McDonald's
Dinner-----very large portion of cajun chicken (one full breast, not split) with melted cheese on top. Large serving of steamed broccoli. Water.

I just finished the last meal at 11pm. Too late to eat that large of a meal. I could have stopped after the first chicken breast. I was full then. I think I was too tired to make a good decision. I just kept eating. I wish I hadn't. My stomach has gotten used to smaller amounts of food, and I like it that way. This was a good learning experience, and I hope I can remember how I feel now the next time I am tempted to eat the second helping when I am already feeling full.

It will soon be TOM, so I am going to try to refrain from weighing myself this week. I will try to wait until after TOM. If we retain water from TOM, when during the cycle does it clear?

I have to go to bed. Exhausted. Looking forward to resuming my own schedule.

Hope all are well. Will catch up on journals tomorrow.

 

[lulu201]

f from me, too, A. I have to say it, I agree with Doreen. This isn't just a "happy" board, particularly this whole journaling section of the WISH. Your journal is your opportunity to vent your truest emotions--the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad--lay it all out there. The way I look at it, you have many reasons to feel sad right now, and sometimes we just have to feel our emotions. I know that there are many times I want to EAT through my emotions, but that's not really the thing to do. Feel them, deal with them, and then move forward. I think that's what you're going to do, A.

I agree with Doreen about your human contact--you need a network of people close by and in your community who will offer support in a friendly way. See what's out there--do it for you. Do it as the next step in your positive transformation!

Here's some for the days ahead. Give that sweet kitty a kiss on her head from me; she's lucky to have you as her gentle, tender caregiver.

Erin

 

[Strings]

A1, OMG. I'm away from your journal for a few days, and that's when you needed all your support. I'm so sorry. I hope your kitty will be okay.

You are doing an amazing job. You are under a tremendous amount of stress. I remember how I felt when my parents maved from my childhood home. I still occasionally drive by it. You've been doing a ton of stressful, manual labor, dealing with a sick kitty, caring for DD, remembering to take your meds, AND EATING ON PLAN! That's HUGE. I'm so proud of you. I wish I could give you a real hug right now. You've come a long way, baby. Sometime in the next few weeks, (When Dkitty is better, and you can sleep a solid night or 2, or 3), go back and read your journal. You have come so far, and we're really proud of you.

To answer your question. Aunt Flo is evil. I can gain up to 7 pounds. A lot depends on my sodium and water intake. I generally lose most of my water weight by day 4, but it has been known to hang on for a whole week. If it will discourage you, get rid of the scale this week. Aunt flo will eventually leave and take her extra baggage with her.

Extra hugs and pixie dust headed your way.
I'll check in this evening.

Try to get some sleep.
Beth

 

[A1A1]

Thank you for the support. Today has been a bit better. I block things out of my head sometimes. It seems to help me to get through the day. I appreciate all the supportive friends I have on WISH board. I wouldn't have made it through the past three months without WISH and all of you..................Thank you, sincerely.


Forgot to take medicine today.


Breakfast---no time.


Lunch---I am so proud of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took dd to lunch at her favorite restaurant--Olive Garden. I knew what I was going to order, so that it wouldn't be a super challenge. I had forgotten about the breadsticks, however. Here's how I did:

Minestrone soup----didn't eat the noodles or beans. The server brought me more of just the broth and veggies. I told her I didn't like pasta.
Water---no lemon
Decaf---with cream
Mixed Grill-----this is a dish of flame-grilled chicken and sausage with some kind of glaze sauce on top. Mixed squashes with the sauce, and roasted potatoes. I asked for the mixed grill without potatoes and with extra zucchini instead. Sauce on the side.

The server brought the Mixed Grill with the sauce on it. I kindly said that I asked for it without the sauce on it, and that I didn't have time to wait for it to be cooked again. She said they could just give me the same food on a new dish, so that the sauce could be left behind. I didn't want to take a chance on the sugar or starch that might be in the sauce. I didn't eat it. She took it off the bill. I am proud of myself, because I didn't eat any bread sticks----my favorite thing. And I didn't give in to my hunger and eat the sauce that I felt was not on my plan.

Snack----I made it to a lc bar by 4:00 pm, because I hadn't eaten, but filled up on water. I had no choice. It was an emergency.


Dinner----lettuce, part-skim mozz cheese, one plum tomato, one cucumber, about 6 slices (maybe more) or turkey bacon. Italian dressing. Water.


A pretty good day, but I don't like going more than 3 hours without food, so it was a challenge.

I fared pretty well, given my level of hunger and the temptations in front of me. I was not about to give up or give in. I was determined to stay on plan no matter how hungry I got. Great for me!!!! This is a good day.



Thank you for the support. I have considered going on an antidepressant, but don't want to slow my weight loss. I have read that antidepressants inhibit weight loss, and can cause weight gain. Anyone want to share knowledge about this? I have these waves of depression and saddness. I do get over them, but I worry about the effect of this depression and stress on my health. I want to be happy, but believe that I will never be truly happy again like I was with my husband. That was euphoria. I have never experienced happiness like that. Each day I was happier than the one before it, and I knew that. I really don't know what to do to recapture that feeling. I am convinced that I am going to just merely exist on this earth until it's my time to go. I don't want to do that. I want to be really happy. I want to count my blessings, and I do so daily. Thank goodness for dd. She is the only real joy in my life, but even that isn't the same as the feeling of happiness I had with my husband. Is this a big pity party or what???? It really is the way I feel. I don't want any pity. I just want to figure out how to change this current state of affairs.

I bought a new book at the bookstore today----The Purpose Driven Life. It takes passages from the scriptures and relates them to life and the meaning of life. I haven't begun it yet, but it should be an interesting read. I do need some enlightenment. I also bought the DaVinci Code. I never really have time to read, and I have yet to finish reading The South Beach Diet. I want to carve out some time to read each day.

Anybody else hit the wall at about 6 or 7 o'clock? I just sit here and type and fall asleep as I type. It is the same time every day.

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi A,

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to check with you over the past few days. Here's a big from me to you! I know it can't take the place of human contact but please know that we are thinking of you.

My sister had a miscarriage last year (she lost twins) and she absolutely could not "just get over it". She cried everyday, all day. We thought she was going to lose her mind. We also have a childhood history that is extremely traumatic and unsolved issues from horrible events related to childhood. I have dealt with it through food, she dealt with it in a most destructive way. So these two things coupled together almost put her over the edge. She entered therapy and is taking medication. She says it has made all the difference in the world to her. When you are physically sick you don't just pray for relief, you see a qualified doctor. The same can be true of our mental health.

I am relating how a close family member sought professional help and she told me just recently that she can feel the difference in the days she takes her meds and the days she forgets. I am so happy to have my sister back. Just thought I would give you some food for thought my friend.

On a lighter note, I am so proud of you with your Olive Garden meal. That's one place I don't know if I can visit anytime soon. I loved the bread and the pasta dishes. But it's nice to know you can order something with all the carbs there. I will keep that in mind. You have been showing such strength - never doubt that you are a strong and vibrant person. You are!

I hope you can find the answers to help you return to that happy place or a least to a place similar to where you were. Take care!

 

[Strings]

A1, to you. I know you are going thru a horrible time right now. I'm so sorry you lost your husband. I can't imagine your pain. Even with this you are making good choices right now, and should be proud of yourself.
I cn tell you a little about antidepressants. They are not my area of expertise, but I know the basics. Yes, they can cause weight gain in some individuals. I know you don't want to stall your weight loss. I think you need to weigh your options. With an antidepressant, you might sleep better, have more energy, and feel better about yourself and your situation. Do you turn to food for comfort? Are you not exercising because of a lack of energy? An antidepressant might help in those areas. If you start feeling better, and can make more positive changes in our life. It might not slow your weight loss. Know that antidepressants aren't an instant fix either. Most take 3 weeks before the levels are sufficient to notice a differance. I am pro-antidepressant. I have seen dramatic changes in people. They aren't for everyone, but they can be a huge help. I also can't stress the benefits of counselling enough. I think having a safe place to talk about anything is a huge benefit. It would be an additional support for you. You could also work on coping techniques. Another thing to keep in mind is that you are hypothyroid. Your hypothyroidism can be contributing to your symptoms of depression. Keep taking your synthroid.

I'm sorry if I ended up on my soapbox. Feel free to PM me anytime. I think you are doing an amazing job keeping yourself together, and raising your DD. You are making great choices for yourself, and come a long way in a short period of time. I am proud of you.
Beth