Okay...........now it's Weight Watchers Here I go again!

Discussion in 'WISH Journals' started by A1A1, Nov 18, 2003.

  1. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Finally.....I am going to get my life back together. When my darling husband became so sick six years ago, I lost myself. I am unsure whether or not he knows who I am or even who he is. He is a shadow of the vibrant, wonderful, life-loving man he was before. I know he knew how deep my love for him was. I hope that is the thing that keeps him going. Our daughter was born one month after I lost him to his illness. I have been raising her in a way that I hope he would approve of. I have, though, totally neglected myself. I have hated myself. I lost myself.

    I want to get it together........finally.........and make him proud of me. After he got sick, I gained over 80 pounds. I just ate to numb the pain. I ate for companionship. I ate for entertainment.

    I have become very concerned about my health. I don't want our daughter to lose two parents. I want to feel good about myself again, instead of feeling like the total loser and failure that I have felt like. I want to be healthy. I want to fit in nice clothing. I want to sit comfortably on the airplane to WDW. I want to walk around WDW without worrying about who is thinking that I'm fat. I want to live each day without constantly thinking about food, and how I'm going to get my next food "fix".

    Finally.:rolleyes:
     
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  3. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    I am amazed at how well I am doing. Keeping strictly low carb. I haven't had time the past two mornings to weigh myself, so I don't know how I am doing. The last weight was 213, which means I am down 2 from my starting weight.

    I am so glad to find WISH. I hope I can continue.

    I gave candy out all day today, and resisted the urge. It has been very helpful to have a water bottle with me every day.

    I get a little nervous, because the last time I did Atkins, I lost weight very quickly, and also lost a lot of my hair. My hair is finally grown in again.

    I am very proud of myself. Go ME!
     
  4. DoeWDW

    DoeWDW I've been a bit naughty since you've been away

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    Here's a :hug: for you and all you're doing to help yourself feel great again! You have taken the first steps....the hardest steps...on this journey of learning to love yourself again. You wrote that you're proud of you, and you should be!!! Even though you have felt low, you have been stronger than you realize. You've worked hard to raise your DD under such very difficult circumstances and without the help of a partner. You've accomplished so much, and now you are taking steps to accomplish even more!!

    Don't forget that this will be a journey, probably a long one. There will be bumps in the road and even the occasional detour, but you will always be able to find your way back to the path. You don't have to RUN, you don't even have to WALK yet. Take baby steps, one foot in front of the other. Try not to change too much at once or you may feel overwhelmed.

    Drink your water! It is one of your best friends! Eating low-carb is great - I also eat low-carb. Please make sure you're getting enough food and especially enough fat. I'll do a little research into what might cause hair loss on low-carb and let you know. If we can find the reason, then we can prevent it from happening again, right??

    I'm glad you've chosen to start a journal. My journal has helped me so much and so often that I can't imagine taking this journey without it!

    I'll be checking back in! In the meantime, I hope you're having a great day! :sunny:

    Edit: 10:30 AM
    Here are some links to stuff on hair loss and low-carb dieting. I've never had the problem so I don't have a solution. I'm just hoping that you might find a clue in one of these links.

    http://www.dietlowcarb.com/resources/hairloss.php

    All the way at the bottom of the page, under "Letters"
    http://www.lowcarbluxury.com/newsletter/lclnewsvol02-no07.html#letters

    A whole thread on another board dedicated to hair loss
    http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.com/viewtopic.php?t=662&highlight=

    Short
    http://www.lowcarbing.com/ask/730.htm

    There's a question about hair loss on low-carb on this page - find it and click to get to the answer.
    http://www.deepdiscountnutrition.com/freqasques.html

    Maybe you should post the question of hair loss on a low-carb diet to the main WISH page. You never know who else around here has had the same experience.

    Have a sunny day! :sunny:
     
  5. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    DoeWDW------Thank you so much. I read articles at every link you provided. Thank you, again. I learned so much. There are many treatments I can try. I am going to consult a physician, because of some things I read on one of the sites.
     
  6. DoeWDW

    DoeWDW I've been a bit naughty since you've been away

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    So many people here on the DIS, and specifically on the WISH board, have helped me. I've learned so much here from others. We all are here to help each other, right?? If there's anything else I can do, please let me know! :D

    With you on the journey! :sunny:
     
  7. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    I just had the best feeling. I posted to someone that we have to stop punishing ourselves for not being perfect---that we have to stop hating ourselves---start loving ourselves.
    LIGHTBULB MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:sunny:


    I know I have been hating myself for many years. I started liking myself again when I met my husband-----the best person I have ever known. When he got sick, I blamed myself, then he didn't get better. Of course, it was not my fault. But I felt so powerless. He is long gone from me now. I hated myself. Didn't know who I was anymore, and felt absolutely ROBBED of the life I thought I might have with someone I never thought I'd find. I am sad most of the time.

    Our child was born shortly after he got so sick. I am raising her in a way in which I hope he would be proud. I still feel like a failure in so many ways. I am lousy at all the things he was good at. I have fouled up so many things that he used to take care of.

    Okay........here I go with the self-loathing again. The only way I can stop hating myself for all the things I have let get away from me-including myself- is to make the necessary changes. I don't know what is going to come first, loving myself or making the changes. Maybe a little of both.

    I love him and the memory of him. I love our child. I want to love myself, but I think that is going to take some time.

    Since I started low carb about a week ago, I have lost 4 pounds. It feels good. I feel better. I am not feeling controlled by food right now. That feeling is wonderful. Control of something, when I have felt like I had control over nothing.

    I would like to make changes in other areas as well. I am going to start getting more organized. Today is paperwork day. (My husband did all of that.) I was always terrible at it, so it was a benefit that he was so good. I can't escape anymore.


    So---------good for me. I lost 4 pounds. I hope to lose another pound before Thanksgiving to reach my 5 pound goal. :wave:
     
  8. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Another good day. I did have many, many almonds and some macadamia nuts this evening as I worked on my computer. I hope I didn't do something awful. Otherwise, a great day. Felt great. I wish I looked better. Caught my reflection in the glass at the mall today. Yuck!

    Stop the self-hatred.

    I got some major paperwork organized today! I had 23 bills to mail, but ran out of checks. Of course. Well, I am proud of myself for addressing this very awful paperwork/bills situation. I have been dreading it, and have been procrastinating for about a year on some of these items. I am most pleased with doing this today. Even drove to the store to get stamps. Wish I would have had all the checks, so that I could have been done with it. Off my mind forever. Just a few more days, I guess.

    I want to be a better person. I want to feel like the grown-up that I am. Like I am in control of my life.

    Rewarded myself with a trip to the mall. Very proud that I didn't buy anything!!!!!!!!! Go me, again.:hyper:
     
  9. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    YIPPEE! Weighed myself this morning. Down another.5, so that's 4.5 total. I wanted to lose 5 before Thanksgiving, so I see that that was reasonable.

    I have some scrambled eggs, sausage, ricotta, onions, and pepper cheese in a meatloaf pan in the over. The buzzer just sounded. It's done. I hope to slice that up and freeze the slices for a quick breakfast when I am running late, which seems to be every day.

    I love my daughter.



    215+/210.5/155
     
  10. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    The breakfast loaf is excellent. Hope I don't eat it all now!!!!!!!
     
  11. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Another good diet day. Scale didn't move, though. I ate ......... well I can't remember what I ate for breakfast. Remember having a cup of tea, and maybe a low carb bar. Lunch was two pouches of tuna with ranch dressing. I eat in my office, so that is what most convenient. I go to the cafeteria and squirt a little ranch dreing in the pouch. Just eat it with a fork. I had lots of water after that to wash it down.

    Snack was a piece of cheese, I think.

    Dinner was lots of cod with a salad. Water again. Oh, a snack while cooking was a handful of macadamia nuts. Those things are good. Little gems.

    I hope to see the scale move tomorrow. Regardless, I feel better, and think my double chin is going away.


    I hate flying, because I always am embarassed about "filling up" the seat. I hope that by summer time, if I go to WDW again, I will have more room in the airplane seat.
     
  12. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Yea! The scale moved again this morning, affirming my efforts. I got on first thing and it was down two pounds from the previous two days. Got on again a half hour later and it said a half pound higher. Goofy scale batteries must need to be changed. Glad to be down.

    I MET MY THANKSGIVING GOAL!!!!! I wanted to lose 5 pounds, and as of today, have lost 6! Yea!

    Very glad.

    I hope I am prepared to deal with Thanksgiving, and that if I allow myself to indulge in some stuffing, that I don't hate myself later.

    I have to stop this all or nothing thinking. I am doing very, very well. Love myself.:love1:
     
  13. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    I am not going to weigh myself today. It's Thanksgiving. I feel good.

    I was so tired last night, sometimes I just can't believe how tired I can get.

    I have prepared some food to take with me to my father's house just in case. I am bringing shrimp, cole slaw, sf jello and whipped cream. I may make the mashed cauliflower if I have time, but it's looking like I won't have time.

    Anyway, I hope to make it through the day with sil, whom I think is one of the worst persons I have ever known. Yuck.:mad:
     
  14. DoeWDW

    DoeWDW I've been a bit naughty since you've been away

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    I'm glad that you are starting to see results - it can be very motivating to watch that scale move.

    Take good care of you - you're worth it!! :sunny:
     
  15. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Thank you, DoeWDW. You are such a nice person.


    I survived the day yesterday. I didn't have any really huge challenges as I anticipated. I did have a major "oops" when I ate the other cocktail sauce and not the one I brought which I read only had 2 carbs. After indulging in quite a bit of shrimp and cocktail sauce, I saw the bottle in the fridge. 18 carbs per serving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What had I done. I must have had three servings at least.

    Well, I got out my cocktail sauce instead.

    On to dinner. I had some of the creamed corn, which I thought at the time was okay given the other selections. I now remember corn being of similar quality to potatoes. Not good. Then I had some of the creamy bean casserole. Also probably not good, but a better choice than the stuffing or mashed potatoes that went by me at the table. I did eat alot of cole slaw thinking that it was only cabbage and mayo, but it may have contained sugar. I want to find that out. I drank only water. I had two servings of sf jello with whipped cream, which I brought. A better choice than the pumpkin pie. I didn't even want any.

    At least I had some entertainment, watching SIL chase her two year old ds around with handi-wipes. She has a serious problem. Serious germ phobic. She is going to make that kid nutty. Poor little thing. "Don't touch your face!!!!" She yelled. Poor little thing. He's the cutest little kid, but she needs help. He is not allowed to play with any other kids, because he might get germs from them. God forbid they go to daycare. She might put a mask on him if he's around daycare children. I didn't let her get to me this year, though. I just watched her go nutty without getting mad, like I usually do. Poor brother.

    Back to food. Stopped at a friend's house after that for dessert. I had only water, and brought sf jello jigglers and fruit for the table. I hope I get my favorite dish back.

    The scale was up 2.5 pounds today. I hope it's just from the salty shrimp. I hope I don't have to work twice as hard now to get that 2.5 off. I don't know what else I can do. I am staying very true to my plan, and not cheating at all, except yesterday, which wasn't any intentional cheating, just stupidity. I think I didn't do as poorly as I could have. Stuffing is my favorite thing. I didn't have any this year.

    Onward and downward. All in all, I am proud of myself.:)
     
  16. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Another good diet day. Met MIL and other SIL at the mall. Haven't seen them in over a year. It was nice. We ate at Ruby Tuesday's. Tried the low carb chopped sirloin dish with the mashed cauli. It was very tasty. I liked it, and would definitely eat that again. Drank water.

    Came home and had some almonds while I cooked chicken with Mrs. Dash's seasoning and salad. Again, water.

    A good food day. Not hungry. Not cheating.

    Walked the mall about three times. Some pretty good exercise. Got very depressed looking at myself in the mirror. Very self-conscious in front of MIL and SIL. They must think I have totally let myself go.
    Stopped at another store on the way home. Bought a couple of very nice, but very expensive pants. I love everything I bought, but am unsure if it is smart to spend money right now, when I am losing weight, and hopefully will go down in size soon.

    Very, very tired. Very, very, very tired. Going to bed. It's 9pm.:o :faint:
     
  17. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    I had a great eating day yesterday. Hoped that the Thanksgiving gain would go away. For the most part, today, it has. I was back down to 209.5. My Thanksgiving weight was 209, but day after Thanksgiving, it was up to 211.5. I hope I keep going down.

    I want to feel some relief on that airplane in a couple of weeks. I just hate the feeling of being crammed between the seat sides. Not only is it very uncomfortable, it is embarassing.

    I am going to have another good day today.
     
  18. DoeWDW

    DoeWDW I've been a bit naughty since you've been away

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    Here's a little extra sunshine for your day! :sunny:

    You're doing great! You are on the road to healthy living - even if others can't see the results yet. You should feel very proud of yourself! ::yes::

    By the way, I was laughing at your Thanksgiving SIL story - she sounds VERY interesting! The story was funny but I feel sad for her son - what a way to grow up. :(

    Onward and downward we go!
     
  19. A1A1

    A1A1 DIS Veteran

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    Thanks to DoeWDW, I am now doing Flylady baby steps.:confused:
     
  20. A1A1

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    I am very saddened that I am up again another pound. I have been following my low carb routine very well, and was proud of myself for having done so well.

    I am disgusted.
     
  21. DoeWDW

    DoeWDW I've been a bit naughty since you've been away

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    Low-carb can be tricky at first. You probably just need to tweak things a bit. Are you eating enough fat? How many carbs a day are you eating? Are you eating too many nuts or too much cheese or too many low-carb bars - all of these can cause problems for some people. Are you drinking enough water?

    Take a deep breath. You are making lots of changes right now and it will take a little time to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Try not to get disgusted - just look at what you're doing and see if there are some changes that you need to make.

    Recording the foods you eat in your journal every day can be very helpful since it allows you to go back and take an objective look at what you've been eating. It's easier to spot a potential problem that way.

    You're doing just fine and you're working on being a healthier you so you can feel better and be a better mom for your daughter. It takes some work and some patience but I promise you're on the right track!

    Here's a little extra sunshine to get you through! :sunny:
     

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