Nice way to say ENOUGH?

[kevschickee]

No, there's no nice way to do that.

Let them spoil her and make their memories. Later when your daughter's forgotten about the stuff you can get rid of it.



On a side note, why do you feel the need to control what others spend their money on? First the stepkids, now mom and sis? It's not YOUR money and it's not your business what it's spent on.

I knew it was her. tsk tsk

 

[Missy1961]

Nope, there's not really a nice way. Telling people how to spend thier money isn't polite, at least in my opinion. You can request that what they buy goes home with the purchaser to be a special toy at grandma or auntie's house.

I don't understand wanting memories, not souvienirs... having souvenirs doesn't preclude having wonderful memories. You can have both.

She's a first grandbaby she'll be spoiled till she has a sibling or cousin, then it will ease up. Until then, just let them enjoy loving on the little one and showering her with gifts.

I agree! And actually, I still spoil my nieces & nephews, even though there are 14 of them. It's in the job description of aunt.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I had not realized who OP was, though I never posted I read some of the previous issues. Why not save some of the things you step kids would like and give them to them when you go down, saving you spending money issues.

 

[crisi]

We don't buy a lot of toys for our kids - and I don't know WHERE it comes from. But the amount of stuff we have to have a place for, pick up, and deal with is incredible.

Mention that your DD is getting to the age where her stuff is overwhelming - to store, to pick up after, to dispose of as she outgrows it - and the amount of stuff is causing you stress. And that while you appreciate their generosity, they should understand that it does create a burden on you and you'd therefore appreciate it if they could limit it - and indulge her in memories and experiences - not junk food and plastic.

 

[rie'smom]

Why don't you ask your mother and sister to use that money to take your stepchildren on the trip with you instead? That way, your daughter is not spoiled AND your stepkids also get to go on your daughter's first Disney trip. It's a win-win for everyone because then your husband doesn't have to go on the later Disney trip.

 

[kevschickee]

Why don't you ask your mother and sister to use that money to take your stepchildren on the trip with you instead? That way, your daughter is not spoiled AND your stepkids also get to go on your daughter's first Disney trip. It's a win-win for everyone because then your husband doesn't have to go on the later Disney trip.

That is a great idea

 

[Bopsmom]

Why don't you ask your mother and sister to use that money to take your stepchildren on the trip with you instead? That way, your daughter is not spoiled AND your stepkids also get to go on your daughter's first Disney trip. It's a win-win for everyone because then your husband doesn't have to go on the later Disney trip.

Thank you

Earlier worries about spending money for pool trips and ice cream don't seem to jive with this concern. I would be terribly worried about what you are showing the other members in your immediate family by what you are about to do.
When you married your DH you knew he had kids. Your family knew you were getting kids in the deal. You became a family when you said, "I do". Taking one and not the others doesn't seem right. Worrying that 'they' won't have money to even go while your DD will be given everything seems like a lack of concern from my POV.
I hate that is seems like blood-relations are closer than others-it can be that way BUT, your DD is so young and you were/are so worried about paying for the next trip I don't know why you haven't explained to your family that waiting until all the kids could go would be the best for your ENTIRE family. You are now the leader of a blended family and that takes extra special talent.
I think it would be great for you, your mom(their grandma too, in a way),their aunt and all the kids have a terrific holiday that they can share. Shared memories for kids is a wonderful family bonding opportunity. I really hate the yours, mine, ours dynamic that seems to be happening.
JMHO-YMMV

 

[Chereya]

I have the same issues with spoiling aunts and grandmothers. But I am pregnant with my 3rd now and I've learned to let go more over time. They all know that it drives me bonkers having so much "stuff" and trying to keep track of it all, organized, etc. They know that I find this junk useless but they enjoy buying the kids things and for about 5 minutes (sometimes 10!) the kids enjoy playing with them. I do happily throw things away when they've outlived their usefulness or become the focus of fighting/not sharing.

What has helped for me is to talk to each person about special things that I approve of that they could do. Usually I will have some idea of what they would like to do, and then they usually go beyond that with purchased stuff. But I think it's less stuff than letting them go hog wild w/o my input.

For instance, I have talked about letting an Aunt take the kids on a kiddie ride alone while the other adults ride something scary. Or paying for a "memory" such as a character meal, special photo opportunity or silhouette session. Even something simple like taking photos of each other trying on silly hats at the hat store can be a great memory but not cost a dime (of course, you should expect that someone will want to buy a hat at the end of it). I will always cherish a photo I have of my grandmother, who passed away shortly after that trip to Disneyland, wearing a huge Goofy hat.

So I'm sure if you think about it, you can come up with some compormise activities that may or may not involve spending money or taking home souvenirs. Communication is important. It doesn't sound like your family is out to undermine your parental authority on purpose. Just talk to them and see what happens.

Good luck!

 

[*pixie*dust*]

Thank you

Earlier worries about spending money for pool trips and ice cream don't seem to jive with this concern. I would be terribly worried about what you are showing the other members in your immediate family by what you are about to do.
When you married your DH you knew he had kids. Your family knew you were getting kids in the deal. You became a family when you said, "I do". Taking one and not the others doesn't seem right. Worrying that 'they' won't have money to even go while your DD will be given everything seems like a lack of concern from my POV.
I hate that is seems like blood-relations are closer than others-it can be that way BUT, your DD is so young and you were/are so worried about paying for the next trip I don't know why you haven't explained to your family that waiting until all the kids could go would be the best for your ENTIRE family. You are now the leader of a blended family and that take extra special talent.
I think it would be great for you, your mom(their grandma too, in a way),their aunt and all the kids have a terrific holiday that they can share. Shared memories for kids is a wonderful family bonding opportunity. I really hate the yours, mine, ours set dynamic that seems to be happening.
JMHO-YMMV

I think that is great advice. Explain to your Mom and Sis how you are struggling financially to take ALL of the kids to Disney. Then maybe they would be willing to help out so EVERYONE can have a magical trip. It would be great if you daughter could have her first WDW experience with her siblings.

 

[Aliceacc]

OOPS, I should have read the whole thread.

My original post echoed what others have said about your stepkids.

 

[BelleRocks]

Their feeling of fun and loving and buying is more important than you having to deal with the inconvenience of the items. Let them enjoy! Figure out what to do with the items later.

Can you imagine how many people with distant and uncaring relatives would love to have some like yours? Be grateful to have so many people who love your kid. Just my feeling!

 

[Bopsmom]

I see that the OP is 'on" but no response had been made.
I wonder what her thoughts are.

 

[cuppycake]

I don't know the whole dynamic that is going on with OP/stepkids/etc. However, to comment on the question of a nice way to say enough:

I don't think you are out of line to say enough. I disagree with posters who say "let them have their fun", "you can't say how the spend their money", etc, etc.

Why can't you simply say something like, "I KNOW that you guys love DD, but I feel that you tend to go overboard with the purchases. I really don't want her to start equating people buying her things with loving her, and it really is hard to have to find a place for all of the stuff. If you could please keep this in mind, I would really appreciate it!".

I don't think it's wrong to want to raise a child who isn't spoiled with THINGS all of the time. It's important to teach our kids that you don't have to buy things to have fun...this is a great time to ask them to help you do that.

 

[natnelliesmom]

Let them buy whatever they want- but when it comes time to head for home- make sure they are packing this stuff up- not you! I would pack my own stuff and leave all that new stuff laying around. When they ask why it's out- say you don't have room to pack it!!
Either they'll make room themselves, or you have an easy solution to all that extra junk!

-Sarah

 

[fussymonkey]

Let them buy whatever they want- but when it comes time to head for home- make sure they are packing this stuff up- not you! I would pack my own stuff and leave all that new stuff laying around. When they ask why it's out- say you don't have room to pack it!!
Either they'll make room themselves, or you have an easy solution to all that extra junk!

-Sarah

That would be pretty passive agressive.

 

[natnelliesmom]

That would be pretty passive agressive.

I don't know about that. Do you have room in your homeward bound suitcase for things you didn't plan on buying?? I sure don't.
It would be a quick way to send the message that perhaps it's too much!

-Sarah

 

[taylor5]

Being on the other side of the fence in the spoiling dept., I would say count yourself very lucky! My parents are much older & on a fixed income & really can't spoil our kids with things (much love though), but my DH's parents (divorced & MIL remarried) are both financially very secure & do the BARE minimum for our kids (both materialistic & love).

I read on these boards about all the grandparents doing this or that for the grandkids or when we go places I see grandparents with the families & I wish we had that support (financial & emotional) for our kids, but we just try to give them all the love that we can, my parents love them dearly & we thank God that thay are healthy & happy & that things could be much, much worse.

So I say just let them do it, you can always donate what your daughter doesn't need.

 

[fussymonkey]

I don't know about that. Do you have room in your homeward bound suitcase for things you didn't plan on buying?? I sure don't.
It would be a quick way to send the message that perhaps it's too much!

-Sarah

To say nothing while the OP's family is buying gifts that indicates she WON'T be able to fit the gifts, and then to just foist it on them when packing is both passive-agressive and an easy way to assure herself that her family will have sour memories of the trip, not to mention hostility toward OP.

 

[crisi]

Their feeling of fun and loving and buying is more important than you having to deal with the inconvenience of the items. Let them enjoy! Figure out what to do with the items later.

Can you imagine how many people with distant and uncaring relatives would love to have some like yours? Be grateful to have so many people who love your kid. Just my feeling!

I very much disagree. If their fun and "love" buying it causes her stress when she has to deal with it, that is a very selfish and disrespectful kind of love and fun at someone else's expense. It may cause her daughter to create expectations around "stuff" and equaling love with "stuff." The family dynamics here already sound like train wreck city, and the step kids aren't getting spoiled - complicating that dynamic. Moreover, the amount of plastic crap that gets tossed is more than an inconvenience - its a huge environmental burden.

There is a middle ground between "distant and uncaring" and relations that shower you with gifts. My relatives didn't shower me with gifts, and I had a wonderful set of grandparents, aunts and uncles (I also had an unwonderful set - whose gifts always tended to be better, but whose selfishness was apparent even to a young kid).

 

[badblackpug]

I see that the OP is 'on" but no response had been made.
I wonder what her thoughts are.

Her thoughts are probably the same as mine ENOUGH!

Enough of the adolescent behavior. This is the problem with so many message boards. It becomes like an adolescent clique where certain people drag up every old post, like a 13 year old would drag up every social faux pas committed from kindergarten on, and use it as an excuse to trash the OP. I honestly thought that this board was different, but maybe, I am beginning to see that my expectations are too high. Really, if you don't have anything helpful or informative to add, or if you, for some reason, really have an issue with the OP, then skip her posts. The constant picking is childish and unnecessary.

OP, honestly, if space is for the "stuff" is an issue in your home, then maybe politely say to your mother and sister that this is the issue, and ask, as a PP said, that if they really want to spend their money then do it on things that will create memories, but not take up that much space. Like a photo album or scrapbook. On the other hand, you can always donate/Ebay/Craigslist the items that you don't have space for or your daughter outgrows. I think the costumes, due to their expense, usually sell well.

On the idea of "keep it at your house:" this bothers me when people do this. It as if they are saying, basically, "I don't want it." Which to me, is rude given that someone spent the time, money, and effort to pick out something they thought would bring your child joy. I have been taught to always accept gifts graciously and thankfully, whether, or not, you like it or want it.