Nice way to say ENOUGH?

[rie'smom]

Her thoughts are probably the same as mine ENOUGH!

Enough of the adolescent behavior. This is the problem with so many message boards. It becomes like an adolescent clique where certain people drag up every old post, like a 13 year old would drag up every social faux pas committed from kindergarten on, and use it as an excuse to trash the OP. I honestly thought that this board was different, but maybe, I am beginning to see that my expectations are too high. Really, if you don't have anything helpful or informative to add, or if you, for some reason, really have an issue with the OP, then skip her posts. The constant picking is childish and unnecessary.

OP, honestly, if space is for the "stuff" is an issue in your home, then maybe politely say to your mother and sister that this is the issue, and ask, as a PP said, that if they really want to spend their money then do it on things that will create memories, but not take up that much space. Like a photo album or scrapbook. On the other hand, you can always donate/Ebay/Craigslist the items that you don't have space for or your daughter outgrows. I think the costumes, due to their expense, usually sell well.

On the idea of "keep it at your house:" this bothers me when people do this. It as if they are saying, basically, "I don't want it." Which to me, is rude given that someone spent the time, money, and effort to pick out something they thought would bring your child joy. I have been taught to always accept gifts graciously and thankfully, whether, or not, you like it or want it.

I brought up the past post because the OP wanted help to say no. It was a suggestion for her mother and sister to spend the money to bring her stepchildren. Then the OP would not have to worry about her husband feeling like he had to go because he didn't really want to go to WDW.

Another problem with boards is when someone reads something into a post that isn't meant and acts as the post police.

 

[badblackpug]

I brought up the past post because the OP wanted help to say no. It was a suggestion for her mother and sister to spend the money to bring her stepchildren. Then the OP would not have to worry about her husband feeling like he had to go because he didn't really want to go to WDW.

Another problem with boards is when someone reads something into a post that isn't meant and acts as the post police.

My issue is not necessarily with your reply, however, I am not sure why you brought the step kids into this. She asked for advice concerning her daughter and how to deal with telling her mother and sister (who have no obligation to her step kids) buying her too many things. My issue is, in this thread and in the previous lots of posters decided it was okay to dogpile on the OP and hurl personal insults and jabs, and unfortunately this thread seems to be going the same way. The OP asked for advice about a certain issue, not for a lecture about her relationship with her step children or her finances. I am not sure why some people feel that it is okay to target this OP. It seems particularly childish to me. ...and off the topic...as was said in the previous thread, this trip is being financed by her sister as a gift for the OP, her husband is not going. I don't think it would be appropriate for her to take her husband's children if he is not going to be present. I am not sure I know of many bio moms who would allow their children to go on a trip with their ex husband's new wife if he were not attending.

...and there is no thread police here. This is a board that has prided itself on being helpful and friendly, but where this OP is concerned people seem to forget their manners and their Disney-like attitude.

 

[2forMe]

No, there's no nice way to do that.

Let them spoil her and make their memories. Later when your daughter's forgotten about the stuff you can get rid of it.



On a side note, why do you feel the need to control what others spend their money on? First the stepkids, now mom and sis? It's not YOUR money and it's not your business what it's spent on.

I totally agree with all of this. OP I think you and your dh have some issues with money... I would suggest that you talk with a financial planner or some sort so that you can feel good about the money you do have etc.

As for the amount of stuff you Mom and Sis will buy... I would just politely say, after several gifts have been bought, that you think dd has enough.. perhaps suggest that you all chip in for the CD photopass to capture all the great times you will have.... plus i guess you can try to avoid most of the shops..hahahah

 

[*pixie*dust*]

My issue is not necessarily with your reply, however, I am not sure why you brought the step kids into this. She asked for advice concerning her daughter and how to deal with telling her mother and sister (who have no obligation to her step kids) buying her too many things. My issue is, in this thread and in the previous lots of posters decided it was okay to dogpile on the OP and hurl personal insults and jabs, and unfortunately this thread seems to be going the same way. The OP asked for advice about a certain issue, not for a lecture about her relationship with her step children or her finances. I am not sure why some people feel that it is okay to target this OP. It seems particularly childish to me. ...and off the topic...as was said in the previous thread, this trip is being financed by her sister as a gift for the OP, her husband is not going. I don't think it would be appropriate for her to take her husband's children if he is not going to be present. I am not sure I know of many bio moms who would allow their children to go on a trip with their ex husband's new wife if he were not attending.

...and there is no thread police here. This is a board that has prided itself on being helpful and friendly, but where this OP is concerned people seem to forget their manners and their Disney-like attitude.

I re-read this whole thread---I don't see any "dogpile-ing". Just some honest concern about the feelings of the other children in her household----her daughter's siblings. I know that if I were one of the other children in the house it would be very difficult to have my sister go to WDW without me and see her with loads of gifts from the trip.
The OP hasn't taken issue or responded, so it was natural that people would wonder what she was thinking.

 

[badblackpug]

No, there's no nice way to do that.

Let them spoil her and make their memories. Later when your daughter's forgotten about the stuff you can get rid of it.



On a side note, why do you feel the need to control what others spend their money on? First the stepkids, now mom and sis? It's not YOUR money and it's not your business what it's spent on.

I knew it was her. tsk tsk

Here is where it starts, and this is they way it started with the other thread. The 0ther thread got nasty fast. I really dislike it when people drag up old threads as a way to make the op look wrong or foolish, or just to bash. It has not gone to the extent of the last thread, but it looked like it was on it's way.

... and I don't believe the step children live with her. They live with their bio mom and visit with her and the husband. There is no way to keep all things equal. The step children will do things with their family in which the op's child will not be involved and vice-versa, that, unfortunately, is the nature of the beast. (and I do believe that the op has said they will be vacationing with their bio mom) ...and all concern aside, the op did not ask for opinions on what to do with the step children. She said in the previous post that the step children will not be going on this trip. That they will be with their mother and that her sister is paying for their trip. While in a perfect world everything is equal, it is not reality, and her sister and mother are not responsible for her husband's children. Having been there, done that, I can tell you that there is no fair way to make sure everyone is included in everything. It would be nice if there was, but it just isn't possible.

 

[kevschickee]

Here is where it starts, and this is they way it started with the other thread. The 0ther thread got nasty fast. I really dislike it when people drag up old threads as a way to make the op look wrong or foolish, or just to bash. It has not gone to the extent of the last thread, but it looked like it was on it's way.

... and I don't believe the step children live with her. They live with their bio mom and visit with her and the husband. There is no way to keep all things equal. The step children will do things with their family in which the op's child will not be involved and vice-versa, that, unfortunately, is the nature of the beast. (and I do believe that the op has said they will be vacationing with their bio mom) ...and all concern aside, the op did not ask for opinions on what to do with the step children. She said in the previous post that the step children will not be going on this trip. That they will be with their mother and that her sister is paying for their trip. While in a perfect world everything is equal, it is not reality, and her sister and mother are not responsible for her husband's children. Having been there, done that, I can tell you that there is no fair way to make sure everyone is included in everything. It would be nice if there was, but it just isn't possible.

When you put what she put on a message board youhave to expect it to come back to you. You take that risk esp when you put personal info on a site. It is a matter of a few posts not just one. No one was dog piling anyone. She has the step kids all summer so they are there a pretty good amount of time.

 

[3boymthr]

Back on topic....

to OP - mention that after your trip you are going to have to register for that show (clean sweep or something like that) where they come in and redecorate and make you sell all your "stuff" because there is just going to be so much of it.

Truly, I would suggest to your relatives that you would love for them to buy her one or two things and maybe an outfit or two each but then explain that you feel because she is so little things just don't mean as much to her so that should be the limit on "things". Tell them you'd rather have them take the time to do a special resort photography session with her and have the photos framed or put in a special photobook for later. And if they still feel like spending money on her that they should maybe get her on another experience that she might remember.

 

[mousygirl]

my mom always spoiled both of my kids (5 &2) and it got on my nerves just because there was sooo much stuff we didn't need.
My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April and died in October. I am now glad that I just let her do her thing. The kids have fabulous memories of Mimi and she was happy.
I guess what I am saying is that life is short and unpredictable, so if it makes them happy, then why worry about it.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I with everyone to say to let them buy what they want. My siblings did that some when my DD was born but stopped after a little. It didn't happen with my boys at all. I'm looking forward to it when I finally become and Aunt x's 2 this December.

If it's not hurting her then let it happen.

My kids grandparents - not a single one is a spoiler. I can barely get either of them to spend time with my boys (who everyone else loves and are great kids). I tried spending a couple days at my mom's to get her some time wiht them and she ended up yelling at them and making them upset like she did to us when we were little.

I could've written this post. My kids would love to be spoiled even just a little bit by their grandparents or aunts/uncles, but I'm lucky if they even spend time with them.

 

[floydfamily4]

I guess what I am saying is that life is short and unpredictable, so if it makes them happy, then why worry about it.

I lost my mom to lung cancer when my kids were 9 months old. Take a deep breath and remember that this is her way of making memories. Smile and let it go dear

 

[bookgirl]

Here is where it starts, and this is they way it started with the other thread. The 0ther thread got nasty fast. I really dislike it when people drag up old threads as a way to make the op look wrong or foolish, or just to bash. It has not gone to the extent of the last thread, but it looked like it was on it's way.

... and I don't believe the step children live with her. They live with their bio mom and visit with her and the husband. There is no way to keep all things equal. The step children will do things with their family in which the op's child will not be involved and vice-versa, that, unfortunately, is the nature of the beast. (and I do believe that the op has said they will be vacationing with their bio mom) ...and all concern aside, the op did not ask for opinions on what to do with the step children. She said in the previous post that the step children will not be going on this trip. That they will be with their mother and that her sister is paying for their trip. While in a perfect world everything is equal, it is not reality, and her sister and mother are not responsible for her husband's children. Having been there, done that, I can tell you that there is no fair way to make sure everyone is included in everything. It would be nice if there was, but it just isn't possible.

Have to agree. I came from a blended family. My step brother did lots' of stuff with his mom and step dad I didn't get to do, but I understood that families were seperate sometimes and together sometimes. I handled that way better than the attempts of fairness. In fact I still remember when he went to Mexico/Padre Island with us. Mom and step dad gave us each (me, bro, step bro) 60 bucks to spend. My brother and I had money saved up. We were not allowed to take or spend anything more than the 60 since it wouldn't be "fair" if we had more money then step bro. Annoyed me then. There's a point when "fair" becomes a burden and promotes more resentment than anything.

 

[luvsJack]

Personally, I say "let the spoiling begin" There is nothing like spoiling a child in Disney World! Let them have their fun.

As for what to do with the "stuff". Display it in her bedroom. Dd loves stuffed animals and has bought one in each park on each trip. She displays some on her bed but we also have shelves above her windows that hold all her Disney atuffed animals and small shelves around her room that each hold some of her Disney souvinears. It makes for a very cute bedroom.

Another suggestion? Ask them to buy something for your step-kids too. Spoiling the one that is there is fun but picking out something for kids who are not there is fun too.

 

[Bopsmom]

I re-read this whole thread---I don't see any "dogpile-ing". Just some honest concern about the feelings of the other children in her household----her daughter's siblings. I know that if I were one of the other children in the house it would be very difficult to have my sister go to WDW without me and see her with loads of gifts from the trip.
The OP hasn't taken issue or responded, so it was natural that people would wonder what she was thinking.

Thank You Pixie.
Having been a reader of the OP's other concerns on other threads I finally made a comment on this one.
There was no Dog Piling and I stayed on-topic with sound advice, questions and encouragement for the person's question.
I don't see where BBpug needed to police the thread the Mods do that job just fine.

If the OP had a problem/comment I would be glad to discuss it with her since it was she that put all her information on a public board asking for advice. That is why I later asked what she thought: to get HER opinion.
This situation doesn't happen in a vacuum and that is why questions were brought up about her step children and DH.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

Honestly I would just let them be. Let them know they don't have to buy things but if they want to, let them be. Then they know you don't expect but you aren't telling them how to spend there money.

 

[clanmcculloch]

When you first arrive, show your family how much space you have available for souvenirs in your luggage for the return trip. Let them decide how they fill that space. Let them have their fun spoiling your daughter within this limit. This is their trip too and this is what will make them happy. You can always donate anything that you don't want to keep to charity. You can also encourage them to spoil her with experiences rather than things. If they really want to spend their money, try encouraging things like BBB, CRT and things like that rather than just stuff.

 

[LisaZoe]

Perhaps you could let your mom and sis know what your DD likes/needs before the trip. I would also suggest laying the groundwork now for limiting the amount of 'stuff' purchased. Rather than having them buy gifts, you might allow each to take your DD for an hour or so for one on one time each day. As an aunt I loved having the chance to do that with my niece and nephews. As a mom at Disney, a little time 'off duty' is definitely welcome to allow me to browse in the shops without worrying what little hands are doing. LOL Photos taken during those times with DD would be wonderful ways to remember the fun for years afterwards.

 

[stella27]

I think that I would let them each buy her 2 or 3 things, and after the second, start saying (lovingly and appreciatively!)
"Please stop! We won't have room for all this in her suitcase!"
And then thank them and enjoy your baby's being the center of their universe!

Eventually they will stop once you bring up the practical aspects.

 

[Best Aunt]

As the Aunt, I have to say: please work out the rules with them ahead of time. It will ruin everyone's fun if you and they are arguing about every potential purchase while on the trip.

Definitely decide on the suitcase issue ahead of time. Tell them (before a single purchase is made) that your suitcase will be full, and you're not sure how they're planning to get purchases home.

On one occasion, I tried to be respectful of the Mom's wishes about not increasing the clutter at her house. As my nieces were about to open gifts at Grandma's house, I suggested that they leave the gifts there to play with when they visited.

And then they opened the gifts.

Niece # 1 gasped and said, "That's the best-est present ever!"

Niece # 2 said forlornly, "Oh, I wish with all my heart that I could take it home with me."

Well, how were we supposed to say No to that? I think the girls were 5 and 4 at the time.

So I explained to their Mom that I tried. The gifts went home... and eventually they were taken back to Grandma's.

Hey, I can't help it if I know my nieces well enough to pick out gifts that they really like.

 

[cheshireqt]

I too have read your other posts and if I remember correctly your sister is paying for both you and DD to go on the trip. She may actually feel relieved to be asked to cut back on the extras (assuming she felt that those would also be her responsibility, as I probably would). All you have to do is speak up and say thanks but no thanks for items that are too big, too expensive, not age appropriate, or just too much. Whatever you do, do not show such extreme ingratitude as a pp suggested.
If they do go overboard ask them nicely to save those gifts to sprinkle the pixie dust over the next year (i.e., could you wait to give that to her for her birthday, she will appreciate it so much more as she will be older and it will be unexpected). Above all do not let this become an issue, enjoy your trip and trust that they are enjoying themselves, even if they are spending what to you feels like unnecessary $!