Once again, feel free to skip this if you are not interested. Maybe it isn't appropriate for a pre trip report. But this is a very emotional time for me- because of the time of year it is, and also because we are planning Nathan's wish trip. Also, my religious beliefs are very evident in this post- so be forewarned if that sort of thing offends you.
The next day, we remained in a blissfully naive state. We were in the NICU, with wonderful doctors. He was in good hands, he should be fine, right? We still didn't have a diagnosis and we were kept in the dark about what they thought was wrong. Finally that night, we went in to say goodnight to Nathan. A nurse met us there and said, " Have you talked to the doctor?" We told her no. She said, " They have a diagnosis." When we asked her what it was she said, " I'd rather the doctor talk to you." That never is a good sign. Finally the doctor came in and told us, " Neonatal viral myocarditis". When we asked the prognosis he said, " Well, it isn't as deadly as it used to be." He told us, like any virus, the first 3 days would be the most critical. We called our minister who had headed back to our home town a short time earlier. He immediately headed back to us. We sat next to Nathan's incubator and prayed. Finally, in a daze, we headed back to my parent's house. I went to the computer and googled " neonatal viral myocarditis". In, what I term, another " God thing" absolutely nothing turned up on my search. Months later, when Nathan was on the mend, when I searched again, all sorts of articles with grim statistics popped up. I'm glad I didn't see those at the time.
The next day we felt pretty good-it was Wednesday and he got sick on Monday. First 3 days were the most critical-we were already down 2. The day was fairly uneventful. We had a very cheerful nurse. She suggested I bring some socks for his cold little feet. I was glad to have something "motherly" to do for him. Then Thursday came- David and I scrubbed into the NICU with a little bounce in our step. This was day 3-surely we were on the down hill slide. We were not greeted by our cheerful nurse, Rita. Instead it was Lawanda and she looked at us and said, " You have a very sick little boy here." Did she not understand, this was day 3- he was on the downhill slide! We were almost done with this! And then she took off the socks that Rita had recommended! She said she needed to see the color of his feet. When she left the room ( Nathan had his own little glassed in isolation room), I turned to David and said, " I don't like miss doom and gloom. I wish we had Rita back!"
We sat in his room, reading our books and talking a bit. It was around 10:00am. The way Lawanda hovered around Nathan made us start to get a little nervous- did we not understand the gravity of the situation? Lawanda came in and looked at his feet. Things are a little blurry from here. All of a sudden hoards of doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists were clammored in our room. Alarms were sounding, people were frantic. A ring of nurses stood outside of his room, looking in the glass walls. I could see the look of despair on their faces. They were suctioning and bagging him. I snuck out of the room to the phone. I called a friend from church- she was my go to person to start the prayer chain. Then I slipped back into my chair next to David and watched...and prayed. About 30 minutes later I turned to David and said, " Do you feel it?" He did. We both felt the prayers of our community ( from what I hear, our prayer chain would spread quickly not just through our church but the entire community) and it felt like a blanket of comfort was wrapped around us. Finally, the crisis seemed to subside. Lawanda looked at us and said, " Do you know what just happened?" I told her I thought so. Nathan had crashed-possibly thrown a blood clot. They resuscitated him. Do you know what had tipped her off that there was a problem? The color of his feet! After she left his room, I told David, " Well, Lawanda doesn't make me feel good like Rita does, but I hope she is always Nathan's nurse!" We ended up becoming very close to Lawanda- and remain in contact with her still. She saved his life that day.
Fast forward about 4 years. I am singing a goodnight song to Nathan when he turns to me. He says, " When I was a baby, I went to Heaven for a little bit but then I came back." He paused for a minute and then said, " Did that really happen?" We had never told him how sick he was as a baby. I fully believe that Nathan did go to Heaven that day, and for some reason, God decided to let him come back.
We thought the worst of the day was behind us-but actually, it was just beginning.
But that will have to wait until tomorrow- the actual 10 year anniversary of the day we call " worst day".