Men, (or women) need honest (but nice) advice. Updated in post one

[PeterPanic]

This might have been mentioned, but, I have run out of time to read it all, so.... As a male, princess didn't bother me at all. What woman doesn't think she is a princess. It is vital that you mention that you have two children and that's not a bad thing except most men are not looking for an instant family. It's a sad but true commentary. Your looks are fine, a typo means nothing, but, please excuse this expression, the baggage is really heavy.

I'm not sure a dating site is the right avenue for you. You need to have met someone and won them over with personality and charm. Then the mention of the kids would not mean much. However, I have to say that on a dating site, it means that one immediately moves on the the next possibility. Sorry, if I sound shallow and someone that hates kids, I don't, but I would think that I would be trying for a simpler relationship if I could help it.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

You've gotten lots of good advice here. I would just add that while you are no doubt a very pretty woman, I don't think *any* of your pictures do you justice. I would start fresh with the pictures.

I am an amateur photography hobbyist, and photographing candids of people is really fun for me. I don't know much yet about posing and lighting, but I can say that the lighting in your photos is harsh, which doesn't do you any favors. Also your poses aren't really that natural or flattering, and the backgrounds are quite distracting.

Please don't feel like I am trying to insult you at all... but I am picturing you in a more relaxed, flattering pose with much softer light and a less distracting background, and I think it would be beautiful!

If you know anybody at all that dabbles in photography, even as a hobby, maybe you could ask them to shoot some nice natural poses for you. And be mindful of your backgrounds and even the angles from where they are shooting. It all matters. Often times people see a photo and they don't understand what's wrong with it, they just know that it's only just so-so. I see a photo and can usually immediately pick out several things I would want to change and I can imagine the end result in my mind.

If you don't know *anyone* that has the eye for photography, maybe you could do what I did 12(ish) years ago and go to an inexpensive photo studio and have a quick shoot. I did mine at Sears. Met my husband online... married 10 years this coming August.

 

[MickeySP]

I love all pics except the one with the kids. These "selfie" type shots are rarely flattering.

Yes I'm a woman but I ran it by my DBF too, don't worry other than that I think you're beautiful and you'd probably do better on another site. No one I know has had luck with plentyoffish.

Along with the poster below I can give you hope on the PoF. We were 4 single/divorced women, we are now 2 married & 2 living with SOs. We all met ours on the PoF. All our relationships are over 5 + years now. I was only on 6 months before I met my SO. So if you can wed out the nuts, like any site, they are there, if you are serious about finding someone.

My DD found just the opposite! Match.com and eHarmony guys were kind of weird and she just married her PoF guy last November!

Good for her!!


Any site attracts weirdos/whackos and married, you just have to learn how to weed them out. Also try not to bring too much baggage in, judging the next guy by past ones will close you off to alot who may share one trait that reminds you of a not so good guy.


Good Luck!

 

[ten6mom]

I have been on match.com for about a month. My original screen name had "mom" in it and the first thing I said was that I have kids. They are FAR more important to me than anything else. I have had plenty of responses and in fact attracted the attention of some men who would not dream of dating a woman who is not a mom.

Just my $.02

 

[SwimBikeRun]

You've gotten a lot of good advice! I'm just a touch younger than you and on the East Coast so I'll add some thoughts.

Pay sites vs. free: I tried the free sites. I had no luck. A lot of really strange people on there and people looking for sex. Plenty of Fish is nicknamed "Plenty of Herpes". LOL! Where I live PoF and OKC is better for the younger set. I've had a couple of boyfriends from match.com and the usual weirdos too. I'm currently seeing someone I met on match.

I totally downplayed my kids in my profile. I mention that I have kids and am active in the community with youth sports. I did not mention ages except to say that I am still actively parenting my children so if your kids have all left for college we may not be a good match. I did not mention sons/daughters and ages. No need to attract a pedophile. They are out there.

I tend to describe myself as cute. I want guys to think, "Hey, she'd be fun to go on a date with". My photos are mostly head shots with one full length. All fun, nothing serious. One is at a painting party, the other a Christmas party and the other is a candid taken at a bar on my birthday. I put dates on all of them.

If you call match you can bargain with them on the price. They'll come down. And if you do the 6 months you get 6 months free if you contact at least 5 people a month.

I know how hard it is. I'm seeing someone now and I don't know where it'll lead but I've been on a lot of bad dates and had a lot of people not respond to emails, even if they emailed first!

Be positive and good things will happen!

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Never put pics of your kids on a dating site, especially a free dating site.
You are putting them at risk.

As the other posters have said, get rid of the "princess" thing. It says "high maintenance" and looking for a date with a fat wallet.

The first thing in your description is about your kids. While that is important it shouldn't be the first thing somebody reads. Talk about yourself and then mention that you are a divorced mother of two teenagers or something.

You could put that you enjoy your job but I wouldn't put in anything about working on new certifications. This isn't a job resume. Dates don't care.

----> "I am looking for that someone special who can respect me and treat my family right". To me that sounds negative. That you feel you haven't been treated "right" in the past. Why not word it more positive such as "I am looking to meet new people, go on a few dates and take it from there".

Good luck!

 

[TheAviator]

You've gotten a lot of good advice! I'm just a touch younger than you and on the East Coast so I'll add some thoughts.

Pay sites vs. free: I tried the free sites. I had no luck. A lot of really strange people on there and people looking for sex. Plenty of Fish is nicknamed "Plenty of Herpes". LOL! Where I live PoF and OKC is better for the younger set. I've had a couple of boyfriends from match.com and the usual weirdos too. I'm currently seeing someone I met on match.

I totally downplayed my kids in my profile. I mention that I have kids and am active in the community with youth sports and that's about it. I did not mention ages except to say that I am still actively parenting my children so if your kids have all left for college we may not be a good match. I did not mention sons/daughters and ages. No need to attract a pedophile. They are out there.

I tend to describe myself as cute. I want guys to think, "Hey, she'd be fun to go on a date with". My photos are mostly head shots with one full length. All fun, nothing serious. One is at a painting party, the other a Christmas party and the other is a candid taken at a bar on my birthday. I put dates on all of them.

If you call match you can bargain with them on the price. They'll come down. And if you do the 6 months you get 6 months free if you contact at least 5 people a month.

I know how hard it is. I'm seeing someone now and I don't know where it'll lead but I've been on a lot of bad dates and had a lot of people not respond to emails, even if they emailed first!

Be positive and good things will happen!

I suspect at least a % of the ones that did not respond to your emails, after they sent you one to begin with are FAKE profiles, set up by the website owner. I do not think most real guys would email someone they are interested in, then not respond back when they get a response. That sounds fishy to me. They normally don't suddenly go, oh, no now that she responded I'm no longer interested. Sounds a lot like the fake ones I uncovered when I was using the sites.

The reason I know this is because I started looking at women from out of state, just for fun. As you would have it, I started seeing some of the same model looking women in different states with different profile names, but same pictures.

 

[SwimBikeRun]

I suspect at least a % of the ones that did not respond to your emails, after they sent you one to begin with are FAKE profiles, set up by the website owner. I do not think most real guys would email someone they are interested in, then not respond back when they get a response. That sounds fishy to me. They normally don't suddenly go, oh, no now that she responded I'm no longer interested. Sounds a lot like the fake ones I uncovered when I was using the sites.

The reason I know this is because I started looking at women from out of state, just for fun. As you would have it, I started seeing some of the same model looking women in different states with different profile names, but same pictures.

Maybe, but their photos were quite average. I don't go for "pretty" men. LOL

 

[BadgerGirl84]

OP--Just wanted to wish you luck with your updated profile! I think it takes a lot of guts to try online dating at all, let alone post your profile here for everyone to pick apart!!

I did online dating for about 6 months....I did Match.com and OK Cupid. I really liked Match.com and went on a lot of nice 1st, 2nd and 3rd dates. OK Cupid (Free) was mostly creeps looking for a "hook up" but that is where I met my husband. I think all the creepers on that site made him appear even better by contrast!!

I agree with what everyone said about removing the first 2 pictures. If you have the opportunity to, I think you would find a lot of sucess if you got a couple of new pictures taken. Like one headshot where your hair and makeup are nicely done (not over the top--just nice) and one full or half body shot where you are either dressed up or doing something outdoors.

Nine times out of 10, I really do think that the man will decide to message you or not based on your photos. Now that you've taken out the "princess" part of your profile, I don't think that there's much in there that will sway someone one way or another.

Your goal with this profile can't really be to have that ONE perfect man find it and decide he's a great match for you based on what you wrote about yourself...it should basically be to get a man to message you and go out on a date. Once on the date you can see if you have chemistry and are compatible with him.

Best of luck to you! I recommend putting your profile on a couple of the free sites, and not just one.

 

[Wishing on a star]

attracted the attention of some men who would not dream of dating a woman who is not a mom.

Why do I find that to be SCARY....

 

[ten6mom]

Why do I find that to be SCARY....

Well in my case so far, it has been because they also have kids and they felt a childless woman would not understand the unique challenges of parental dating

 

[RadioNate]

Well in my case so far, it has been because they also have kids and they felt a childless woman would not understand the unique challenges of parental dating

Almost all of my single dad friends exclusively date single moms. They say that single woman w/out kids just don't "get it" and put too many demands on their time w/out understanding their parental responsibilities.

As a single mom, the post that made me sad and I found scary was the one that said being a single mom is "too much baggage" and guys will move on. That is a shame.

 

[TheAviator]

Almost all of my single dad friends exclusively date single moms. They say that single woman w/out kids just don't "get it" and put too many demands on their time w/out understanding their parental responsibilities.

As a single mom, the post that made me sad and I found scary was the one that said being a single mom is "too much baggage" and guys will move on. That is a shame.

I think what they meant was men that have no kids. Men with kids should not look at a woman with kids as "baggage" because they have their own luggage. I have found this to be the case with Women too though. Most single girls with no kids don't want a guy that already has a kid or 2.

 

[ten6mom]

I think what they meant was men that have no kids. Men with kids should not look at a woman with kids as "baggage" because they have their own luggage. I have found this to be the case with Women too though. Most single girls with no kids don't want a guy that already has a kid or 2.

I think this is true. Either you both have kids or neither has kids.... I think otherwise it is difficult to understand where the other person is coming from. Kids make scheduling more difficult if you agree to leave them out of it for awhile ( which I HIGHLY recommend by the way) but it is worth it to find someone who is "on the same page" as far as that goes.

 

[ceemys]

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your help. It really is appreciated. I am going to leave the sentence about my kids in the profile. They are important. About the ages, previously after weeks of communicating i have had men say that my youngest at their age was too young. I kind of wanted to get those people out of the way before wasting my time.

I will get new pictures done soon. My friend who takes pictures is actually in WDW right now! . Plus, my eyes are swollen with my dumb allergies. These two will have to do for about a week. .

Again thank you so much.

Oh, forgot...headliner Ideas?

1. Looking...for you maybe?
2. Hi! I DIY.
3. I Dis. Ask me what that means.

These sound dumb. Lol.

 

[Buckalew11]

I wouldn't mention the DIS---but then again, I never mention the DIS to people.

I like the first one though. I do not even know what a headliner should be like but that sounds catchy enough to make someone look twice.

 

[ols386]

I've heard negative things about Plenty of Fish also.

Like others have said, I'd remove the "Princess" and remove the first two photos, but leave the 2nd two photos.

I think you are attractive, so no issues with that. Only reason I bring that up is that I think some men do take that into account.

 

[auntmeme7577]

Good Luck and BE YOURSELF
I posted on Match.com in May and met and married my husband in January
8 years now and we lived 2 miles apart and had never met
Just be your real self and you will attract your real partner

 

[ceemys]

I do want to say congrats to all of you who have met your spouse via Internet dating.

 

[onelilspark]

I don't think you *need* to go to paid site. My husband and I met on okcupid.com. I did a free weekend on match.com and it was all the same guys that were on the other sites. There's more sleeze to weed through on the free sites, but at least it made for some interesting stories