Manners questions: OT Good news page 5

[lulugirl]

The comments like "I find it rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own" just get me. Sounds like you're saying that we're ignoring your "preferences", but it's ok for you to ignore ours?

Not at all.
If you want my child to address you as Mrs.Last name then that's how she will address you, it would be rude not to. I respect your desire to be addressed that way.
What I don't understand is if I would like to be called "first name" why not have the same respect? Essentially you are teaching your child to disregard another adults preference.
Bottom line, I think an adult should decide how they would like people to address them.

 

[eliza61]

Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

 

[eliza61]

What on earth do they call you if they aren't allowed to use your first name?

Fair enough if you insist on Aunty Agnes or Aunty mary rather than just Agnes or Mary, but come on they're your blood relations and you "don't allow" them to call you by your given name?

Do you not like your christian name or something?

Sorry, I meant that they cannot call me just by my first name. They called me Aunt Eliza, not just Eliza. My kids call their mom Auntie Barb, not "Barbara". My kids would have serious problems if they walk into my sisters house and said Hey barbara as if they were best friends.

 

[mandysbus]

I think that times have changed...When I was growing up all adults were Mr. Mrs. Ms. last name....teachers, friends parents, everyone. Were I'm living now the kids around address the adults by first names which I found odd at first but it grows on you. And I think it is easier for me in the long run since my Sig. other and I are not married therefore not sharing a last name and that might be confusing to some of the the younger kids (DS has dad's last name). And I have one little girl down the street that calls me Mrs. Cassidy's mom (which I find amusing to say the least)

 

[mjantz]

It's teaching respect because they call their FRIENDS by their first name. Using Mr./Mrs./Miss is setting those adults apart and different from friends.

The comments like "I find it rude that you would disregard the adults preferences in favor of your own" just get me. Sounds like you're saying that we're ignoring your "preferences", but it's ok for you to ignore ours? Come on. It's not like we're telling our kids to call you a name that isn't yours! We're just teaching them to use a "more formal" way of addressing ADULTS.

Why are we ok with calling teachers by Mr./Mrs./Miss? Because it's showing them a level of respect and authority. Why are parents so afraid of hearing something that indicates that same level of respect and authority?

Deep down, I believe there are mainly 2 reasons. First, seems like many adults have a hang up about being reminded that they're "old". Yeah, "old" as in "not a kid anymore". The other is that many adults WANT to be "friends" with the kids and not viewed as an authority figure. The Mr./Mrs./Miss is a reminder that they should be the "adults" and not the kids.

I personally don't like 'Mrs._________ for 2 reasons. First, it reminds me of my MIL & our relationship is not the best. Second, I find it too formal. If I'm going to a big reception or some big shindig, then yes, by all means, refer to me as 'Mrs._________.' However, if its just my friends kid Kyle asking if he can have a glass of water, Mrs FirstName is just fine.

Personally, I find that Ma'am or Sir convey more respect in my mind then Mrs. LastName. AFA teachers, a teaching setting is IMO, more formal than the numerous social events where I come in contact with most of my friends children. I have students whose parents I socialize with. I would be OK with them either calling me Mrs. LastName at school & outside of school or having them call me Mrs. LastName in school & Mrs. FirstName out of school.

Also, if you said 'This is Mrs. LastName' & I said it was OK for your children to call me Mrs. FirstName, I'd probably still let them call me Mrs. LastName if you insisted but I wouldn't like it.

 

[EMom]

Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

Ooooooh......Why can't I have her MIL? I could have escaped YEARS of my MIL harassing me to call her by her first name. I couldn't do that under the best of circumstances, and let's just say.....it's not the best of circumstances.

 

[Whosemom]

Maybe we live in a more old fashioned area, but one of the local teachers that goes to our church told the kids they could call her Miss Firstname at church and one kid about choked on his tongue. There was NO WAY any of them were taking her up on that.

 

[brodyjen]

That is what we do - I like the term Southern Compromise =) My kids are generally introduced to our friends/neighbors/adults as Miss FirstName or Mister FirstName, unless it is someone of "authority", so to speak (my husband's boss would be Mr. LastName, a judge would be Judge LastName, etc), or someone we don't know well (my IL's friends would be a good example here - my DH and I call them Mr/Mrs LastName still).

 

[WildGrits]

Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

That is so great. I'm glad you had the strength to go over there. I know for me that would have been difficult.

 

[dogluva]

Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

It took her this long to get it? I don't get it. I think you are a very nice person to bake cookies and I wish I had you for a neighbor. Please come To MA, we need more people who still believe in manners and recognize the fact the children are children and we are the adults.

 

[JessRocks83]

I don't remember my mother or my grandmother ever telling me to call somebody mr. or mrs so and so. I always called my aunts and uncle- uncle and aunt whoever.
Sometimes my mother's brother I'll just call by his first name and his wife is only called Aunt when i'm talking to somebody who doesn't know my family well. My teachers were all Mr or Mrs. And my friend's parents- sometimes I'd call them mom and dad, sometimes I called mr. or mrs. and rarely did i call them by their first name unless they asked.
My mother always had my friends call her by her first name. of course they never did. As a matter of fact they avoid (to this day) calling my mother by any name other then Jessica's mom. My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years.
As for me i'm young (24) and find it very strange to have anybody adress as ms. last name. because half the time I'm still not sure what to call people. i'm happy it turned out well.

 

[linda0706]

At our church we (especially children) refer to most people as Brother Firstname and Sister Firstname.

Anyway, every now & then my DD comes to work with me & sometimes gets her titles mixed up. Instead of calling my boss "Mr. Shaun" she'll call him "Brother Shaun". He gets a real kick out of it.

 

[teresajoy]

Happy ending:

I saw my neighbor and gave her my peace offering (toll house ice cream sandwiches). I apologized for offending her and told her that wasn't my intent.
She apologized saying that she was feeling like a bad mother because 2 of her little girl's playmates moms also did not like being address by their first name and her MIL also thought it was rude. So she was feeling a little beat up on.

It was so sweet of you to go over there with the cookies. It sounds like she may need someone like you right now. It's hard when you think people are putting down the way you parent. I think you going over there and explaining that you weren't trying to put her down probably really made her feel better. I think that was a wonderful thing to do, and hopefully, she will have a talk with her kids about what they should call you.

 

[wiggles02]

I teach my children to call neighbors, friends parents Mrs. or Mr. Last name unless told otherwise. When friends children are introduced to me, their parents introduce me as Mrs. Last Name. I prefer to be called by my first name and tell them it is ok to do so. Mrs. Last name makes me feel old and Mrs. last name is my MIL.

 

[badblackpug]

I teach my kids the same thing.
Strangers are "sir" and "ma'am." As in asking a cast member what time the parade starts "Excuse me, ma'am, what time does the parade start?"

People whom they know, but are not close friends of the family are "Mr." or "Mrs." Lastname Such as the elderly lady that lives next door, or teachers, or the parents of friends that we are not friends with.

Close family friend are Miss or Mr. Firstname.

They are NEVER permitted to call an adult by their given name unless they are specifically invite to do so.

...as an aside my mother always preferred that my friends call her by her given name......

 

[Minnie_me]

Yes, I think having the neighbor kids calling you by Mrs. Last Name is a little old fashioned and uptight. Unless you are their teacher.

My friends and I require our kids to use "Mr." and "Mrs." when addressing adults. It's a sign of respect. I still call the parents of my childhood friends Mrs. Smith and so on.

I am also a teacher in town, so it's nice that I'm not the ONLY parent being called "Mrs." by the kids in the neighborhood.

 

[tonilea]

My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years.

Your DGM beat me by about 20 years. My MIL turned 60 less than a month after we married, I was 18. She was more than old enough to be my grandmother. I could never call her by her first name Louella. It just didn't seem right. Mrs. H. sounded far too formal and she wanted to be called by her first name. But, I just couldn't do it. For the most part I avoided calling her anything and usually refered t her as DH's Mom.

Since we have been blessed with a child, I finally have something to call her.... Granny Lou! I can't tell you what a relief it was to actually be able to call her something!!!

 

[GJM]

Growing up we called all of our friends parents Mr. or Mrs.

My DS when in daycare the teachers went by Ms. first name, in school they went by Ms. last name.

I tell my DS friends or my freinds with kids to call me Ms. first name, our last name is long and I could care less if they go by my first name. They don't show me any less respect and my DS doesn't show his friends parents any less respect by calling them Ms. first name.

But it is funny because in our old neighborhood the kids just called me by my lst. name and my DS called their parents by their lst. name. It never seemed liked a big deal.

My sister has been dating someone for about 8 years and my DS calls him by his lst. name, but my sisters kids also call him by his lst. name. My neices also call my DH by his lst. name and don't use Uncle in front of it, because we dated before we got married.

My DS shows the same respect to everyone regardless of how he addresses them. We have asked parents how they want to be addressed and so far everyone has said Ms. or Mr. lst. name.

 

[EMom]

My grandmother avoid calling my grandfather's mother anything for 35years.

I'm right there with her! MIL insists I call her by her first name and even after all these years, I cannot do it. But she has a cat fit if I call her Mrs. Last Name, as is the custom in my family. So I just make eye contact and start talking, without using ANY name.

Once my DD came along, if she asked a question that required I refer to MIL in MIL's presence, I solved that by calling her "Grandmommy." That title is a whole new thread. It was torture getting that woman to settle on a name for herself when DD had to call her something. Finally, I solved it by coming up with a HORRIBLE grandmother name that bothered her so much it forced her to come up with an alternative.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Isn't it funny to see how this is done so differently?

During college, I taught at 2 summer camps. I was always "Miss FirstName."

Now I'm an elementary music teacher, and though I'm only 23, I am "Ms. LastName." It is a bit unnerving, but it's only 3 weeks into the school year, and I'm used to it!

When I have kids, though, I do like the "Miss FirstName" idea, after an initial meeting. Growing up, I called my parent's close friends Aunt Gloria or Uncle Bill or whatever, and I always thought it was neat. It sort of gave me a closer relationship with the adults, I think. My friend Kelly from college and I already decided that we would be "Aunt Kelly" and "Aunt Erin" to each other's kids, because our families are crazy and we wanted our kids to have normal relatives!!

I will say, though...I'm still not sure what to call my boyfriend's mom. We've been going out for almost 3 years, and know each other well. He calls my parents Dan and Mary, but I think his parents are more formal and I don't recall them specifically saying "Call me FirstName." So I don't really call them anything.

This is all pretty funny!