Lunch with coworkers

[LilyWDW]

To be totally blunt, if my significant other attempted to dictate who I ate a meal with or who I was friends with then I'm not sure the relationship would last. That, to me, is a huge red flag. Too dang controlling for my taste and the fact that it seems that they are unable to trust me, even with nothing happening, is also a red flag.

 

[mamacatnv]

To be totally blunt, if my significant other attempted to dictate who I ate a meal with or who I was friends with then I'm not sure the relationship would last. That, to me, is a huge red flag. Too dang controlling for my taste and the fact that it seems that they are unable to trust me, even with nothing happening, is also a red flag.

I agree with you, I don't get it either nor would it be something I would tolerate. I've been married for 27 years, dictating my DH's life or having him dictate what I can/cannot do would not have played well into our longevity. I find that type of behavior childish and demeaning.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Interesting question. Well, during work hours and for work purposes, I can't see how anyone would be upset about your spouse dining with the opposite sex.

With that being said, I would be a bit miffed if my husband's work day was over and he called to tell me he was going out with a female co-worker for dinner. I would wonder why he wasn't coming home to his family after not seeing them all day. I have to admit, I would feel a bit put off by that.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Interesting that we live in this society where we are now encouraging children to be gender neutral

I hope this trend ends soon.

 

[goofyintoronto]

To be totally blunt, if my significant other attempted to dictate who I ate a meal with or who I was friends with then I'm not sure the relationship would last. That, to me, is a huge red flag. Too dang controlling for my taste and the fact that it seems that they are unable to trust me, even with nothing happening, is also a red flag.

Yes, i was going to add that in my previous post....thats VERY controlling, something I will not put up with. Those are huge massive red flags. I cannot imagine being married to someone like that.

 

[Vicki926]

Wouldn't even give it another thought.

 

[smadath]

I don't see it as being any different than eating at a table in the lunchroom with one person of the opposite sex. It's just eating with coworkers!

Now, if the dinner they have planned is going to be candlelit at a Five Star restaurant, then no.

 

[smadath]

For those thinking there isn't a legitimate reason for two people of the opposite sex go to lunch together, I have an example. I worked for a small company a few years back. I was the only person in my "department." My boss worked at another branch of the company, about 100 miles away. He would make a trip once a month to look in on things. So, when he was in town, we'd go to lunch to discuss what was happening and what needed to be done. If we had stayed on site, there would have been too many interruptions, for both of us, to actually get anything done. After a bit of polite small talk, we discussed business matters, then went back to work. Had he wanted to make it dinner, I would have declined. But lunch is part of the normal work day, and multi-tasking meeting time into it just kills two birds with one stone, imo.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

We have no problems with it. Actually my military jobs I have often been the only female in an office full of men. I have done lunch many times with many different men alone. My husband has known them all pretty well. He has not once thought it would ever lead to anything else and not once has it ever. And not once did I ever think it would or want it to. He has women that he works with but I don't think he has gone to lunch alone it is usually the entire shop going. BUT I wouldn't care.

 

[FayeW]

I do it all the time. On Thursday I texted a male colleague who doesn't typically work in the office, to see if he was going to be around. When he confirmed he was, I contacted another male colleague, and asked him if we as coming "in town" and wanted to join us. We had a delicious lunch at a new hamburger joint where one of the guys immediately "checked us in" on Facebook. Everybody, including all of our spouses, and most of our children, knew we were all eating together and nobody gives a crap. Most "liked" our post, and commented on it. Only my husband said to me "hey, what about me, why didn't I get a burger" since we were only a few blocks from his office. We ate later than his usual lunch time otherwise he would have been invited too. I have really good friends of both genders at my workplace and we often do a lot of social activities. Sometimes spouses are included, sometimes not. When we all go to a conference later this year I am sure my husband will spend some of he time sightseeing with the female spouses.

 

[nugov2]

Interesting question. Well, during work hours and for work purposes, I can't see how anyone would be upset about your spouse dining with the opposite sex.

With that being said, I would be a bit miffed if my husband's work day was over and he called to tell me he was going out with a female co-worker for dinner. I would wonder why he wasn't coming home to his family after not seeing them all day. I have to admit, I would feel a bit put off by that.

Would you be miffed if it was another male he was having dinner with? I'm just curious because I know people who do not like their spouse doing anything with anyone that doesn't include them(something else I find odd when in relationship that you can't have down time away from your spouse) or if it is again just because it is with someone of the opposite sex.

 

[PlutoPony]

Uh, I have no idea who my husband eats lunch with - am I the only one? It's not something I ask him every night when he comes home kwim. His workplace is large and he doesn't know a lot of people there yet so my guess is he sits down with whoever is in the cafeteria that he knows. Could be female, I dunno

 

[Allison]

Uh, I have no idea who my husband eats lunch with - am I the only one? It's not something I ask him every night when he comes home kwim. His workplace is large and he doesn't know a lot of people there yet so my guess is he sits down with whoever is in the cafeteria that he knows. Could be female, I dunno

Nope, no idea and he has no idea who I eat lunch with either.

 

[JanaDee]

To be totally blunt, if my significant other attempted to dictate who I ate a meal with or who I was friends with then I'm not sure the relationship would last. That, to me, is a huge red flag. Too dang controlling for my taste and the fact that it seems that they are unable to trust me, even with nothing happening, is also a red flag.

Only one poster said her her husband "forbid" her from eating with other men. Unless I missed it, no one else has said they forbid their SO from eating with others or "attempted to dictate" who they could and couldn't eat with.

 

[WDWBarb]

My bold - That is exactly what I was talking about. My bet he probably given her reason to feel that way in the past. The fact he is lying now is so not a reflection on you or your morals it is a HUGE reflection on his. I always wonder in business, especially mine where your word is a bond, if someone lies to the one they are supposed to respect & cherish the most - what will they do here.

I have also been cheated on, once I walked, it just wasn't worth the time or effort. The 2nd time(different men) it was.

I disagree with the bolded part - there are lots of posters on here who have issues with their SO eating lunch with a member of the opposite sex and they haven't said that they had cheated in the past? I knew this guy well and I know he was a devoted husband and father. I think she didn't want him eating lunch with a woman (even in a group) and he was trying to avoid the conflict. And it was only a lie by omission - I don't believe she asked if there was a woman there. He just didn't want her to hear my voice, apparently.

 

[PlutoPony]

Putting the shoe on the other foot..... If a male couldn't eat lunch with me (either solo or in a group), I would frankly feel sorry for him that his business and social interactions were so limited. And not that it matters but I've been married 29 years. Maybe my perspective is shaded by the fact that I was the first and only female working in large technical group in my first job out of college (many years ago lol). It was important that we all get along and treat each other equally and with respect, and I felt a responsibility to other women coming after me to make it no big deal that they had added a woman to the group.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I disagree with the bolded part - there are lots of posters on here who have issues with their SO eating lunch with a member of the opposite sex and they haven't said that they had cheated in the past? I knew this guy well and I know he was a devoted husband and father. I think she didn't want him eating lunch with a woman (even in a group) and he was trying to avoid the conflict. And it was only a lie by omission - I don't believe she asked if there was a woman there. He just didn't want her to hear my voice, apparently.

I agree. My husband has never cheated on me(to m knowledge of course), nor has he made me feel that he ever would. If I am uncomfortable with a one on one lunch/dinner that he had with a coworker, it is because of my insecurities.

The females with the reputations I mentioned in the previous post bother me, not because I think my DH will do anything with them, but because they are the type of person to SAY he did. I would probably believe him if he denied it, but I couldn't STAND looking dumb in front of other people at work functions if you know what I mean?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Would you be miffed if it was another male he was having dinner with?

Absolutely not! He goes out with the guys once or twice a month (busy family life really prevents us from getting out with our friends too often). They usually head for dinner and then take turns hosting cards afterwards. It is a stress relief.

I think I would be miffed if my husband was going to dinner with a woman as a stress relief. Again, work related? Not a second thought given.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Would you be miffed if it was another male he was having dinner with? I'm just curious because I know people who do not like their spouse doing anything with anyone that doesn't include them(something else I find odd when in relationship that you can't have down time away from your spouse) or if it is again just because it is with someone of the opposite sex.

Generally speaking, I would find it weird for 2 guys to make plans to go to dinner together unless it was part of some other activity:

Hey Bob, I've got a spare ticket to the ballgame, wanna go? We'll grab supper on the way.
Hey Bob, I wanna see the new Stallone movie & my wife doesn't. Wanna go? We'll grab supper on the way.
Hey Bob, wanna go fishing on Saturday? We'll find somewhere to eat along the way.
Hey Bob, highway's shut down for a wreck. Wanna grab a pizza up the street & wait it out with me?

Any of the above sort of "make sense" to me, ditto lunch at work or any meals related to business or business travel. Just making plans to go to dinner & only dinner with another dude? Weird. As a guy, a planned one-on-one dinner is a date. Period. Probably why I wouldn't do it with a female other than my wife, either Now, I HAVE done quite a few one-on-one lunches while at work with female coworkers. But, there were always other people invited. If it turns out the only one who can (or wants to) go is a female, I'm still going. But, I wouldn't set out to make it so.

 

[already]

We were having a discussion at work the other day....wondering how others feel on the topic. Would it bother you if your spouse/SO had lunch with a coworker of the opposite gender? What about if it was a quick dinner after work? And is it/would it be different if the coworker was the same gender?

Doesn't bother me at all. In fact, DH has several female coworkers that he has standing dates with.