Lunch with coworkers

[SC Minnie]

We were talking about this the other day too. If it was an occasional lunch I wouldn't think twice about it. I have to go out with vendors regularly and most are male. We have 2 coworkers that go to lunch together, just the 2 of them, every single day. One if married and the other is recently divorced but their lunches have been going on for years. If it was my spouse it would cause some raised eyebrows.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Wouldn't bother me at all. What does bother me is the assumption by many here that men and women can't just be friends, there must be more or the potential for more. BULL
My closest friend is a guy and we have never fooled around and the thought is totally gross. I know the thought is mutual LOL. My DH trusts me 100% with him, as his wife does with me.

I'm all for trust, but in a normal "8-5" environment there really isn't any reason one should "need" to have dinner with a colleague outside of a business dinner or business travel.

I have 5 opportunities every week to have lunch with any coworker of my choosing. So, why would I "need" to go to a 1-on-1 dinner with one?

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

I think it's ok and wouldn't bother me.

 

[nugov2]

We were talking about this the other day too. If it was an occasional lunch I wouldn't think twice about it. I have to go out with vendors regularly and most are male. We have 2 coworkers that go to lunch together, just the 2 of them, every single day. One if married and the other is recently divorced but their lunches have been going on for years. If it was my spouse it would cause some raised eyebrows.

I'm just curious if it would raise eyebrows if it was two women or two men who went to lunch together almost everyday? I don't see why the opposite sex can't have meaningful platonic friendships the way two women or two men can. My closest friends most of my life were male and it there was no more of a chance it would become physical than with my female closest friends. I just think it is dumb that it would raise eyebrows unless it would across the board and not just for the opposite sex. Why should how good of a friend you are or how much time you spend with a friend be limited because they are of the opposite sex.

 

[MickeySP]

Lunch or dinner - nope not happening at all!! Groups fine, but 1 on 1 - OH HECK NO!

What was said before - why? if you are at work all day, why do you need 1 on 1 time?

 

[Jedana]

We were having a discussion at work the other day....wondering how others feel on the topic. Would it bother you if your spouse/SO had lunch with a coworker of the opposite gender? What about if it was a quick dinner after work? And is it/would it be different if the coworker was the same gender?

1. Nope
2. Nope
3. Nope

 

[NHdisneylover]

Wouldn't and doesn't bother me.

Many years ago we lived in Indiana. Dh likes a hot lunch, so he would go out to get it while most of the plant brought cold lunches from home. Someone else at the plant also liked hot lunches and always went out--so pretty soon they started going together (it was a small town, I think only 2 options for lunch so they ran into each other even if they did not plan to go together). I knew about it, had met her and her husband a few times, had no issue with it, etc.
I still recall being stunned and then laughing, when someone who worked there called me to inform me that my husband was going out with another woman every day to lunch. I guess it was sort of nice for this random stranger to worry about me, but really I knew and was not worried about it myself and it felt so odd.

 

[ronandannette]

It's not about co-workers and it's not about meals. DH and I don't do anything 1-on-1 with other members of the opposite sex - period. (Oh well, OK, my doctor is a man and DH's dentist and accountant are women, but you get what I mean). It's a mutual decision between the two of us and it makes no difference to me if others do or don't. Neither one of us needs to entertain clients as part of our work and on those occasions when a co-worker invites one of us we just politely decline or turn it into a group thing. We don't go out of our way to say why, or to imply that the person extending the invitation is being offensive in any way - they're not. This is totally an "us" thing.

 

[LilyWDW]

Wouldn't bug me at all but I would hope I would have enough trust in my significant other that I wouldn't have to be crazy paranoid.

 

[Christine]

I have worked with the same people for many, many years. I have a group that I regularly lunch with (there are four of us--2 male, 2 female). On days we don't work through lunch, we either all four lunch together or some combination of the group lunches together. For instance, today it was me, the other female, and one of the males. Some times it's just me and the other female, or me and the other male. We've been doing this for about 15 years now.

As for dinner, we've not done that. Once we leave work that's it. I never really gave any of this any thought.

If my husband lunches with males or females, I have no idea. I guess it's just not even on our radar.

 

[lesliekatya]

Nope, doesn't bother me at all. I trust him and he trusts me.

 

[Disneylover99]

It would bother me.

My husband only works with men and he's never even gone out to lunch, one on one with a guy friend. Plus he's quiet, shy and not very social. So if all of a sudden he was going out with a woman for lunch or dinner? Yeah, I would question it.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

To me it depends on the coworker.
There are some females DH works with that I wouldn't think twice about , and then there are some that I wouldn't be very comfortable with. There are really only one or two and it's because of reputations they have or how I have seen them behave. That may be insecure of me, but it is what it is.

 

[Minnesota!]

Neither would (or has) bothered me.

 

[tvguy]

I can't honestly answer because.....for a lot of reasons......it would never happen. In the world of short staffing DW and I both work at places where work start times are staggered because no 2 employees can be at lunch at the same time. And that only came about after the state cracked down because we always used to work 8 straight with no meal break other than a handful of folks who came in 30 minutes early so they could take a lunch break.
Frankly, after 40 hours together a week, neither of us would want to have dinner with a coworker. So while I might say I wouldn't mind, it doesn't matter since it would never happen.

 

[aaarcher86]

Wouldn't bother me at all. What does bother me is the assumption by many here that men and women can't just be friends, there must be more or the potential for more. BULL
My closest friend is a guy and we have never fooled around and the thought is totally gross. I know the thought is mutual LOL. My DH trusts me 100% with him, as his wife does with me.

Eh, it's not really a trust thing for me. If he came into the relationship with a female best friend and they did things together originally, that just feels different than starting a new relationship 3 years in and getting super close. Don't know why. Just my feeling.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I knew them, too.

 

[NMAmy]

It works both ways and no, a lunch or a dinner with a colleague who is a member of the opposite sex wouldn't weird out either DH or I.

I have coworkers/friends of both sexes that I often meet for lunch and/or dinner, either as a group or singly. Usually DH comes along for dinner but sometimes he doesn't feel well or just doesn't feel like it and then I go on my own. A couple times a year, we have an evening meeting. So, I get done with work at 4:30 and then the meeting starts at 6:00. I will often go out to dinner with a coworker (of either sex) to kill that time instead of driving home and then back.

 

[mamacatnv]

Interesting that we live in this society where we are now encouraging children to be gender neutral, we get all bent out of shape when gender is an issue. We carry on about how gender doesn't matter etc etc etc and yet, look at how many of us have an issue with our spouse/significant other hanging out with the opposite gender. Interesting

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Eh, it's not really a trust thing for me. If he came into the relationship with a female best friend and they did things together originally, that just feels different than starting a new relationship 3 years in and getting super close. Don't know why. Just my feeling.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I knew them, too.

I have female friends & it would just feel weird doing stuff 1 on 1 with them on purpose & excluding my wife. Lunch break at work, sure. "Hey Suzie, whaddaya say we catch dinner next Tuesday, just the 2 of us?". Nah.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

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