Is my husband being unreasonable -- or am I?

[ducklite]

I've met Mushy's daughter, she's a love and I can't imagine her friends being anything but normal giggly tweeners.

Anne

 

[Hound 109]

MushyMushy;19791865]

Hey, I didn't know about the umbrella policy! I'll talk to him about it and we'll have to look into it. Thanks for the idea.

Just call your agent & get the policy. $12-$15 bucks a month.

If you don't talk to him about buying winter socks or a couple of cafe mochas, no need to ask him about this. Tell him after you've called the agent & the rider is in place.

hound

 

[Tazicket]

As a matter of fact, they DO jump off the roof!

In that case, I reverse my opinion. I agree with your DH.

 

[swilphil]

Is there something else going on with your DH? Maybe he has more reason to be suspicious of your son's friends. Or it could be something else?

If you have concerns about your son's friends, I'd try to do some things to help him make new friends-- get him involved in activities, church, whatever his interests are. Then when he starts to make new friends invite them all over as often as possible. I do agree that it's better to have kids at your house.

 

[Spidey7]

Just put up a disclaimer sign on the front lawn that says:

"Not responsible for your child/kid/relative/animal or any other species getting hurt, mamed, injured or otherwise permanently disfigured while on this property, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK."

Why not? Businesses do it, why not you?

 

[poohandwendy]

I think he's being unreasonable.

Me too.

Hopefully, after the new home thing wears off a little bit, he will relax.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, some of DS's friends do concern us, but that's why, IMO, I'd prefer to have them here with us than the other way around. But, DH feels the same way about our daughter's friends too, and she's only 11. I don't mean to make DH sound mean or anything, but he's just not a kid person. I love adolescents and teens, but DH doesn't at all. It does my heart good to hear the kids all joking and laughing while they're sitting around outside, but it grates on his nerves and he assumes they're up to no good.

Well, aside from that first sentence, where there may actually be cause for concern.... I think the last few sentences of this post speak volumes.

IMHO, the DH has some issues.

Checking on the insurance my technically take care of the liability. But, it will do nothing to address the above.

I would also be concerned about how this is affecting the relationship between the DH and the OP's kids.

 

[MAKmom]

Hey, I'm willing to listen if you think I'm the one being unreasonable!

As brief as possible, when we bought this house, my husband seems to have developed a whole new sense of responsibility that he didn't have before. The big thing is this fear of being sued. He used to not have a problem with the kids having friends over, but now he FREAKS and doesn't want them to have people over because he's afraid they'll get hurt or something, especially DS's friends. I, personally, would prefer to have my kids' friends here where we know what they're up to. Similarly, when we moved in, DS's friends were lined up to help, but DH didn't want any of them to because he was afraid they'd get hurt and sue our homeowner's insurance.

I just don't see other parents going through this! Or do they?

That's why you have homeowners insurance so you do not have to worry about it.

 

[manning]

If your husband is worried about accidents tell him to stay out of the bedroom.

More accidents take place there than anywhere else.

Just look at the population figures.

 

[ilovejack02]

If your husband is worried about accidents tell him to stay out of the bedroom.

More accidents take place there than anywhere else.

Just look at the population figures.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm not sure how the stakes are higher with regard to a lawsuit like this when you're renting vs. owning ? Granted if there's negligence and a parents chooses to sue it's possible you could lose your house but honestly that's one of the reason you have home owners insurance. A parent isn't any more likely to sue because you own than they are if you rent.

Honestly, I'm with you in wanting to have my child's friends at our house rather than her going to their houses.

 

[MushyMushy]

If your husband is worried about accidents tell him to stay out of the bedroom.

More accidents take place there than anywhere else.

Just look at the population figures.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm not sure how the stakes are higher with regard to a lawsuit like this when you're renting vs. owning ? Granted if there's negligence and a parents chooses to sue it's possible you could lose your house but honestly that's one of the reason you have home owners insurance. A parent isn't any more likely to sue because you own than they are if you rent.

Honestly, I'm with you in wanting to have my child's friends at our house rather than her going to their houses.

I don't know, but becoming an owner has made him nutty over other things as well! He obsessively sweeps the patio and is constantly going around "checking things." It's not that it's necessarily bad, per se, but just that his behavior has changed since moving into our own home.

 

[momof2inPA]

As advised by a prominent lawyer in the insurance world, we have a million dollar rider on our home owners insurance to cover accidents, etc. This covers injury settlements over and above what our home owners policy would cover. It only costs us $150 per year. Best sleep aid in town.

We have one, too, but it's an umbrella covering home, car, general personal liability. It's required by DH's work because of the car allowance or something, blah, blah..

Your husband's being unreasonable.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm not sure how the stakes are higher with regard to a lawsuit like this when you're renting vs. owning ? Granted if there's negligence and a parents chooses to sue it's possible you could lose your house but honestly that's one of the reason you have home owners insurance. A parent isn't any more likely to sue because you own than they are if you rent.

I've actually had this conversation with our Allstate guy, both for our situation and for my MIL's. I discovered this agent while helping MIL change her insurance around after FIL died, and switched insurances to him.

MIL and FIL kept a huge umbrella policy from when they owned a nice home in a nice Seattle suburb. Back then, they had something tangible that they could lose, if someone were to sue them. They had the policy to protect the HOUSE.

Then FIL managed to lose the house, and they bought a condo. Kept the policy b/c I wasn't around to urge them to talk with their insurance guy.

Then they lost the condo and then a townhouse (back luck followed them around) and rented an apartment. Kept the umbrella policy.

FIL died, I talked to Karl. He was the one to mention getting rid of the policy, because they owned nothing tangible. They could lose nothing. Someone suing solely to get what they could get, could get very little, and it would have to come in payments, rather than in a lump sum from selling the house.

Since there was nothing tangible but a RAV4, Karl suggested lowering the umbrella policy, since she rents.


*****
You know, my DH, then fiance, had a HUGE freakout as we got closer to our wedding. We even broke up for a time, broke our engagement, because the realities of married life, of all the enormous responsibilities, slammed into his manly *must provide* psyche.

I can imagine something similar rearing its head if we ever own a house (though I think he'll get through it without taking off this time LOL). Thankfully I am the one in charge of insurance, and will already have a nice policy to protect the asset.

 

[darlak]

I haven't read all the previous posts, but I'm going to guess that this is your first time as homeowners. My DH was exactly like that and maybe even worse before it got better. He also wasn't sleeping well. He was worried about the mortgage, the liability of someone getting hurt, and would sometimes just fixate on some random thought like, "What if we suddenly need a new furnace". He would wander around inside of Home Depot just checking prices on things like new water heaters. I think it all goes back to fear of commitment for men. It's the length of the mortgage, the taxes, the liability issues, and a host of other worries we just don't seem to worry about in the same way. It'll get better after a few months. My suggestion is just to tell him that you're trying to understand his worries, but that he needs to realize that this is your family's home and he's going to have to make an effort to relax.

Just wanted to add that you could start by asking him if he can explain to you exactly what he's so worried about. I would sit down with him when there are no distractions and try to convey to him that I really wanted to know. He may be holding it in because he's afraid that if he shares his worries with you, then you'll be worried too. (Try not to laugh when he tells you his concerns. It'll be hard, but try.)

 

[Chilehead Too]

Sounds a little neurotic to me.

 

[MushyMushy]

I haven't read all the previous posts, but I'm going to guess that this is your first time as homeowners. My DH was exactly like that and maybe even worse before it got better. He also wasn't sleeping well. He was worried about the mortgage, the liability of someone getting hurt, and would sometimes just fixate on some random thought like, "What if we suddenly need a new furnace". He would wander around inside of Home Depot just checking prices on things like new water heaters. I think it all goes back to fear of commitment for men. It's the length of the mortgage, the taxes, the liability issues, and a host of other worries we just don't seem to worry about in the same way. It'll get better after a few months. My suggestion is just to tell him that you're trying to understand his worries, but that he needs to realize that this is your family's home and he's going to have to make an effort to relax.

Just wanted to add that you could start by asking him if he can explain to you exactly what he's so worried about. I would sit down with him when there are no distractions and try to convey to him that I really wanted to know. He may be holding it in because he's afraid that if he shares his worries with you, then you'll be worried too. (Try not to laugh when he tells you his concerns. It'll be hard, but try.)

Oh wow, that sounds exactly like the type of thing he's doing! We never really stepped foot inside of Lowes before, but now he is and looking at things, like you said -- water heaters, appliances we don't need, etc.

As I read through this thread again, I realized it probably sounds as if the kids haven't been allowed to bring friends over, but I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I've still been letting them come over, but DH complains to me about it and I try to assure him that everyone's okay and nobody's getting hurt. It's actually kind of funny when DD has a friend over. They'll go up to her room and will put on a CD to dance -- the thumping on the floor has him nuts! Trust me, a house this solidly built will withstand two girls dancing.

 

[mickeyfan2]

DH is the unreasonable one. Keeping the kid's friends away will only alienate the child from the parent. Most people will not sue for a cut. You will need insurance to cover a broken arm or such.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Do you really have to ask? I'm serious! Who on earth would think he's being reasonable not to allow his child's friends to come over and play? Ever? I guess hermits or others with no friends.

Non-sarcastic reply: He is totally freaking out. I agree with the others. Get the rider and tell him tough crap. Invite the kids for a party!