I'm not even sure why I'm posting this...

[Pirate's Princess]

Acklander, I really was using this message board to vent and don't really feel that negative about it.

I've just come to terms that we're not "partners" yet and he has to do what he has to do. It stinks, but it's the simple truth.

PS: And I will enjoy my silken cage

 

[Acklander]

I've just come to terms that we're not "partners" yet and he has to do what he has to do. It stinks, but it's the simple truth.

PS: And I will enjoy my silken cage

Even when you're partners, you're still going to be individuals. KWIM??? I've been married 21 years, and still there are things that DH has to do on his own, and things I have to do on my own. Especially when it comes to things like jobs and our respective families.
I figured you were just venting and that's understandable, like I said in my post, it's really hard to tell where someone stands just by reading a single post.
As difficult as it is to sit back and watch while someone works thru it, sometimes that's all you can do. Don't worry, he'll get there. Just cause it's taking him a bit of time, it doesn't mean all your plans are falling apart.

 

[Kath2003]

And for goodness sakes, do NOT get in between the boyfriend and his mother. Whatever his reasons, he needs to grow a pair by himself without you being the interfering wife

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Maybe Mom didn't want him to quit right before the holidays leaving the boss in a lurch? Perhaps what she is really saying is that you made this commitment and to quit at the 11th hour is irresponsible? Resigning properly by giving 2 weeks notice and not at the busiest time of year would say alot about his character. Just a thought....

 

[Minnie824]

So, you both need to work at the same job to spend time together? Not to be rude but, a job is for working. It may suck that you don't get to spend a lot of time together, but thats what happens when you grow up - real life steps in. You have committments, jobs, families, etc. I agree, he shouldn't have to listen to his mother, but you quitting your job or not should not be related what-so-ever to his decision either.

 

[diznygirl]

Quit your job anyway, if that's what you want to do. Don't let whatever is happening change your plans, cuz that will build resentment and make you unhappier.

And try not to stress so much over things right now - you never know what might happen tomorrow.

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

I think you're over-dramatizing just a bit here.

The bottom line is that while you are on your way to independence, you're not quite there yet, and that's OK. Nothing says you have to be at 23, if living with your repsective parents and still being somewhat dependent on them generally works for both of you.

That being said, did his mother say "You cannot quit" or did she "suggest" that it might be a good idea to keep the job until he has something a bit more firmed up elsewhere. Did she perhaps say that quitting during the holiday season is kind of a sucky thing to do and perhaps he should wait. Does he perhaps think that he could keep the mall job in the evenings and do the teaching during the day, thus earning ans saving more money.

Also, as someone whose parents support her "tremendously" and who is nowhere near independence, I am not sure you have too much of a right ot get all up in arms over your BF's "step back" to taking his mother's advice.

If you feel like you've been playing house, well, sweetheart, it's because you have. You have been sleeping over each other's houses...houses that other people provide for each of you...like a married couple but yet you're not really a married couple.

My advice would be to settle down and enjoy your relationship as it is. He doesn't have a really dependable job yet, and still derives a certain amount of support from his parents. You said yourself you are not ready to be independent yet. So the bottom line is that right now you're couple of young adults who have a great relationship and love each other but have a ways to go to independence.

That's not a bad thing unless you make it one.

 

[wdwdancerwannabe]

I think it's important to mention that "independence" means SO much more than paying your car payment, buying clothes, etc.

Who cooks him dinner (or other meals)? every day.

Who's doing his laundry? Who does the grocery shopping?

Who cleans up after him after he eats?

Just something to think about. I am SO glad that I met my DH after he'd been living by himself for quite some time. He COMPLETELY took care of himself and didn't expect me to take care of him when we got together. HENCE! He takes care of me!!

 

[TrixieBel]

Firstly, calm down.

Secondly:

Move out.
Move in together.
Or rent with friends.
Seriously, if that's how his parents "are", then he needs to stop living there.

I agree with this poster. You're both 23yrs old! I could show you my DH and my wedding photos from 20yrs ago - we were both 23yrs old. We'd both been out of home, supporting ourselves for at least 2yrs by then, and within 6months of getting married we'd bought our first home. Both sets of our parents tried to keep us as their "babies", but we just ignored them and got on with our adult lives .

Life isn't going to wait around for you to "start it". You need to create the yourself and just get on with it...

Good luck

 

[SandraVB79]

It is going to be o.k.

Don't take this as a flame, as it is being spoken as gently as it can be.

In my honest opinion, though, you are blowing this way out of proportion. Yes, you say he is financially independent, but being under his parents' roof is not completely independent. He is still strongly tied to his parents. They pay for his lodging, food, electricity, phone, fuel, etc.

There are a lot of parents who feel that if their child is living under their roof, the child must live by their rules. This may be one of those cases.

Also, did the mother not allow him to quit, or did she strongly suggest he not quit - or suggest he wait to quit until a better time? Do you think your boyfriend is taking her advice, but blaming it on his mother because he knows you will not like it?

Take a deep breath and re evaluate when you have some time to think about it. It's not the end of the world or the end of your relationship because he did not go with your plan. It doesn't seem to me like it affects you or your relationship except that it is not what you wanted him to do.

Denae

ITA.


I am 28, and still live at home (I just bought an appartment, though); I know that's not so common in the US, but it's normal here
Although I'm 28, my parents do offer advice on my career and I take that advice. Unless you have some real wacky parents, they usually try to guide you to the best thing for you.

Don't over-dramatize things like this, there are worse things in life.

 

[FreshTressa]

I sometimes wished I had listened more to my parents when I was 23.

You guys both sound like you have good heads on your shoulders and are taking things slow. It is annoying, I know, but right now, it seems like he is doing what is best.