I think my friend is raising her own special snowflake

[DisneyATlast]

Where has anyone stated that a newborn should CIO? Of course newborns shouldn't be ignored. However, babies who are old enough to sleep through the night, who don't have diaper issues, who shouldn't be hungry (but yet are waking for a bottle out of habit), are able to learn to wake during the normal sleep cycle, and fall back to sleep, without ever realizing they were awake in the first place (like people do every single night).

Bottles? Watch out with that word! Everyone knows that breast is best!

Next thing you know, bottle feeding will be considered neglect!

 

[mjkacmom]

Bottles? Watch out with that word! Everyone knows that breast is best!

Next thing you know, bottle feeding will be considered neglect!

Oh, I already know it's child abuse! However, one of the huge benefits is that I always knew exactly how much formula my kids consumed during the day. When I CIO'd it out, I first made sure they were healthy, not teething, and pretty much drinking the same amount each day. Usually, that nighttime bottle only got a couple of ounces taken out before the baby fell asleep.

It's much easier to determine if it's hunger vs. habit.

 

[twinboysmom]

Obviously, you've never read these books. The longest the child is ever left to CIO is 15 minutes. And even that is gradual! Personally, I think that if a child hasn't developed these skills naturally over a certain period of time, their sleep cycles will be off, resulting in being overtired (many cases of ADD are just sleep deprived kids). If I'm sleep deprived, I'm sure the poor baby is, too. A couple of nights of CIO usually results in a well rested, happier baby, who can FINALLY get a solid night's sleep!

I sincerely doubt my kids will need therapy due to a couple of nights where I didn't rush in and stick a bottle in their mouths every time they whimpered. And thank goodness they were all able to learn to self-sooth as babies - turns out they tend to need more sleep than the average kid - especially the ones that needed to CIO (only 2 of them). Poor ds14 was a miserable baby until I CIO'd when he was 6 months old - the change was HUGE!

Now, if some parents want their kids waking up several times a night, and not be able to fall right back to sleep like most people, good for you. My kids and I love our sleep way to much for that nonsense.

I was just coming to say the same thing, that obviously she never read the Ferber book. I know there is another book and I can't comment n it because I have not read it. But I do know that no where on the Ferber book does it say to throw them in a crib and forget about them until the morning. It does have you check on your baby actually quite frequently. My poor kids never stood a chance I guess. Having twins I just wasn't able to always immediately drop what I was doing if they started crying. Sometimes I had to finish doing something with the other baby. Amazingly they turned out ok and love their mommy. I also did Ferber method with them. They're huge. No signs of failure to thrive here.

 

[Planogirl]

My son went to daycare quite a bit of his life and yes, they did help me raise him. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

But then he was bottle fed too. I never did use CIO though so maybe there's hope.

 

[hellow]

My son went to daycare quite a bit of his life and yes, they did help me raise him. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I agree with you. The operative word being "helped" raise. There is a big difference between saying you "raise other people's kids for a living" and believing you are helping to raise them. Lots of people help raise all kids, those with SAHMs and WOHMs--there is some truth to the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. The daycare provider should choose her words more carefully, but she apologized, so it is a non-issue.

 

[ilovefh]

You're right in that we all want our daycare providers to care for our children as though they were there own. Maybe it's a semantics thing. WOHM hear, "Don't you want to stay home and raise your own kids?" When the poster had giggled about "raising" working mother's children, it insinuated that the daycare is taking over instilling values and beliefs, and the parent was hands off.

Of course WOHMs want our daycare providers to have a positive influence on our children. Just as the teachers that teach my children during the day aren't raising them....my daycare providers aren't raising my kids. They are loving them, teaching them and caring for them, but not raising.

That's why I got upset over the flippant "ha ha....isn't this a funny private joke as we roll our eyes at these poor WOHMs" comment.

Again....maybe it's just a semantics thing, but the comment that was made was made to be flippant. It wasn't made in a kind "we are working as as team to partner in raising your child" way, and that's why so many of us got upset.

The comment implies that parenting starts at 7:30 and ends at 3:30. I parent all day (and night) long. Raising doesn't happen between the hours that a mother works.

I know what you mean. Some people say it in a way to imply that the parent is not raising them at all. And believe me, I've called my fair share of parents while they were at work only to be told that I shouldn't call about their child grades, behavior, attendance or anything else you can fill in the blank. I've said many times I wish they understood parenting was a 24/7 job and isn't put on hold while they're at work. I just wish that as parents we would be more confident in our choices and not get defensive so quickly.

Do I wish I could be a SAHM? Absolutely! I'd love to spend all of my time with the coolest little person I've ever met! (Yup a bit biased!) but DH and I made the choice that we would both work. He just doesn't make enough to even come close to supporting us. But it's a choice in that I could choose to do as some of my friends do. Their DH's work but make very little like my DH. But to supplement they use WIC, food stamps, welfare and state insurance. Now, I'm not judging their choice, just saying we didn't choose that route. So I'm confident in my choice and I don't get offended when people say my daycare lady is raising my son. She truly is. She has him for half of his time.

And I don't get offended when people ask why DS goes to daycare most of the time on DH's days off (he has mon/tues off). It allows DH to use his days uninterrupted to mow the lawn, clean the house, do laundry, fix things, install things, work on the cars etc. Yes sometimes he'll keep him home or pick him up early, but truthfully we pay for a full week anyway and DS LOVES to go see his friends and his daycare woman. (He's so dang social that he cries when he leaves his friends. He needs a sibling stat!)

 

[mhsjax]

You're right in that we all want our daycare providers to care for our children as though they were there own. Maybe it's a semantics thing. WOHM hear, "Don't you want to stay home and raise your own kids?" When the poster had giggled about "raising" working mother's children, it insinuated that the daycare is taking over instilling values and beliefs, and the parent was hands off.

Of course WOHMs want our daycare providers to have a positive influence on our children. Just as the teachers that teach my children during the day aren't raising them....my daycare providers aren't raising my kids. They are loving them, teaching them and caring for them, but not raising.

That's why I got upset over the flippant "ha ha....isn't this a funny private joke as we roll our eyes at these poor WOHMs" comment.

Again....maybe it's just a semantics thing, but the comment that was made was made to be flippant. It wasn't made in a kind "we are working as as team to partner in raising your child" way, and that's why so many of us got upset.

The comment implies that parenting starts at 7:30 and ends at 3:30. I parent all day (and night) long. Raising doesn't happen between the hours that a mother works.

Once they reach a certain age, you really aren't "parenting" all night long. YOu are there is they wake up sick or something, but my kids are in no way parented for about 8-10 hours a night, they are out in la la land and so am I.

Not agreeing or disagreeing with daycare, I can see both sides, but parenting at night? Not so much, unless they are babies.