I need a hug!

[happily single]

I have been dating a man for almost 5 months. We met on an on-line dating site. I deleted my profile, but he kept his up, which I was fine with *can you see where this is going?*

Due to some circumstances he moved in a few weeks ago. We are very committed to each other; in fact just last night we spent almost the entire night talking about us, our families, etc.

He just opened a new business and it obviously isn't doing as well as expencted in this ecomony. He was up all night, using my computerk, to do work. I was asleep several feet away.
Well fast forward to this morning..just for giggles I log onto his profile. He's updated his profile picture to a more recent photo of himself.

I am physically ill. I'm at work and don't know what to do. Should I call and confront him? Should I wait until he gets home from dinner?

Obviously I should have requested he delete his account all togther, but he could delete one account, but what if he had another one I didn't know about.

yeah, I know trust. Gee, I really thought I had a good one too.

Ok, flame suit is on. Let me have it
PS I guess I'll be back to being "Happily Single" soon

 

[happygirl]

I would be honest with him tell him you saw he updated his pic on his profile and see what was his response is I would wait to he gets home.

 

[GoodFairies]

If you weren't ok with him keeping his profile up, you probably should have said that instead of the opposite. You guys need to have a more serious talk; you sound more committed than he does. The talk should have happened before you moved him into your home.

 

[EthansMom]

Reading between the lines, I'm going to hazard a guess that you're paying more than 50% of the household bills (since his business isn't doing so well) to boot.

My gut feel is that the man is probably a cheat and a mooch.

At a minimum, I'd have him move out (and change the locks) if I were you.

 

[Talock]

As a guy I could say that this could not mean as much as your reading into it. He might be just curious about what's out there, or it makes it feel good about himself. However I agree with happygirl on the course of action, with additionally asking him why has he kept his profile up and updated.

 

[Darsa]

I hope like crazy that this works out for the best; it does sound "not-good" at this point but who knows. I definitely recommend asking him about it but be prepared for lots of different responses. I wouldn't recommend calling him, I think you'd be better off able to see his facial expressions when you ask him about it.

We'll be thinking of you!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Moving in after 5 months might be rushing it. I hate to say it, but I think you are being used...big time. He could very well be going on "dates" while you think he is working. If he is living with you, there is no need to update his dating profile, unless he is looking for dates. Move him out, pronto.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

Oooh, talk about a sick feeling in your stomach when you saw that, I'm so sorry.

For the record, I am now married to man I met online 3 years ago. He kept his profile up but put a note on it that he met someone special and would respond to the "winks" and emails the same way. I was like OK, but then it got to me and I said you can take that down and cancel the account or it will always mean to me that you are still looking for something better. Well, by the end of the evening it was down.

I don't think it's ok to have it up especially now that you are living together! Talk to him and ask him to take it down. See what happens. He may just like the attention.

I do have trust issues and I will admit to doing several searches later on to make sure he didn't put up another one.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not to be mean but clearly he isn't as committed as you think he is. It sounds like you are providing for him while he looks for another Sugar Mama. I personally wouldn't care what stupid reason he had. If he is still looking, no matter what he says it is obvious that he is, then he can look from his own apt., his own computer, and paying his own bills. Buh bye!

Good luck. You are worth more than this. Dating should be fun. There shouldn't be strife. If you are having these issues now it will only get worse.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[happily single]

Ohhh, I am so sorry this happened.

I almost married a guy like this before my DH and I was devastated... nothing ruins self esteem like a cheater. I think you posting is more about you than it is about him. Since you are posting you obviously know something is wrong. Since you looked at his account you obviously knew something was wrong. Trust your instincts. You now know what the deal is and the only thing left to do is decide whether or not you are willing to share him. Some women are ok with that, and some aren't and you need to figure out where you stand before saying anything to him.

If you confront him of course he's going to tell you whatever it is you need to hear to make this go away. If he is a liar then your confrontation will only prove to make him more discreet. If it was me first I'd figure out whether or not this person's companionship was worth paying their bills and having them run around. If you want him no matter what, stop looking and enjoy your time with the guy. If you want him only if he's being faithful, I'd set up a sting by creating another account under a pseudonym and see if he takes the bait, then find a spot elsewhere and watch to see if he shows up. If he shows up for the new person I wouldn't confront him there, because he could always say "I knew it was you". Wait a bit, see how he responds to being stood up, then make your decision.

What I would not do is expect a cheater to change, they never do- they just get better at hiding it.

Well I should probably change my name to evil because I went ahead and created an account, complete with a photo of a friend of a friend. Sure enough he bit. Just im's back and forth. Then he ended it.

I plan on confronting him tonight.
I do agree that after 5 months it was too soon for him to move in. He had jokingly hinted several times that he wanted to move in, which I prompted refused. Then he left one business to start the new one. His business partners were also his roommates and he wanted to distance himself from that. All signs that I saw, but hoped I was just over-searching for something bad.

I had a real doozy of an ex, and this one really truly seemed like a decent guy.

 

[happygirl]

Well I should probably change my name to evil because I went ahead and created an account, complete with a photo of a friend of a friend. Sure enough he bit. Just im's back and forth. Then he ended it.

I plan on confronting him tonight.
I do agree that after 5 months it was too soon for him to move in. He had jokingly hinted several times that he wanted to move in, which I prompted refused. Then he left one business to start the new one. His business partners were also his roommates and he wanted to distance himself from that. All signs that I saw, but hoped I was just over-searching for something bad.

I had a real doozy of an ex, and this one really truly seemed like a decent guy.

Since that is the route you took. I would go ahead and chat with him under the alias make plans to meet him some where. Let him fall over himself trying to explain what he's doing lol.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

You said he ended the conversation. Is it possible he just REALLY likes the attention and would never follow through? If it was me and I had already gone that far, I'd request a meet and see what happens.

If you say you saw signs though, you may be right. Your gut is not something to ignore. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

 

[Disney Doll]

Moving in after 5 months might be rushing it. I hate to say it, but I think you are being used...big time. He could very well be going on "dates" while you think he is working. If he is living with you, there is no need to update his dating profile, unless he is looking for dates. Move him out, pronto.

What she said.

 

[sbell111]

Well I should probably change my name to evil because I went ahead and created an account, complete with a photo of a friend of a friend. Sure enough he bit. Just im's back and forth. Then he ended it.

Assuming that the IMs were innocent, I don't see the problem.

Talk to him this evening. Let him know that you are serious about the relationship. Tell him how you feel about him still having the open account and ask him to shut it down. If he's serious about you, he will not have a problem with this. If he isn't willing to do this, then it's probably time for you to cut bait. Either way, it will be good for you to know this.

Do not bring up the fact that you tried to trap him with the alias, unless you just want to start a huge fight.

 

[EthansMom]

IMO, any guy who is checking his online dating service and chatting/IMing other women isn't in a commited relationship with you.

Is it really worth your time/energy to dredge it all up, let him make excuses, and deal with the drama of having to go into the "you're looking for other women" thing?

Personally, looking from the outside, I'd say it might be easier to just say "this isn't working out/ I don't see us going anywhere" and get him out of your home and life as quickly as possible.

 

[GoodFairies]

Talk about passive aggressive.

You lied about being ok with his profile being up, then you snoop on him, then you actually go and bait him? What's wrong with you? Perhaps you are also not mature enough to be in a relationship. Time for each of you to break ties.

 

[manning]

Smell the roses... you say you are both commtted to each other. No he isn't. If he was he would have taken his profile down.


He is using you!!!!

PS this from a man.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

IMO, any guy who is checking his online dating service and chatting/IMing other women isn't in a commited relationship with you.

Is it really worth your time/energy to dredge it all up, let him make excuses, and deal with the drama of having to go into the "you're looking for other women" thing?

Personally, looking from the outside, I'd say it might be easier to just say "this isn't working out/ I don't see us going anywhere" and get him out of your home and life as quickly as possible.

I totally agree. Who cares about having an argument about it. Move on.

 

[happily single]

Assuming that the IMs were innocent, I don't see the problem.

Talk to him this evening. Let him know that you are serious about the relationship. Tell him how you feel about him still having the open account and ask him to shut it down. If he's serious about you, he will not have a problem with this. If he isn't willing to do this, then it's probably time for you to cut bait. Either way, it will be good for you to know this.

Do not bring up the fact that you tried to trap him with the alias, unless you just want to start a huge fight.

Just what my plan was. He did come back however to im me some more. i told him he was ignorant based on his conversation and said good-bye