I don't have the heart for parenting!

[ryan840]

Ha! I'm a total emotional void, about as emotional as a rock and have been all my life. Until I had kids! My heart breaks when my three year old sees his big brothers friends running towards them and and his face lights up because he thinks their arms are open for him, only to get there and be pushed aside (not literally, the kids are actually nice to him) as they continue running to his brother and hug him instead. Then he just stands there a moment looking confused, sucks it up and runs after them laughing like it never happened and is oblivious to the fact that he isn't actually part of the fun. So soon he'll realize it and his bright eyes and huge grin will turn to teary eyes and the grin will fade to a frown. Part of life I know but how it tears at the heartstring- it literally brings me to the verge of tears when I think of it (and that is impressive for a rock!). Or when I think back to the first days of kindergarten for my oldest and watched his heart break on the playground when he tried to play with the girls and they wouldn't play with him. He ran over to the ground by me, sank to his knees and burried his head in his hands for a moment, then got up and ran off to find some other playmates. Almost a year later and I'm still not over it! Who'da thunk it?

 

[dana1003]

my twins are in pre-k and have come home also crying saying so and so ignored her, didnt wanna play her, etc. but one thing ive learned in my 5 years as a parent is that they definently look at you reaction, emotional state and that determines how upset they should be...im not talking about bullying or anything serious like that but if u shrug it off as no big they learn to have a thicker skin about certain situations. when mine come to be with those little problems, i tell them-theres other kids to play with, not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be ur friend, so u keep looking until u find the one that does..hope that makes sense

 

[fussymonkey]

Eh, grow a pair. Not everyone is going to want to play with them; good life lesson learned for the kids. ;-)

Your kids will take thier queues from you. Do you want them to just shrug off these little things and go on with life, with healthy boundries and self esteem, or do you want them to intuit by your implicit behavior that its sad when fickle children don't want to play with them?

That's why I say you need to grow a pair and harden up a bit. Even if you do'nt think you are expressing sympathy for the kids, the kids likely pick up on your feelings.

 

[KARAJ]

Ha! I'm a total emotional void, about as emotional as a rock and have been all my life. Until I had kids! My heart breaks when my three year old sees his big brothers friends running towards them and and his face lights up because he thinks their arms are open for him, only to get there and be pushed aside (not literally, the kids are actually nice to him) as they continue running to his brother and hug him instead. Then he just stands there a moment looking confused, sucks it up and runs after them laughing like it never happened and is oblivious to the fact that he isn't actually part of the fun. So soon he'll realize it and his bright eyes and huge grin will turn to teary eyes and the grin will fade to a frown. Part of life I know but how it tears at the heartstring- it literally brings me to the verge of tears when I think of it (and that is impressive for a rock!). Or when I think back to the first days of kindergarten for my oldest and watched his heart break on the playground when he tried to play with the girls and they wouldn't play with him. He ran over to the ground by me, sank to his knees and burried his head in his hands for a moment, then got up and ran off to find some other playmates. Almost a year later and I'm still not over it! Who'da thunk it?

I totally agree with you, it is so strange!!! I personally think knowing your parent does not write off your feelings and has empathy will make your kids compassionate adults

I have a 3yo DD who gets so excited when her 5yo brothers friends come over and will tell everyone how they are HER friends too. But they are 6 and 7 and do not have a lot in common. Like your situation they are nice to her, (I would intervene if they were mean) but she looks like somebody punched her when they tell her that they are playing a big Boy game. AND it makes ME physically hurt to see her face!! I think part of the reason I feel that way is because it is not like they are down on the floor throwing a temper tantrum, if they were doing that I would not feel much more than irritation! but since they are just sad it hurts. Even my husband gets it, last time the one with my daughter happened my big gruff Army husband made her feel better by doing our daughters ballet with her, (it is her made up version based off a Barbie movie) he even had his magic wand. I did threaten to youtube that one for his soldiers!!

Either way you sound like you will always be there for your kids, and I am sure they (and mine) will make it through life but for now at least they can feel all there emotions safely with a parent who cares. We make kids grow up so fast, sometimes it's easy to forget how young they really are, I know it is for me sometimes!

 

[KelleyD]

Chalk me up to the not having a set as nicely as that was put.

I am the same as you...except for animals, my dogs always got to me...but my 2 year old is in a whole new world! Sounds terrible but I told my husband...I cant do this...

no mamma don't leave me...is a tough one to hear when walking out the door...

i even melt when he is in a time out...i hold strong but god i feel terrible! "No mama no , pleaseeeee....

When his older sisters don't want to play with him or are tired of playing with him just seeing him try to get their attention drives me crazy!

I know I am in trouble, but i don't know if I can toughen up!

 

[ryan840]

Grow a set, huh?

I don't let my kids see me upset at all, if they haven't run off straight away and look for me to help I just give them a hug, tell them that not all kids play together and they should find somebody else to play with. I mostly posted because it was on my mind and I find it pretty amusing. I let my kids experience life for what it is and strive to teach them to solve their own problems but on the inside I die when I see them hurting and I wonder how much trouble I'm going to be in in a few years!

Thanks for the replies!

KaraJ- That is too funny about your DH! What a great guy all around!

 

[lanasboys]

Eh, grow a pair. Not everyone is going to want to play with them; good life lesson learned for the kids. ;-)

Wow, what empathy you have. And we wonder why there are so many self-centered bullies on the playground.

 

[fussymonkey]

Wow, what empathy you have. And we wonder why there are so many self-centered bullies on the playground.

Yes, I am really hard nose, as evidenced by the smilie faces. Bullies make regular use of smilies, you know.

Its the low -down smilie-using, healthy boundaries-touting sons of you-know-whats like me that teach kids how to steal candy from a baby.