How to prepare kids for relatives with differing lifestyles/values OP POSTS #94

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by IvyandLace, Apr 2, 2013.

  1. jrmasm

    jrmasm <font color=blue>Last time I checked, it was still

    Joined:
    May 20, 2000
    Messages:
    7,262
    :rotfl::lmao::rotfl::lmao:

    :thumbsup2
     
  2. Avatar

    Google AdSense Guest Advertisement


    to hide this advert.
  3. ManyMinnie

    ManyMinnie DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2013
    Messages:
    739

    :thumbsup2
     
  4. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    14,450
    As far as how the kids behave--I generally agree with PPs that the "stricter" rules apply. That said, my kids did know that I would let them watch TV shows at other people's houses that we did not put on at home, or eat more junk food, etc.
    I don't recall ever having any specific rule setting conversation--it just seemed natural over the years and with things that were "typically age appropriate" but just not our thing, they knew that these things were not 100% off limits, just something we did not do at home--and we usually talked about why once in a while.

    About praying: At the homes of others, we sit quietly and respectfully while they pray. At our own home, I would expect that if someone wants to pray they would do so VERY quietly, or silently to themselves while we went about our business. This is the case with both my in laws and a friend of DDs. We do show our respect by being quiet (passing things without talking, etc) if/when we notice what they are doing.
    I think it would be rude of someone to loudly pray and try to include the whole table in it, ask others to bow their heads, etc if that person is the GUEST at the home of a non praying person.

    About Easter--We are not Christian and we celebrate it as a cultural thing and as a fun way to welcome spring, etc. We also celebrate Passover most years. My kids know the religious and other cultural history behind both holidays :goodvibes

    About Christianity--I always thought the definition of such was that the person believed Jesus Christ was the son of God. That's it. Beyond that --there are MANY ways to take that, MANY ways to interpret the teachings etc. One of the awesome things about the US is that we all get to decide for ourselves what we believe. It makes me sad when some people are so disrespectful of others' beliefs that they tell the person they are not even what they feel themselves to be. :sad2:

    As far as politics or smoking, etc--we mostly tell our kids to just not comment---HOWEVER we also teach our kids it is okay to stand up for deep seated beliefs. So, for example, if family says something disparaging about a certain race or about homosexuals, etc we will ask them to respect our differing beliefs on those topics and not say anything else around us and let them know we will leave if it keeps up. I have no problem reminding them that by insulting my best friend they are insulting me too and I will not stick around to be insulted.
     
  5. FlightlessDuck

    FlightlessDuck Pluto's personal nose scratcher

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    12,679
    Our children by default would ask us if they were allowed to do something that a relative invited them to do if we don't normally allow it. I don't even think we had to discuss it. Everyone just sort of tell into the "stricter rule" practice.
     
  6. Mkrop

    Mkrop <font color=coral>I just cant go on demand<br><fon

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    10,759

    :thumbsup2 I agree with all you said except please dont lump all Christians together, most of us are much more tolerant than what can be portyrayed!
     
  7. KimR

    KimR DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    4,295
    :thumbsup2
     
  8. 2girls4me

    2girls4me DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2010
    Messages:
    528
    You know, it hasn't really come up.

    If they are at my moms, sister or mil's I tell them to listen to them. Follow their rules in their house. If my oldest asks me a question, I answer as honestly as I can. She knows things are different everywhere and doesn't expect everywhere to be like her house.
     
  9. Mickey'snewestfan

    Mickey'snewestfan DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2005
    Messages:
    4,695
    This has come up for us. I would describe myself as "agnostic". My son currently tells me he believes in the gods of Ancient Egypt. Prior to that he described himself as a "Christian who believes in reincarnation"*

    Both of my son's grandmothers are Christian, but very very different types of Christian. To give you a sense of how different, a few years ago, when my son was identifying as Christian, we went to church with each of them.

    At one church, the rector preached about how after he came out, his mother modeled the love of God for him by walking at his side in a Gay Pride parade.

    At the other church, the pastor preached about how removing gays (except he called them by a different term) from the pulpit was not enough, we must hunt them out in the pews and the choir loft as well.

    Needless to say, one of those messages conflicted with my family's values. After the service, my son and I sat and talked. I let him know my feelings about what I had heard, and what I believed to be the truth. I explained to him the conflict I felt listening to the message, and how I struggled with deciding whether to take him and walk out, or to stay with his elderly grandmother who needed a ride home. It actually turned out to be a really good opportunity for us to talk about what to do when one of your values, conflicts with another, in this case respecting our elders. I have to say I'm even kind of glad we went.

    * I asked my son why reincarnation isn't mentioned anywhere in the Bible. My child told me that "maybe his dad forgot to tell him about it".
     
  10. Gumbo4x4

    Gumbo4x4 Note to the ladies who forgot to

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2012
    Messages:
    15,013
    Pretty much what my response would be. If the prayer bothered me , I'd pick another day for the gathering. For the record, we didnt say a prayer at my house at Easter. It just would sem an awfully odd occasion on which to object to a prayer, regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. If the beef is more with your dad over his personality, that's another story altogether.
     
  11. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    14,450
    I just want to add that in general, I feel that my kids being exposed to others who have differing beliefs than our own is a very GOOD thing.

    It gives us the chance to discuss (often after the fact) the varying beliefs and what WE believe and how we feel about the others things they saw or experienced.

    It is a great conversation opener and a fabulous way for us to examine our beliefs more deeply--and to help our children form their own beliefs (and demonstrate to them that we still love people who feel differently than we do--so hopefully one day if they as adults or even teens do not share my religion or politics or whatnot they are not afraid to tell me or think I might not want them around, etc).
     
  12. Lorelei Lee

    Lorelei Lee DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2011
    Messages:
    3,639
    :thumbsup2
     
  13. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    1,292
    The OP never even mentioned religion in their question. :confused3

    Somehow, it was assumed by many that "lifestyle" and "values" meant religious issues.
     
  14. FlightlessDuck

    FlightlessDuck Pluto's personal nose scratcher

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    12,679
    This is easy to explain. It appear mods are a little relaxed about this until it starts to get heated. However, unless a mod is actively monitoring a thread or someone reports a thread, the mods won't know what's going on. If you have problem with a discussion and think it's not following the board rules, you can report a post by clicking on the triangle icon with the exclamation point in it under the post you want to report.
     
  15. mimmi

    mimmi DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2010
    Messages:
    1,044
    Ok, I'm really sorry that I wrote without thinking, I didn't think that I would have to explain a personal feeling. I don't care if you think it's odd as feelings are usually subjective, right?
     
  16. nmmom95

    nmmom95 <font color=teal>I'm a pregnant lesbian in an inte

    Joined:
    May 24, 2008
    Messages:
    2,778

    I agree with everything you posted, and I'm Catholic. As a funny aside, that was your 666th post, which made me laugh.
     
  17. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    14,450
    FWIW -- I don't think it is at all odd that you would host an Easter meal and not have it be religious--plenty of people, even in the US, think of Easter as just a secular holiday.
     
  18. jrmasm

    jrmasm <font color=blue>Last time I checked, it was still

    Joined:
    May 20, 2000
    Messages:
    7,262
    The Easter Bunny comes on Easter. It would be hard to reschedule that.

    But if you know some prayers to the furry guy that brings candy, maybe we could include those prayer at our Easter dinner.
     
  19. Lorelei Lee

    Lorelei Lee DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2011
    Messages:
    3,639

    It was? OMG, the symbolism...especially since I'm not a christian and therefore destined, not for heaven, but for that other place.... ;) :rotfl: :lmao: :rotfl2:
     
  20. jrmasm

    jrmasm <font color=blue>Last time I checked, it was still

    Joined:
    May 20, 2000
    Messages:
    7,262
    :thumbsup2

    I think anyone who pretends to find this surprising is just being difficult.
     
  21. mimmi

    mimmi DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2010
    Messages:
    1,044
    :thumbsup2 Thank you, I'm trying to explain it properly but it's really hard to convey feelings and beliefs in a foreign language.
     

Share This Page