How to prepare kids for relatives with differing lifestyles/values OP POSTS #94

[jrmasm]

Well, bless your heart.

 

[ManyMinnie]

LOL and you are the authority Why?

I know christians who will swear YOU are the very lost and will quote you bible chapter and verse backing them up.

so I'll say backatcha. You may call yourself one yet doesn't make you one either.

LOL and yet one wonders about the decline in attendance for organized religion here in this country? Personally I think maybe those who are "lost" as you call it are probably better off.

I find it so ironic that after "Christians" finish insulting you they turn right around and tell you how sorry they feel for you and how they are "praying" for you. LOL Go figure.

 

[NHdisneylover]

As far as how the kids behave--I generally agree with PPs that the "stricter" rules apply. That said, my kids did know that I would let them watch TV shows at other people's houses that we did not put on at home, or eat more junk food, etc.
I don't recall ever having any specific rule setting conversation--it just seemed natural over the years and with things that were "typically age appropriate" but just not our thing, they knew that these things were not 100% off limits, just something we did not do at home--and we usually talked about why once in a while.

About praying: At the homes of others, we sit quietly and respectfully while they pray. At our own home, I would expect that if someone wants to pray they would do so VERY quietly, or silently to themselves while we went about our business. This is the case with both my in laws and a friend of DDs. We do show our respect by being quiet (passing things without talking, etc) if/when we notice what they are doing.
I think it would be rude of someone to loudly pray and try to include the whole table in it, ask others to bow their heads, etc if that person is the GUEST at the home of a non praying person.

About Easter--We are not Christian and we celebrate it as a cultural thing and as a fun way to welcome spring, etc. We also celebrate Passover most years. My kids know the religious and other cultural history behind both holidays

About Christianity--I always thought the definition of such was that the person believed Jesus Christ was the son of God. That's it. Beyond that --there are MANY ways to take that, MANY ways to interpret the teachings etc. One of the awesome things about the US is that we all get to decide for ourselves what we believe. It makes me sad when some people are so disrespectful of others' beliefs that they tell the person they are not even what they feel themselves to be.

As far as politics or smoking, etc--we mostly tell our kids to just not comment---HOWEVER we also teach our kids it is okay to stand up for deep seated beliefs. So, for example, if family says something disparaging about a certain race or about homosexuals, etc we will ask them to respect our differing beliefs on those topics and not say anything else around us and let them know we will leave if it keeps up. I have no problem reminding them that by insulting my best friend they are insulting me too and I will not stick around to be insulted.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Our children by default would ask us if they were allowed to do something that a relative invited them to do if we don't normally allow it. I don't even think we had to discuss it. Everyone just sort of tell into the "stricter rule" practice.

 

[Mkrop]

LOL and you are the authority Why?

I know christians who will swear YOU are the very lost and will quote you bible chapter and verse backing them up.

so I'll say backatcha. You may call yourself one yet doesn't make you one either.

LOL and yet one wonders about the decline in attendance for organized religion here in this country? Personally I think maybe those who are "lost" as you call it are probably better off.

I find it so ironic that after "Christians" finish insulting you they turn right around and tell you how sorry they feel for you and how they are "praying" for you. LOL Go figure.

I agree with all you said except please dont lump all Christians together, most of us are much more tolerant than what can be portyrayed!

 

[KimR]

Yes, you are being offensive, You have the hubris to tell others what their religious beliefs should and should not be, that you are the only one with true faith and that the rest of us...who believe very strongly in our own religions...are wrong because you are the only one who can be right.

I am not a Christian, but it's my understanding that there are many Christian faiths with varying views. For you to tell someone else who professes to be a Christian that they are "wrong" is hubris. How can any of us know with any degree of certainty who is "right" and who is "wrong" until we die and are confronted with the afterlife?

 

[2girls4me]

You know, it hasn't really come up.

If they are at my moms, sister or mil's I tell them to listen to them. Follow their rules in their house. If my oldest asks me a question, I answer as honestly as I can. She knows things are different everywhere and doesn't expect everywhere to be like her house.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

This has come up for us. I would describe myself as "agnostic". My son currently tells me he believes in the gods of Ancient Egypt. Prior to that he described himself as a "Christian who believes in reincarnation"*

Both of my son's grandmothers are Christian, but very very different types of Christian. To give you a sense of how different, a few years ago, when my son was identifying as Christian, we went to church with each of them.

At one church, the rector preached about how after he came out, his mother modeled the love of God for him by walking at his side in a Gay Pride parade.

At the other church, the pastor preached about how removing gays (except he called them by a different term) from the pulpit was not enough, we must hunt them out in the pews and the choir loft as well.

Needless to say, one of those messages conflicted with my family's values. After the service, my son and I sat and talked. I let him know my feelings about what I had heard, and what I believed to be the truth. I explained to him the conflict I felt listening to the message, and how I struggled with deciding whether to take him and walk out, or to stay with his elderly grandmother who needed a ride home. It actually turned out to be a really good opportunity for us to talk about what to do when one of your values, conflicts with another, in this case respecting our elders. I have to say I'm even kind of glad we went.

* I asked my son why reincarnation isn't mentioned anywhere in the Bible. My child told me that "maybe his dad forgot to tell him about it".

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I definitely can understand why you'd be upset with your father's history and his sudden desire to pray. What I don't find clear is, were you celebrating Easter? If so, I don't see why a Christian prayer would be offensive (provided the words in it were not inclusive or were offensive in themselves). Most people I know who pray before meals only do so aloud when they're with their own family or if they're with friends who they know share their faith. If they're unsure, they'll usually just bow their heads and say a silent prayer.

As I'm sure you know, the United States is very diverse from one area to the next (even just a couple of miles at times!) and I'm often argued with that I'm not a Christian because I don't believe the bible is literal or because I accept other religions as being a way to God and heaven. So, there is a lot of misunderstandings here just between conservative Christians and liberal Christians, not to mention those of other faiths or agnostics or atheists.

Pretty much what my response would be. If the prayer bothered me , I'd pick another day for the gathering. For the record, we didnt say a prayer at my house at Easter. It just would sem an awfully odd occasion on which to object to a prayer, regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. If the beef is more with your dad over his personality, that's another story altogether.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I just want to add that in general, I feel that my kids being exposed to others who have differing beliefs than our own is a very GOOD thing.

It gives us the chance to discuss (often after the fact) the varying beliefs and what WE believe and how we feel about the others things they saw or experienced.

It is a great conversation opener and a fabulous way for us to examine our beliefs more deeply--and to help our children form their own beliefs (and demonstrate to them that we still love people who feel differently than we do--so hopefully one day if they as adults or even teens do not share my religion or politics or whatnot they are not afraid to tell me or think I might not want them around, etc).

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I just want to add that in general, I feel that my kids being exposed to others who have differing beliefs than our own is a very GOOD thing.

It gives us the chance to discuss (often after the fact) the varying beliefs and what WE believe and how we feel about the others things they saw or experienced.

It is a great conversation opener and a fabulous way for us to examine our beliefs more deeply--and to help our children form their own beliefs (and demonstrate to them that we still love people who feel differently than we do--so hopefully one day if they as adults or even teens do not share my religion or politics or whatnot they are not afraid to tell me or think I might not want them around, etc).

 

[soccerdad72]

The OP never even mentioned religion in their question.

Somehow, it was assumed by many that "lifestyle" and "values" meant religious issues.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I thought religious discussion wasn't allowed on the DIS boards.

This is easy to explain. It appear mods are a little relaxed about this until it starts to get heated. However, unless a mod is actively monitoring a thread or someone reports a thread, the mods won't know what's going on. If you have problem with a discussion and think it's not following the board rules, you can report a post by clicking on the triangle icon with the exclamation point in it under the post you want to report.

 

[mimmi]

Pretty much what my response would be. If the prayer bothered me , I'd pick another day for the gathering. For the record, we didnt say a prayer at my house at Easter. It just would sem an awfully odd occasion on which to object to a prayer, regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. If the beef is more with your dad over his personality, that's another story altogether.

Ok, I'm really sorry that I wrote without thinking, I didn't think that I would have to explain a personal feeling. I don't care if you think it's odd as feelings are usually subjective, right?

 

[nmmom95]

But you claim that you know what God is saying and that the rest of us do not.

My ancestors made a covenant with God at Mt. Sinai. He chose us to be His people, promised to be our God so long as we obeyed His Torah. It was a covenant for all eternity, not until something "better" came along. I believe we have survived all these eons because we honor this covenant.

Two basic tenants of our faith are that we do not proselytize, and that we recognize that the other nations of the world will have their own relationship with God, their own customs and practices and ways to honor Him.

If you believe in your heart that yours is the only way, that's fine. but to tell the rest of us that you are right, that we are wrong, is rude.

I agree with everything you posted, and I'm Catholic. As a funny aside, that was your 666th post, which made me laugh.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ok, I'm really sorry that I wrote without thinking, I didn't think that I would have to explain a personal feeling. I don't care if you think it's odd as feelings are usually subjective, right?

FWIW -- I don't think it is at all odd that you would host an Easter meal and not have it be religious--plenty of people, even in the US, think of Easter as just a secular holiday.

 

[jrmasm]

Pretty much what my response would be. If the prayer bothered me , I'd pick another day for the gathering. For the record, we didnt say a prayer at my house at Easter. It just would sem an awfully odd occasion on which to object to a prayer, regardless of your beliefs or lack thereof. If the beef is more with your dad over his personality, that's another story altogether.

The Easter Bunny comes on Easter. It would be hard to reschedule that.

But if you know some prayers to the furry guy that brings candy, maybe we could include those prayer at our Easter dinner.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I agree with everything you posted, and I'm Catholic. As a funny aside, that was your 666th post, which made me laugh.

It was? OMG, the symbolism...especially since I'm not a christian and therefore destined, not for heaven, but for that other place....

 

[jrmasm]

FWIW -- I don't think it is at all odd that you would host an Easter meal and not have it be religious--plenty of people, even in the US, think of Easter as just a secular holiday.

I think anyone who pretends to find this surprising is just being difficult.

 

[mimmi]

FWIW -- I don't think it is at all odd that you would host an Easter meal and not have it be religious--plenty of people, even in the US, think of Easter as just a secular holiday.

Thank you, I'm trying to explain it properly but it's really hard to convey feelings and beliefs in a foreign language.