Let me first say- please do not flame me for how the relationships in our family have turned out. Everyone has their opinion- but until you have lived it and learned it you just don't know how you would react. And there is waaaay too much back story to explain the whole situation...in a nutshell
DH has a 18 (19 in Aug) daughter from a previous relationship. He was very young when she was born- for religion reasons and his parents he did marry the mother. Didn't last long- and he was shaky the first few years- but has always done his best as a father at whatever point in life he was. Financially he has always been outstanding in my opinion (but I deal with a dead beat dad from my ex)! He has always paid his support- doesn't get behind and on more than 1 occasion over the years has VOLUNTARILY raised the amount to keep it in line with what he makes. He started at $33 a week and now pays over 4X that amount and has stayed within the amount the law would mandate without force by the mother. We have often done alot of extras too (help with school supplies-brought on vacations- braces, etc.)
The mom is a piece of work- all about the money. Almost 40 and dates 20 year olds. Never grew up and simply does not have decent morals at all.
She has made dealing with her a nightmare for the last 16 years. About 4 years ago- once the child was older we put our foot down and now we just don't even deal with her unless absolutely necessary. So the last 4 years have been a downhill spiral with my husbands daughter- she hates us and our family basically because she sides with her mom and feels we are wrong if we don't suck up to her mom and let her walk right in our house or we just walk past her in the grocery store, etc..
In the 4 years DH has tried to stay involved with her school and asking about grades, etc..- She just lies- and has almost flunked out. When he tried to help earlier this year (her Senior year) and told her hearfelt how important that diploma was and how he regretted his mistakes from high school - she responded by going to the office and telling them that since she is 18 she doesn't want any more info given to her dad. Her mom texted DH to make sure he knew it.
The daughter has told my DH on more than one occasion in the last 2 years "I am done with your family" and made comments about "your ____ fat ___ wife" etc. Its just ugly.
So...we don;t even know she will graduate- I think the mom wants her not to so support will continue until she turns 19. DH says he does not know if she does if he will even get a invite or anything.
What would you do- send a gift? How much of a gift? Cash? I normally hate that- especially considering she has an issue with drugs- but we give gift cards at Birthday and Christmas- so I thought it should be something different. Jewelry?
Any suggestions you have will be appreciated- I don't see her going to college unless its the local CC just long enough to get the pell grant $ so college stuff is not needed.
DH has a 18 (19 in Aug) daughter from a previous relationship. He was very young when she was born- for religion reasons and his parents he did marry the mother. Didn't last long- and he was shaky the first few years- but has always done his best as a father at whatever point in life he was. Financially he has always been outstanding in my opinion (but I deal with a dead beat dad from my ex)! He has always paid his support- doesn't get behind and on more than 1 occasion over the years has VOLUNTARILY raised the amount to keep it in line with what he makes. He started at $33 a week and now pays over 4X that amount and has stayed within the amount the law would mandate without force by the mother. We have often done alot of extras too (help with school supplies-brought on vacations- braces, etc.)
The mom is a piece of work- all about the money. Almost 40 and dates 20 year olds. Never grew up and simply does not have decent morals at all.
She has made dealing with her a nightmare for the last 16 years. About 4 years ago- once the child was older we put our foot down and now we just don't even deal with her unless absolutely necessary. So the last 4 years have been a downhill spiral with my husbands daughter- she hates us and our family basically because she sides with her mom and feels we are wrong if we don't suck up to her mom and let her walk right in our house or we just walk past her in the grocery store, etc..
In the 4 years DH has tried to stay involved with her school and asking about grades, etc..- She just lies- and has almost flunked out. When he tried to help earlier this year (her Senior year) and told her hearfelt how important that diploma was and how he regretted his mistakes from high school - she responded by going to the office and telling them that since she is 18 she doesn't want any more info given to her dad. Her mom texted DH to make sure he knew it.
The daughter has told my DH on more than one occasion in the last 2 years "I am done with your family" and made comments about "your ____ fat ___ wife" etc. Its just ugly.
So...we don;t even know she will graduate- I think the mom wants her not to so support will continue until she turns 19. DH says he does not know if she does if he will even get a invite or anything.
What would you do- send a gift? How much of a gift? Cash? I normally hate that- especially considering she has an issue with drugs- but we give gift cards at Birthday and Christmas- so I thought it should be something different. Jewelry?
Any suggestions you have will be appreciated- I don't see her going to college unless its the local CC just long enough to get the pell grant $ so college stuff is not needed.