Help With Handling a Six yr old

[auteur55]

I really need some advice from those who have a lot of young children and have went to Disneyland. I have a trip planned in September for me and my six-year-old daughter. We have never done a proper trip to Disneyland and I want this to be one of our best most memorable trips where we try and experience everything. I am very completist and because I never got to experience Disney through my childhood it's like i'm making up for that experience deficiency.

I've noticed lately that my daughter is going through a stage where she's becoming very high maintenance when we go out to things. She is also strangely scared of any ride right water shoots out. We are at the parks for five days and I'm a little worried she's not going to hold up or will melt down. I know we need time to rest but were not really hotel pool people when you have a chance to be at Disneyland. Any tips for me to help my daughter have a better experience and be able to last longer through the day. I did buy a stroller and plan on pushing her around so that she doesn't have any issues with her feet. Thanks

 

[Renae De Liz]

I really need some advice from those who have a lot of young children and have went to Disneyland. I have a trip planned in September for me and my six-year-old daughter. We have never done a proper trip to Disneyland and I want this to be one of our best most memorable trips where we try and experience everything. I am very completist and because I never got to experience Disney through my childhood it's like i'm making up for that experience deficiency.

I've noticed lately that my daughter is going through a stage where she's becoming very high maintenance when we go out to things. She is also strangely scared of any ride right water shoots out. We are at the parks for five days and I'm a little worried she's not going to hold up or will melt down. I know we need time to rest but were not really hotel pool people when you have a chance to be at Disneyland. Any tips for me to help my daughter have a better experience and be able to last longer through the day. I did buy a stroller and plan on pushing her around so that she doesn't have any issues with her feet. Thanks

Wow your daughter sounds very similar to my 4 year old! He's a pretty intense and emotionally volatile child (the opposite of my oldest, he's totally laid back!) and can be very picky and difficult to deal with sometimes. Concerning the "scared of rides with water shooting out" The trick I've found with my son is, if he starts to say he's afraid of something, I take him right to it and show him there's nothing to be afraid of. (with a little warning beforehand of course). If I give him too much time to build anxiety around an issue, the "fright" he feels will dig deep down and be harder to get rid of later. I have found that 90% of the time immediately confronting his fears works like a charm. It helps if I smile and laugh a lot, talk a lot about the fun things, and cuddle him during the experience to show the positives.

In example, with the ride Pirates (we went to DL when he was 3) he was frightened of getting splashed with water droplets, so I took him back on the ride, and whenever one of us got splashed with water we would laugh about it. Soon my son was laughing and wanting to get splashed so we could laugh about him too.

As for the rest, my son really had issues with the sun in his face after a couple hours, so if that is the same with your daughter, I'd be sure to bring a good hat (if she'll wear one) or get her used to sunglasses. And make sure the stroller has really good coverage for her face. Keeping her favorite snacks and lots of water nearby is good ( my son loves applesauce packets), and making sure to slow down once an hour or so to just sit and relax in the park helped my intense son feel less overwhelmed by everything. When in the stroller, he liked putting up a blanket over the opening sometimes. I think he liked his little "getaway" mentally from all the craziness in the park and it helped keep him calm and prevented meltdowns.

Anyway, sorry that was long. Have a nice trip and good luck!

 

[lucysmom]

I have a different viewpoint from Renae. When our DD was little, she was afraid of "drops" in the dark. So, we didn't do those. Now she's crazy about Space Mountain! I found that if I took my cues from her we had a more relaxed and enjoyable time. If she wanted to play on the splash floor, that's what we did. I didn't push. We just had fun. But, you know your child better than anyone, and all kids are different.

 

[auteur55]

I definitely hear what you're both saying. I can't even imagine going to Disneyland with my daughter and not going on Splash Mountain with her. I'm not planning on coming back to Disney for a long time. This is kind of "all in" Disney trip. My daughter just started going through this phase. Actually if I show her the water at all she get's more insane. It's a very strange phase she just started recently. Thinking about putting her in some therapy or something before we go. I'm dying to take her on Grizzly but I know she is going to freak.

 

[lizabu]

I'm in the "let the child set the pace" camp. I'm a mom of 4 and IME every time I've tried to push it backfired. If the trip is for DD let it be for DD. If it's for you...leave her at home.

 

[Renae De Liz]

I definitely hear what you're both saying. I can't even imagine going to Disneyland with my daughter and not going on Splash Mountain with her. I'm not planning on coming back to Disney for a long time. This is kind of "all in" Disney trip. My daughter just started going through this phase. Actually if I show her the water at all she get's more insane. It's a very strange phase she just started recently. Thinking about putting her in some therapy or something before we go. I'm dying to take her on Grizzly but I know she is going to freak.

I totally get the "all in" thing. We went every 3-4 years and were never sure if we'd be able to go back again so getting everything in was very important to us on each trip. As others said, going at the child's pace is definitely a path to peace, but if riding Splash or doing other things with her is very important to you, then I'm sure there are things that could be tried to help warm her up to it beforehand. Do you know exactly why she's afraid of water?

 

[HappiestHaunt]

When my daughter was 3 no ride scared her. By 5 she started thinking about the rides and while she loved the coaster thrills, she would no longer ride TOT and would lightly bulk at the HM (and this was a girl that at 3 rode the mansion 5 times in a row her first visit and kept saying again.) But at 3 she didn't think about things like scary and at 5 she started too. We usually went at opening and did one of two things. Went to about 12 or 1 and then took a break from the park back to the hotel for a couple of hours down time. Sometimes pooling it, sometimes simply relaxing in the room. Sometimes we took about 3 hours off and went for an early dinner out of the park and planned to have a later in park snack, which opened up our dining possibilities. We found she did much better with some time to unwind. The other option we employed was to cross over the DCA and take a couple hour time out in the Animation building, which was especially good in the summer visits. The building is cool and out of the sun. We would visit Turtle talk with Crush, do the walk through visiting The Beasts castle room, and Ursula's under the sea areas, as well as taking the time to do one or two of the draw your favorite character classes. This was a no rush time and allowed us all to kind of regain energy. Then we would grab a bite and hit the rest of the parks again until we called it a night.

One of the things We started at 4 and still do today at 8 is her snack pack. Children get tired, cranky, and often hungry/thirsty. While we could take breaks, we did not want to stop all the time as our daughter is a grazer and a light meal eater. So we bought a smaller than normal pack and termed it the "Snack Pack". We filled it each morning and refilled it if we left the parks at midday. In it we had several things she could snack on any time she wanted to without asking. Usually that included natural cracker and cheese crackers from Trader Joes, Natural Jerky, a small snack bag of unsalted nuts, Trader Joes fruit leather, Trader Joes Fruit bar, Annie Bunny cracker snack bags, cut up carrots/celery, whole fruit (apples and oranges worked well) and so one. We also ensure she always had a bottle of water that we kept on her to drink and ensured was filled. It took a bit but she quickly loved the ability to eat anytime she wanted to, while waiting in line, or taking a bench break with mom, and so on. This ensured that she was never acting out because she was hungry. We still buy theme parks snacks here and there, but not only does this keep her happy and going, it also allows us to somewhat control what she ends up eating in the day. The first day in I will often buy some form of small suckers and include one each day in the pack for a bit of treat along with sensible snacks. At 6 your daughter is getting about the right age where such a thing works. Even if you plan to buy treats in the park, I would still do the pack, as that enables snacking anytime, anywhere and will keep her energy up. Our daughters pack is small enough that even with some snacks, it isn't loading her down to much. Also children get excited at the park and my not want to take the time to slow down, hit restrooms and such. We always had to enforce a bathroom breaks, especially before longer lines so there were no issues. I think for a 6 year old a small sun stroller works great, especially towards the end of the day, especially if its a single parent run. We employed it until we realized that by taking the parks at her pace, along with the snack pack/ water and midday down time, we enabled her to keep going very well. The hardest part is calling it the end of day when they are tired and do not wish to leave but have obviously emptied the tank. Oh, and when we wanted to do something late, like Fantasmic or WOC, then we would ensure that we took at least a 3 to 4 hour break with a good dinner before returning. This helped ensure that she has everything to stay comfortable for the evening and more likely make it happily to the end. Although September will still be nice, it is possible that she could get slightly cold, especially around the ROA or for WOC. We would be in shorts in the autumn and she would be lightly chilled.

You might consider doing it without the stroller on days where you plan to go back to the hotel in the afternoon, and then bring it later to help with evenings. Small things sometimes make down times fun, like riding the train at least once all the way around, as our daughter has always loved the dinosaur diorama. If she needs some kid time to just not worry about crowds and lines, then head into toon town and go to Goofys child play park for a few minutes for some regular playgroundish play. Then you can check out the coaster and roger rabbit ride. I also found the tiki room a good coolish spot to have some down time. First relaxing on the benches in the holding area while children seem to like to explore the enclosed space and watch the outside portion of the show. They encourage you to eat, so another great snack moment while the show is enjoyed. (grabbing a snack at Bengal BBQ and heading here for a bit of a respite works well!) Of course, there is the infamous Dole Whip too!

Whew, guess I am rambling on but we have been taking our DD since the age of 2 1/2, and we learned to negotiate the parks so that it was fun for everyone!

 

[MomToOne]

I'm a single parent who has been travelling with my DD to Disney (both DLR and WDW) since she was 4. She is now 14

One thing I encourage you to do is to not set your expectations too high. While you may have dreams of perfect mother-daughter moments and a "most memorable trip", realize those are YOUR dreams, and your daughter probably has no clue. Disney can be very overwhelming for many kids - it's the definition of sensory overload. And the pressure to do-do-do has parents often pushing already overwhelmed kids to the brink. I know this because I have totally been guilty of it myself. Realize things won't be as you imagine them, and it won't be the "perfect vacation". If you do this, the not-so-perfect moments won't stress you so much, so you will actually have a much better time in the long run. Also realize you won't be able to do everything. Even with an older child, it seems I never get around to doing everything on my list when we go. But that's OK. Remember the goal is to make a few nice memories, not do each and every thing you read about on this board. Go at your daughter's speed, and just take time to see things through her eyes.

As far as fears go, kids go in stages. Many who are fearless in younger years often become fearful of things at 6,7,8. It's perfectly normal. Their brains are developing, and as they do, new fears arise. You can't reason them out of the fears unfortunately, so you just need to manage around them as best you can. If it seems to be just a mild fear, you can try all the normal encouragement type measurements, or flat out bribery sometimes helps kids overcome it. But if it's really a bigger fear, you'd probably just be better off skipping the ride or event that triggers it for now.

 

[aliceindisneyland]

Kids get scared of things sometimes. I think the trick at Disneyland is not to remind a kid (for instance, using OP's example) that she is afraid of getting squirted with water. That's causing problems where there are none and begging for a meltdown if you tell her she's not going to like it but you're going to do it anyway.

I constantly hear parents telling kids in the HM ride all about how scared they don't need to be! My mom is the queen of getting kids on rides their parents have convinced them they'll be terrified of - really, she should start a service at DL! - she just distracts, distracts, distracts. (And she's not above bribery.) So when you're on Pirates, you're talking about the cute little burro, you're singing along, you're looking for Jack.

On Splash, you're sitting in the back where you don't get very wet, and you're talking about all of the houses and characters and baby possums....

If they want to know what happens on a ride, take a cue from the CMs and tell it matter-of-factly: We'll ride on the log and see Brer Rabbit and Brer Bear and Brer Fox and at the end there's a fast slide to the bottom.

With a smile and not even a whiff of worry.

 

[wwwosie]

Funny story: when my son was about 5 we took a trip to Disneyland without my husband. Indiana Jones had opened a few months back. That day, the wait time was only about 20 minutes (after being much longer for months!). He was REFUSING to go. I made a deal with him: if you go, I will buy you a wooden rifle for the store. He thought about it for a minute and agreed. When we came out he said: can we do that AGAIN???? (Could have saved me the price of the rifle, which he kept until he went off to college...) every kid is different, but yes, let them take the lead.

 

[nikkislaght]

Have you had your child checked for Sensory Processing disorder??

The reason I ask is because it sounds like there are a lot of things that are out of place for your daughter and not just because she is high maintenance.

I would try and do some deep compression hugs, starting at head squeeze the sides of her head, then move down to her shoulders, then arms , hands , then sides, hips and thighs,, knees shins and then feet.. you don't have to do it hard. but have a firm steady pressure. also get her to spend some time , upside down.. through either swinging . or watching TV on the sofa with her head dangling over the side.. this will "re set" some of her sensors..
jumping is another good heavy feedback tool, as is jogging.. start doing these things now so she gets used to them... and hopefully by the time your trip comes up ,she will be able to regulate her body with these deep pressure touches..
My son uses a lyrca sheet that he wraps around him self to regulate his body.. and when he starts to feel his body melt down, he will give himself a hug or get me to do the pressure points. takes a few minutes.. but after that he is ready to go again. hope you can figure it out .. and have a great trip..

 

[ClaraOswald]

I have a different viewpoint from Renae. When our DD was little, she was afraid of "drops" in the dark. So, we didn't do those. Now she's crazy about Space Mountain! I found that if I took my cues from her we had a more relaxed and enjoyable time. If she wanted to play on the splash floor, that's what we did. I didn't push. We just had fun. But, you know your child better than anyone, and all kids are different.

I agree with the above.

I don't think any ride should be pushed onto a child. I think you just set yourself up for a freak-out that could ruin your whole day at that point.

I also think it's a horrible idea to go in with the "we have to do everything" mentality. You are setting yourself up for failure there as well. It just may not be possible.

Doing commando style touring with a child may also be a horrible idea. I think it's best to go with the child's pace and take their cues and you'll have a much better time.

 

[bumbershoot]

At 6 she should be able to explain the water issue to you. Better than a 4 year old, at least. I would start some conversations with her about it.

Will it just be the two of you or are there other adults? I'm on mobile and don't see signatures in case there's info that I'm missing. . If there's another adult just take turns, if she really can't handle it (not guaranteed, but ask at each relevant ride about rider switch even though she's tall enough, or get FPs at different times to accommodate the self-swaps). If there are other adults in your life, honestly, it was differing opinions on what a Disneyland trip should be like that started a series of solo trips for me!

If it's just you two, this will all be tougher.

 

[bumbershoot]

Just reread and it sounds like it's just you two.

Well, why not plan to go back? Kids grow and change. When DS was 4 he refused all sorts of dark rides, including the previously loved pirates. We were there for his 4th then 5th birthday, and it happened just like that for his 4th, and when we went again on his 5th, again it changed just like that, back to normal.

 

[Sweetpea2011]

I agree to take your cues from your child, rather than risk ruining the trip for both of you. My sister took her family when her youngest was just 6, but tall for her age. The very first ride they went on was Space Mountain because the older children wanted to and the parents remembered how much fun it was.

My youngest niece apparently sat there silently, never made a peep, but then after they exited the ride she burst into tears and refused to go on another ride. Period. Her trust was broken and it took a long time to get it back up to where she could go on another ride (any ride!) without making a scene.

Why not start with the other rides that you are sure she'd enjoy, and build things up slowly. Talk about how much fun you're having, be really positive, and perhaps she might change her mind about the water rides. If she doesn't, there are lots of other rides to enjoy together and make memories on. That's the great thing about Disney, there's so much to do and see and experience, I don't think you will have a bad time regardless.

One thing I did with my little ones the first time we took them, that helped tremendously with the "I want!" meltdowns from all the shops and toys, was to tell them they could pick out whatever they wanted (within reason of course!) from the Disney store on the last day as long as they didn't whine or beg for stuff while in the parks. Worked like a charm.

 

[taaren]

Couple of things to keep in mind, from one mother of a 7 year old with odd fears to another:

1) Every child is different. For some reason my DS will beg for Screamin' over and over but refuses Haunted Mansion. One is light and exciting, the other is dark and scary apparently despite what appears to be 'scarier' to me. More about the theme for him. Snow White and Pinnochio also freaks him out but GRR he'll do ten times in a row. Ask her if she would like to ride it at each ride, but listen if she refuses. You'll have a chance to do the ride without her later, and you might be surprised at what she likes or doesn't like when she's looking at it. Also can watch YouTube videos of the ride before the trip so she can make a list of what she would like.

2) There are other ways to take breaks than the hotel pool. Go to Tom Sawyer's Island and let her take a breather there, or better yet, the camp by Grizzly over in California Adventure. Its a nice relaxing place for her to decompress when overstimulated, and you can sit and enjoy the woods.

4) Every ride has a chicken exit if she gets to the front and decides she doesn't want to. The CMs are super nice about it, we've had some great conversations with them because we've used them and he likes sometimes just going into the cue knowing he has an "out" it makes him feel better about the idea of potentially going on. Remind her of this if she opts to get in line but isn't sure.

5) If there's any chance you can take a friend for her, any friends who have kids the same age? Its amazing what peer pressure will do to alleviate anxiety/fear. Having a singleton, I really enjoy my time with him, but it's also been a lifesaver when we get him together with other friends with kids the same age because once one decides that we should do something, it can't be scary to the others (I had an 8 year old convince my DS6 at the time and her 5 year old brother that TOT was no big deal. The 6 and 5 year old loved it as long as the 8 year old was there, but when she wasn't ... they wouldn't go near it. Go fig, group psychology.) Something to keep in mind for future trips if not this one.

 

[dr&momto2boys]

We have five kids and my second has always been very hesitant to go on rides or even in certain lines even when I assure him he will love the ride.
I would get irritated when I had the perfect plan of which rides to go on and when to avoid crowds and then he would refuse to go on a simple ride even a baby could go on like Peter Pan. That meant either we had to split up and take turns riding taking so much more time or one of us parents missed out while waiting with him. I tried bribery. I tried showing him a plan ahead of time and having him watch the rides on Youtube. He simply did not want to ride. I finally relaxed and appreciated the time with my son the way he wanted to spend it. Sometimes I go on the rides with my other kids. Sometimes I hang out with him. Our plans were just different. Someday he want to ride other rides, but really he just enjoys being there and exploring things I would otherwise miss out on while racing to the next ride.
You can stress and try to push it, but it's not likely to work out in my experience.

 

[ClaraOswald]

Yeah, I think the fight just wouldn't be worth it.

We have no idea how our son will be on our trip. I've already decided if he freaks out and doesn't want to ride anything...we'll just spend our days wandering around, eating food, etc. I think going in have low expectations and loose 'plans' is the best way to be.

 

[Mugglemama]

I have 4 children, ages now ranging from 9-22.

Mine have been going to DLR since they were babies, but for most of that time, the visits have only been once every 2-3 years. So, lots of changes in each kid between trips, for the most part.

I'm with the camp that encourages parents NOT to push a ride on any kid. Just makes the most sense in my own family (ironically enough - all of mine will go on almost everything they're tall enough for on any given trip, with the exception of Mickey's Fun Wheel and a couple of spinning rides).

My oldest son absolutely has sensory issues (for instance, he JUST learned to swim this summer, at 16.5 years old! - the delay being solely caused by his absolute panic at the sensation of water on his face), so I do totally sympathize with any parent who finds themselves in the position of needing to be very understanding of a child dealing with, what seem to us to be, irrational fears.

My best suggestion would be to find the things she really can enjoy a great deal, and repeat those quite a bit. Relax and soak up every moment of joy the two of you can have in those experiences that she DOES feel ready for. There might be moments when it is difficult for you to not be REALLY disappointed about her unwillingness to experience a specific ride...it would be for me, too. But if you can simply make the most out of what you CAN do, you'll be happier in the long run.

Also, maybe don't suggest any ride you think she might be reluctant about until the 3rd or 4th day. Like, AT ALL. Perhaps *observe* them (and the people having a ton of fun on them), but don't actually suggest riding them. After 22 years of parenting, my gut tells me you might have more success by giving her a few days to thoroughly enjoy herself *without anxiety or fear*, before suggesting any of the rides you think she might scoff at. You might be surprised, too....for all you know, she may watch others having soooo much fun and actually ASK to ride a couple of those things you don't expect her to be willing to ride.

What a very blessed little girl to get to go spend 5 days in Disneyland with her mama! I hope your trip is amazing!!

 

[lalasmama]

Funny story: when my son was about 5 we took a trip to Disneyland without my husband. Indiana Jones had opened a few months back. That day, the wait time was only about 20 minutes (after being much longer for months!). He was REFUSING to go. I made a deal with him: if you go, I will buy you a wooden rifle for the store. He thought about it for a minute and agreed. When we came out he said: can we do that AGAIN???? (Could have saved me the price of the rifle, which he kept until he went off to college...) every kid is different, but yes, let them take the lead.

This story cracked me up. I remember my mom telling a story that my older brother was terrible with shots at the doctor--screaming, kicking, hitting, needing 2-3 people to restrain, etc. When it was time for me to get my kindergarten shots, she went overboard with the bribes. I would get a new toy, I'd get ice cream, etc. Of note, my mom was an insulin-dependent diabetic, so I'd seen her give herself shots twice a day for my whole life. So, shot time comes, I hop up, get my vaccines, hop down, and say, "Where's my ice cream?" No fuss, no muss. I had no clue shots were supposed to "hurt" and be "scary," I mean, I saw mom giving them to herself every day without a wince, so why would my shots be any different?.... My DD is more like me, and less like my brother, and she just gets done what needs to get done! Thanks for the memory, though, I hadn't thought about that story in a while!

As for the original poster, my daughter goes through similar phases where she is more high maintenance than normal, and, of course, it happened to be a "high" time when we went for her first trip to DL for her 8th birthday. This was complicated by the fact that she doesn't sleep well in new places, or when excited, or when she just decides she doesn't want to sleep. In other words, she goes all high maintenance on me, and then refuses to sleep, which makes her even more high maintenance. It's a vicious cycle! My DD also has ADHD and some other issues, and her meds were in the middle of being adjusted, which added to her high maintenance issues.

I'll admit I forced her on a few rides. But it only took her 2-3 rides to figure out she loved thrill rides. Then she decided she was scared of rides with boats. Then I forced her on a boat ride (telling her it's a rule at DL that you must ride IASW), and she loved boat rides. Then she decided she was scared of Omni-mover rides (the belt-walkway loading system rides). And round it went, until I forced her to ride, and she discovered she loved it.

Things that helped us, or that I wish I had done:

--I wish I had stuck to our routine more, as far as up at the same time, sleep at the same time, meals at the same time. We left early one day, then stayed up too late the next, and we had multiple meltdowns because she had no idea when to expect anything.

--I wish I had allowed more down-time that first trip. Now, we fly in the day before, around dinner time. We spend the evening having dinner wherever we choose, and then hit the pool. During the day, we may stop off at a show's holding room, and just relax in the dark coolness (It's Tough To Be a Bug is a *great* quiet spot!).

--We went during a slower time, to minimize wait times.

--We kept park hopping to a minimum (once or twice a day).

--DD got to choose 1-2 things that were her "must-do list" each day. I attempted to get those things done first, and multiple times if possible, so that she felt like she got to choose and do what she wanted, and it wasn't just Mom dragging her from place to place.

--If your DD likes to dress up, let her! My DD loved being called "Princess" by each of the CMs we encountered, and it brightened her mood when things were taking longer than expected.

As another poster mentioned, remember it's just another day (albeit, at Disneyland!) for your DD--she doesn't know she's supposed to be on her best behavior because we're spending $$$ on each day of the trip. She just knows you've taken her out of her day-to-day routine, put her in a place where there are people, noise, and new experiences, and expect her to understand how lucky she is to be there. They often just don't understand how special/amazing it is for her to be there.