Have You Ever Vacationed Without Your Kids?

[becka]

DH says that he wants to take me on a Disney Cruise for our anniversary (and as a reward for working so hard on my weight loss) next May. We would do the 4 day cruise and leave DS with my parents for the time we are gone.

Sounds great right? Well I am feeling guilty even thinking about it. I know that he would probably not enjoy the cruise at his age (he will have just turned 2) and would probably have much more fun with grandma and grandpa. I also realize that it wouldn't be a very romantic, relaxing trip for us if he is with us as well. I have to admit that a relaxing trip sounds like so much fun. Going to the spa, staying up late dancing, having a few drinks, relaxing by the pool, eating in a nice restaurant without having to cut up someone else's food and then pick it up off the floor, etc..

We had to cancel our planned Feb trip to WDW (with DS) for a number of reasons and I am still kind of bummed about it. I really wanted to share WDW with DS and I keep thinking that we should just scrap plans for the cruise and take him to WDW for a few days. However, I worry that it will just be too much for him to handle for so few days. I don't want to overwhelm and exhaust him. Our original WDW trip plans called for a little over a week so we could take it easy. This trip will have to be fast and I don't know if he would react well with such a short trip. I think it might be exhausting for all of us.

I thought about inviting someone else to go with us who could watch DS while we have some alone time but my Mom and MIL don't do "boats", my sister and I don't get along besides the fact that she has a little girl, works full-time and goes to law school at night, DH's brother would not be interested and our regular babysitters are friends of ours who are older and married, etc. so they are not an option.

I also just feel so plain selfish. I know parents deserve time to themselves but DH and I really get quite a bit of time alone together since DS is such a great sleeper and is in bed by 7 PM almost every night. It is not like we never have alone time. Plus what if we go and then I am miserable missing DS. I will see all these other families having a great time and then feel terrible that I left my baby home.

Does anyone else have these feelings? How did you deal with them?

 

[floridaminnie]

I've done weekend get-aways, but nothing more. But then I don't have a SO and I feel guilty if I'm away by myself and DD are with the folks. Go and have a good time!

 

[Mishetta]

I would have mixed feelings like you do....but NO we have never vacationed without our kids & we have never left them with a babysitter. If they can't go, we don't go.

I envy those people though that can. I think it's important to have some "alone" time with your spouse.

Hope this decision won't be such a struggle for you. If your baby will be in good hands, then by all means, GO!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Once, and we have our second one planned for Dec. Our logistics are pretty tough because we don't have any family near us, but we already have one of the grandma's booked for the week. DH has a business trip to Vegas, and I am tagging along. I do call home everyday to talk to the kids (not to check up on grandma!), but I am trusting my kids to the woman who raised my husband. She must have done something right or I would not have married him. Knowing that and knowing that I will have daily contact with them allows me to relax. A cruise might be a little different since the daily phone call is harder, but we haven't tried that one yet.

 

[browneyes]

We took a 3 day weekend trip without my dd when she was 2 1/2 (before ds came along). I was a nervous wreck without her the whole time. My mom said our dd did really good, she'd ask for me, would cry a little, but she did fine.

Now that my kids are older, I'd love to take a vacation sans kids sometime. Both of them say just as long as it's not Disney, they might be ok with that.

 

[dcgrumpy]

twice

Once last year when we won a 6 day trip to Club Med and again this year when we won a 3 day trip to LA. It's hard to turn down a free trip. LOL.

DS was 1 1/2 the first time and a little over 2 the second time. We missed him terribly and kept seeing things we thought he would love. I did feel really guilty going to DL while we were in CA. I checked on him every day and knew he was fine. I didn't talk to him on the phone because I thought that might upset him. I could hear him in the background which made me feel good.

I don't regret it, it was nice to have some alone adult time. Especially since I was 7mos pregnant when we went to LA, we knew it would years before we were alone again. We're planning on going to Vegas for our 5th anniversary, if we can find someone to watch 2 kids.

I say go for it.

 

[Michelle]

Becka, one word for you...GO!

I had the same mixed feelings you had, could never imagine leaving my DD with anyone else at that age, and I think we did MAYBE a couple of weekends away a couple of times in her early years. Honestly, I REGRET that I did not take more time with my husband then. We got SO wrapped up in our kids (rightfully so) that we cannot imagine ever being apart from them. Unfortunately marriages often suffer as a result.

Nathan has adoring grandparents who will dote on him. Your husband loves you and wants to spend a romantic time away with you. All good. Will you MISS your baby? Of course you will. You and your DH will talk about him. But then you'll go have a fabulous dinner together or do a great shore excursion and you will remember what it was like to be a couple again.

Nathan will BENEFIT from having parents that are happy and loving towards each other. GO and enjoy yourselves!

 

[tinaw]

We have done this twice.
The first was our honeymoon. Our daughter was 2 when we got married. My Dh and I went on a cruise for a week. She stayed with my DM who took the week off work to watch her.
The second was my DH won a all expenses paid trip to Hawaii last year. We considered paying for an extra ticket and taking her but finally decided this was probably our only chance to make this trip as it would normally be way out of our price range. We were gone 11 days. My aunt and mom took time off to watch her.
I didn't feel so bad since I had such a great support system in place to take care of her while we were gone.
I also pre bought gifts so she had a present to open every day we were gone. Nothing big just some lilttle something to look forward to.
We also have nationwide free long distance on our cell phone and it included Hawaii so we could call every home everyday and she could call whenever she wanted.

 

[Kteacher]

Becka- don't feel guilty- go for it My husband and I have been going away together for a week every year since our youngest was in preschool ( our kids are now 16, 13, and 11) We don't go out a lot during the rest of the year, so this one week is kind of like "date night" for seven days in a row . We're celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary with a southern caribbean cruise next summer . We are lucky to have inlaws that are more than willing to have the kids to staywith them while we are away. Our kidfs have a very close relatiopnship with their grandparents, and really look forward to thier "vacations" with grammy and grampy. Go and have a great time on your trip

 

[CamColt]

Im with Michelle(Ive been saying that a lot lately)!
GO!
Im a SAHM with 2 kids. DH works long days. The most we ever had alone was 1 night at a time and those were usually for events like weddings, his work parties, etc... Then last year(the kids were 2 1/2 & 5 1/2) we went to WDW for 1 day/night and on the 3 night cruise. It was the best vacation! Our first without diapers since our honeymoon, LOL!
I knew the kids were safe and happy at home with my parents so I didnt worry. Yes, we called home and thought about them, but it was nice to be away from them for a few days. All couples, even parents, need time alone together. Where they choose to spend it is up to them. And honestly the Disney Cruise was a great choice. There is so much adult only stuff there, stuff we couldnt do on our cruise with our kids. I wouldnt do it all the time, but once every few years would be fine by me.
If you are lucky enough to have the chance to do something like that go for it!

 

[imgoingtodisney]

NOPE

Heck in over 11yrs DH & I have never hired a babysitter. Both our mothers live over an hr away so we dont rely on them either.

 

[Robinrs]

No.

 

[ripleysmom]

Yes we have. Sometimes you just need to have a couple of days of "mom and dad" time.

 

[SilverLily]

Yes! Every year we go somewhere for 5 or 6 days. I am a really evil mother because I also go on a trip with female friends every year. I think it is important to keep up my relationship with my DH and my friends. I am a SAHM, so I spend plenty of time with my kids. I don't feel guilty at all about being gone for maybe a total of 2 weeks a year. Plus, we always take the kids on a vacation, too, so they get to go somewhere also.

I say for you to go. At your son's age, he will have a great time with his grandparents. It is important for you and your DH to have some time together away from home. You will miss your DS, but he will be fine. I think his first WDW trip should be when you have some more time so he can really take it all in. Good luck with your decision!

 

[CRB#33]

Once when they were 4 and 2, my ex and I went skiing without them for a weekend. We left them with my ex-MIL who decided it was okay to leave the younger one in the tub alone for "just a minute." He stood up while she was gone, slipped and fell, and ended up with 14 stitches in his chin. Glad she's my EX-Mother-in-law.

Now that they are almost 13 and almost 15, I have only gone away once for a few days this summer and most of the time they were with their father (one day with my dad).

That being said, I still think that time needs to be had quietly and privately with married couples. Parents need to remember that they were once "just a couple" and sometimes going away with each other can really revive a couple! In the long run this helps to create a very healthy marriage and remember that can only be a good thing when you're raising a family!

As far as the guilty feelings, I can't imagine that you won't have them and be prepared to miss your son terribly. But again, try to keep in mind how much having a loving relationship with your DH will benefit your life as a family.

 

[cgcw]

No we haven't. We don't have family who could/would help us out with our boys so it was never an option for us. We've done lots of family vacations and I can't imagine going away without the kids. It was hard enough to leave my older DS the night my younger DS was born. I'd be a wreck and not have any fun.

 

[onecoolmama]

I have never taken a vacation WITH my kids!! DD just turned 1 and DS will turn 3 and this year is the first year we are taking a vacation with them.

I am a SAHM and for me..if the kids come it is not much of a vacation. It's the same thing just a different location. I think it is sooo important to take a break from kids and work and renew your feeling for each other. Not that you don't have them all year..but for us..this is the foundation on which we built our life and family. Our love and commitment to each other. For us, it is crucial to take that time for ourselves.

I am extremely lucky becuase my mom is one of 13 and most of them are in the area. When it was just DS..my mom always took him, this past Jan..my mom took my Ds and my aunt took DD. My kids love my family..so it is a good time for them too.

We are going for 12 days this October and we are actually trying to find people to take our kids for the last 4 (they willl fly back with my mom) so we can stay and enjoy some alone time!!! Go for it..have fun..and remember..you need time to yourselves too.

PS. I just lost 35lbs in 3 months..congrats on your victory!

 

[believe]

DH and I are easing into a longer trip. 2 years ago we went away for a night. This year we went away for 2 nights in April and will go away for one night the end of this month. Our plan is to go on a cruise for our 10yr anniversary in 1.5yrs. I see nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and DH. One way DH and I cope with the guilt is to make sure that our trips are 'extra' trips and not something we normally we do as a family. DDs still got their trip to Disney this year and will go to Tennessee in November, which is were we went in April. They went to Cleveland in May, we will be going at the end of the month. Usually what we decide to do they are either too young for or would not like (hiking, bike riding 11 miles, football games, etc). Getting away is the best thing DH and I can do for our girls. It helps to keep our marriage revitalized.

 

[disneygals]

I didn't read through all the answers so sorry if this is a repeat. Have you ever left him for one night? If not, do a trial run, see how if goes and how you feel.

The most we have done is 2 nights, but I know many people who have done more and survived!

 

[Doug123]

As far as background: I am happily married with two kids (2 and a half years old and 3 months).

You have to work at a successful marriage. That doesn't end just because you have kids. Do it for yourselves and your relationship and take the trip. Yes, it will be hard and you'll miss the kids, but you will be a happier, more well-round, better parent because of it.

I have a friend who, now that he has kids, never goes out (let along go away) with his wife. They're in marriage counseling. You connect the dots.