Hi everyone,
I have been gone a long, long, long, time. I have had so much going on, so many BIG changes!!
My son's dad reappeared after being absent all his life and is now seeing him. That seems to be going well for them. Well, me, I am having a few issues with this whole thing, but that is another story.
I went out to see my mother whom I have not seen for 10 years, and there is a reason for that. But I had to go and wanted to go for my Grandmother's memorial who passed almost two years ago. That was really beautiful and special, it was on the ocean shore that we had her memorial!!!
But seeing my mother was so difficult, I ended up leaving and staying in a hotel that last week we were there. It was a better visit than I normally have with her, however still not good. I did learn a lot about my family and my mother and what they have all been through growing up, and it gave me a better understanding of why my mother suffers from PTSD. She can also be abusive as well, it is a cycle that I feel I have broken, and my son agrees!!!!!!!!!!! But my mother was abused, and therefore she acts abusive when she is stressed or sad or whatever.
But mommasita, I feel what you are saying and I feel guilt as well. But you have to look out for yourself and your family. I understand totally what you are going through. My mother is in BC alone, and I feel guilty for that. When she moved there when I was 16 I literally ran away so I would not have to go with her because she was putting herself smack in the middle of dysfunction and abuse at its best. That is why she suffers from PTSD. So don't feel guilty, my life would have been so different had I moved with her!!
I love my mother and feel sorry for her, but you can't let it rule your life.
I did so much for my mom when I was out there, bought her groceries, did errands, took her everywhere she needed to go, ran myself ragged, no time for vacation stuff, just doing things for her. Which I didn't mind, they needed to be done. But came back in a huge fatigue flair that has taken me two months to come out of. And one day she says to me, I am trying to control her life and "eff" it up, because I don't like her bf!! Really, Really, Really?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spending so much money to go and see her after 10 years, airfare, car rental, hotel room, etc, dinners out, everything, and that is what I get???!!!!!!! OMG It is sad, as a result, my son doesn't like his grandma, there was no bonding time with him, he just refereed our fights and hid out in the bedroom. DOesn't like her, doesn't respect her, it's sad really.
And I have finally started counselling for myself for things I should have went for when I was a child and I feel this will be the start of getting my life back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy, it will be a journey that is for sure, but the end will be worth it!
I just started a 90 day challenge and challenged myself to lose 40 lbs!! I am son my way, which is awesome and am so excited about it. Starting to get my energy back and feel good.
It is Body by Vi and it is doing wonders for me, especially on the days that I have no energy I make a shake and I have my meal. That is a lot of the reason I have gained so much weight, if i am not feeling well I do not eat ALL DAY sometimes not until 9 at night!! Which is not good for my body. So this way, I can get my vitamins and nutrients in and it is working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting my sexy back LOL
If anyone wants more info on this PM me, I feel it has truly helped me.
I have not read all the back posts that would take quite a while!! But I see we have new people here!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully I will be here more often.