they are all too busy to "facilitate my vacation".
How lovely of them.
You have a job of parenting. Any of them have kids that they have someone else watch while they work? The person watching their kids has a job. Therefore, watching children is a job. You just don't happen to get paid for it in an obvious fashion (nor do I). If they have kids that are watched by others, those caregivers have the right to have vacation, and so do you.
Now you have a second job, that of caretaker. And caretakers deserve vacations, too. Taking care of a parent is just about the hardest thing you will EVER do in your life, from what I've noticed in watching my aunt.
That said, people not in the position you're in usually do NOT understand. They have NO clue of the difficulties. They don't know how emotionally wrenching it all is. How physically draining it is.
I remember listening to my mom when my aunt was taking care of their mom while also raising a daughter, and my mom, wonderful as she was, didn't get it. She wanted to help, but ultimately the thing that would have helped would have been for my mom to take 2 weeks of vacation and get herself down to their mom's house and physically HELP. My mom tried her best, along with their brother, to make money available, to make suggestions (like find respite care while aunt took classes to be an official caregiver so she could get some money from Medicare/caid...this might be something not available in every state and/or might be something that could happen then but not now, I don't know), etc, but my aunt never felt *helped* by that. (which was on her a bit...she really should have done that, but couldn't believe that respite care would help...a couple years later when she finally did find respite care as my grandma went further into Alzheimers she wished she had done so years before)
Now, years later, with my mom gone and with a friendship with my aunt (that never happened until my mom was gone), I hear her side of the story. She just wanted help.
I did my own share of caregiving last year, and it wasn't even full time, nor was it for someone I particularly care about, but it was seriously disturbingly difficult. I wasn't that tired even when DS was brand new, and trust me, I was tired then.
Maybe you can get referrals for in-home care from your mom's hospital? There are people who's job is to perform non-medical assistance for those recovering from illness, such as providing meals, keeping the ill comfortable, medication reminding. Basically, they are adult sitters and help out when their partner has to be at work. Some of the cost may be covered by her insurance.
Work fast, but for sure get respite and someone to help care for your mom. Speak to her doctor ASAP.
Hearing from my siblings that it was selfish of me to be taking a vacation when my mom was so sick really got into my head I guess.
Well, what are THEY doing that's so incredibly important?
As for your dad...he certainly could take off time. What if it were he that was so sick? What would his company do? He could take FMLA time, he could work different hours, he could talk to management about this BRIEF period of time when his wife's caregiver isn't available.
Does his company have an employee assistance program? He should talk to them about possibilities. Do they have access to caregivers? Discounts? etc?
She's your mom but she's HIS WIFE. And honestly this (your other plans...forget that it's a "vacation", forget that it's
Disneyland...you have other plans for this period of time, end of story) shouldn't be hitting you harder than it is him.
I did talk to my local church and they are going to have a few people check in on her now. Calling at seven in the morning crying and emotional sure helped my case that I needed help. LOL.
Wish I could hire a nurse, but my husband recently lost his job. This trip is only happening because we had already paid for it and can't get it refunded.
I'm glad the church people are coming.
But why would YOU hire a nurse? Just because you are the caregiver right now doesn't mean that you are responsible for hiring someone to replace you. Your parents are lucky that you're doing this (unpaid, it seems), and
they should be finding someone to fill in while you fill your tanks and get a breather. I hope THEY know how hard this second job of yours is, and I hope they really get that you do need a break or you're going to wear yourself into the ground.
Have your dad look for someone.
Really want to go, but don't want to be held responsible and crucified by my siblings if something were to go wrong while I am not there either. Family sucks sometimes!
Doesn't sound like they are much of a family. If my family were like that they wouldn't be my family anymore.
What if something happens while you're in the bathroom? Are you not allowed to do that? Or at the store? Or with your back turned? Have they actually thought this through? Obviously not. If something happens, since they aren't helping out while you are unavailable, if they are going to assign blame it will HAVE TO go allll the way around. If something happens, well, you weren't there, but
neither were they.
How can they possibly not understand, that in order for someone to take physical care of an aging parent, that someone must take care of themselves emotionally, in order to do the job properly, and possibly for an extended time?
I don't defend, but it really is difficult for many people to get it. I come from a background of not really getting it, either. And then I did. And then I really did when I helped my MIL last year. For some people you don't get it until you're living it.
Found out on facebook that one of them is going to a local gambling town this weekend and that's why they can't come. Makes me angry.
Say something. They have no problems saying things, why should you? Your trip has been planned for 2 years; when did THEY decide to go?
I didn't think I could handle seeing my mom, either. But that wasn't the reason I didn't see her while she was being treated for leukemia; I was living cross-country in a brand new job without vacation time, and I kept getting sick. You can't visit someone being treated for leukemia while sick, so the trip got put off. I was finally healthy, she gave me a timeframe to visit after her last chemo session, and then she died because of the blood thinner (while in remission) and the whole passel of doctors and nurses utterly missing the fact that she was having gastric bleeding for a couple weeks. Died, suddenly, days before my scheduled visit.
I don't say that to scare you. I know you're already scared. I say it to tell your sister.
My aunt tells me I'm lucky because I didn't see my mom while she was so sick. I'm not totally sure I care one little bit about that. My brother saw her about halfway through treatment and they say I'm lucky. Again, not sure about that. All I know is that I saw my mom a couple weeks before she was diagnosed and then never, ever again. And that sucks.
I don't want even your selfish siblings to have regrets IF something were to happen, and their regrets would be their faults, not like my situation where I just kept getting sick and lived cross country.
Is your Dad aware of how bad they are treating you and the fact that they will do nothing to help your Mom?
Dad definitely needs to step up a bit.
...since they all "have jobs" could they not all pitch in on the cost of a nurse for those days, i mean surely if the one has money to gamble he could help with that and split 7 ways that wouldn't be to much money!!....
Gee, I sure hope _they_ don't need help with anything anytime soon! Remember, young and single is often like it's own disease with symptoms of insanity and brain damage. 
Just want to have a happy fun time, but with everything going on I am just not feeling that way. 
