Extra Money Collected.....HELP

[taraprather]

Congrats to you!! What a lucky family.....Do you know what is so sad, about the family that we have collected for? When I asked if there were things that the kids were hoping for, I was told that they really don't ever wish for anything....because it isn't even a possibility. So sad.

Aww, that is so sad. Poor kids. When I ask what the kids wanted, the mom said, just clothes. They are wearing old raggedy clothes that hardly fit. About 2 weeks later I talked to her again and got more of a list of stuff that her kids have seemed to have an interest in. We finally finished wrapping everything up today. I'll be happy to get all this stuff out of my living room! We plan on bringing it to them on the 23rd.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I'm sitting here at work reading this, looking for ideas, too.

I have a small office filled with two bikes and helmets and elbow and knee pads, and about 8 carrier bags full of clothes and presents for our adopted family. I sure wish I had your problem of excess money...I even did another round of requesting money for gift wrap!

We're all set now. I can be very persuasive.

 

[PelletierBears]

I am making sure the money is spent appropriately....that means the money that I have worked so hard to collect, will be spent on something beneficial to EVERY member of the family. Tobacco products are not beneficial to 4 children in any capacity. If they choose to spend money, that has not been donated to better their lives, on cigarettes than that is fine. I personally would be TICKED if I donated money and then found out the person in charge let it be spent on tobacco and/or alcohol etc....

So, yes it is my business what they spend their "grocery" money on. I have been entrusted and have an obligation, to those folks that gave their hard earned money, for me to see that this family doesn't go without.

Sorry but I agree with the poster you're upset with. You've done a wonderful thing by helping this family through a tough time in their lives. But you can't save people from themselves. I understand your feelings, I hate everything to do with cigarettes. Both my Dad and an aunt have passed away from lung cancer. But the parents of this family are adults, don't insult them by treating them like children. You want to help but with conditions....

By the way, are there any groceries stores that don't sell tobacco products?

 

[pearlieq]

I am making sure the money is spent appropriately....that means the money that I have worked so hard to collect, will be spent on something beneficial to EVERY member of the family. Tobacco products are not beneficial to 4 children in any capacity. If they choose to spend money, that has not been donated to better their lives, on cigarettes than that is fine. I personally would be TICKED if I donated money and then found out the person in charge let it be spent on tobacco and/or alcohol etc....

So, yes it is my business what they spend their "grocery" money on. I have been entrusted and have an obligation, to those folks that gave their hard earned money, for me to see that this family doesn't go without.

I was with you up until this. I honestly think it's really insulting. It's turning a really nice thing you did into something mean and judgmental.

When you give, you give freely, not with strings and conditions. Do you really think so little of these people that you want to police their actions like little children? Why are Twinkies OK and cigarettes not? Does someone need to approve the type of lunchmeat they buy?

If it's really that big of an issue, just pay ahead their utilities or something. You can pay that directly to the company.

 

[HayGan]

OP - I understand that you would want the funds used in a way that would benefit the entire family. Aldi's do have gift certificates at this time of the year ($25 denominations) and they do not sell tobacco products. You could also look into monthly deliveries of fresh fruit (there are a number of services that do this) or maybe pre-pay for them for Angel Food Ministries. I also understand others opinion that these are adults and you have to have some faith in them to use the gc's in a way that would be most beneficial to their children.

I do not know how much of the funds you have left but if there is a couple hundred, you could buy them a small chest freezer and buy meat in bulk to fill it with.

 

[roxy83]

OP - I did want to add that I think that what you are doing is selfless and fantastic. I know my message came across harsh and it wasn't my intent.

I would ask that you do some thinking on where this money makes the most sense and how it's managed. I also wanted to point out that I am not a smoker but my parents are. They ALWAYS sacrificed their cigarettes to make sure that we didn't need for anything growing up. I guess that's why I feel that most adults will put the needs of the children first.

 

[JackJack08]

See the thing is...our town is VERY small...I know Dad has some "bad" habits. I am not treating anyone like a child. To me giving someone a GC is like giving someone money. Would you give them money? Of course not. Because it may not be spent in a responsible way. A way that would benefit the whole family....like it was intended. Normally, I would not be in the position to decide what is responsible behaviour for anyone. But in this case I have a huge responsibility to many people. I cannot save anyone from themselves...and trust me, I'm not trying to. I have my own life to deal with.

Oh....and there is a big difference between Twinkies and tobacco products. Please. If you think it's insulting, that I want them to buy food with a GROCERY store gc.....than whatever. Whatever they want to buy with money that they have earned themselves fine. They have "earned" this donation as well, it's just going to purchase food. I don't really think that I am asking to much.

 

[JackJack08]

OP - I understand that you would want the funds used in a way that would benefit the entire family. Aldi's do have gift certificates at this time of the year ($25 denominations) and they do not sell tobacco products. You could also look into monthly deliveries of fresh fruit (there are a number of services that do this) or maybe pre-pay for them for Angel Food Ministries. I also understand others opinion that these are adults and you have to have some faith in them to use the gc's in a way that would be most beneficial to their children.

I do not know how much of the funds you have left but if there is a couple hundred, you could buy them a small chest freezer and buy meat in bulk to fill it with.

Aldi's is a great idea. Thanks! I do have faith in people....and if it was just my $$ I would have less of an issue.
I actually like the freezer idea too. Hmmmm.... now you have me thinking.....then she could purchase things when they are on sale too. Things that they enjoy but can't purchase in bulk, because they have no room.

 

[Alesia]

Aldi's is a great idea. Thanks! I do have faith in people....and if it was just my $$ I would have less of an issue.
I actually like the freezer idea too. Hmmmm.... now you have me thinking.....then she could purchase things when they are on sale too. Things that they enjoy but can't purchase in bulk, because they have no room.

Can they afford to pay the extra electricity. I'm not sure how much it would cost to run a freezer, but I'm guessing that it would be fairly significant, especially if they are already relying on charity.

 

[JackJack08]

Can they afford to pay the extra electricity. I'm not sure how much it would cost to run a freezer, but I'm guessing that it would be fairly significant, especially if they are already relying on charity.

True. I should look into the cost, to run one of these for a year. I think the new energy saving ones, approximate the electricity usage per year. I know my fridge was $18 per year or something. Much better than I thought it would be. Maybe freezers use extra wattage though...........

 

[plummer925]

See the thing is...our town is VERY small...I know Dad has some "bad" habits. I am not treating anyone like a child. To me giving someone a GC is like giving someone money. Would you give them money? Of course not. Because it may not be spent in a responsible way. A way that would benefit the whole family....like it was intended. Normally, I would not be in the position to decide what is responsible behaviour for anyone. But in this case I have a huge responsibility to many people. I cannot save anyone from themselves...and trust me, I'm not trying to. I have my own life to deal with.

Oh....and there is a big difference between Twinkies and tobacco products. Please. If you think it's insulting, that I want them to buy food with a GROCERY store gc.....than whatever. Whatever they want to buy with money that they have earned themselves fine. They have "earned" this donation as well, it's just going to purchase food. I don't really think that I am asking to much.

Check your local grocery store - I know that 3 of the 4 in my areas have stipulations on gift cards - no tobacco or alcohol, no stamps, and no other prepaid cards. Maybe yours has a similar situation.

I think what you are doing is WONDERFUL!!!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I would make sure that whatever money you collected for that needy family THIS YEAR, goes to that needy family THIS YEAR. I agree with the grocery store gift card. A perfect solution.

If you feel this will open the door to the parents making bad decisions with money your community has given them..then why not buy a load of non perishable items to give to them. Or buy them a months worth of grocery's. Or possiably some clothing for the kids. Pencils, Pens, supplies for school.
Or a combination of it all.

 

[ELLE-TN]

I must agree with lots of others who say this money was meant for THIS family THIS year! GC to the grocery store (no alcohol or tobacco restrictions of course) and prepaying utility bills is an excellent idea for left over funds.

Thanks so much for your effort in helping this family!
You must have a heart of Gold.

 

[JackJack08]

Thanks so much everyone and have a Merry Christmas!!

 

[Laurel1]

It is not a waste thing if you spend it on your family..If you are not ready to look after your family and your's happiness...Then what for the money is?

 

[angeleigh]

Sorry but I agree with the poster you're upset with. You've done a wonderful thing by helping this family through a tough time in their lives. But you can't save people from themselves. I understand your feelings, I hate everything to do with cigarettes. Both my Dad and an aunt have passed away from lung cancer. But the parents of this family are adults, don't insult them by treating them like children. You want to help but with conditions....

By the way, are there any groceries stores that don't sell tobacco products?

I know in our area Wegman's does not sell cigarettes.

 

[MKCP5]

WHEW....thanks everyone for the responses!!! I agree totally....and was honestly quite offended, when she asked me to do this. Of course, there are needy families everywhere but we are one family....we can't help everyone!
As far as the bank account goes, it would actually go through a third party organization, so technically it wouldn't be "mine" but would be set up as mine, to use for them. Confusing...a little.
I am trying not to take offense to the stealing comment....because if that were the case, I would just use and spend it on myself, instead of even worrying about keeping it for future needs of the family. Which of course would defeat the whole purpose of the act itself!

On a brighter note...I heard today, that Mom had a total breakdown, when she heard this stuff was coming. The last few months have been really hard for her and this is such a kind gesture. She was beside herself! I am thrilled that little ole' me did that!!!!!

Oh....and I am going to do the grocery gc, if I can find a grocery store that doesn't carry tobacco products. I made sure they already have a full food hamper coming and also a place, for a home-cooked Christmas dinner if they choose to go.

Please don't take offense to my comment about stealing--in no way did I infer that you were trying to steal anything. I am saying you need to protect yourself here, people can turn ugly on the rumor of something that they have decided should be done a different way. I work on a board for a non profit. You want EVERYTHING you touch when doing something with other people's money to be upfront and open and clear so no one ever doubts your wonderful intentions!!

 

[DawnM]

I am not clear on why the other woman who gave only $20 thinks YOU should be the one to help this other family that she found. If she thinks they need help, she can organize her own drive for that particular family. You can always politely suggest that you know there are many hurting this Christmas and this family you are helping is the one you have chosen to help. And add that perhaps the one she wants to help would be a good cause for her to do likewise.

Dawn

 

[horseshowmom]

Jack, you're doing a good job. Sort through the ideas and see what you think will be the best fit for your situation. I completely understand (and agree with you) about trying to make sure the money takes care of the entire family. I've seen some situations where the kids went without because the parents spent the money on vices (gambling, etc.). I think you're being reasonable in trying to take precautions to prevent that from happening. You're just trying to protect the kids.

Merry Christmas!

 

[Cynt]

This is awesome. Congrats on a job well done.

A GC is a good idea. If you're concerned about them purchasing tobacco purchase more non perishable items with the leftover money...dry pasta, can vegetables (you never have enough of them), canned tuna, toiletetries - you know you never have enough toilet paper, deoderant, paper towels, bath soap, laundry detergent, etc.

My BIL has issues like the man you described so I totally understand where you're coming from on the tobacco issue. When my sister and her family are in need I never give them cash. He would smoke and drink it up in a heart beat.

I pray God gives you wisdom on how to spend the balance of the money.