Ending a relationship over Disney

[hineshm]

I am sorry to say that my husband of 24 years does not like Disney

I have visited around 30 times, but I do vacation without him. I bring my girlfriends, go with my parents, take my kids, or friends and family that want an experienced tour guide

We compromise and go other places, long weekends and such, but he will go to Disney about every 3 years. I make sure that he knows that he does not have to wake up early and open the park (as I do), and to include things that he does like. I always find out what he does like and make sure those things are done to make for a more peaceful and fun vacation for both of us.

Most of all of our vacation times are about compromise, since I enjoy the beach, disney and shopping, and I am always on the go, resting is for home! He is more of a nature guy he likes to hunt, fish and be generally lazy on vacation.

Good luck!

 

[uponastar8]

SO lucky that when I brought a reluctant BF to Disney, he ended up loving it almost more than me!!

Have you thought about planning a vacation to the Orlando area, and doing both Disney and non-disney activities? Orlando has so much to offer, you can squeeze in some adult Disney fun (Epcot is usually a hit with first timer adults) between shopping, dining, boating, etc.

Good luck! I hope we get another Disney lover!

 

[ArwenMarie]

Tough one.

If you are planning on getting married at some point, I'd be most concerned about the money aspect of it. It's one thing to have different interests when your assets aren't combined...but is she going to be ok with spending significant amounts of joint money on your Disney interest that she doesn't share? She might be, I don't know, but that would be one factor that I would seriously think about.

 

[FFEMT510]

Recently divorced (ink has just dried )--Forever is a long time. I'm not saying compromise isn't important, but red flags like this concern me. Life is too short to be with someone you aren't 100% happy with. And I'm certain this isn't the only thing you're having some concerns over...

But thats just me...I settled the first time and I won't be doing that again!

Also...for the record--how do you think she would take it if she read this post online or found out about this. Maybe not the best place to seek advice...just saying...

 

[TravelMommy]

and Florida and has given me his love of cruises. We went a few times before we were married, it was great to get his perspective on things. We are both sorry we didn't buy DVC back in 1996, but I digress..... It is truly magical going as a family. I think it wasn't a deal breaker for me, only you know if it is for you. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!!!

 

[Aliceacc]

If she continues to laugh at your suggestions, I'd reconsider the relationship -- not because of Disney, per se, but for the lack of respect that represents.

Good luck.

Exactly. This isn't about where to vacation or how to spend money. It's about respect for what's important to the other person.

It doesn't mean she has to agree to go to Disney every year. It means that she gives it a shot and goes once. And, if she hates it, she finds a way to put up with it cheerfully every other year, while you cheerfully put up with the cruises she loves on the alternate years.

It's about loving and respecting the other person enough to respect what's important to that person.

Though, in reading this,

I don't want to take vacations that I don't like.

, it's possible that you're more alike than you realize. How do you know you won't like her city or beach vacations?

 

[fabulousfive]

If you would consider breaking it off for such a reason I think she's not the girl for you. If you truly wanted to be with her, you would at all costs no matter what. And if or when you find a girl who has a common love for Disney, it is incredible going as a family with kids.

 

[kuhltiffany]

I love Disney and my husband doesn't. He has been to DW once and tolerated it, but really doesn't want to go back. I've been with my parents and kids, taken the kids by myself too. My husband is OK with that, I get more time off than he does. He prefers vacationing in less busy/touristy type places, so we do those too. I did get him on a Disney Cruise a few years ago and he's OK with that, so for now we're doing those yearly

 

[lkh]

My boyfriend doesn't hate Disney, I'd say he actually likes it, but he doesn't understand how I could go once a month and never get bored of it. I think we like different aspects of it so the past few trips I've made sure to plan things he'd really be excited for. Another issue for us was we'd never been outside of a runDisney race weekend so those trips tended to be a bit more high stress with having to go to the expo and early wake-ups but he loved our free dining trip this fall! For us, the best thing to do was just some compromise. While I'd love to be in the parks from open to close, he likes to take afternoon breaks and if I'm not tired for a nap I use that time to walk around the resort and take pictures or browse the gift shops. I've made sure every time I make ADRs, I have him pick at least one he really wants to do because I think the food is his favorite part of Disney!

 

[SpaceCadet]

My Ex Boyfriend did not have the same admiration for Disney as I do. We did take a vacation together to WDW a few years back and I have to say it was the worst trip I have ever taken to WDW. Now we are no longer together and my next Boyfriend must have love for Mickey and Walt.

 

[Waiting2goback]

I am new to the forum but when I am part of a forum I generally do not like to bore people with long responses so if this gets long I apologize.

I am getting divorced. And while Disney is not the reason, the reason is similar to what you are talking about. My wife went to Disney several times during her childhood. The first time I went was our honeymoon. She talked me into it. I went and I LOVED it. We stayed at the Floridian so that was part of it but I just fell in love. We went back as a couple 2 more times, the last being with our oldest child. (On a side note, I fell in love with it even more after reading several biographies on Walt. Just seeing what he and Roy went through to start this company inspires me and makes me appreciate it even more)

As time went on, I always wanted to go back and she would make up reasons not to. Well, I have been a stay-at-home dad for the last 5 years. I went by myself because she wouldn't go. I wanted the whole family to go but she said no. I was burnt out being in the house all the time, running errands, etc... So, I just went for a long weekend 2 times with the last trip being in August 2013. It was around that trip that she started insulting me, saying it was weird to go by myself, she had told one of her friends I was going and then passed on the info that she and her husband thought I was weird for going without the kids too, etc... I'm sure a lot of people think it was weird but I offered to go with the kids and leave her home so she could have time to herself. She thinks it is a lot of work (we have 4 kids) so as another attempt to compromise I said we could go to the parks for only 4 days of the 7 we were going and hang at the pool the other days, etc... She said no to all my suggestions.

It wasn't just this issue that caused our problems, obviously. But, as it has been said earlier in the thread, if she is laughing at your suggestion to go that is a sign of disrespect. That is a bigger problem in any relationship, regardless of the topic. Someone else brought up an excellent issue though. If you get married will she like you spending joint money on Disney trips if she doesn't like it? The only reason I was able to go was because I had always gotten Disney gift cards on birthday's and holiday's so it cost me nothing either time I went. In fact, she and her "friends" asked why I didn't go around where I live just to get a break. On top of loving it at Disney, it cost me no real money because of the gift cards and we had a credit on JetBlue that would go to waste if I didn't use it. To stay around my house would cost me much more just for the hotel.

In your situation it could be the opposite. If you got married and had kids maybe she would end up loving it when she sees how happy it makes the kids. Who knows.

I can tell you this though, I am 40 yrs old. If I never end up meeting someone else I am fine going with just me and my kids. If I do meet someone else, she will have to like Disney. I truly enjoy it and I don't ever want to be told I am weird for wanting to go or that Disney isn't important (which she has said numerous times in the last couple of years)

One last piece of info: She hasn't wanted to go anywhere else on vacation either. I tried that compromise as well, so it's not that I am just some selfish Disney fanatic.

Just take a look at other apects of the relationship and see if you guys are disrespecting each other in other areas as well. I'm guessing it isn't just Disney. If you truly love and respect someone you want them to be happy. Laughing at someone or making them feel stupid for something they love is not respect. I mean its not like I was a drug addict and she made me feel guilty because it was affecting the kids or something. It's DISNEY!

 

[Samar]

Also info from folks that might already be in long-term relationship/marriage with this issue would be helpful. Id like to see how you deal with it.

We'll be married for 12 years and DH barely tolerates Disney. It totally sucks to have my fun and my kids fun squashed by Mr. GrumpaLump. He thought I would "grow out" of my Disney phase but he didn't realize it'd be a way of life, especially with 3 kids!

And it's not just Disney, he dismisses a lot of my ideas for fun because he deems them childish and I'm only 29. This is my fun, clubs and bars are not my fun. Even family vacations have tension because when I try to do something for just the kids and I, he gets all crunchy but I really don't want a grumpy appendage.

Had I known all this before marriage, it would have been a deal breaker. I feel like my soul gets drained on a daily basis but my kids love their Dad despite his boring self. So save your soul and find someone who wants to make it full and not drain it and make you feel bad for enjoying your fun things

 

[DisneyDiva22]

I guess what it really comes down to is compromise. My boyfriend likes Disney but I know that he would not be on board for a trip every single year (which I could totally do). It's about recognizing your own interests and hers, and determining if she is worth making the compromise for.

 

[glammadiva]

My spouse hates Disney. Has been twice and gripes, complains, refuses to go to the evening fireworks and tries to make me miserable. It is not fun. I go without him and I have bouts of sadness when I see couples having fun and families laughing and enjoying their time together. He doesnt want to travel anywhere. After many years I go by myself on trips. He pouts, but then doesnt want to go. He also criticizes me about Disney and acts like a complete jerk. Life is short. If she refuses to compromise and smile while she is there because she loves you, wants you happy and wants to spend time with you then think very carefully about marriage. No one deserves to be in a marriage with a black hole sucking the very life out of you.

 

[ellie05]

Would you be willing to compromise to do Disney every other year? Will she be ok with this compromise? And if not will you be ok taking vacations separate? I don't think it is a relationship deal breaker unless no one is willing to compromise.

I guess I am lucky DH loves disney almost as much as I do and he never says no to a Disney trip.

 

[Dani C]

Oddly enough this is one reason I am hesitant to get involved with anyone. I don't want to give up my "other home". If I find a man that loves Disney, maybe I will get involved again but until then this lady will just stay single.

 

[mco65]

If she doesn't like Disney World, she aint gonna like Disneyland....

If your serious about her and she is serious about you, you will learn to compromise on vacations. I do a ton of stuff my wife WANTs to do that I don't necessarily like and vice verse.. That is simply a big part of a relationship.

Her not liking WDW should not be a deal breaker in your relationship, if it turns out to be then your probably better off without each other...

 

[CampbellScot]

The fact is, laughing at/mocking something you love is disrespectful. Your happiness should be important to her as hers should be to you. Absolutely compromise should be a part of the relationship. BUT if being with this person means having to put up with a pouting passive/aggressive Disney partner, I'd say look at he relationship as a whole. This passive aggressive garbage would extend to other things beyond Disney and that kind of thing is soul sucking.

I went to Disney World for the first time with my long time boyfriend. He KNEW how beyond excited I was. He knew I was a huge Walt Disney fan. I was beside myself with joy at finally being able to see DisneyWorld. I paid for the tickets for us to get in (at the gate b/c I was SUCH a newbie I didn't realize I could buy tickets before and save money). We got to Magic Kingdom for rope drop. I was literally crying as a childhood dream was coming true. He rolled his eyes at me. As soon as we got into the park he started talking about how Walt was a communist and Disney represented everything that was bad about America. I tried to ignore him and just have a good time. He reluctantly went on Space Mountain with me. He proceeded to spend the rest of the time we were there telling me he was sick. We did philharmagic and that was it. He wouldn't get on anything else. Finally he sat on bench and I told him that he was ruining this for me and I left him there and wandered around on my own.

I realized that his massive disrespect for me and for something that was important to ME was a sign that things were deeply wrong in the relationship. It wasn't Disney that broke us up. It was our trip to Disney that made me realize how little he cared about the things that made me happy. Those of us who love Disney have many reasons for loving it. They are often emotionally rooted. For someone to act ugly about something that brings you joy is not a sign of a loving respectful partner.

don't end up married to someone who can't see beyond her wants and find joy in your happiness. That is NOT love. A person can be a disney hater and still be supportive of your passions. It is possible. a good friend of mine is married to what we all call "The Disney Hater". He is a great guy who happens not to adore Disney. He DOES adore his wife and kids wouldn't dream of ruining their excitement with a bad attitude. He goes sometimes b/c the kids love to enjoy Disney with their dad. He goes b/c he loves them more than he hates Disney.

Think about it.

 

[Pooh2]

If you would consider breaking it off for such a reason I think she's not the girl for you. If you truly wanted to be with her, you would at all costs no matter what. And if or when you find a girl who has a common love for Disney, it is incredible going as a family with kids.

Agree. If it were just the Disney thing, you probably would not have come here to post.
My husband of 30 years is not a disney person but goes with a smile on his face, stands in line for characters with me and has a wonderful time and attitude when we go because he knows it is one of my passions and disney brings me joy. We've spent many vacations camping over the years, which would not be my first choice but we've always enjoyed our camping vacations.
The key is to find someone who will grow with you and take joy in sharing the things you are passionate about and you are willing to do the same for her.

 

[carrie1626]

I've actually taken her there already. She was excited to go, but now seems like she's over it. More like checking it off the to-do list. She's not super interested to go back, and had already made it seem like a negative. I want to go to disneyland this year for Christmas time, but I don't know how it will go over.

My other issue is that my vacation time is limited based on my job. It's hard to be away for even a week, so it's not like I can take my own weeks off and another set with her.

I feel like we have different religions. I believe in Mickey.

Oh, I feel your pain. And I can't wrap my head around this as You loving Disney and Her-not. How often does that happen............