DS9 and DW stayed home...continued

[maxiesmom]

In case mods are following this thought process (which I understand), I would just ask if the previous thread could have been moved over here rather than just locked?

The first thread got kind of nasty, which is why it was locked. This one seems to be staying pretty friendly, so hopefully it will be left alone.

 

[Jedana]

It's tough, being the parent, at times.

DD2 had received concert tickets for her 12th birthday--some boy band. She was a "latch key" kid at this point, came home instead of going to daycare while we were at work. She went to check the mail, and there was a package as well as several important pieces, including a new credit card we had been waiting on (old one expired). Instead of walking straight home, dropping off the mail/package, and going into the pool (less than 3 minutes--our apartment was beside the pool and the mailboxes in front of it), she chose to go to the pool to hang with her friends.

Two hours later, she went home---sans mail and package. She still has no idea what happened to the mail/package; she remembered getting them out of the mailboxes, she remembered what envelopes were there, and going to the pool, but she doesn't know what happened to them while she was playing with her friends.

She didn't care that she lost them either--I think that is what made DH the maddest. He gave away her concert tickets. She did not get a replacement present, either. She never lost the mail again...tough lesson for her.

I think he was a little too harsh on this punishment, but then again, she had had to have her cell phone replaced twice already at this point (one went down into a port-a-potty at an outdoor concert event, the other in the pool when her friends pushed her in fully clothes), broke a video camera AND a digital camera (by playing with them with her friends--dropped one and screwed up the buttons on the other), and had been caught (by video taping herself ) jumping on our bed and wearing my good jewelry.

I think he was just fed up with her behavior at this point---we found someone to sit with her after school, and she wasn't allowed out of sight of the sitter--oh, that made her so but too bad. It took her another 2 years to grow up enough that we could let her be by herself---I ended up quitting my job after 3 months of the sitter because we were spending so much (DS in daycare FT plus the PT sitter which cost almost as much as the FT daycare), it just wasn't financially feasible for me to continue working---my entire paycheck was going to gas, daycare and dinners out.

 

[Granny square]

You gave away her birthday present? That is pretty bad. I worked with a behavior program in college, the dd kids knew to take the food treats because adults would take away their stuff.

 

[Miche_503]

I agree with your parenting, he needs to learn responsibility. Have a talk with his teacher and get some work for him to bring on the trip.

 

[luvmy3]

Did I miss something? How did the OP follow through? He caved; his kid is going to Disney. If he had followed through, the trip would be off, period.

No criticism intended of OP, it's a parent's decision. Just don't see how this is an example of consistency. It's not.

I didn't see the first thread but when I read this one and all the responses I thought the same thing.

The OP needs to do what works for his family, however this is as far from following through as you can get. He changed his mind about the punishment after seeing the effort his ds was making to "be good", and that is fine, but call it what it is.

 

[sarobison]

thank you for also seeing the point I was trying to make

So far everything is working out. I got plenty of "thank you for giving me a second chance" at WDW. I do agree that it might appear I caved on this but trust me...with the behavior that happened when DS was told and then when we actually left I think he got the point.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I didn't see the first thread but when I read this one and all the responses I thought the same thing.

The OP needs to do what works for his family, however this is as far from following through as you can get. He changed his mind about the punishment after seeing the effort his ds was making to "be good", and that is fine, but call it what it is.

Absolutely! Dad caved, period. You shouldn't chose a punishment you aren't willing to enforce. Personally, I think this was an inappropriate way to handle the homework problem anyway.

And yes, being a parent is hard, even when your kids are adults!

 

[moobar25]

In my opinion, and that's what it is not judgement, OP had a good start of following through and then the softie messed it up. Just because the son changed his behavior for a day doesn't show he learned his lesson. What happens in a few months or the next time a trip is coming up? Don't get me wrong, it was a good effort but only time will tell if it was enough. I personally would have enjoyed the vacation with the other son and left it at that. I think?
Anyways, good effort on OPs part! Enjoy Disney!