Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[Brooknwdw]

I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me. My friends gave me a shower because they wanted to. I go to showers and give gifts for each child because each child is just as special as the first. Why shouldn't each child start out with new things. Of course, I would check with the mom to see if there are things she already has and doesn't need again.

It amazes me that people see showers as an obligation. It shouldn't be looked upon that way. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't.

I totally agree with this post! I had two showers & my kids are 22 months apart. Did I throw the showers for myself? ...NO my loved ones did. So who is being rude & tacky, the ones hosting the shower? How is that tacky?

Now I can see if the mother to be is throwing HERSELF a shower, that is tacky IMO.

I will say that we have a huge family, so most of those invited are close relatives & good friends.
And as a side note, the way it is done in my large family (& I'm a southerner, too) is a large nice shower is given for the first baby. Then a smaller one given for second babies, though they are as much a joy & anticipated as the first born.

If you are giving a gift anyway, why is the shower itself tacky to you? In our family, the showers are so much fun & a chance for us all to get together.

 

[disneychrista]

Until recentely, from other threads on the DIS, I didn't realize that this was considered a bad thing. I always figured that if someone wanted to give/host a shower it didn't matter what # baby it was.

If you think it is tacky or whatever, then don't go. An invitation does not mean that you are obligated to go.

 

[Vickie46]

I am in my 30's and a ton of my friends have 2nd and even a couple has a 3rd baby showers.. actually 3 or 4 friends have.. I say.. lets celebrate.. I would be giving them a gift anyways!

 

[KatRob]

As I was reading this I thought of the cousin of one of my friends. She was about to have her 5th baby and no one was acknowledging this new baby. Her husband is a preacher and even their church acted like it wasn't happening! I got her some nice outfits because I wanted that baby to have something that hadn't been through three other girls. I had a lot of hand-me-downs as a child and just wanted this baby to have something that was "hers".

 

[mickeyloverx2]

I had 2 showers! The first was given by my bestfriend and was wonderful I got everything I needed! then I sold most at yardsales or gave away things I did not need then 4 years later I was pregnant with not much of anything! so my new mother in law gave me a shower some new people but mostly family it was small and I did not recieve much I guess I did not realize it was rude having another. but thats ok I got all she needed I got to pick what I wanted her to have this time! plus this time I can afford more**

 

[MinnieNurse]

I don't think it is tacky at all. I only have one child, but I didn't have a shower for myself. I didn't ask anyone to have a shower for me. My friends gave me a shower because they wanted to. I go to showers and give gifts for each child because each child is just as special as the first. Why shouldn't each child start out with new things. Of course, I would check with the mom to see if there are things she already has and doesn't need again.

It amazes me that people see showers as an obligation. It shouldn't be looked upon that way. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't.

I agree I only have one child but at my work we give showers to girls with their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th babies. Each child is new and special and deserve new things to. My son is now 7 and if I were to have another one I have absolutely nothing so I would have to purchase everything myself.

I do not think anyone is obligated to attend the shower, however, those who wish to can.

 

[Becky2005]

You know, I guess it just depends on the family!

I had absolutely no idea you were only supposed to have a shower for your first baby because in my family, we tend to have showers for any & all babies. I never gave it a 2nd thought growing up.

I only knew about it after my best friend told me about it when she was having one for her 2nd baby due to it being with her 2nd husband. Who knew...we always used it as a way to celebrate the upcoming birth of the new baby didn't really matter which number it was.

I will say I didn't have a shower for my 3rd or 4th babies but we also had extenuating family circumstances going on at the same time. I did have one for my first and one for my 2nd.

 

[4greatboys]

I dont think its tacky at all. Each child deserves a celebration and gifts all their own.

 

[pearlieq]

I dont think its tacky at all. Each child deserves a celebration and gifts all their own.

The sentiment is nice, but the baby doesn't have anything to do with it. For the first several months all a baby "needs" is food, a clean diaper, and somewhere safe to sleep. The baby doesn't care about the froofy wrapping paper, the cute outfits, or the Eddie Bauer limited edition baby food organizer.

I'm not picking on you personally, but to be cynical about it, showers are about the mom getting presents. If that weren't the case, and it was really about just getting together and sharing good wishes, a nice lunch or picnic would suffice instead of a "shower".

 

[Tinky]

Until recentely, from other threads on the DIS, I didn't realize that this was considered a bad thing. I always figured that if someone wanted to give/host a shower it didn't matter what # baby it was.

If you think it is tacky or whatever, then don't go. An invitation does not mean that you are obligated to go.

Its not a "bad thing" disneychrista. And I agree wholeheartedly, an invitation does not obligate you to go if you are in the "thats tacky" camp, simply don't go.

Frankly, I'm a little surprised to see some of the attitudes and blanket statements regarding the tackiness level on this board especially.

I guess maybe next we will move to white shoes after Labor day?

 

[TexasCourt]

...

 

[Brutie]

I'm a Southern gal, and have never heard that it was bad manners to have showers for any babies after the 1st one. Though thinking back I cant remember ever going to showers for 2nd and so on babies, though I never knew that Emily Post frowned upon it...

I have learned something new for the day...I can rest and relax the rest of the night away now...

 

[azgal81]

I thought baby showers were for everytime you had a baby. I didn't realize it mattered what number it was. I'll have to remember that.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I do not see the big deal here at all. I thought the whole point of a baby shower was to celebrate the birth of a newbaby. I just don't see how it is tacky to have a baby shower for a new baby?

To have a small celebration for a 2nd or 3rd child is not a big deal to me. Buy the mother necessities such as diapers, wipes things like that. Cute little outfits. For a mother to register and have a huge baby shower for her 2nd or 3rd child , especially when the siblings will only be a couple years apart is very tacky. What happened to the items from the other child?

Sorry I have a big problem with this. Its like 2nd weddings. If you want to ger married again fine. But don't have a big huge wedding AGAIN and expect another gift when I gave you one just 2 years prior for your first wedding.

Small family get togethers the 2nd time around! JMOP!

 

[chipscinderelly]

I told myself I wouldn't respond to this thread but couldn't get it out of my mind. So many times we forget that life is not black or white but full of shades of grey.

While I see where the "no second shower" view comes from I also see the other viewpoint as well. I believe that in all situations one should look at the circumstances surrounding the "event" and take that into account before rushing to judge. Wouldn't this be a marvelous world to live in if we could all listen first and relax a little?

For instance - I'm getting married this fall at Disney. It's my second marriage and my fiances first. We decided to register for china and crystal a while back and have done so. Yes, I already hear the gasping from the crowd and I hope that before you make a judgement you think about walking a mile in our shoes. My first husband died 4 months and 7 days after we were married in an accident. I'm not having a shower, however, the one item that I really want this time around is china as it was the item I had to return after his death or I was going to hurl it on the drive. Yes, somehow now many people think it's fine for us to register - my question is why does that matter? We didn't register because Emily Post said we should or could, as we don't expect or want gifts for the wedding. Maybe in 10 years of Christmas's we'll have our china - a girl can dream!

Those same girls can also have more than one shower! Perhaps those persons who have baby showers for more than their first babies have other situations in their lives that need to be considered. If you want to host a baby shower or attend a baby shower for a baby that's not the oldest that's fine and dandy - go, have a good time, and show your love. Maybe it will rub off on others.

Oh and while we are talking manners - don't forget to RSVP to every party invitation and wedding invitation by the due date!

 

[rhiannonwales]

My kids even know now that the 2nd one wont have any baby shower pics because she was a "2nd baby"!

I think that is possibly the saddest statement in this thread... What a way to make a child feel less important!

I have 2 kids spaced 5 years apart boy and girl.For my first i did have a shower thrown by DH's family.For my second i did not.I cant tell you how many things i needed this time around!Not only because it was a different gender, but because my son had GERD and threw up non stop and ruined almost every item we had for a baby!

Not everyone is having a shower for a gift grab.I know i never recieved ( or requested) any expensive frou frou items - and in this day and age, unless you are spending $$$$ for things like cribs strollers, highchairs and the like they just dont last.Not to mention that what is ok at a point in time is often considered dangerous and unsafe by the time you have a second child.

Fact is, if your uncomfortable with it just dont go.To paint a picture that these women are greedy and impolite is just plain wrong.

Frankly whats more rude? a woman who "breaks the rules" and has another shower or the person who makes a huge deal about it and moans and complains about something that really isnt that big a deal?

FWIW, not everyones idea of good manners is the same.Miss Manners is not standard reading anymore, and people do wear white after Labor Day!
Sherrie

 

[zookeeper]

I don't care one way or the other about multiple baby showers, but I think it's funny that the reasoning is that the new baby deserves his/her own new things. I'm pretty sure the baby won't care if the sleeper they're wearing was once worn by their older cousin Billy. Wearing hand-me-downs doesn't make a baby less special or important...it's just practical. I say, save the gifts of new clothes for when that baby grows up to be a teenager and is really concerned about what he/she is wearing out in public!

 

[Feralpeg]

Sorry I have a big problem with this. Its like 2nd weddings. If you want to ger married again fine. But don't have a big huge wedding AGAIN and expect another gift when I gave you one just 2 years prior for your first wedding.

Small family get togethers the 2nd time around! JMOP!

Wow. I thought gifts were given because it makes the giver happy to do something for another person. I never give a gift because it is expected. I give when I want to give because it makes me happy to do something nice for someone else. How sad to think that gifts are given because a person feels it is expected. I'd rather never receive another gift in my life if it is given because the giver feels they must rather than because they want to.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I had a shower for my first baby, but not for my 2nd. But, I've been invited to 2nd and even 3rd baby showers for friends/relatives. I didn't have a problem buying a gift or attending.

 

[84disney]

I think every baby is a blessing and those who feel the same way and want to shower a new mom or baby are being kind and loving. People never need feel obligated to attend or send a gift just because someone thought of them and thought they may feel the same love. I always want to send a gift and or fix something, and a shower is even more fun...a chance to visit and celebrate . A good many of my friends have several children and we enjoyed celebrating every child, and I would hate to think anyone ever felt the way some on these boards feel, and came or sent something with such hard feelings...but I doubt that happened because we were all close and such. No one registered, we just got together, ate, gave sweet little outfits, diapers or something fun like that. Gosh, I just do not understand why it matters so much...just do not send anything with such strong feelings involved.

I had always heard that family members were not to throw any type shower, unless of course it is just a family gathering celebration thing. BUT I would never even care if that's what was done. I would come or send a gift and wish whoever the best !

It just seems like a waste of time to be worried about such a happy time for someone else. If you are that worried about it, just do not give a gift.