Dealing with a Groomzilla...

[sharona]

If I were you OP I would discuss with your DD your concerns about the music for the reception and suggest that a compromise is in order to make the event enjoyable for all including guests. At that point it's up to your DD to work it out with your future son-in-law. No time like the present to get started on marital compromise!

Yes, it's their wedding and they should have the final say but I think you have a legitimate concern about the music if that is what he expects to be played for the entire reception. Your original post doesn't really make it clear if this DJ that he wants is from some club that they like and will play nothing but metal or if the DJ has wedding reception experience and will mix in a few of the grooms favorites with traditional wedding dance music.

 

[cabanafrau]

I completely agree. This sounds like the problem is as much with your daughter NOT saying what she wants as it is with your future son in-law saying what he wants.

Absolutely agree. As MOB I'd want to have a chat with my daughter to assess her stand on things and find out if there in fact may be a problem where your daughter is sublimating her opinions or preferences to his as general practice.

Generally DH & I tend to run a lot of things as territories according to our interests. He may want to weigh in on a piece of furniture functionally, but he really wants me to deal with the aesthetics of color, fabric, etc. As I'm shopping for a new stove he leaves it to me to select my top choices and then he wants to investigate them in depth to see if there are any quality issues we don't already know about that should be considered. We work as a team and rarely wind up wrangling like gunfighters at the OK Corral when we both strongly disagree on something.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm kind of taking the OP more as exaggerated annoyances, honestly.

But you're right. We probably won't get clarification anyway!

Agreed & by all appearances, OP and the groom to be haven't talked about this at all (why would they?). OP is getting everything second hand from her daughter who may be exaggerating to OP, who then further exaggerated to us.

 

[Arielle22]

I know a couple who have been married around 12 years. The husband insisted he go with his wife when she went dress shopping. He picked out her dress. She was unhappy (told me) but never said anything to him. 12 years later and he still bosses her around. She lets him and seems to love him. Not my cup of tea but it is up to the person involved to voice their unhappiness.

As for the OP dilemma, I would speak frankly with my DD to see if we could compromise on the music. This should be the happiest day of her life so no sense causing stress if you can work out a solution.

 

[HM]

A wedding reception is a party,

Well, not always. I had a late morning wedding at a church. My reception was heavy hor d'oevres in the reception hall followed by cake. There was no music other than a mix tape (which you couldn't hear above the voices of the guests). I wouldn't have called it a party at all. I'm sure that there are many people that don't look upon their wedding as a time to throw a party (though I know many do).

 

[Dizlvr]

Well, not always. I had a late morning wedding at a church. My reception was heavy hor d'oevres in the reception hall followed by cake. There was no music other than a mix tape (which you couldn't hear above the voices of the guests). I wouldn't have called it a party at all. I'm sure that there are many people that don't look upon their wedding as a time to throw a party (though I know many do).

My reception was definitely a party. My reception was not my wedding, my wedding was the ceremony in the church, my reception was the celebration afterwords. I've only been to one reception that was more low-key, but there was still a DJ, drinks, food, dancing, singing. I've never been to one that wouldn't be considered a party, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a non-party reception, its whatever the bride and groom want.

 

[NAB]

Went to a wedding where the whole play list for the D.J was made by the bride and groom and you could not change it. Older couples requested some country music was told no bride and groom didn't want that at all. A lot of people left early. Funny part was the bride and groom never danced to anything other then the first dance. The dance floor remained pretty empty.

Wedding are a time to catch up with family so we stayed but was the weirdest thing I ever say. If it was loud music and you couldn't talk over it etc. I probably would have left too.

Maybe you all could sit down and go over what really is the bride and grooms wishes maybe he just wants a some not all of that kind of music. If they have been together this long with out too much problems ....wedding do weird things to people and families.

 

[HM]

My reception was definitely a party. My reception was not my wedding, my wedding was the ceremony in the church, my reception was the celebration afterwords. I've only been to one reception that was more low-key, but there was still a DJ, drinks, food, dancing, singing. I've never been to one that wouldn't be considered a party, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a non-party reception, its whatever the bride and groom want.

Like I said, many receptions are parties, but not all are planned as one. I've been to some of both.

 

[NewRVLady]

Like I said, many receptions are parties, but not all are planned as one. I've been to some of both.

I am not understanding this?
A reception has food & conversation-some have music-some have dancing on a dance floor--some a DJ some a band
Isnt a "party" a group of people enjoying themselves?

 

[HM]

I am not understanding this?
A reception has food & conversation-some have music-some have dancing on a dance floor--some a DJ some a band
Isnt a "party" a group of people enjoying themselves?

Did you read my first post about my reception? It was daytime reception, in a church hall. I would not call it a party. I'm sorry to have taken this off-topic.

 

[HM]

The people that are sure that this marriage won't work out....
I recall an acquantaince's wedding. The parents went all out and took out a loan to pay for their daughter's wedding, including the $5000 dress (back in the mid-80s). They were still paying for that wedding when their daughter got divorced three years later. To everyone, it looked like the perfect couple. Guess not.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Did you read my first post about my reception? It was daytime reception, in a church hall. I would not call it a party. I'm sorry to have taken this off-topic.

That's a party in my opnion. Parties come in many forms. Some are during the day, some are at night. The main definition of a party is: a social gathering, as of invited guests at a private home, for conversation, refreshments, entertainment, etc.: Wedding receptions are parties. The purpose is to gather to celebrate the marriage that just took place.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If I said I was going to pay for it, I would still pay for regardless of what the groom wants. But he and your daughter need to work out their problems about this by themselves.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Did you read my first post about my reception? It was daytime reception, in a church hall. I would not call it a party. I'm sorry to have taken this off-topic.

Food+guests+music = party

 

[JanaDee]

So then what does the groom get to decide that the bride has absolutely no say in--zip, zilch, nada? Can he pick absolutely any tuxedo--let's say powder blue with a top hat maybe--and she can't say anything?

The groom can pick out whatever tux he wants, it isn't up to the bride. DH had no say in my dress and I had no say in what tux he picked out for himself and the guys in the bridal party.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I will say in fairness of the odd music choice, as far as the older crowd is concerned, the main thing is volume. You can play something as benign as Tony Bennett, but if it's loud, those old folks are GONE.

 

[HM]

Food+guests+music = party

No music, really.

But, whatever. Everyone has their opinion.

I still would never call my reception a party.

 

[LBIJim]

I will say in fairness of the odd music choice, as far as the older crowd is concerned, the main thing is volume. You can play something as benign as Tony Bennett, but if it's loud, those old folks are GONE.

The music is WAY too loud at a lot of weddings, either band or DJ, no matter the type of music. Even when I was younger, I thought so. And my hearing isn't the best, perhaps the result of blasting music thru headphones when I was young. (My mom would sometimes complain she could still hear the music when I wore headphones.)

Maybe people should just hire a harpist and a violin player for background music, like the last wedding I went to. Yikes!!! I MUST be getting old if I said that.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm surprised the main issue here is the music and not the church.

Probably because the Church is non negotiable for the groom, and I bet the bride is not upset about it.

The music, etc, well that is just weird. I understand wanting some things for the bride and groom, I really do, but when the groom refuses basic consideration,and his bride is going along with it, that worries me. Is this her way of thinking? Well teats it then. But what if there is something else going on? I don't know...as a parent I would be worried about my daughter and her future with this man.

 

[slo]

Reading this makes me grateful that our wedding went smooth without any issues.

OP, can you suggest to the groom to have the music be by everyone's requests.
This way one person isn't being catered to.
We did this and it worked out beautifully.
Everyone in the family and bridal party gave the DJ a couple favorite songs they wanted to hear.
Then the guests also gave requests - it was so fun!!
We had everything from Metallica, to Air Supply, to Polka music to Frank Sinatra and more.
Everyone was so happy!!!
This was in 1995 - we are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary next week.