Dealing with a Groomzilla...

[Ceila]

Yeah, I'm going with "there's two sides to every story." I'd LOVE to hear the bride and groom's version.

 

[NJlauren]

At my wedding my parents and in laws both chipped in.

But my husband and I contributed, we wanted a specific band so we paid for the band. We wanted certain extras so we paid for those.

I'm not saying give into the DJ but maybe something along the lines of you pay for that if you want that specific xyz.

 

[tigercat]

When my dd got married my dh and I were paying for everything. The 2 kids didn't have money and our sil's dm decided she didn't have to pay for anything. However, my future mil kept telling her ds of things that we should have. We don't drink alcohol and most of the family and friends don't either. We were providing punch, and non alcoholic drinks. We told the grooms side that if they wanted alcohol it was up to them to order it and pay for it. We were paying for everything else. He came back and told us that it was up to us to have champane, we told him to go ahead and get it. They were really upset even though the dm as well as the family that they had invited didn't drink either. Needless to say no champane.

The other thing was that the hall only held so many people. We told them how many people they could invite. It was 1/2. She wanted to invite twice as many people, people that she hadn't seen in over 20 yrs. Again they were told no. That since we were paying we were having 1/2 the guests at least. I told him that if he wanted to cut his friends (that was on top of their 1/2) and put those guests on that list he could. He of course wasn't going to do that.

Another family wedding the groom decided he wanted Heavy metal played because everyone liked it. After dinner everyone left except for my db and family and 16 out of 130 people. Not sure how much of the midnight buffet got eaten.
tigercat

 

[mr.bungle]

I love death metal but I wouldn't play it at a wedding. As for the other stuff... Not your day. Just don't pay for the DJ then.

 

[LilyWDW]

I love death metal but I wouldn't play it at a wedding. As for the other stuff... Not your day. Just don't pay for the DJ then.

Agreed. Like I said before, I am not a fan of death metal but I do listen to some hard rock/metal. Halestorm, Rammstein, In Extremo.... that sort of stuff. But I would never want to play that at a wedding that my family would be a part of. They are my guests and I wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable with the music. It's just not worth it.

I do agree that we are hearing one side of the story and not getting any real details (even though they have been asked for). So my answers are based on the information provided and my own feelings on the matter in general.

 

[SaraJR]

Agreed. Like I said before, I am not a fan of death metal but I do listen to some hard rock/metal. Halestorm, Rammstein, In Extremo.... that sort of stuff. But I would never want to play that at a wedding that my family would be a part of. They are my guests and I wouldn't want to make them feel uncomfortable with the music. It's just not worth it.

I do agree that we are hearing one side of the story and not getting any real details (even though they have been asked for). So my answers are based on the information provided and my own feelings on the matter in general.

Im not a big fan of the style but deeper into the night (when kids and old people have most likely left) we will definately be playing 'intermission'

 

[mr.bungle]

I also dislike 99% of music played at weddings but it's that whole tradition sort of thing, I suppose. I didn't have a DJ or band at my wedding, the reception was held at a restaurant in MGM Grand.

After being married and divorced and thinking about marriage again, I think I would keep it low key this next time. I think the hooplah of the "traditional" (and I use that term loosely anymore) wedding is cliche, gaudy, overly expensive, and boring. People only really want to come for free food and drink. I would prefer to focus on the union and then figure out our own way to celebrate with the people important to us. There is absolutely no reason to spend thousand of dollars, especially the second time around. And for my generation, the first marriage is practice anyhow.

 

[rigs32]

A comment about the music..... I attended a wedding at which the bride was adamant that only country music be played. And hour into the dancing she was in tears because no one was dancing. After a gentle talk, she agreed to allow more general party music and suddenly the dance floor was full.

 

[kimblebee]

I also dislike 99% of music played at weddings but it's that whole tradition sort of thing, I suppose. I didn't have a DJ or band at my wedding, the reception was held at a restaurant in MGM Grand.

After being married and divorced and thinking about marriage again, I think I would keep it low key this next time. I think the hooplah of the "traditional" (and I use that term loosely anymore) wedding is cliche, gaudy, overly expensive, and boring. People only really want to come for free food and drink. I would prefer to focus on the union and then figure out our own way to celebrate with the people important to us. There is absolutely no reason to spend thousand of dollars, especially the second time around. And for my generation, the first marriage is practice anyhow.

I totally agree with you. I got married again on Boxing Day and it was 10 people in my parents sunroom. My first wedding was 200 people, a quarter of whom I didn't know. When anyone asks for wedding advice, I always say smaller is better. Ten years from now, will you really remember what your linens looked like? I doubt it.

 

[mtemm]

I'm curious, does the venue have an outdoor space at all? A patio/garden/porch? I'm truly trying to envision if there is an option for non death metal loving guests. I love most kinds of music...or can find the fun in those that I may not love. But really heavy metal = instant headache for me.

I'm trying to figure out what I would do in the op's case. I know a lot of brides who have cute baskets of flip flops around for the ladies for dancing, and cute baskets with toiletries in the bathrooms. Maybe a cute basket with ear plugs?

Is he this controlling/immature/inconsiderate in his regular life with your dd? Because like others that is where my concern would lie. Is your dd aware that I would bet the majority of guests will leave due to the music? Any chance they want it to be a party for their friends who like metal once the gifts from other guests are given?

Also curious what his parents response to this is?

 

[mtemm]

Another thought...any chance he is just pulling your chain? Having fun at your expense? Is this something your dd is upset about?

 

[sunshinehighway]

Him wanting to pick out the dress is weird. It sounds controlling.
Whoever is insisting on the death metal, is very immature. It doesn't matter if it's just the groom or the bride agrees. Skip the traditional wedding and have a party with your friends if that's what you want.
Yes, a wedding is about the bride and groom but not considering the comfort of your guests is selfish.

 

[mom2rtk]

Him wanting to pick out the dress is weird. It sounds controlling.
Whoever is insisting on the death metal, is very immature. It doesn't matter if it's just the groom or the bride agrees. Skip the traditional wedding and have a party with your friends if that's what you want.
Yes, a wedding is about the bride and groom but not considering the comfort of your guests is selfish.

Agree with all of it. I could think maybe the story is off because we just have one side of it...... until you get to the dress story.

As for a party with friends...... maybe he would if he could find a way to get someone else to pay for it.

He does indeed sound very immature. It would make me nervous as mother of the bride.

No way to tell if the daughter is immature too. She should have found a nice way of telling him to bug off when he said he wanted to pick the dress.

 

[Dizlvr]

Are you guys reading another thread about the dress? All I saw was that he wanted to be the deciding factor in the type of dress she wore, not that he wanted to pick out her dress.
Maybe he doesn't want her walking down the aisle looking like a hoochie, or a southern belle in a huge dress, or a gothic princess, or whatever else.

We are hearing on side of the story, and since the truth always lies in between the two sides of the story I don't think its fair to judge him solely on what the OP says. Planning weddings can bring out the worst in people, including MILs. No offense OP, its just that I'm sure you want things a certain way for your dd, and maybe you are having a hard time dealing with the fact that she, or you aren't going to get your way on everything.

 

[JanaDee]

Are you guys reading another thread about the dress? All I saw was that he wanted to be the deciding factor in the type of dress she wore, not that he wanted to pick out her dress.
Maybe he doesn't want her walking down the aisle looking like a hoochie, or a southern belle in a huge dress, or a gothic princess, or whatever else.

We are hearing on side of the story, and since the truth always lies in between the two sides of the story I don't think its fair to judge him solely on what the OP says. Planning weddings can bring out the worst in people, including MILs. No offense OP, its just that I'm sure you want things a certain way for your dd, and maybe you are having a hard time dealing with the fact that she, or you aren't going to get your way on everything.

The groom has zero say in the dress. Zip, zilch, nada. He doesn't get to be "the deciding factor".

 

[Dizlvr]

The groom has zero say in the dress. Zip, zilch, nada. He doesn't get to be "the deciding factor".

According to you, but not everyone has to follow that rule because you say so.
Dress aside, none of us know what is really going on, we are getting one side of the story. If you all want to believe the OP and jump to conclusions that is fine. I don't think for one minute we are getting the whole story here and I will gladly play the devil's advocate for the side that has no voice here.

Just wanted to add that when dh and I got married, I thumbed through all the magazines and asked him what dresses he liked. He didn't get the final say, but I had no problem letting him have some input in what I wore. And we went together to pick out his tux and the tuxes for his groomsmen. Not every bride or every groom is opposed to let the other help make the decisions.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

The groom has zero say in the dress. Zip, zilch, nada. He doesn't get to be "the deciding factor".

So then what does the groom get to decide that the bride has absolutely no say in--zip, zilch, nada? Can he pick absolutely any tuxedo--let's say powder blue with a top hat maybe--and she can't say anything?

 

[mtemm]

I'm not judging at all...honestly it's not possible unless all parties weigh in and that isn't likely. .I'm just accepting op at face value and trying to think of solutions assuming things are as she says. Earplugs? Outdoor space to escape music? Chat with dd? Check with grooms parents to see what they think? Possibly the whole thing is a joke?

 

[Dizlvr]

So then what does the groom get to decide that the bride has absolutely no say in--zip, zilch, nada? Can he pick absolutely any tuxedo--let's say powder blue with a top hat maybe--and she can't say anything?

Of course not, the bride gets all the say remember, and she is never labled controlling. When a man wants to have a say then of course he's immature, controlling, the marriage is doomed. Its the biggest double standard, but don't expect anyone to admit it.

 

[cabanafrau]

Are you guys reading another thread about the dress? All I saw was that he wanted to be the deciding factor in the type of dress she wore, not that he wanted to pick out her dress.
Maybe he doesn't want her walking down the aisle looking like a hoochie, or a southern belle in a huge dress, or a gothic princess, or whatever else.

We are hearing on side of the story, and since the truth always lies in between the two sides of the story I don't think its fair to judge him solely on what the OP says. Planning weddings can bring out the worst in people, including MILs. No offense OP, its just that I'm sure you want things a certain way for your dd, and maybe you are having a hard time dealing with the fact that she, or you aren't going to get your way on everything.

I read "deciding factor" as final say.

I actually have no problem with a groom saying, honey, I know you'll look lovely in whatever you wear, but I really despise lace or I'm really uncomfortable when a wedding dress is extremely sexy, could you pick something that's not this or that? Not out of line requests and respectfully discussed.

Wanting to be the "deciding factor" smacks of a need to control in my mind and I would get to the bottom of his thinking as the bride.