Curious .... what agreement do you have with your college student as far as tuition?

[Mrs. Ciz]

We didn't start their 529 nearly early enough but are in a good position to cash flow up to our budget & supplement with what $ is in their 529. I believe we could pay a very large % of her schooling, if not all, but had a bad experience with an older child who abused that which made us rethink the "skin in the game" concept.

Is it fair to punish the second child for the sins of the first? I think sk!mom has the right idea about the whole "skin in the game" concept.

Her working so hard to keep the merit scholarship and now pursuing opportunities on her own at 19 demonstrates that she's "in the game" to me.

In my experience, students are either "in it" or not and taking loans or paying part doesn't motivate an unmotivated student. They just waste your money, their money, and the loan money. If I had an unmotivated kid or a kid who wasn't ready to go away, I'd keep them home for a couple of years to go to Community college or the local small public University until they grew up a bit and showed some motivation.

Good luck as you make this tough decision!

Even though we are footing this, he's the one who actually pays the bills - tuition, rent, utilities, etc. May seem like a minor thing but we want him to be aware of how much $ is going out, be responsible for payment deadlines, etc. We give him 6 months living expenses at a time (rent, utilities, food budget) and he takes care of if from there. At the end of 6 months he posts actuals in a rudimentary spreadsheet and we jointly decide whether each category needs adjusted. For example, their electric bill was higher than he thought (we thought he was estimating low at the get go) so we bumped that up at Christmas when we went through the numbers.

I really like this idea! Right now DS is in the dorms, but next year he will be in an apartment right near campus. We made him sit down with us when we went over his bill from his school. He was with us while we set up the payment plan and talked about how we'd cover the monthly payment. He NEEDS to know how much his education costs. Next year we'll do the same thing you're doing for his apartment bills - give him the money but have him pay the bills.

 

[sk!mom]

Is it fair to punish the second child for the sins of the first? I think sk!mom has the right idea about the whole "skin in the game" concept.

You bring up a very good point. I think it's very important to consider each child separately. One size does not fit all in most situations.

I rarely mention my older since at 31 he's been in charge of his own life for a good while but for the purposes of this discussion... He was not ready to go away to school at 18. A different path altogether was right for him. When DD got to decision time 11 years later, his path had no bearing on hers. Maybe we were able to separate the two easily because of the big gap in time so for a more recent example...

A good friend has a DD who graduated in 2013. She went straight into college 3 hours from home and has done well. Her DS graduated one year later. He was not ready to go away from home. He still needed too much parental "encouragement" to stay motivated. His grades were good but his parents doubted that they would be if he was totally on his own. He stayed home freshman year and went to the local Uni. It's in the system of the large state Uni that he wanted to go to. His parents explained what they needed to see from him to feel that he was ready. He did well, grew up a bit, and transferred this year. No money was wasted.

 

[Xrayest]

My agreement is this: She will take out student loans and pay them off once she graduates. I will assist her when and how and if I can. She has money from when she used to act/model as a child so she can use that for some tuition and books. She'll also be working so she can use her own money. She is not living on-campus as her school is close to home.

** For those who think they "have to" pay tuition or anything else.... it's not a very smart idea. Whatever money you plan on giving your child for college should go into your retirement fund. Your child is young and is able to work and be responsible for the student loans (which have very low interest). Once you are of retirement age, you should be able to retire and live a comfortable life --- not have to continue working because you decided to pay your kid's college.

I second what NYCDiane states. Our DD17 will be attending a state college in the Fall - her major of choice, Biology. She is within commuting distance if she wished to drive 35 to 55 minutes each way, depending on traffic - however desires to live on campus, and her father and I feel that is a wise decision. We will help her by paying for her car insurance and her car (which we are already doing), all books, health insurance, the required laptop (already purchased for her and top of the line, so hopefully it will get her through 4 years), cell phone bill, and any other financial help that we are able to provide along the way. She has worked since she became 16, however chose to go on a senior class trip to FL with her class and is paying for that - any funds that she has in excess of the trip will be used by her for personal expenses until she is able to secure a job on campus or work-study, if she qualifies for that. We did offer to pay for her full tuition if she wished to go to a local community college for 2 years, and then transfer to a university - and she does not. She is a very smart gal, highest honors all throughout school, so we are hoping she earns a few scholarships of the many that she has applied for. She will be taking out loans for college as needed - some that we may have to co-sign for, others that she may be able to take out herself. We will always help her as much as possible, as we will do for our DS15 when he moves from high school into college. What we cannot and will not do is go into extreme debt ourselves in order for our kids to graduate from college without any loan debt.

Of my husband and myself: his parents paid for him to go to college, however it was for what they INSISTED he do, which was work towards a business degree. He was bored silly with it, slept through the majority of his classes, and after 4 years did not manage to finish his degree. He ended up going into a trade and doing very well in his occupation. Me, on the other hand, paid for my education without any parental financial aid - worked part time, had 2 young (under 5) children, went to college full time, and graduated summa cum laude and am the only college graduate of my immediate family (3 siblings). The way I see it, my young daughter will have it A LOT easier than I did while attending college - and we will still help her, just not foot the entire bill.

 

[sk!mom]

I second what NYCDiane states. Our DD17 will be attending a state college in the Fall - her major of choice, Biology. She is within commuting distance if she wished to drive 35 to 55 minutes each way, depending on traffic - however desires to live on campus, and her father and I feel that is a wise decision. We will help her by paying for her car insurance and her car (which we are already doing), all books, health insurance, the required laptop (already purchased for her and top of the line, so hopefully it will get her through 4 years), cell phone bill, and any other financial help that we are able to provide along the way. She has worked since she became 16, however chose to go on a senior class trip to FL with her class and is paying for that - any funds that she has in excess of the trip will be used by her for personal expenses until she is able to secure a job on campus or work-study, if she qualifies for that. We did offer to pay for her full tuition if she wished to go to a local community college for 2 years, and then transfer to a university - and she does not. She is a very smart gal, highest honors all throughout school, so we are hoping she earns a few scholarships of the many that she has applied for. She will be taking out loans for college as needed - some that we may have to co-sign for, others that she may be able to take out herself. We will always help her as much as possible, as we will do for our DS15 when he moves from high school into college. What we cannot and will not do is go into extreme debt ourselves in order for our kids to graduate from college without any loan debt.

Of my husband and myself: his parents paid for him to go to college, however it was for what they INSISTED he do, which was work towards a business degree. He was bored silly with it, slept through the majority of his classes, and after 4 years did not manage to finish his degree. He ended up going into a trade and doing very well in his occupation. Me, on the other hand, paid for my education without any parental financial aid - worked part time, had 2 young (under 5) children, went to college full time, and graduated summa cum laude and am the only college graduate of my immediate family (3 siblings). The way I see it, my young daughter will have it A LOT easier than I did while attending college - and we will still help her, just not foot the entire bill.

I bolded because I completely agree. We will not take on any debt for DD's college. We have been able to pay for the first two years and have planned to pay for the remaining two but if life got in the way (as I know only too well, it can) and we could not pay for it all, she would be the one taking loans.

DH paid for his own college without any parental help and then spent about 10 years paying the loans. I had a full scholarship and we were married so DH was essentially covering all my living expenses. DH is the first and still only of his 5 siblings to finish college. My siblings and I all did it without parental help but we were the first generation to be college grads.

 

[cel_disney]

My kids are still younger so we haven't had to make all of these decisions yet, but I really like the model my parents used with me and hope to apply it to my own kids.

My parents paid for my tuition/room/board with the exception of the small stafford loan that I had. I paid for my own spending money.

At the end of the semester, if I did not get a B or above in any class, I had to pay them back for that class. 20 years ago, it cost 25k a year for me to be at school, so one bad grade cost $2500, payable pretty quickly and that adds up!

I worked thru high school, and during the semester and on break (nanny job) so I had the money to pay for the grades when they happened and in all cases - It was just my own fault for the bad grades and easily could have been avoided - but these situations helped shape me.

My parents felt that my job was 'going to college and learning' and I should only be paid if I did that job.

I hope to be in a position to offer my children similar opportunities.

I was also lucky enough to be gifted funds from my grandparents for my books but that also came with a condition - every semester to be paid back for them, I would have to provide them with copies of all of the syllabus' and the course descriptions and all of the receipts. I didn't appreciate it at the time - but that alone was a good skill for my 18 year old self to practice doing!!

 

[jmmess]

My parents couldn't afford to pay for my college education. I got some scholarships and I took out loans. When I graduated I moved home (rent free) and started working. I paid my loans back in 5-6 years and am debt free (from college loans). I learned responsibility in paying my bills and building my credit. My husband went to local/state college and his parents paid for school due to the low tuition. Should be interesting to see what happens once our kids get to that point, but I think the kids should pay for their own tuition. P.S. I graduated college over 15 years ago.

 

[madhavok]

My deal from my parents was very simple, the first 4 years was on them. I switched my my major and needed an extra semester to graduate, I paid for that. On the other hand my wife had to go the student loan route and it took us a long time to pay that off. I won't make my kids take out student loans if at all possible.

Also word of advice, when your child chooses a degree, make sure it's in a field that actually has jobs available. There are certain degrees the worker pool is saturated with while the job pool is very limited.

 

[cel_disney]

My deal from my parents was very simple, the first 4 years was on them. I switched my my major and needed an extra semester to graduate, I paid for that. On the other hand my wife had to go the student loan route and it took us a long time to pay that off. I won't make my kids take out student loans if at all possible.

Also word of advice, when your child chooses a degree, make sure it's in a field that actually has jobs available. There are certain degrees the worker pool is saturated with while the job pool is very limited.

I grAduated with 18-20k in loans (typical stafford loan at the time). I paid it off in 3 years (along with buying a car, rent, living expenses...). I think a small loan like that is Ok (probably 30k-40k now with inflation!?)...but 200k in loans would be crippling!