Creeping on Kids Facebook

[gemini2727]

For all those who say that they are friends with their kid on facebook... how do you know that what you see is actually their only facebook account? I'm asking in all seriousness... because I think the rule is a good one, but it seems to me that any kid who wants to get around that rule would very easily make two accounts. My DS is only 3, so I haven't really confronted this issue yet, but it has me stressed.[/QUOTE]

While that's always a possibility, with my daughter I honestly don't believe she would bother. She is on the quiet side and never posts anything herself. But like you said, kids can always find a way if they want to get around the rules. One thing that helps is that we don't allow any computers upstairs, only in common family areas. That doesn't solve what they do at friend's houses, etc. I also had to make a rule of no computers if they wake up first in the morning or if I run to the store. But then I'm trusting them to follow the rules, no guarantee. It's not easy!

 

[gemini2727]

My child doesn't have Facebook, but many of his classmates do. So, I was creeping around on their pages (public settings) to see what these kids are using it for... to decide whether I should let him open a page.

My question: Is that weird? To be creeping on those pages for that reason?

I saw something on one of the pages that bothered me and that I want to share with another parent. But, I don't want others to think I'm a freak for creeping on kids pages.

I don't think you're creepy. You have to know what is on there to decide whether to let your child have FB. Too many parents DON'T check it out, and they should!

 

[marcyinPA]

I admit to checking things out. I'm surprised that a lot of my DS17's facebook friends don't have their security tight. I can often see their posts if my DS responds to them. So, yes- I will check those out. Most of the time, they are innocent, and usually sports related. I do see a lot of foul language, but not from my DS. I don't like the language, but I let it slide (I'm not about to message a parent about **** from their 17 year old.)

Both of my teens have a FB account, but neither of them use it very frequently. I think I am on there more than they are!

 

[usd2bmd]

My daughter has a Fb but doesn't use it regularly. but that was a condition of her getting a FB page. I have access to her page and some of her friends have requested me as a friend.

but she is 16 and a Jr so they have all pretty much moved on to Twitter.

 

[coco392]

If I knew the parents, I probably would give them a call to let them know that thier kid's facebook page is set to public - that in and of itself is a problem to me. If the parents know, than I obviously wouldn't pursue it any further. Beyond that, it really depends on exactly what you were bothered by and how well you know the parents and kids involved.

For all those who say that they are friends with their kid on facebook... how do you know that what you see is actually their only facebook account? I'm asking in all seriousness... because I think the rule is a good one, but it seems to me that any kid who wants to get around that rule would very easily make two accounts. My DS is only 3, so I haven't really confronted this issue yet, but it has me stressed.

don't be stressed - Facebook may not even be around In 10 years

Remember MySpace

 

[pacrosby]

I don't think it's creepy at all. Public accounts are just that....public. They are out there for anyone to see so what exactly is wrong with looking? Nevermind that you're doing it for a reason, and a good one at that. It's not like you're surfing for a boyfriend.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

For all those who say that they are friends with their kid on facebook... how do you know that what you see is actually their only facebook account? I'm asking in all seriousness... because I think the rule is a good one, but it seems to me that any kid who wants to get around that rule would very easily make two accounts. My DS is only 3, so I haven't really confronted this issue yet, but it has me stressed.

I know my 22 year old son has two FB accounts. I "de-friended" him on one because I was not happy with some of the things him and his friends were posting, but he doesn't live with me, and he's an adult, so that's his prerogative. However, he missed his communication with me, so he made a new "family friendly" FB account that me and my family are friends with him. Seriously, there are some things parents of kids that age DON'T want to know!!
I can imagine there are plenty of teens that have the same.

that being said, I was a very strict mom when my boys were growing up. I got, i guess you'd call it a home version of spywear, for my computer because I caught my, then, 12 year old son looking at porn. Now, I'm not a prude, but those stupid sights spread virus's and unwittingly download other stuff onto your computer (such stuff as child porn, can you say FBI?). Anyway I got this program that recorded keystrokes and took screenshots of what they did....you could even lock off the internet if you didn't want it during a particular time unsupervised. I wasn't sneaky about it, I told them, and told them that I would "spot check" every now & then just to make sure they weren't abusing their privilege....and that's what the internet was, a privilege, not a right. I Found some minor infractions that warranted taking the internet away from them a few times, but I think it was a good tool to make them think twice about going to particular sites.

 

[Katy Belle]

I have 3 sons on Facebook and I look at their friends' pages. I have had them unfriend a few, over the years. I dont look at it as creeping, I look at it as being a good parent . I also periodically log in as my kids, to see stuff thats not public. And at prom time I log in as DS17 to see all the photos!

I am friend's with my nephew. He has posted nasty stuff about his parents...I call them when I see it. He unfriended me, and them, and they allowed him too. He eventually refriended me. Now he posts scripture on his Facebook. His Twitter, on the other hand chronicles how much he drinks and how much weed he smokes. His parents dont look at his Twitter, because they want to trust him and give him privacy. Lovely.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I totally agree with this. I don't think there's anything wrong with what youre doing. Not at all. Youre doing some research before deciding. Good for you!.

I don't think you're creepy. You have to know what is on there to decide whether to let your child have FB. Too many parents DON'T check it out, and they should!

My son has Facebook. I have his password and he knows it. He knows I check randomly. I have questioned him about a few things. But for the most part he's pretty good.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

I have 3 sons on Facebook and I look at their friends' pages. I have had them unfriend a few, over the years. I dont look at it as creeping, I look at it as being a good parent . I also periodically log in as my kids, to see stuff thats not public. And at prom time I log in as DS17 to see all the photos!

I am friend's with my nephew. He has posted nasty stuff about his parents...I call them when I see it. He unfriended me, and them, and they allowed him too. He eventually refriended me. Now he posts scripture on his Facebook. His Twitter, on the other hand chronicles how much he drinks and how much weed he smokes. His parents dont look at his Twitter, because they want to trust him and give him privacy. Lovely.

I honestly can't believe how naive some parents are. Teens are the most unpredictable creatures on earth, with all those hormones and choices they have to make. I've heard so many times people talk about how they KNOW their teen...I say you know what your teen wants you to know.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

My teens don't have Facebook, but some of their friends have an account. I occasionally check up on her friends just to see what's happening.

Parents should be Facebook stalking! Too many parents are oblivious as to what is going on in their teen's world.

 

[Tink888]

I've creeped on the pages of my kid's friends & classmates from time to time. Schools do it. Employers do it.

Very enlightening.

And truthfully, I think more parents ought to do a little creeping themselves, at the very least on their own kid's pages. Some would be shocked at what they find that is available for all the world to see.

The kid who seems really nice and polite those few times you've talked with them might be a completely different person that you thought.

Social media has made the world our kids are growing up in very different from the one we knew.

 

[luvmyfam444]

I creep on all my dd's stuff. But she knows it...that's part of having any account, email, fb, instagram....I'm a friend/follower. etc.

and yes, I have found something disturbing on instagram of one of her friends - she was talking a lot about cutting...talked with dd about it...couldn't decide what to do for a while, until she posted a pic. THen I contacted that mom, I am friends with that mom.

Our feelings are that if it would hurt the child or others then yes the parent should know about it.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

I creep on all my dd's stuff. But she knows it...that's part of having any account, email, fb, instagram....I'm a friend/follower. etc.

and yes, I have found something disturbing on instagram of one of her friends - she was talking a lot about cutting...talked with dd about it...couldn't decide what to do for a while, until she posted a pic. THen I contacted that mom, I am friends with that mom.

Our feelings are that if it would hurt the child or others then yes the parent should know about it.

I found an email to my son, when he was 11, from a little girl he knew...she was writing about how she'd been communicating with a 30 year old man that had contacted her. I told my son that he needed to tell her that I read the email and tell her dad, or I'd tell her dad (who I knew). He later called me to thank me.

 

[luvmyfam444]

For all those who say that they are friends with their kid on facebook... how do you know that what you see is actually their only facebook account? I'm asking in all seriousness... because I think the rule is a good one, but it seems to me that any kid who wants to get around that rule would very easily make two accounts. My DS is only 3, so I haven't really confronted this issue yet, but it has me stressed.

You can't be really sure. however if you are friends with your child's friends you would see the posts show up...most of the time on FB kids put pics of themselves...so even if the 2nd fb page was named sally sue you could lk @ the pics& figure it out.

My dd had 2 email acts for a while. We didn't have a problem with computers 'cause we only had 2 for a while - the laptop that I live on & the big computer which is in the kitchen for everyone to see. UNTIL the school gave them a computer.

I really haven't had a major problem per se, but she's spends way more time on it now....everything questionable is blocked by the school (even youtube). but having her own computer now has her emailing people during class (I know cause she emails me!)

kids move quickly nowadays changing the place they hang out. Most kids are on instagram & twitter now. But I hear of something new all the time & as soon as I do I quest dd & open an account if she has one too. Tumblr is growing in popularity. DD says she doesn't have an account, right now I trust her. Mainly because if she did have an account she would surely have downloaded the app on her phone.

So to answer your question, we don't know for sure, we just trust.

DD also must turn her phone in everynight & I read her texts regulary..she knows..that's part of having a phone and I make her hand it to me @ random times thru the day before she has time to delete...just in case.

 

[Aliceacc]

My kids don't have Facebook pages, though my older daughter has started to ask about it.

I told her that the day she opens an account, I'm opening one too. And I want complete access-- her screen name, password whatever.

I'm OK with postponing it for as long as I can... there's enough drama in being a middle school student, without the added drama of Facebook. But if she does really want it, you had better believe I'll be keeping my eye on things.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My child doesn't have Facebook, but many of his classmates do. So, I was creeping around on their pages (public settings) to see what these kids are using it for... to decide whether I should let him open a page.

My question: Is that weird? To be creeping on those pages for that reason?

I saw something on one of the pages that bothered me and that I want to share with another parent. But, I don't want others to think I'm a freak for creeping on kids pages.

I know people do it. I was forever getting calls from my mother about my dd's FB. She is 21.

I used to do that, now I don't. I would MYOB if I were you, meaning I would not talk to the parents unless it was something nefarious.

They are all on Tumblr avoiding parents now anyway.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

I've creeped on the pages of my kid's friends & classmates from time to time. Schools do it. Employers do it.

Very enlightening.

Yeah, us adults need to be careful too, maybe especially. I work in law enforcement and I've known police officers that have gotten into big trouble for what they'd written on their FB pages. You have a defense attorney looking on their FB page and see comments like "went to scumbags hearing today, he needs to fry". Not good job development!

Everybody needs to be sure their FB account is locked from public.

 

[jensen]

Hi everyone. Thanks for all of the responses. I did want to clarify my comments about going to "another" parent as opposed to "the" parent.

"Tommy" lives across the street. He's a scrawny, nerdy kid who's been bullied his whole life. When I was looking at "Bobby's" page, I read an unkind comment that Bobby made about Tommy. It wasn't earth shattering, but I thought Tommy's mom might want to know - given the history - and I'd appreciate someone telling me if it was about my son. I wasn't going to contact Bobby's parents.

Anyway, I've decided to let it go.

And I'm glad to know that I'm not out of line "reading" the kids public posts.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

don't be stressed - Facebook may not even be around In 10 years

Remember MySpace

The kids around here are fine on Face book because they have caught on to parents, family members and the parents of their friends watching them. Now they have moved on to Twitter and Instagram. If you want to see the trash talk go there. You wont find much on face book anymore.

I honestly can't believe how naive some parents are. Teens are the most unpredictable creatures on earth, with all those hormones and choices they have to make. I've heard so many times people talk about how they KNOW their teen...I say you know what your teen wants you to know.

Exactly! I know of kids who have these accounts who are not even allowed online because of their behavior yet they post from friends phones or ipods and such. Their parents have no clue. They think they are raising angels.