Creeping on Kids Facebook

[jensen]

My child doesn't have Facebook, but many of his classmates do. So, I was creeping around on their pages (public settings) to see what these kids are using it for... to decide whether I should let him open a page.

My question: Is that weird? To be creeping on those pages for that reason?

I saw something on one of the pages that bothered me and that I want to share with another parent. But, I don't want others to think I'm a freak for creeping on kids pages.

 

[Squirlz]

I think the fact that you're describing it as "creeping" and not just reading answers your question.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I think the fact that you're describing it as "creeping" and not just reading answers your question.

 

[ceemys]

My daughter has FB. I am her "friend" as well as other family members. I am "friends" with some of her friends, but I constantly review other's pages to see what they write. If I deem it inappropriate it...I make her de-friend them. I can't control what they write, but I can control what comes up on her page. They have requested to be friends again, but I told her to tell them that if I see stuff I don't like....then they will be defriended again. They have one extra chance then all other friend requests will be denied.

 

[jensen]

I think the fact that you're describing it as "creeping" and not just reading answers your question.

Facebook Creeping: An act in which one looks at a friend's/stranger's facebook profile, pictures, and recent activity.

If you don't even know the lingo...

 

[jen1977]

Our boys are always trying to convince us to let them have a fb, but they are 10 and 12, so not old enough by fb rules. They have tons of friends who have accounts, and I do look at them on occasion. The boys know when they are 13 they can have an account. I see no problem looking at the pages. I am shocked at how open many of their pages are, especially for children.

 

[gwynne]

Facebook Creeping: An act in which one looks at a friend's/stranger's facebook profile, pictures, and recent activity.

If you don't even know the lingo...

Some might like the term creeping and think it's perfectly fine.

It's possible others might choose another term. For them using the word "creeping" when you are knowingly reading childrens' pages has a somewhat negative connotation. (It kind of sounds creepy...)

 

[mamacatnv]

My child doesn't have Facebook, but many of his classmates do. So, I was creeping around on their pages (public settings) to see what these kids are using it for... to decide whether I should let him open a page.

My question: Is that weird? To be creeping on those pages for that reason?

I saw something on one of the pages that bothered me and that I want to share with another parent. But, I don't want others to think I'm a freak for creeping on kids pages.

The rule people, the rule

I Facebook stalk all the time however, I would not be calling another parent or anyone for that matter over a FB posting.

 

[gemini2727]

I go on my daughter's page frequently. I think it's my responsibility to know what she is seeing when she is on FB. It's a real eye-opener as to what kids are up to, and I have blocked certain kids' posts from showing on her wall because they are so inappropriate/vulgar. I am open with her about this, and she's fine with it. My kids have no expectation of privacy on any elecrtonic device we own and I know all of their passwords as well. I have to know what is going on...

 

[NHdisneylover]

My 14 year old son logged into his facebook account from the Facebook ap on my iPAD over 6 months ago--and never logged off.

I have made a point of gong n through the internet and not the ap so can keep him logged on and all the message his friends post to him or in the class page pop right up on my screen!

He knows I read them (saved backside when he forgot about a class gift exchange and i saw someone post a reminder the night before and asked if he needed to go shopping) and does not care enough to bother to log back out an in when he uses the iPAD

 

[poohfriend77]

I go on my daughter's page frequently. I think it's my responsibility to know what she is seeing when she is on FB. It's a real eye-opener as to what kids are up to, and I have blocked certain kids' posts from showing on her wall because they are so inappropriate/vulgar. I am open with her about this, and she's fine with it. My kids have no expectation of privacy on any elecrtonic device we own and I know all of their passwords as well. I have to know what is going on...

My oldest is 10, so I'm not quite there yet, but this is how I plan to handle it when the time comes. I do think I'd check out her friends' pages, and use it as a starting point for discussions with my DD. But I don't think I'd tell another parent unless it was something very disturbing/dangerous. I've kind of learned my lesson there.

My cousin's DD15 was making all kinds of posts about how she was starting birth control pills. It just seemed soooo inappropriate. Plus, there were a lot of posts about her boyfriend, their breakup, and how her life is worthless and she wanted to die. I mentioned to my mom how disturbing it all was, and she said something about it to my aunt (the girl's grandmother-- the girl, mom, and grandmother all live together). Grandma was upset and told the mom to check her page. The mom just yelled at my mom to mind her own business, and that the girl did nothing wrong. She was on BC to regulate heavy periods, not because she "needs" it yet. But come on! Is it appropriate to "advertise" that fact to the world when you are 15??? So it's quite possible the other parents know about it and just don't find it as offensive as you do.

 

[lyncecelia]

My step kids all have FB accounts...the younger 3 just use it for the dumb games, the oldest to interact with friends. I have it set up that EVERY TIME they post something on FB, I get a notification so that I can see it instantly. It's called "Close Friends". No one is added to their friend list without one of us 4 parents knowing (we parents are all friends and work together with them). Also, all 4 of us parents are allowed to log into their accounts at any time. The rule is that as your parent, I have every right to stalk you until you are 18, because legally you are our responsibility until then . At the same time, they know we respect their privacy, and won't look into their profile unless we felt we needed to (which is extremely rare). We use FB as a way to teach internet safety (don't post anything you wouldn't want mom/dad/step-mom/step-dad/etc. to see!) and how to not give away private information. We also use it to teach internet etiquette. (Have a problem with someone? Talk to them privately and respectfully, not on their wall and with no name-calling or threats).

 

[gemini2727]

My oldest is 10, so I'm not quite there yet, but this is how I plan to handle it when the time comes. I do think I'd check out her friends' pages, and use it as a starting point for discussions with my DD. But I don't think I'd tell another parent unless it was something very disturbing/dangerous. I've kind of learned my lesson there.

My cousin's DD15 was making all kinds of posts about how she was starting birth control pills. It just seemed soooo inappropriate. Plus, there were a lot of posts about her boyfriend, their breakup, and how her life is worthless and she wanted to die. I mentioned to my mom how disturbing it all was, and she said something about it to my aunt (the girl's grandmother-- the girl, mom, and grandmother all live together). Grandma was upset and told the mom to check her page. The mom just yelled at my mom to mind her own business, and that the girl did nothing wrong. She was on BC to regulate heavy periods, not because she "needs" it yet. But come on! Is it appropriate to "advertise" that fact to the world when you are 15??? So it's quite possible the other parents know about it and just don't find it as offensive as you do.

Even though it wasn't received very well, I think you did the right thing and your intentions were good. You're right though, what I think is obviously inappropriate, some parents are ok with, unless of course they just have no idea what their kids are posting. This is more than likely, I'm afraid. I can't believe any parents would be ok with some of the things I see!

 

[Lynne M]

The entire point of a having a FB account is so others can see what you post.

If your page is set to 'public', the assumption is that you want everyone and anyone to see what you post.

There's nothing wrong with looking at anyone's public page - they want it to be seen.

 

[Bnb0627]

You should definitely be checking out their Facebook pages!!!!

My daughters are 8 and 9 and have Facebook because we all used to play those annoying games. I no longer play but my daughters still do. They really do not post anything on there unless they take funny pictures or videos. But they know all of our rules. One being that they must show us before they post. Their friends are our family members and a few neighbors.

One neighbor I am starting to question whether or not I should remove her as our friend. She just turned 9 and for the last three years has been friends with my daughters. Over the past couple of months my daughters have stopped wanting to play with her because of her behavior. She lies a lot. She has text me pretending to be her mom on more than one occasion and has pretended to be one of DD's other friends. She says they were just pranks. Now I'm noticing fb posts like "I'm so mad I could punch something" and "why do only ugly boys like me" she belongs to a lot of teenage pages and also messages ME daily. In the last two weeks I have 10 messages that say Hi. I don't respond. She's obviously begging for attention.

I mentioned something to her mother and she laughed and said "that kid is crazy isn't she". The mother is not the best role model and is the town gossip and speaks openly about everybody's business in front of her kid.

My girls go on FB about once a week. I'm good with that. They don't need to move any faster than that lol. I'm just annoyed by this kid and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

When my kids decide to add more friends I will definitely be checking them out.

 

[DopeyDame]

If I knew the parents, I probably would give them a call to let them know that thier kid's facebook page is set to public - that in and of itself is a problem to me. If the parents know, than I obviously wouldn't pursue it any further. Beyond that, it really depends on exactly what you were bothered by and how well you know the parents and kids involved.

For all those who say that they are friends with their kid on facebook... how do you know that what you see is actually their only facebook account? I'm asking in all seriousness... because I think the rule is a good one, but it seems to me that any kid who wants to get around that rule would very easily make two accounts. My DS is only 3, so I haven't really confronted this issue yet, but it has me stressed.

 

[Squirlz]

Facebook Creeping: An act in which one looks at a friend's/stranger's facebook profile, pictures, and recent activity.

If you don't even know the lingo...

I'm resistant to such affectations.

 

[Riles_and_Gabe]

My 14-year old DS has an account. I have his password and will randomly check on it. If there is something I don't like, we will discuss it. I haven't got to the point yet that I asked him to remove a friend. However, he rarely remembers to go on to FB, so it isn't a huge concern for me. Everyone in the family gets so excited when he actually posts something .

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I have let friends know when their kids' pages are open to the public. The parents are clueless. One thanked me and tried to fix it. The other was just like "I don't know how these things work." and left it open. Her child. Her decision.

I do monitor my DD's page. She'll be 13 on Friday and was given an account early to play games and of course it's under her horse's name. Nothing exciting is ever posted. That being said, I do have a step daughter that my DD is not allowed to "friend". I know it's her sister but the 22 yo has mental health issues. DD does not need to see all the suicide threats (regular occurence).

 

[badblackpug]

We call this "facestalking," and, yes, it is creepy that you are "creeping" on other kid's pages.

It is quite a different thing to read your own child's page, especially when you are checking for content. I have a teen. She is aware we read her page, that was part of the rules of getting one.