Childfree (by choice) Disney Lovers!

[archdandy]

Those are great suggestions! DH and I always complain we have no friends to hang out with because they aren't in the same life stages as us anymore. I also know what you guys mean about going somewhere and having all of these people with babies/children around; it seems to be all they talk about. It gets frustrating sometimes because then I think well I shouldn't have come because I have nothing to say to these people.

I also wanted to know how you guys deal with being CF and your families. My mom has been bugging me a lot lately on whether or not we are going to have kids. We have let it slide a couple times that we might not ever have them and she wasn't very happy with that. I know its my life and I am going to live it the way I want to, but I still feel a little guilty that she might not get any grandkids from me.

We are in our 40's now & find that some of our friends who did have kids are now getting to the point where the kids are old enough/out of the house that we are reconnecting, so while it will be a long time, stay in touch if you really want to because eventually the kids grow up & you can reconnect.

I'd also suggest if you have the option, look into connecting w/other CF folks. We found a great, active meetup.com group in our area. I also know there is a group called "No Kidding" that has groups/franchises all over the country. You will find there are a lot more CF folks out there than you realize.

 

[zanzibar138]

I also wanted to know how you guys deal with being CF and your families. My mom has been bugging me a lot lately on whether or not we are going to have kids. We have let it slide a couple times that we might not ever have them and she wasn't very happy with that. I know its my life and I am going to live it the way I want to, but I still feel a little guilty that she might not get any grandkids from me.

DH and I are very lucky that we both have very supportive families, and it is not a problem for them. I have very slowly brought it up in conversation, to the point where my parents know our plans, and DH's would have a good idea. DH's parents will at least get grandkids from his sister.

I'm not sure how I would go if it were different. Personally I think surely people have kids because they want kids at the time, not because they want grandkids in the future, and it's very unfair to place all these expectations on their kids. Maybe you could try explaining that you don't think it would be fair on any children you did have if you had them just to please someone else.

 

[CynBeth]

Part of me is sad we can't have kids and part of me is glad because we don't have to work around school schedules to plan vacations and I can be involved in hobbies and other things I would not have time for. I do sometimes feel like a loser especially since people my age are not interested in me so most of my friends are around my Mom's age or a little younger. I am concerned about what will happen when I get older. I am an only child and we are not close to my Husband's family and I have very little family left so without kids I wonder who will take care of us if we get sick and need help among other things. Sorry to put a damper on things. On a positive note we will be in Disney in Dec.

 

[MrsZ]

We are in our 40's now & find that some of our friends who did have kids are now getting to the point where the kids are old enough/out of the house that we are reconnecting, so while it will be a long time, stay in touch if you really want to because eventually the kids grow up & you can reconnect.

I'd also suggest if you have the option, look into connecting w/other CF folks. We found a great, active meetup.com group in our area. I also know there is a group called "No Kidding" that has groups/franchises all over the country. You will find there are a lot more CF folks out there than you realize.

That's a good idea! I will always be close with the best friends we have that are having their baby tomorrow! Neither one of them have siblings so I get to be the auntie! I'm very excited for them but part of me is going to miss being able to hang out just the four of us.

I will definitely look into meeting some CF couples in our age group!

Those are great suggestions! DH and I always complain we have no friends to hang out with because they aren't in the same life stages as us anymore. I also know what you guys mean about going somewhere and having all of these people with babies/children around; it seems to be all they talk about. It gets frustrating sometimes because then I think well I shouldn't have come because I have nothing to say to these people.

This is exaclty how we felt at our friends baby shower. it's almost like you can't help looking youself in the mirror and thinking "Is there something wrong with me? Why am I not like them?" Feel free to chat with me anytime thought! lol

And ask far as family is concerned, I've had a long talk with my dad about it and he supports my decision. He understands why and respects that I am mature enough to make the responsible decision. DH's parents don't seem to care to much about it one way or the other. But his GM sure does! We are asked all the time at holidays where she is around and we just politely say we are not "ready" and that we don't know if we ever will be. We also even more politely remind her we would like to enjoy each other and work on our relationship before we bring children into the mix.

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

It's funny when it comes to friends and friends with kids, I have some friends that think I'm insane for considering kids so 'young' (27) and others that can't understand why I'd wait so long! Truth is, as much as we wanted a child, were really warming to the idea of never having them. As far as grand kids for our parents, it's a little strained, not that's it's expected from us for their sake or anything. My parents already have a couple GK, but one of my sisters has also made the decision to be CF, so i imagine its disappointing for them. And on DH'S side, there's only 2 GK, and that's all there will ever be bc his brother and he both have the same medical issue preventing them from having kids.

Maybe I'm selfish a little, but lately all I can think is that CF will be a better happier life for us, especially for our relationship. I would never imply that it's better for everyone, but being a permanent DINK sounds pretty good to me.

We love traveling during off seasons, both bc it's slower and cheaper. Right now were looking forward a Dec weekend WDW trip with friends, and planning out our options for next year. Right now were planning a trip to visit family in Malta, along with a visit to DLP. My life goal is to visit all the Disney parks, and being CF will make it much easier to do this.

 

[zima-cheryl]

I also wanted to know how you guys deal with being CF and your families. My mom has been bugging me a lot lately on whether or not we are going to have kids. We have let it slide a couple times that we might not ever have them and she wasn't very happy with that. I know its my life and I am going to live it the way I want to, but I still feel a little guilty that she might not get any grandkids from me.

For a long time that was a big sticking point w/my Mom. I was lucky because one day my Dad sat her down & explained if she kept on going she was going to drive her daughter away. Evidently it sank in, now we just don't touch the subject much.
Until that point, the more she harped the more I just removed myself from the situation. I'm not going to call or visit if all I have to look forward to is being hammered on about the kids thing.

Don't feel guilty, remember, she isn't going to be there for the 2am feedings or paying for 4 years of college, or all the stuff in between. You would be doing that, and if you don't believe you can do that & do it well, then you are making the right decision for you.

Part of me is sad we can't have kids and part of me is glad because we don't have to work around school schedules to plan vacations and I can be involved in hobbies and other things I would not have time for. I do sometimes feel like a loser especially since people my age are not interested in me so most of my friends are around my Mom's age or a little younger. I am concerned about what will happen when I get older. I am an only child and we are not close to my Husband's family and I have very little family left so without kids I wonder who will take care of us if we get sick and need help among other things. Sorry to put a damper on things. On a positive note we will be in Disney in Dec.

You aren't a loser! You are the lucky one...just remember while they are covered in diapers & cheerios and unable to even go pee by themselves you will be able to sleep in, relax & pursue your career or hobbies without any problems. The words "free time" and "spending money" will remain in your vocabulary. You just need to connect with some other folks similar to yourself. Look around & see if there is a meetup or other CF group in your area. If not a CF group then look for a group with your hobby...cooking, yoga, travel, etc. You would be able to meet some folks there, and even if they have kids, the fact you have a shared hobby gives you that to talk about.

As for who will care for you when you get old, the same people at the nursing home taking care of the people who had kids. Having kids is no promise that they will take care of you. A lot of parents end up dumped in nursing homes even if they have several kids. Check out the DINK website, they have some threads & articles about planning for that type of thing (retirement accounts, wills, etc). Our approach as CF does make it a little different, but there are some good resources out there if you poke around a bit.

 

[glaserjm]

Part of me is sad we can't have kids and part of me is glad because we don't have to work around school schedules to plan vacations and I can be involved in hobbies and other things I would not have time for. I do sometimes feel like a loser especially since people my age are not interested in me so most of my friends are around my Mom's age or a little younger. I am concerned about what will happen when I get older. I am an only child and we are not close to my Husband's family and I have very little family left so without kids I wonder who will take care of us if we get sick and need help among other things. Sorry to put a damper on things. On a positive note we will be in Disney in Dec.

You are not a loser! Don't even think that way for a second. Somehow society has created this ideal that every woman should be able to and desire to "have it all" including children, a successful and lucrative career and a fabulous social life. Not only is that nearly impossible to achieve, it's also not a shoe that fits each person. It's so frustrating that it turns us into self-doubting or loathing members of society when there's generally very little of the same pressure put on men! Nobody looks at DH funny when he says that kids "aren't in our plans right now" (our standard response to avoid a long conversation).

However when some invasive folks ask me the ask me the same thing and I give the same response, it's a different ballgame.

Having children is not a guarantee on anything in your future. You could have a child (God forbid) with limitations that require you to care for them for their entire life, even in your old age. My mother currently spends five to six days per week caring for her mother and my uncles are nowhere to be found. This happens all the time and some people aren't even lucky enough to have even one of their children interested in caretaking.

Having children is wonderful for those who want to do it. Not having children is wonderful for those who do not want to do it. There should not be an argument, but unfortunately people want to validate their own decisions by "convincing" others that their way is best. It happens in all facets in life and especially in parenting!

Keep your chin up CynBeth and like Cheryl said, find others in your area that are like you and join a group or form your own! There's a lot of life to live out there!

 

[tinkrbell1437]

My husband and I are happily CF and have known that is how we wanted it since our mid-20s - the only person who has ever given me a hard time about it has been my sister. She says that I am the most selfish person in the world for not having kids. I told her that it would be more selfish to have a kid that I didn't want just so I could fit into "normal" society.

Like others have said, it works for us and makes us happy, but everyone is different. Don't ever feel "less than" and don't let anyone else make you feel that way!

For now, enjoy life and Disney

 

[CynBeth]

Thanks guys for your kind words!

 

[zima-cheryl]

My husband and I are happily CF and have known that is how we wanted it since our mid-20s - the only person who has ever given me a hard time about it has been my sister. She says that I am the most selfish person in the world for not having kids. I told her that it would be more selfish to have a kid that I didn't want just so I could fit into "normal" society.

Like others have said, it works for us and makes us happy, but everyone is different. Don't ever feel "less than" and don't let anyone else make you feel that way!

For now, enjoy life and Disney

Next time your sister tells you you are selfish drop this one on her...
"Was Mother Teresa any less compassionate because she never passed a mucous plug? Is Oprah's empire any less because she never soothed a newborn through colic or argued with a teenager about poor life choices? "

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/open-letter-women-chose-not-kids-162100827.html

I can't think of anyone who can say either of those women are selfish with a straight face.

 

[franandaj]

Part of me is sad we can't have kids and part of me is glad because we don't have to work around school schedules to plan vacations and I can be involved in hobbies and other things I would not have time for. I do sometimes feel like a loser especially since people my age are not interested in me so most of my friends are around my Mom's age or a little younger. I am concerned about what will happen when I get older. I am an only child and we are not close to my Husband's family and I have very little family left so without kids I wonder who will take care of us if we get sick and need help among other things. Sorry to put a damper on things. On a positive note we will be in Disney in Dec.

You're definitely not a loser! Just because people your age aren't interested in you, that doesn't determine your worth. All my friends lost interest in me over the last 15 years and I've made new friends.

Don't feel guilty, remember, she isn't going to be there for the 2am feedings or paying for 4 years of college, or all the stuff in between. You would be doing that, and if you don't believe you can do that & do it well, then you are making the right decision for you.

You aren't a loser! You are the lucky one...just remember while they are covered in diapers & cheerios and unable to even go pee by themselves you will be able to sleep in, relax & pursue your career or hobbies without any problems. The words "free time" and "spending money" will remain in your vocabulary. You just need to connect with some other folks similar to yourself. Look around & see if there is a meetup or other CF group in your area. If not a CF group then look for a group with your hobby...cooking, yoga, travel, etc. You would be able to meet some folks there, and even if they have kids, the fact you have a shared hobby gives you that to talk about.

As for who will care for you when you get old, the same people at the nursing home taking care of the people who had kids. Having kids is no promise that they will take care of you. A lot of parents end up dumped in nursing homes even if they have several kids. Check out the DINK website, they have some threads & articles about planning for that type of thing (retirement accounts, wills, etc). Our approach as CF does make it a little different, but there are some good resources out there if you poke around a bit.

Yup! These are all great points that I was going to make but Cheryl beat me to them.

My husband and I are happily CF and have known that is how we wanted it since our mid-20s - the only person who has ever given me a hard time about it has been my sister. She says that I am the most selfish person in the world for not having kids. I told her that it would be more selfish to have a kid that I didn't want just so I could fit into "normal" society.

Like others have said, it works for us and makes us happy, but everyone is different. Don't ever feel "less than" and don't let anyone else make you feel that way!

For now, enjoy life and Disney

I've never fit into normal society and have to accept I never will. So many people have kids that never really wanted them and they treat them that way. Better not to have them and not regret it than have them and regret it.

Besides as others pointed out there is no guarantee that they will take care of you. They could be in prison for all you know!

 

[Devilsangel7681]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is CF!!!! I can't believe i've never found this thread before! I'm having such a hard time lately. DH and I have been married for 3 years next week and I'm getting the question of "when". DH and I have no desire to have children. And through the magic of modern medicine we are in the clear for at least three years. However given my age (27) all of my friends lately are either pregnant, trying, or ready to give birth. (My best friend is having a C-Section and they are due this wednesday which happens to be our anniversary). My question to all of you DISers who are CF is.... do you ever get the feeling like you're the odd one out? The out cast? DH and I know we are making the right decision to be CF but I can't seem to help feeling like there is something wrong with me....???.... DH tells me not to compare myself to other people but it's hard not to. Any advice on how to deal with this?

You and I are in the exact same boat. I am 27 and I have been married a little over a year. While I am not getting the question as often as you are, I probably will in the near future.

Both my husband and I met on the basis that neither of us wanted kids. We both know what we want out of life and it matches, nothing in those plans involves children. I make it very well known to people around me I really don't want them. I still feel like the odd person out though. They just don't understand how anyone could not want a crying, pooping dependent mess that needs 110% of your attention! Not saying people who have kids is bad, I think it's great people have kids. I just have no desire to have any myself. I get weird looks, or the standard "oh you're young, you will change your mind" response. I feel like saying " no I know what I want, I am not stupid or too young to know better thank you." I have honestly only had 1 positive response from someone ever. Out of probably 100 people. Sad.

Truth is it is really no one's business but you and your husband's. It is such a big commitment that requires you to put everything else second, no one should be telling you to make that decision!!! You can't travel when you want, you can't go out to eat when you want, you can't retire early, you can't watch R rated movies when you want, to me having children is just a huge list of things I can't do and all the things I would have to do that quite frankly I really don't care to do at all.

Stay true to yourself. If you aren't someone who wants them but has them anyway you are only hurting them in the long run, and possibly your marriage if it is that strong of an issue.

Glad there is someone else out there just like me!!!

 

[gcarney]

DH and I are in our mid 40's. He has a son by a previous relationship. When we met 15 years ago we knew neither of us wanted children. I am lucky, my family never asked. My friends have and I told them if you take them at night and you raise them then I'll have them....

I didn't have the best mother growing up. Controlling, demanding, manipulative and quite frankly scary. I didn't and still don't want to continue that pattern. From what she says her mom was a monster as well. I do get a shot at being a GM instead. We will welcome a granddaughter in December so at some point we will make the trip with her but as for kids of our own, we are really all set!

Don't sweat it - do what you want, because its what YOU want.

Enjoy

 

[mrsclark]

Finally at a computer rather than my iPad so I now easily muilti-quote and respond to everyone!

Omgosh! That is so neat and detailed. I would almost be sad to eat it but I'm sure it tasted wonderful too.

We leave 6 days from today and I can't wait. We're meeting some friends and family down there and our days are so packed, I honestly say that I can't imagine having to go with children...having to take nap breaks and lugging around all of their stuff.

I would love to eventually take my nephews but not for a few years yet LOL

Let us know how the trip goes! I would love to hear all of the details!

We'll be there in two days and I believe that we are meeting up with some if the same friends. We decided at the last minute to do MNSSHP.

Can't wait to hear your review of MNSSHP - we were there for the first night of the party 9/10/13 and had lots of fun! We especially enjoyed seeing the fireworks in Fantasy Land. I know you don't get the intended/designed view by watching them from someplace other than in front of the castle, but there are usually too many crowds for us in the prime spots. So we grabbed some Candy Corn soft serve (which did NOT taste like candy corn unless you count the bits of candy corn sprinkled on top of it - it just tasted like vanilla soft serve) and watched the fireworks "in the round" which was a lot of fun.

I am so glad that there is a thread for people who love disney but do not have kids. My husband and I are childfree (not by choice) and have been trying for about a year and seeing a fertility specialist for about 6 months with no luck. For a while we were not planning any trips anywhere because i assumed their would be a child in our life soon. Recently I started having a new mindset that we just need to enjoy our lives without children. The first step in doing that was booking a trip to disney for a much-needed getaway and to enjoy all the food and alcohol at the food and wine festival. I have never been so excited for a disney vacation, this will be the first vacation to disney with just me and my husband (no parents, siblings, cousins, etc).

Hello! It sounds like you will be getting the much-need relaxing and fun vacation that both of you need.

Yes, this. After 3 years we've decided we don't want to waste the best years of our planning around something that may never happen. We used to call it 'not by choice' but more and more were thinking we're 'by choice.' We've since decided that while a Disney trip with extended family will be nice in the future, we actually prefer traveling as a carefree couple! We just got back from 2 days at SSR, followed by 7-nts on the fantasy. It was great! And we're already planning a trip this dec, and another cruise next year.

Hello!

This is my first time popping into this part of the forum so I've never seen this thread before, but I'm glad I found it! DH and I are currently CF by choice. I say currently because at this point in time we have no desire to have children but who knows what will happen in the future? I'm only 24 so I could decide that I want them later on. Lately I've been kind of leaning more and more towards the feeling that I don't think I will change my mind though.

DH and I have been to WDW five times together and this upcoming October will make it six. We are going with his brother and his new girlfriend who I've never met so it will be interesting!

Anyways, nice to "meet" you all!

Hello! Nice to meet you too! DH and I got married when I was 24 and he was 28. We discussed having children and thought 2 years into our marriage would be the "right" amount of time to have alone while married before having children - I have no idea where we got that from :. So in 2009, we went on vacation to WDW. At the end of the trip, I was so sad (and have hilarious pictures of me making crying faces to prove it), thinking this was the end of "our" time and now we "should" go have kids. All of our lives, DH and I have been high-achievers and people pleasers and what I term "shoulders" meaning that we never wanted to let people down and always wanted to do what we "should" do. A month or so after we got back from vacation, we both sat down and said this is crazy, if we aren't excited about having a baby and don't really want to do it, then it is nuts to do it just because we "should" (society's norm, expectations that others had of us, what we believed "normal" married couples do - as if there is such a thing, etc). So we decided no kids for us at that point and I would say we are about 80%-90% sure we plan to remain CF. We check in with each other periodically, still don't want a baby, right??? I am not 100% yet about not having kids, but as each year passes (I am now 30) instead of hearing a biological clock ticking, I actually feel more and more confident about our decision (it can take years and years to undo all the thinking about all the "shoulds").

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is CF!!!! I can't believe i've never found this thread before!

I'm having such a hard time lately. DH and I have been married for 3 years next week and I'm getting the question of "when". DH and I have no desire to have children. And through the magic of modern medicine we are in the clear for at least three years.

However given my age (27) all of my friends lately are either pregnant, trying, or ready to give birth. (My best friend is having a C-Section and they are due this wednesday which happens to be our anniversary). My question to all of you DISers who are CF is.... do you ever get the feeling like you're the odd one out? The out cast? DH and I know we are making the right decision to be CF but I can't seem to help feeling like there is something wrong with me....???....

DH tells me not to compare myself to other people but it's hard not to. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Almost all of our friends have children. We all went out together in August and I left thinking that I don't want their lives and I know they don't want mine. So I think your DH is right to suggest not comparing because what makes someone else happy may not make you happy.

Yes, sometimes I get bored out of my mind when the group starts debating private versus public school or complains about the cost of daycare, but the last time we went out we actually talked about a lot of other stuff - sometimes about their kids, but actually on a lot of other topics. So, I totally understand there are conversations that I felt completely left out of because I have nothing interesting to contribute, but I've also found that if I bring up other topics (books, movies, TV shows) a lot of times people with kids actually enjoy the change of subject. After all what is the point of getting together with other adults for a friends night out if the only subject is kids???

As for being the odd one out in society in general, I think society tends to make children a BIG definer like an easy way to categorize people kind of like religion or politics. Once people figure out which way you lean, they can kind of run away with preconceived notions about you. Being CF is controversial (to some people) so it is easy to feel odd about it. BUT I am trying to minimize its importance to myself - just because society wants to label/judge or make a big deal out of it doesn't mean I have to. So, instead of making it define me, I am just trying to make CF one part of me along side the much bigger parts of me that I do want to emphasize: wife, daughter, step-daughter, animal lover, reader, lifelong learner.

Finally, sometimes I do feel like there is something wrong with me for not wanting children, but I have to remember that is society's problem to view it that way, not really a flaw in my character. I do keep thinking that one day my biological alarm clock will go off and I will suddenly have baby fever. Honestly, does that really happen to anyone who has pretty much decided they don't want kids?

I feel a bit like this too - it's hard not to when all our friends are having babies! I try to put it in perspective by thinking about all the ways that other people are the 'odd ones out' too. For example, in our group, people who don't like dogs are also 'odd ones out'. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not terrible people. They're still our friends. They just don't enjoy spending too much time with dogs. Same with us and kids.

Exactly!

We are in our 40's now & find that some of our friends who did have kids are now getting to the point where the kids are old enough/out of the house that we are reconnecting, so while it will be a long time, stay in touch if you really want to because eventually the kids grow up & you can reconnect.

I'd also suggest if you have the option, look into connecting w/other CF folks. We found a great, active meetup.com group in our area. I also know there is a group called "No Kidding" that has groups/franchises all over the country. You will find there are a lot more CF folks out there than you realize.

We have one set of friends who had children very young and another set who is older than us, both couples now have children already in middle school, so it seems they are looking to re-establish more of a social life outside their children now, so I most certainly agree with zima-cheryl.

Those are great suggestions! DH and I always complain we have no friends to hang out with because they aren't in the same life stages as us anymore. I also know what you guys mean about going somewhere and having all of these people with babies/children around; it seems to be all they talk about. It gets frustrating sometimes because then I think well I shouldn't have come because I have nothing to say to these people.

I also wanted to know how you guys deal with being CF and your families. My mom has been bugging me a lot lately on whether or not we are going to have kids. We have let it slide a couple times that we might not ever have them and she wasn't very happy with that. I know its my life and I am going to live it the way I want to, but I still feel a little guilty that she might not get any grandkids from me.

My mom and my mother-in-law are both fine if we never have children and fine if we do have children. It was a little difficult at first for my mom because she is an only child and I am an only child, so we have a small family to begin with and she always wanted grandchildren. But in almost no time at all, she said she supports whatever we want to do as a couple and if all we ever give her is furry "grandkids" that is ok by her.

As for my dad, we have hinted that we may not want children, but have not made any final statements on the topic to him. I know he really wanted us to have children and used to make jokes and comments on the topic, but since we have hinted around about not having kids, he has stopped that completely.

So, all in all, we have a very loving, loyal, and supportive family - even though they may not always understand (they have told us what great parents we would be - I believe I would be a good parent, but that is different than wanting to be a parent and wanting to make that type of commitment).

Part of me is sad we can't have kids and part of me is glad because we don't have to work around school schedules to plan vacations and I can be involved in hobbies and other things I would not have time for. I do sometimes feel like a loser especially since people my age are not interested in me so most of my friends are around my Mom's age or a little younger. I am concerned about what will happen when I get older. I am an only child and we are not close to my Husband's family and I have very little family left so without kids I wonder who will take care of us if we get sick and need help among other things. Sorry to put a damper on things. On a positive note we will be in Disney in Dec.

I am not so much worried about someone taking care of us when we are old - if we have to go to a nursing home so be it. I am worried about being lonely. DH is 4 years older than me but in much better shape, so he will probably outlast me and as I stated earlier I am an only child. So I try to imagine Thanksgiving and Christmas 30 years from now when my parents will probably be gone and that can be hard. I like to make a big deal of the holidays and the thought of being lonely then makes me sad. But I know having kids isn't a guarantee against loneliness - kids grow up and may move away or have families of there own or just plain not want to spend the holidays with their parents. And I think it is a horrible idea to have kids as a hedge against possible future loneliness, but I would say that is my one fear about remaining CF. I, too, am not trying to put a damper on things, but if anyone else would like to share their thoughts/feelings on this topic I am all ears!

Next time your sister tells you you are selfish drop this one on her...
"Was Mother Teresa any less compassionate because she never passed a mucous plug? Is Oprah's empire any less because she never soothed a newborn through colic or argued with a teenager about poor life choices? "

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/open-letter-women-chose-not-kids-162100827.html

I can't think of anyone who can say either of those women are selfish with a straight face.

Loved this article, thanks for posting the link!

 

[mrsclark]

Thought this podcast from NPR/WBUR might be of interest as well:

http://onpoint.wbur.org/2013/08/23/childfree-by-choice

 

[MrsZ]

My husband and I are happily CF and have known that is how we wanted it since our mid-20s - the only person who has ever given me a hard time about it has been my sister. She says that I am the most selfish person in the world for not having kids. I told her that it would be more selfish to have a kid that I didn't want just so I could fit into "normal" society. Like others have said, it works for us and makes us happy, but everyone is different. Don't ever feel "less than" and don't let anyone else make you feel that way! For now, enjoy life and Disney

I love this!!! You are so right!!! Every image on tv or in movies is all about the "normal" act of having children. But that's not the "normal" for everyone. It's just hard to see that when it's shoved in out faces.

I wanted to share what DH and I did last night. We went out to dinner and made a list of things we've always wanted. (I.e. Travel, kayak more, but into DVC, I've always wanted to own a Mercedes, and DH wants to start his own business) it could be anything we could think of. It have us something to work for, a purpose if you will. It also gives us ammunition for when people as the "when" question. This little exercise reminded us that our normal is to enjoy each other and live our lives. Not the lives of what we see in media.

 

[mrsclark]

I love this!!! You are so right!!! Every image on tv or in movies is all about the "normal" act of having children. But that's not the "normal" for everyone. It's just hard to see that when it's shoved in out faces.

I wanted to share what DH and I did last night. We went out to dinner and made a list of things we've always wanted. (I.e. Travel, kayak more, but into DVC, I've always wanted to own a Mercedes, and DH wants to start his own business) it could be anything we could think of. It have us something to work for, a purpose if you will. It also gives us ammunition for when people as the "when" question. This little exercise reminded us that our normal is to enjoy each other and live our lives. Not the lives of what we see in media.

I love that you guys sat down and made a list! Two major things on my life goals list: go to two Olympics (one summer and one winter) and see every Disney theme park in the world.

 

[KRIS10420]

Hello It's been a very long time since I've checked into this thread but along with Zima-Cheryl I've been here since the beginning, so it's nice to see so many new people that have jumped on board.
DH and I have been together for 17 years and have no interest in having kids. In my 20's I had the thought that I should start having children by the time I turned 30 but then 9/11 happened and my whole perspective on this world changed. We realized that it was society that dictates the "normal" process of getting married, having kids... and the thought of having that kind of responsibility filled me with such dread. I didn't ever want the feeling of regret for having children as there is enough unwanted children in this world. Another factor was that I became an aunt at the age of 12 and had a big hand in helping to raise my two nephews so I kind of had the feeling of been there, done that and I knew what parenting entailed. I also had a nephew that died at the age of 6 months of a rare genetic disease so I also knew that not all children are born healthy. My MIL never wanted grandchildren (barely even wanted her own children) so we've had no problems with her but my parents were hoping for a granddaughter, therefore they were quite disappointed when we broke the news to them. My mom tried for years to change our minds but my reply to her was that I'd have the kids if she raised them...she wasn't too keen on that idea and finally gave up a few years ago.
Most of my childhood friends and our mutual married friends have children and no money or time to do the things we like to do, so we tend to hang out with people that have grown children or are much younger and haven't been sucked into society's norm yet. In fact one of my best friends is a 25 year old gay male and we are inseparable. DH works full time and goes to school so he has very little free time and we also have different interests. My friend and I do all the things DH doesn't like doing such as shopping, pedicures, baking, watching the same tv shows, going for drives, trying out new wineries and travelling together (DH hates Disney).
A few of our friends with kids have stated that are envious of the things DH and I are able to do but are the same people that have told us we should have children as it was the best thing that ever happened to them and we don't know what we are missing. Our reply to them is "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" lol. I know that that I have a lot more travelling I'd like to do and I intend to purchase a new Camaro next spring, both of which I couldn't do with children.

Finally, sometimes I do feel like there is something wrong with me for not wanting children, but I have to remember that is society's problem to view it that way, not really a flaw in my character. I do keep thinking that one day my biological alarm clock will go off and I will suddenly have baby fever. Honestly, does that really happen to anyone who has pretty much decided they don't want kids?

Actually yes it does happen. One of my friends since grade school always insisted she was never having children. She partied hard, traveled the world and married a guy that accepted her decision but then she reached her mid thirties and decided there was something missing in her life. She's had two kids since then and claims that she never imagined she could love someone so unconditionally. In one aspect it felt like she was a traitor but I am very happy for her and know that those kids are loved and wanted.

 

[zima-cheryl]

A few of our friends with kids have stated that are envious of the things DH and I are able to do but are the same people that have told us we should have children as it was the best thing that ever happened to them and we don't know what we are missing. Our reply to them is "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" lol.

Wasn't it Dear Abby? Or Ann Landers? Who did a readers poll some years back & something like 20% of the people who responded said given the chance to do it again they would have kids?

 

[zanzibar138]

A few of our friends with kids have stated that are envious of the things DH and I are able to do but are the same people that have told us we should have children as it was the best thing that ever happened to them and we don't know what we are missing. Our reply to them is "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" lol. I know that that I have a lot more travelling I'd like to do and I intend to purchase a new Camaro next spring, both of which I couldn't do with children.

You know what? I'm happy to not know what I'm missing out on My friends are also constantly jealous of all the travelling we do, and the things we do 'on a whim', that they just can't. Why would I want to give that up?

And what happens if we have a baby because everyone says it's the best thing that ever happened to them and we don't know what we're missing out on, and it only confirms our belief that it's not for us??? We can't exactly take the baby back! If there's even the slightest chance that I would regret it and become resentful towards the child, there is NO WAY that I am going to risk that.