This posting covers all the non-Disney theme parks which I visited in the second week of my holiday - the two Universal parks, Busch Gardens and SeaWorld, which I will hereafter collectively refer to as the FlexParks, as they are covered by the Orlando FlexTicket (as is Wet 'n' Wild, but I didn't go there). WDW is covered, unsurprisingly, over on The Dis's trip reports message board. There is also a general overview of the preliminaries to my holiday on the trip planning section.
Monday: I took bus #40 to Universal Studios from the downtown bus station at 0815, getting there at 0909. With the Orlando FlexParks being closer to Downtown than WDW, I got a bit of a lie-in, albeit only half an hour. Universal Studios Escape is a lot more compact than Disney World. The two parks are within walking distance of each other, with City Walk in the middle. I checked out the super-headliners first, starting with the Back To The Future ride. I queued for a while, suddenly realising when I was halfway to the front that I am supposed to be paying attention to the pre-show. Instead of just creating a mood like some attraction pre-shows do, it actually explains the "plot" of the ride. I listen to the rest and at least manage to pick up the fact that it involves Biff Tannen (the bully from the films) stealing something or other, meaning that he has to be pursued through time in a certain silver DeLorean. After that, it is the turn of the Earthquake ride (Uni's choice of movies to base attractions on is clearly based on their thrill-ride potential rather than whether the movie was any good or not) and Kongfrontation. The latter allows you to ride a cable car which is then attacked by King Kong. The Kong model even has banana breath - I thought Kong ate people? The quartet of thrill rides is completed by the Twister ride, which purports to put the participant in the midst of a raging tornado, though it felt to me more like someone had turned the air conditioning up too high. I emerged just in time for the 1230 show by the Blues Brothers (or a reasonable facsimile thereof, including a top-notch Aretha Franklin impersonator). After grabbing a pizza at the Universal Studios' Classic Monsters Cafe (lured in as much by the impressive rotating statues of the monsters outside as by the menu), I join the long queue for the Alfred Hitchcock exhibit, which I believe is currently being revamped, though hopefully the Psycho part of the show won't be replaced by a shot-for-shot remake narrated by Vince Vaughn
I followed this with what was undoubtedly my favourite attraction in the park - Terminator 2 3D. James Cameron was brought in to direct this 3D movie, and it shows. If you enjoyed the movies, don't miss this. It is coming up to 1500 when this finishes, time for Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue. Unfortunately, the auditorium was full when I got there, but I could still see and hear the show, so as it was only 18 minutes long, I stood around and watched from outside rather than wait 2 hours for the next show. I then watch the Gory, Gruesome & Grotesque Horror Make-Up Show, which certainly lives up to its name. Parents be warned: the PG-13 warning on the programme doesn't really go far enough, as this show features uncut clips from such 18-rated movies as The Fly and The Thing. My day climaxes with the attraction which first made Uni famous - the Jaws ride. This was shortly after its revamp, though in the words of Marty McFly (hey - symmetry!), "the shark still looks fake". I had wanted to finish off with the Dynamite Nights Stuntacular, but it had been cancelled in favour of some Mardi Gras parade. I didn't fancy this much, so I got the 1817 bus Downtown. Be warned, whilst the #40 bus comes roughly once an hour, the interval between buses from Universal isn't always exactly 60 minutes, so check the timetable (buses to Uni, on the other hand, always leave at the same time every hour).
Tuesday: Back on the Disney bus again (the 0745 #50), but only as far as Sea World. This is the departure point for the Gwazi Express to Busch Gardens. This coach leaves at 0930 every morning and a return ticket costs $10. I bought the ticket with my credit card, using the phone number supplied on a leaflet in my hotel lobby. Busch Gardens is an odd combination of zoo and theme park and on the way from the entrance to the first ride (The Python), I saw giant tortoises, gorillas, alligators (in Florida? Who'da thunk it?) and feeding time for the elephants. After the Python coaster, I looked at the Phoenix swingboat in action, toyed with the idea of going on it, saw people being suspended upside down for what seemed like forever and decided against it. Busch Gardens has more hypercoasters than any other park I visited and having had a light breakfast (just a Nutrigrain bar to be precise), I decided to do them in the morning, figuring that riding them after lunch was probably not a good idea. In quick succession (or as quick as the queues and the walking time between each ride would allow), I visited Kumba, The Scorpion, Gwazi and Montu. I spent ages looking for the entrance to Gwazi - in fact, I found the exit before I found the entrance. I knew I should have taken that left turn at Alberquerque Montu is a floorless coaster, and I think the moment when the clank-clank-clank up the first incline ends and you plunge earthwards with nothing between your legs and the pit of live crocodiles below you is probably the most terrified I've ever been in my life. Akbar's Adventure Tours was closed so, the thrill rides done, I felt safe to have lunch and trekked all the way up to Das Festhaus for a corned beef sandwich the size of a small child.
The afternoon was spent in more gentle pursuits - checking out King Tut's tomb, watching the animals in Edge of Africa and the Myombe great ape reserve and feeding the lories in the bird garden. Unfortunately, the Trans-Veldt Railroad was closed while they were enhancing the veldt (how DO you enhance a veldt?). I topped off my visit with a ride on the cable cars, which give a superb view of the park. The only disadvantage is that they drop you off at the far end of the park, relative to the exit. It was a bit of a dash for the coach back to Orlando at 1800. You don't realise how big the park is (roughly 3 times the size of Universal Studios) until you have to get from one end to the other in a hurry. But luckily, I made it in time for the 80-mile journey back - not sure what I would have done if I hadn't. Moral: keep an eye on the time.
Wednesday: On the #50 to Sea World again - the 0845 this time. The 23-minute journey gets me there shortly after the park's 9am opening. I realise that Sea World has its own message board, but it seemed silly to separate out one day from this report, so I will give a brief overview here. As is my wont, I got the thrill rides out of the way first. Actually, Kraken hadn't been built yet, so there was only one, Journey To Atlantis. I had read that I would get very wet on this, so I took a change of clothes (a pair of swimming trunks and a t-shirt), but the nearest loos were closed, so I had a bit of a walk before I could change into them. The toilets in Sea World have these laser detectors that flush automatically - which gets very annoying if you are using them as a changing room and the thing keeps flushing all the time. Even more annoying was the fact that the lockers to put my existing clothes are round the corner from the ride, but I didn't find this out until I got to the front of the queue, meaning I had to queue twice. Anyway, thrill rides are not really what Sea World is about, so I spent the rest of the day looking at the marine exhibits and watching the shows. These are top notch, but I found the park as a whole badly designed and signposted, meaning that the walks between attractions seemed to take twice as long as they should have done. This seems to be a feature of Anheuser-Busch parks - Busch Gardens was the same. But don't let this put you off visiting what is a must-see theme park.
In the evening, I went to watch a basketball game between the Orlando Magic and the Chicago Bulls (Michael "the only basketball player most Brits have heard of" Jordan's former team). On my way in, a young African-American offered to buy my ticket. I didn't want to miss this game, so I declined his offer. "You're a white guy and you're not selling?", he sneered. Not wishing to enter the minefield of American racial politics, I muttered something vaguely apologetic and left. My overall impression from my visit is that race is a much bigger deal in America than it is in Britain. This aside, the game itself was presented with typical American razzamatazz. There is a welcoming family atmosphere here that you wouldn't find at an English football match. Magic fans and Bulls fans are not segregated as far as I can tell, and nobody shouts obscenities at opposing fans. The electronic scoreboard and PA system, however, make no concessions to away fans and are openly partisan in favour of the home side. When the Bulls line up to take a shot, the giant video screens urged us to "MAKE SOME NOISE" in order to put them off. A tad unsporting perhaps, but it seemed to work. The Magic went on to score their biggest victory of the season so far.
Thursday: Islands of Adventure was the last of the "big eight" theme parks to visit. Travel details as for Universal Studios on Monday, except that you turn left instead of right when you get there, towards the distinctive tower at the Port of Entry. If IoA is Universal's answer to the Magic Kingdom, as has been suggested, then this tower, known as the Pharos Lighthouse, is its Cinderella's Castle. I went to the Marvel Super Hero Island first, as this is where most of the super-headliners are. I could see that the queue for the Incredible Hulk coaster was 20 minutes long, but foolishly, I opted to go on Dr. Doom's Fearfall first instead. By the time I come out, the queue had built up to 45 minutes. Not being able to stomach the idea of waiting 3/4 of an hour for a ride which I was already nervous about going on (Montu at Busch Gardens had rather diminished my appetite for thrill rides), I did a shameful thing. I chickened out and skipped to the next item on my itinerary, the rather less terrifying (though still thrilling) Spiderman ride. This is a motion simulator ride with impressive 3D special effects but a soundtrack which I found to be largely inaudible, though I believe this has now been improved. Just to prove to myself that I'm not a complete coward, I went on Dueling Dragons next, which only had a 10-minute queue. This is a floorless coaster, similar to Montu, but not quite as scary (though there's not much in it). Riding the Ice coaster, I found my biggest fear was losing my glasses, and I could feel them slipping off several times. I had to keep one or both hand pressed to them throughout the ride. I should have deposited them in the locker along with the rest of my stuff, but then I wouldn't have been able to see anything of the impressive pre-show. It wasn't quite lunchtime yet, so I filled the time by watching the special effects-laden Treasures of Poseidon show. I had lunch in the beautifully-themed Mythos Restaurant and finished my meal just in time for the 1330 showing of the Eighth Voyage of Sindbad. This is another special effects show, though with more of a comedy bent to compensate for the fact that the effects find it hard to compete with the memory of Ray Harryhausen's Sinbad films. It is probably more fun for kids than it is for adults, with lots of corny jokes. For once, I broke my "no thrill rides after lunch" rule and go on the Jurassic Park River Adventure. There is no queasiness involved, as the ride is mostly fairly slow (in terms of speed rather than the pace of the surrounding action) apart from the 85-foot plunge at the end. I thought I'd have a go on the Pteranodon Flyers, but I found that, contrary to the impression given by the guidebooks, this is a kiddie ride rather than an all-ages one. I rounded off my visit by strolling around the Triceratops Encounter and the Discovery Center (drying off from the good soaking I got on the River Adventure, though I didn't get as wet as on Journey to Atlantis in Sea World). I returned on the 1708 #40 bus. Unfortunately, I seemed to have developed a splitting headache somewhere along the way, and didn't think to pack any painkillers, so I was forced to cancel a proposed visit to the Sak Comedy Lab on Ameleia Street and get an early night instead.
Friday: I was up early for my trip on the Naples/Everglades Adventure, which I had booked from Seligo Travel, via my local travel agent, before I left, price £56. This was probably the only time I regretted staying away from the main attractions area (as distinct from regretting staying at my particular hotel, which I did quite a lot), as the coach departed early from International Drive, Maingate and Kissimmee only. There were no buses early enough, so I had to book a taxi the night before.
My regrets were lessened as we moved from the more sedate atmosphere of Downtown into the neon barrage of I-Drive. "Makes you wanna turn around and run away, don't it?" chuckled my cab driver, a real old-fashioned Southern gent. I just smiled, but knew what he meant. The coach picked me up from the car park of the Quality Inn International at around 7am. The passengers seemed to be almost all Brits, as is the tour guide, an orange-and-peroxide Yorkshirewoman named Michelle. "Is there anybody here from Ireland?" she asked. "Anybody from Wales? From Scotland? And finally, is there anybody here from the UK?" Has devolution now reached the point that the UK has now been reduced to just England?
After stopping at a few more pick-up points, we headed off down route 27 towards Sebring, where we stopped off for one of those American breakfast buffets. Believe it or not, this was the first one I had been to, as I had been eating light breakfasts up till now, due to my "thrill rides in the morning" policy. Due to the number of Brits on the tour the firm has persuaded the resturant to add Heinz baked beans to the menu (though aren't they an American invention?). After stuffing our faces, it was off to Wooten's Everglades tours at Immokalee. We start off by taking an airboat ride through the swamps, followed by a visit to a rather grim-looking animal "sanctuary", in which the animals are kept in disturbingly small cages. I wonder if I am the only person who has worries about the conditions these animals are kept in. We see some more wild animals on the swamp buggy ride which follows, including some highly domesticated raccoons which hang around the swamp buggies waiting to be fed.
We had lunch at the Chickee Hut restaurant in Naples, named after the traditional buildings of the Seminole indians of Florida. It is fairly basic food - I had a hot dog, which is probably all I could manage after that huge breakfast. We spent a couple of hours in Naples, where most people had a swim. I can't swim (and didn't bring ny trunks) so I just sat on the beach, watching the sailboats, and the pelicans flying overhead. There aren't really any alternatives for those of us who aren't really beach people, as we were a bit away from the main town.
The day was topped off with a cruise on the Gulf of Mexico to see one of the most spectacular sunsets in the world. Had I come a week earlier, I would also have seen manatees in the wild, which would have been quite something. I had to settle for a closer look at the aforementioned pelicans instead. But we did see the green flash. Sometimes, just as the sun is disappearing over the horizon, there is a green flash in the sky. Nobody is quite sure why. The day I went was one such day.
We headed back to Orlando in darkness, with a rest stop at Sarasota, and I finally got back to my hotel around midnight.
Saturday: After a nice lie-in to recover from my 18-hour day, I took the 12.30 #7 to the Florida Mall. This is a huge shopping mall containing no fewer than 6 major department stores and over 200 smaller shops. There is also a cinema there, but it wasn't showing the movie I want to see, Mission To Mars, so after completing my shopping, I caught the 1645 #43 back to Universal Studios, to see it at the Loew's Universal Cineplex. I had a mild panic when I found that the bus journey terminated at the Universal Studios Employment Center rather than the theme park itself, but luckily, the bus changed into the 1811 #40, so I got back on it for the 6-minute bus ride to Uni Escape, arriving just in time for the start of the film. A couple of hours later, I leave, wishing I hadn't bothered. The cinema was nice, though - shame about the movie.
When I get back Downtown, I found that the last bus back to the Knights Inn had left at the ludicrously early time of 2045, the Saturday timetable for the #28 and #29 routes being the same as the Sunday and Bank Holiday one. I can understand them finishing earlier on Sundays (though not *that* early!), but why Saturday? I didn't really feel like walking, as Saturday night in Downtown Orlando is much like Saturday nights in city centres everywhere, and I didn't feel entirely safe (particularly when I remembered that, this being America, the drunken young rowdies are likely to have guns), so I got a taxi instead.
Sunday: After church, I caught the 1315 #4 to the Gatorland Zoo on South Orange Blossom Trail. This road isn't as pleasant as its name suggests, being filled with strip joints and sleazy motels ("MIRRORED CEILINGS! ROOMS BY THE HOUR!") nearer to Downtown, but by the time you get out to Gatorland, the area is much more family-friendly. Around an hour later, I saw the distinctive gator jaws that mark the entrance to Gatorland on the other side of the road. After getting off the bus and crossing the road, the first thing I did was head for Pearl's smokehouse for some gator nuggets. Well, I'll try anything once, but I think my tour guide in the Everglades got it right when he said that gator meat "tastes pretty much like whatever it's seasoned with". I ended up sharing my meal with an egret which was strutting around nearby, on the scrounge for food. The first show on the schedule (there are 4 shows at Gatorland, each lasting around 15 minutes) was gator wrestling at 1445. Very scary stuff. I find myself wondering if it is cruel to the gators, but perhaps this is just the legendary British sentimentality about animals. There is a story (probably apocryphal) that at the London premiere of the film 'Quo Vadis', a little old lady was heard to pipe up during a particularly gory scene of gladiatorial combat "ooh look, there's a poor little lion over there who hasn't got a Christian"!
I had fewer ethical dilemmas over the next show, 'Upclose Encounters' at 1515. This shows some of the poisonous snakes of Florida with tips on remaining "snake safe". This was followed at 1545 by 'Jungle Crocs Of The World', showcasing the park's collection of four different species of crocodile, including a quite beautiful yellow Nile Crocodile called Blondie. After that, there was a break of an hour and a quarter before the next show, giving me time to explore the zoo exhibits. These were laid out along a main strip and included deer, emus, turkey vultures and Judy, the Florida Black Bear. As in the Everglades, I couldn't help worrying that the cages were much too small for the animals.
The final show, and in many ways the climax, was the 'Gator Jumparoo' show at 1715. This shows gators rearing out of the water ("jumping" is perhaps too strong a word) as cooked chickens are hoisted above them on pulleys. Not quite as spectacular as the name suggests, but spectacular nonetheless.
I caught the #4 bus back downtown at 1817, the park having closed at 1800, and arrived back at my hotel around 1930. My holiday was over.
Monday: ...but not quite. I still had to get back to England. Checkout time at my hotel was 1100 but my flight wasn't until 1525, so there was a lot of carrying heavy luggage downtown involved - yet another reason why I should have stayed at the Travelodge. Had I done so, I could have left my luggage there and been free to explore. As it was, I was forced to get a bus downtown, as my luggage was too heavy to walk it. My pass had run out by this point, so I had to buy an extra $1 ticket, besides the one I needed to go to the airport. After doing a bit of window shopping, I visited Jungle Jim's on Church Street for lunch. As mentioned in the Brit's Guide, this is a burger joint that famously sells 63 different types of burger, including the headhunter (a monstrous burger served with a full pound of fries - finish it and get the next one free). I didn't have the stomach for this and so opted instead for a Bleu Max chicken burger with blue cheese and bacon. I got the 1345 #11 to the airport feeling like the condemned man going to the gallows. I had put it off as long as possible (and once again, the fact that the first leg of my journey is a domestic flight means that I can get away with arriving just over an hour before my flight is due, at 1422), but it was time to leave Orlando.
It wasn't just sorrow at my holiday ending that created this feeling of dread, but also the knowledge that I had a looong journey ahead of me. I had rung up 72 hours in advance to confirm my flight, using the national number for Northwest Airlines given in the Yellow Pages helpfully provided in my hotel room, only to be told that my flight times had changed. I now faced a 4-hout layover in Detroit, and believe me, Detroit Airport is not a place you want to hang around for a long time. I don't like waiting around in airports anyway (though Orlando's is nicer than most), but there is very little to see and do at Detroit, even by airport standards - very few shops and only one "restaurant" (actually a Burger King). Another hour and a half at Amsterdam means I didn't get back into Bristol until 1420 the next day (1020 Orlando time). Luckily, I managed to get some kip on the plane, but I still felt jetlagged and in need of a shower and a shave by the time I got home from the airport, an hour or so later. It's a shame that the best holiday of my life had to be spoiled by a 19-hour journey home, but that's the price you pay for your independence.
Monday: I took bus #40 to Universal Studios from the downtown bus station at 0815, getting there at 0909. With the Orlando FlexParks being closer to Downtown than WDW, I got a bit of a lie-in, albeit only half an hour. Universal Studios Escape is a lot more compact than Disney World. The two parks are within walking distance of each other, with City Walk in the middle. I checked out the super-headliners first, starting with the Back To The Future ride. I queued for a while, suddenly realising when I was halfway to the front that I am supposed to be paying attention to the pre-show. Instead of just creating a mood like some attraction pre-shows do, it actually explains the "plot" of the ride. I listen to the rest and at least manage to pick up the fact that it involves Biff Tannen (the bully from the films) stealing something or other, meaning that he has to be pursued through time in a certain silver DeLorean. After that, it is the turn of the Earthquake ride (Uni's choice of movies to base attractions on is clearly based on their thrill-ride potential rather than whether the movie was any good or not) and Kongfrontation. The latter allows you to ride a cable car which is then attacked by King Kong. The Kong model even has banana breath - I thought Kong ate people? The quartet of thrill rides is completed by the Twister ride, which purports to put the participant in the midst of a raging tornado, though it felt to me more like someone had turned the air conditioning up too high. I emerged just in time for the 1230 show by the Blues Brothers (or a reasonable facsimile thereof, including a top-notch Aretha Franklin impersonator). After grabbing a pizza at the Universal Studios' Classic Monsters Cafe (lured in as much by the impressive rotating statues of the monsters outside as by the menu), I join the long queue for the Alfred Hitchcock exhibit, which I believe is currently being revamped, though hopefully the Psycho part of the show won't be replaced by a shot-for-shot remake narrated by Vince Vaughn
I followed this with what was undoubtedly my favourite attraction in the park - Terminator 2 3D. James Cameron was brought in to direct this 3D movie, and it shows. If you enjoyed the movies, don't miss this. It is coming up to 1500 when this finishes, time for Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue. Unfortunately, the auditorium was full when I got there, but I could still see and hear the show, so as it was only 18 minutes long, I stood around and watched from outside rather than wait 2 hours for the next show. I then watch the Gory, Gruesome & Grotesque Horror Make-Up Show, which certainly lives up to its name. Parents be warned: the PG-13 warning on the programme doesn't really go far enough, as this show features uncut clips from such 18-rated movies as The Fly and The Thing. My day climaxes with the attraction which first made Uni famous - the Jaws ride. This was shortly after its revamp, though in the words of Marty McFly (hey - symmetry!), "the shark still looks fake". I had wanted to finish off with the Dynamite Nights Stuntacular, but it had been cancelled in favour of some Mardi Gras parade. I didn't fancy this much, so I got the 1817 bus Downtown. Be warned, whilst the #40 bus comes roughly once an hour, the interval between buses from Universal isn't always exactly 60 minutes, so check the timetable (buses to Uni, on the other hand, always leave at the same time every hour).Tuesday: Back on the Disney bus again (the 0745 #50), but only as far as Sea World. This is the departure point for the Gwazi Express to Busch Gardens. This coach leaves at 0930 every morning and a return ticket costs $10. I bought the ticket with my credit card, using the phone number supplied on a leaflet in my hotel lobby. Busch Gardens is an odd combination of zoo and theme park and on the way from the entrance to the first ride (The Python), I saw giant tortoises, gorillas, alligators (in Florida? Who'da thunk it?) and feeding time for the elephants. After the Python coaster, I looked at the Phoenix swingboat in action, toyed with the idea of going on it, saw people being suspended upside down for what seemed like forever and decided against it. Busch Gardens has more hypercoasters than any other park I visited and having had a light breakfast (just a Nutrigrain bar to be precise), I decided to do them in the morning, figuring that riding them after lunch was probably not a good idea. In quick succession (or as quick as the queues and the walking time between each ride would allow), I visited Kumba, The Scorpion, Gwazi and Montu. I spent ages looking for the entrance to Gwazi - in fact, I found the exit before I found the entrance. I knew I should have taken that left turn at Alberquerque
Montu is a floorless coaster, and I think the moment when the clank-clank-clank up the first incline ends and you plunge earthwards with nothing between your legs and the pit of live crocodiles below you is probably the most terrified I've ever been in my life. Akbar's Adventure Tours was closed so, the thrill rides done, I felt safe to have lunch and trekked all the way up to Das Festhaus for a corned beef sandwich the size of a small child.The afternoon was spent in more gentle pursuits - checking out King Tut's tomb, watching the animals in Edge of Africa and the Myombe great ape reserve and feeding the lories in the bird garden. Unfortunately, the Trans-Veldt Railroad was closed while they were enhancing the veldt (how DO you enhance a veldt?). I topped off my visit with a ride on the cable cars, which give a superb view of the park. The only disadvantage is that they drop you off at the far end of the park, relative to the exit. It was a bit of a dash for the coach back to Orlando at 1800. You don't realise how big the park is (roughly 3 times the size of Universal Studios) until you have to get from one end to the other in a hurry. But luckily, I made it in time for the 80-mile journey back - not sure what I would have done if I hadn't. Moral: keep an eye on the time.
Wednesday: On the #50 to Sea World again - the 0845 this time. The 23-minute journey gets me there shortly after the park's 9am opening. I realise that Sea World has its own message board, but it seemed silly to separate out one day from this report, so I will give a brief overview here. As is my wont, I got the thrill rides out of the way first. Actually, Kraken hadn't been built yet, so there was only one, Journey To Atlantis. I had read that I would get very wet on this, so I took a change of clothes (a pair of swimming trunks and a t-shirt), but the nearest loos were closed, so I had a bit of a walk before I could change into them. The toilets in Sea World have these laser detectors that flush automatically - which gets very annoying if you are using them as a changing room and the thing keeps flushing all the time. Even more annoying was the fact that the lockers to put my existing clothes are round the corner from the ride, but I didn't find this out until I got to the front of the queue, meaning I had to queue twice. Anyway, thrill rides are not really what Sea World is about, so I spent the rest of the day looking at the marine exhibits and watching the shows. These are top notch, but I found the park as a whole badly designed and signposted, meaning that the walks between attractions seemed to take twice as long as they should have done. This seems to be a feature of Anheuser-Busch parks - Busch Gardens was the same. But don't let this put you off visiting what is a must-see theme park.
In the evening, I went to watch a basketball game between the Orlando Magic and the Chicago Bulls (Michael "the only basketball player most Brits have heard of" Jordan's former team). On my way in, a young African-American offered to buy my ticket. I didn't want to miss this game, so I declined his offer. "You're a white guy and you're not selling?", he sneered. Not wishing to enter the minefield of American racial politics, I muttered something vaguely apologetic and left. My overall impression from my visit is that race is a much bigger deal in America than it is in Britain. This aside, the game itself was presented with typical American razzamatazz. There is a welcoming family atmosphere here that you wouldn't find at an English football match. Magic fans and Bulls fans are not segregated as far as I can tell, and nobody shouts obscenities at opposing fans. The electronic scoreboard and PA system, however, make no concessions to away fans and are openly partisan in favour of the home side. When the Bulls line up to take a shot, the giant video screens urged us to "MAKE SOME NOISE" in order to put them off. A tad unsporting perhaps, but it seemed to work. The Magic went on to score their biggest victory of the season so far.
Thursday: Islands of Adventure was the last of the "big eight" theme parks to visit. Travel details as for Universal Studios on Monday, except that you turn left instead of right when you get there, towards the distinctive tower at the Port of Entry. If IoA is Universal's answer to the Magic Kingdom, as has been suggested, then this tower, known as the Pharos Lighthouse, is its Cinderella's Castle. I went to the Marvel Super Hero Island first, as this is where most of the super-headliners are. I could see that the queue for the Incredible Hulk coaster was 20 minutes long, but foolishly, I opted to go on Dr. Doom's Fearfall first instead. By the time I come out, the queue had built up to 45 minutes. Not being able to stomach the idea of waiting 3/4 of an hour for a ride which I was already nervous about going on (Montu at Busch Gardens had rather diminished my appetite for thrill rides), I did a shameful thing. I chickened out and skipped to the next item on my itinerary, the rather less terrifying (though still thrilling) Spiderman ride. This is a motion simulator ride with impressive 3D special effects but a soundtrack which I found to be largely inaudible, though I believe this has now been improved. Just to prove to myself that I'm not a complete coward, I went on Dueling Dragons next, which only had a 10-minute queue. This is a floorless coaster, similar to Montu, but not quite as scary (though there's not much in it). Riding the Ice coaster, I found my biggest fear was losing my glasses, and I could feel them slipping off several times. I had to keep one or both hand pressed to them throughout the ride. I should have deposited them in the locker along with the rest of my stuff, but then I wouldn't have been able to see anything of the impressive pre-show. It wasn't quite lunchtime yet, so I filled the time by watching the special effects-laden Treasures of Poseidon show. I had lunch in the beautifully-themed Mythos Restaurant and finished my meal just in time for the 1330 showing of the Eighth Voyage of Sindbad. This is another special effects show, though with more of a comedy bent to compensate for the fact that the effects find it hard to compete with the memory of Ray Harryhausen's Sinbad films. It is probably more fun for kids than it is for adults, with lots of corny jokes. For once, I broke my "no thrill rides after lunch" rule and go on the Jurassic Park River Adventure. There is no queasiness involved, as the ride is mostly fairly slow (in terms of speed rather than the pace of the surrounding action) apart from the 85-foot plunge at the end. I thought I'd have a go on the Pteranodon Flyers, but I found that, contrary to the impression given by the guidebooks, this is a kiddie ride rather than an all-ages one. I rounded off my visit by strolling around the Triceratops Encounter and the Discovery Center (drying off from the good soaking I got on the River Adventure, though I didn't get as wet as on Journey to Atlantis in Sea World). I returned on the 1708 #40 bus. Unfortunately, I seemed to have developed a splitting headache somewhere along the way, and didn't think to pack any painkillers, so I was forced to cancel a proposed visit to the Sak Comedy Lab on Ameleia Street and get an early night instead.
Friday: I was up early for my trip on the Naples/Everglades Adventure, which I had booked from Seligo Travel, via my local travel agent, before I left, price £56. This was probably the only time I regretted staying away from the main attractions area (as distinct from regretting staying at my particular hotel, which I did quite a lot), as the coach departed early from International Drive, Maingate and Kissimmee only. There were no buses early enough, so I had to book a taxi the night before.
My regrets were lessened as we moved from the more sedate atmosphere of Downtown into the neon barrage of I-Drive. "Makes you wanna turn around and run away, don't it?" chuckled my cab driver, a real old-fashioned Southern gent. I just smiled, but knew what he meant. The coach picked me up from the car park of the Quality Inn International at around 7am. The passengers seemed to be almost all Brits, as is the tour guide, an orange-and-peroxide Yorkshirewoman named Michelle. "Is there anybody here from Ireland?" she asked. "Anybody from Wales? From Scotland? And finally, is there anybody here from the UK?" Has devolution now reached the point that the UK has now been reduced to just England?
After stopping at a few more pick-up points, we headed off down route 27 towards Sebring, where we stopped off for one of those American breakfast buffets. Believe it or not, this was the first one I had been to, as I had been eating light breakfasts up till now, due to my "thrill rides in the morning" policy. Due to the number of Brits on the tour the firm has persuaded the resturant to add Heinz baked beans to the menu (though aren't they an American invention?). After stuffing our faces, it was off to Wooten's Everglades tours at Immokalee. We start off by taking an airboat ride through the swamps, followed by a visit to a rather grim-looking animal "sanctuary", in which the animals are kept in disturbingly small cages. I wonder if I am the only person who has worries about the conditions these animals are kept in. We see some more wild animals on the swamp buggy ride which follows, including some highly domesticated raccoons which hang around the swamp buggies waiting to be fed.
We had lunch at the Chickee Hut restaurant in Naples, named after the traditional buildings of the Seminole indians of Florida. It is fairly basic food - I had a hot dog, which is probably all I could manage after that huge breakfast. We spent a couple of hours in Naples, where most people had a swim. I can't swim (and didn't bring ny trunks) so I just sat on the beach, watching the sailboats, and the pelicans flying overhead. There aren't really any alternatives for those of us who aren't really beach people, as we were a bit away from the main town.
The day was topped off with a cruise on the Gulf of Mexico to see one of the most spectacular sunsets in the world. Had I come a week earlier, I would also have seen manatees in the wild, which would have been quite something. I had to settle for a closer look at the aforementioned pelicans instead. But we did see the green flash. Sometimes, just as the sun is disappearing over the horizon, there is a green flash in the sky. Nobody is quite sure why. The day I went was one such day.
We headed back to Orlando in darkness, with a rest stop at Sarasota, and I finally got back to my hotel around midnight.
Saturday: After a nice lie-in to recover from my 18-hour day, I took the 12.30 #7 to the Florida Mall. This is a huge shopping mall containing no fewer than 6 major department stores and over 200 smaller shops. There is also a cinema there, but it wasn't showing the movie I want to see, Mission To Mars, so after completing my shopping, I caught the 1645 #43 back to Universal Studios, to see it at the Loew's Universal Cineplex. I had a mild panic when I found that the bus journey terminated at the Universal Studios Employment Center rather than the theme park itself, but luckily, the bus changed into the 1811 #40, so I got back on it for the 6-minute bus ride to Uni Escape, arriving just in time for the start of the film. A couple of hours later, I leave, wishing I hadn't bothered. The cinema was nice, though - shame about the movie.
When I get back Downtown, I found that the last bus back to the Knights Inn had left at the ludicrously early time of 2045, the Saturday timetable for the #28 and #29 routes being the same as the Sunday and Bank Holiday one. I can understand them finishing earlier on Sundays (though not *that* early!), but why Saturday? I didn't really feel like walking, as Saturday night in Downtown Orlando is much like Saturday nights in city centres everywhere, and I didn't feel entirely safe (particularly when I remembered that, this being America, the drunken young rowdies are likely to have guns), so I got a taxi instead.
Sunday: After church, I caught the 1315 #4 to the Gatorland Zoo on South Orange Blossom Trail. This road isn't as pleasant as its name suggests, being filled with strip joints and sleazy motels ("MIRRORED CEILINGS! ROOMS BY THE HOUR!") nearer to Downtown, but by the time you get out to Gatorland, the area is much more family-friendly. Around an hour later, I saw the distinctive gator jaws that mark the entrance to Gatorland on the other side of the road. After getting off the bus and crossing the road, the first thing I did was head for Pearl's smokehouse for some gator nuggets. Well, I'll try anything once, but I think my tour guide in the Everglades got it right when he said that gator meat "tastes pretty much like whatever it's seasoned with". I ended up sharing my meal with an egret which was strutting around nearby, on the scrounge for food. The first show on the schedule (there are 4 shows at Gatorland, each lasting around 15 minutes) was gator wrestling at 1445. Very scary stuff. I find myself wondering if it is cruel to the gators, but perhaps this is just the legendary British sentimentality about animals. There is a story (probably apocryphal) that at the London premiere of the film 'Quo Vadis', a little old lady was heard to pipe up during a particularly gory scene of gladiatorial combat "ooh look, there's a poor little lion over there who hasn't got a Christian"!
I had fewer ethical dilemmas over the next show, 'Upclose Encounters' at 1515. This shows some of the poisonous snakes of Florida with tips on remaining "snake safe". This was followed at 1545 by 'Jungle Crocs Of The World', showcasing the park's collection of four different species of crocodile, including a quite beautiful yellow Nile Crocodile called Blondie. After that, there was a break of an hour and a quarter before the next show, giving me time to explore the zoo exhibits. These were laid out along a main strip and included deer, emus, turkey vultures and Judy, the Florida Black Bear. As in the Everglades, I couldn't help worrying that the cages were much too small for the animals.
The final show, and in many ways the climax, was the 'Gator Jumparoo' show at 1715. This shows gators rearing out of the water ("jumping" is perhaps too strong a word) as cooked chickens are hoisted above them on pulleys. Not quite as spectacular as the name suggests, but spectacular nonetheless.
I caught the #4 bus back downtown at 1817, the park having closed at 1800, and arrived back at my hotel around 1930. My holiday was over.
Monday: ...but not quite. I still had to get back to England. Checkout time at my hotel was 1100 but my flight wasn't until 1525, so there was a lot of carrying heavy luggage downtown involved - yet another reason why I should have stayed at the Travelodge. Had I done so, I could have left my luggage there and been free to explore. As it was, I was forced to get a bus downtown, as my luggage was too heavy to walk it. My pass had run out by this point, so I had to buy an extra $1 ticket, besides the one I needed to go to the airport. After doing a bit of window shopping, I visited Jungle Jim's on Church Street for lunch. As mentioned in the Brit's Guide, this is a burger joint that famously sells 63 different types of burger, including the headhunter (a monstrous burger served with a full pound of fries - finish it and get the next one free). I didn't have the stomach for this and so opted instead for a Bleu Max chicken burger with blue cheese and bacon. I got the 1345 #11 to the airport feeling like the condemned man going to the gallows. I had put it off as long as possible (and once again, the fact that the first leg of my journey is a domestic flight means that I can get away with arriving just over an hour before my flight is due, at 1422), but it was time to leave Orlando.
It wasn't just sorrow at my holiday ending that created this feeling of dread, but also the knowledge that I had a looong journey ahead of me. I had rung up 72 hours in advance to confirm my flight, using the national number for Northwest Airlines given in the Yellow Pages helpfully provided in my hotel room, only to be told that my flight times had changed. I now faced a 4-hout layover in Detroit, and believe me, Detroit Airport is not a place you want to hang around for a long time. I don't like waiting around in airports anyway (though Orlando's is nicer than most), but there is very little to see and do at Detroit, even by airport standards - very few shops and only one "restaurant" (actually a Burger King). Another hour and a half at Amsterdam means I didn't get back into Bristol until 1420 the next day (1020 Orlando time). Luckily, I managed to get some kip on the plane, but I still felt jetlagged and in need of a shower and a shave by the time I got home from the airport, an hour or so later. It's a shame that the best holiday of my life had to be spoiled by a 19-hour journey home, but that's the price you pay for your independence.
