Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[shoney]

Well, so people dance more, of course! LOL
I know I dance a lot better with a couple drinks in me..or my perception is that I do, anyway. LOL

Made the last hour of my wedding video more entertaining!


Honestly, in our circle every party has alcohol, not just weddings!

Ever heard the old joke...

Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk!

 

[jodifla]

We had our reception at church so we didn't have alcohol. We served sweet tea, punch and water. And before anyone asks, we were adults when we married (or at least we thought we were at that age) 24 and 23. But in all the weddings I have been too down here, not one ever served alcohol -- my group drinks too -- I guess just not at weddings. I didn't realize people expected it to be served until I read this forum.

Can I ask why ya'll feel the need to serve it? I mean if its found to be disrespectful to have a cash bar -- why even serve it? Would the alcohol really be missed by the guests at the wedding reception?

Because there's dancing, typically.

We had an open bar.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I think we went to one wedding where there was a cash bar, but nobody knew ahead of time, and nobody had brought any cash!
It was really important for me to have a full open bar at my wedding reception.. I told my parents that I would rather have classy heavy appetizers and an open bar than a sit down meal and a cash bar. I ended up with a full open bar and sit down meal. I think the open bar was $20/ per person/ per hour (times 200 people) for the first three hours and then it went down to $8/per person/per hour after that. It gets to be pricey (we had a 5 hour reception)
Could they buy two bottles of wine/table if its a sit down meal? and then have a cash bar for people who don't do wine?

 

[gina2000]

I always love these discussions because everyone's customs are so different.

I've never been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar. I've also never been to a wedding where anyone has misbehaved as a result of alcohol and/or bad manners.

It's not that I can't "live without alcohol" for 2 1/2 hours. It's just customary and I enjoy having a couple drinks with dinner. I don't get drunk, I don't over imbibe and I don't make a spectacle of myself. Nor does anyone else I know. It's a social event and at social events I have a drink if I feel like it and if its available.

I've also never been to a reception held in an area of the church...though I have been to a spectacular kosher wedding reception in a synagogue. And they did have an open bar.

OP, I'd go with beer and wine on the tables and a limited open bar - or limited choices such as beer and wine. I think most people would enjoy it and it's certainly more than enough especially since you live in an area where an open bar is not customary. If you choose a cash bar and it's not customary in your area, let people know via word of mouth. Many people don't carry money with them and it's a good idea to give them a heads up.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

We had our reception at church so we didn't have alcohol. We served sweet tea, punch and water. And before anyone asks, we were adults when we married (or at least we thought we were at that age) 24 and 23. But in all the weddings I have been too down here, not one ever served alcohol -- my group drinks too -- I guess just not at weddings. I didn't realize people expected it to be served until I read this forum.

Can I ask why ya'll feel the need to serve it? I mean if its found to be disrespectful to have a cash bar -- why even serve it? Would the alcohol really be missed by the guests at the wedding reception?

the two weddings I went to with no alcohol had the most boring receptions ever. Nobody danced except the bride and groom. Luckily, my Dad went out and bought a case of beer and kept it in his car and we went out to the parking lot and chugged a beer.

 

[kirstenb1]

We had our reception at church so we didn't have alcohol. We served sweet tea, punch and water. And before anyone asks, we were adults when we married (or at least we thought we were at that age) 24 and 23. But in all the weddings I have been too down here, not one ever served alcohol -- my group drinks too -- I guess just not at weddings. I didn't realize people expected it to be served until I read this forum.

Can I ask why ya'll feel the need to serve it? I mean if its found to be disrespectful to have a cash bar -- why even serve it? Would the alcohol really be missed by the guests at the wedding reception?

To me a reception is an extension of how I like to entertain. If we invite friends over for dinner, I try to have a wide selection of beverages, both alcoholic and non. Same thing to a lesser extent, with the food. I'm not trying to serve a WDW buffet, but enough choices if we have a vegetarian guest, or maybe a picky child etc. So a reception would just be an extension of that same mind thought.

 

[DisneyWalle]

the two weddings I went to with no alcohol had the most boring receptions ever. Nobody danced except the bride and groom. Luckily, my Dad went out and bought a case of beer and kept it in his car and we went out to the parking lot and chugged a beer.

Well we didn't dance (good old southern baptist church) but we had a blast visiting with all the guests and opening gifts. The little girls entertained many with their twirling/dancing -- so cute. After the church wedding reception, close family and friends went to my momma's house. It was like a family get together -- so we all visited and played games -- never once thought about dancing I don't think.

 

[DisneyWalle]

I always love these discussions because everyone's customs are so different.

I too find these discussions interesting -- it amazes me the differences in the most common events.

 

[jodifla]

the two weddings I went to with no alcohol had the most boring receptions ever. Nobody danced except the bride and groom. Luckily, my Dad went out and bought a case of beer and kept it in his car and we went out to the parking lot and chugged a beer.

When I was growing up, receptions were typically punch and cookies and cake in the church basement or rec room.

It wasn't until I got to college that I saw a wedding with a big reception in a restaurant or hall, with dancing and drinking.

The first type of reception lasts maybe two hours, the second kind 4 or 5 hours.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

When I was growing up, receptions were typically punch and cookies and cake in the church basement or rec room.

It wasn't until I got to college that I saw a wedding with a big reception in a restaurant or hall, with dancing and drinking.

The first type of reception lasts maybe two hours, the second kind 4 or 5 hours.

One of my cousins married a rich Cajun boy (an oxymoron, I know, ) and had a big, fancy reception at the KofC in our small town (our town was dry at the time, so if you wanted booze, it was the KofC, VFW or the Country Club.) when I was in HS. That was the first time I'd ever been to a reception where you got fed, had dancing and had booze. It was always cake, finger foods, groom's cake and punch and coffee for us - and everyone had a good Baptisty time!

 

[DisneyWalle]

To me a reception is an extension of how I like to entertain. If we invite friends over for dinner, I try to have a wide selection of beverages, both alcoholic and non. Same thing to a lesser extent, with the food. I'm not trying to serve a WDW buffet, but enough choices if we have a vegetarian guest, or maybe a picky child etc. So a reception would just be an extension of that same mind thought.

Hmmm.....I never even considered vegetarians at my wedding. Not sure we have any in the family -- if we do they have never said anything. Momma asked me and my husband what we wanted at the reception -- we just chose our favorites -- fried chicken, potato salad, rolls, green beans, ambrosia salad and of course the cakes. Everything was ate, so I guess the spread was appreciated by the guests.

(I didn't mean to hijack this thread -- my apologies)

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Hmmm.....I never even considered vegetarians at my wedding. Not sure we have any in the family -- if we do they have never said anything. Momma asked me and my husband what we wanted at the reception -- we just chose our favorites -- fried chicken, potato salad, rolls, green beans, ambrosia salad and of course the cakes. Everything was ate, so I guess the spread was appreciated by the guests.

(I didn't mean to hijack this thread -- my apologies)

If they were polite guests, you never would've noticed - they would've just skipped the chicken and filled up on all the other yummy stuff you offered. More room for the cake for them!

 

[DisneyWalle]

If they were polite guests, you never would've noticed - they would've just skipped the chicken and filled up on all the other yummy stuff you offered. More room for the cake for them!

Very true. It was the same food that we serve at get togethers for the family so probably the only ones that might not have liked it were daddy's family (they are from Michigan) they are very vocal about what they don't like -- so I don't know. Course after reading this thread, they might have thought the reception was tacky or inappropriate and just talked about us later or maybe at the reception and I just didn't know.

 

[MomofKatie]

The regional differences in wedding culture and etiquette are interesting. I grew up and married in the deep south, where open bars were not the norm (at least back in the 80s/90s). Neither were big sit down dinners- more weddings than not were mid-afternoon affairs with finger foods, punch and sometimes a champagne or wine toast. No dancing or bands, and the whole thing was over in 2-3 hours. A nice time, but not a big crazy party.

We have Midwestern and Northeastern relatives and whenever we attended a wedding there, it was a HUGE bash! Evening receptions of at least 4-5 hours with full sit down dinners, open bar, dancing, band, and all the trimmings.

I think nowadays there isn't quite as much variation in receptions. To answer the OP's original question, though, I'd say limiting the alcohol to beer and wine but allow each guest to have as much as they want throughout the entire reception is a good compromise.

 

[TXinmyheart]

The wedding I feel is the one day when it is ALL about the bride and groom.

If they can't afford alcohol, do not want it, or vegetarian items, or kids at THEIR wedding than so be it. It is NOT about their guests.

We had an alcohol free wedding and no vegetarian options.

 

[mjantz]

Could you 'gift' them the open bar as a wedding gift? Or maybe assume some of the cost of providing the alcohol.
Like some here I'm a rural Southern girl & there was no alcohol or dancing at my wedding. Afternoon service, cake & punch afterwards & then it was over. I really hope I get invited to some weddings here before my kids get married as I have no idea what the 'standard' is.

 

[SpartansFan]

The wedding I feel is the one day when it is ALL about the bride and groom.

If they can't afford alcohol, do not want it, or vegetarian items, or kids at THEIR wedding than so be it. It is NOT about their guests.

We had an alcohol free wedding and no vegetarian options.

Then perhaps you shouldn't have invited any guests with that attitude. I tend to think that a wedding is about celebrating with family and friends. I always want my family and friends to feel welcome and appreciated when they come to any event hosted by me, let alone the event in which I took marital vows with my husband. The funny thing is that I *might* have five alcoholic beverages in an entire year, but it would still occur to me that my guests would perhaps want to imbibe on a very special occasion even if I am not a drinker myself. There are many ways in which the bride and groom can put their personal stamp on a wedding, but getting chintzy with food and drink should not be one of them.

 

[Stitchfans]

I personally think people need to get over their expectations of unlimited alcohol at a wedding, I don't understand the attitude. I attend a wedding because I want to share in the joy, I bring a gift because its the thing to do. I don't do either of those things because I expect something in return such as meal or unlimited alcohol. I realize my attitude is not shared by all

My cousin had a hosted bar for 1 hour for 100 people, that one hour was close to $2K after that it became a cash bar, I had no issue with it.

I've been to all types, no booze, mixed drinks, beer & wine, hosted bar, no host bar and a mix of both. The only thing I like to see is that as a guest I know ahead of time if I need to be bringing drinking money with me or not.

I think in this day and age the couple should do what they want to do that they are comfortable with and can afford.

I also agree with this person. I don't know why some people think a wedding reception is an excuse to get drunk?? At my daughter's wedding all we had was wine. No one complained or was disappointed. We were limited though since the reception was in an old time 1800's tavern since she wanted a Victorian wedding in a Victorian chapel. The rules for the tavern was white wine so just in case of someone spilling it wouldn't stain the floors.

I don't think it is tacky or wrong to have a cash bar for everything else with just wine and soda offered for free with the meal. Some people don't have money to burn but yet would like to share their special day with family and friends.

 

[leebee]

Back in 1993 we paid for our entire wedding ourselves, for 75 guests. Only thing we didn't pay for was the wedding cake (gift of my sister, who was my MOH, and worked in a bakery) and photography (gift of a friend who was an aspiring photographer). Alcohol was one of the corners we chose to trim. It was just ridiculously expensive to have an open bar- truly prohibitive! We had to pay for the booze, pay a corking fee for every opened bottle, bartender fees, and were charged for the full bottle price as soon as a bottle of anything was opened, even if it only had one drink poured from that bottle- and the facility kept the "leftover" alcohol at the end of the evening. Instead, we chose a cash bar. However, we provided punch, soda, and juice, had a champagne toast, and put 2 bottles of wine on each table during dinner. It's what we could afford, and nobody complained!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

The wedding I feel is the one day when it is ALL about the bride and groom.

If they can't afford alcohol, do not want it, or vegetarian items, or kids at THEIR wedding than so be it. It is NOT about their guests.

We had an alcohol free wedding and no vegetarian options.

The ceremony is about the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests.