Canadian Buffoon European Vacation - 30/03 - Endings and Silver Linings

[pkondz]

Went somewhere did ya?

In a hand basket.

That was inconsiderate of them not to drive half way the other way to meet up with you. They could've at least taken a bus if they didn't want to drive. I guess next time you'll just have to show up on their door step.

I know! You'd think 50/50 would seem fair enough.

But noooooooo....

What are we? Chopped liver?

Well pate de foie gras is one of the most valuable things you can eat.
And since it's basically chopped liver....

And I value my readers...

Even you....


Then, yeah.

Oh. You're saying we're a waste of your time. Got it now.

Absolutely not!

Well maybe, one person..........

Being I don't live with or have ever met the child, I can honestly say I don't. I just have to take your word for it.

You don't know her? Are you sure?

She was probably hoping that if she took long enough, you would leave without her so she could stay home alone.

See? You do know her!

I wasn't sure if that was you or not. Your back was turned towards me.

Well at least you got my best side.

Nope. Haven't seen it yet. The weekend it was released, we were in Disneyland. Haven't found time to go see it. This coming weekend is out as well. Guess I'll have to wait for the dvd.

Good thing I didn't post a spoiler like I almost did.

Well go back and check. We'll wait here while you do.

You sure? It'll delay the TR by a couple of weeks....

I've never met no one. Is he your twin brother or something?

Cousin.

Twice removed.

Are you psycho?

Yup!

Or did they tell you what they were thinking?

That too.

That's when you pop right back up and pretend like nothing happened, even though there's a big gash in your head. Trying to play it cool hoping no one saw you, all the while thinking "That hurt like HECK!"

Been there... done that.

So has almost every single male on the planet.


Most females too, I think.

Look on the bright side, looking back it would've given us something to laugh at. You know this crowd are blood thirsty....

Do not attempt to pry information, that may or may not have occurred, out from the TR writer. Woe onto you, whosoever... uh, heretowith... umm...


Yeah!

You're the parent. They would have to take your word for it.

Or demanded their passports or birth certificates, like it said on the website.

I'm pretty sure it would've been okay....


I don't like "pretty sure" when it's gonna cost me money.

See the answer to question #1. The worst that could happen though is you would've been out $6k.

No.

The worst would've been watching Kay trying valiantly to hold back tears.

That's hard.


Really hard.

Who's on first.

I don't know.


(Now hit it out of the park)

You said you were going to be honest. Since Anna was the latest tour guide, does that make her the best ever? This all leads back to your original statement that she was the best ever. That would probably mean she replaces Hawaiian gal.

Probably.

But time dims all memories.

I think

I don't remember.

Swerving into traffic wouldn't kill you. It's the impact from the car hitting that would probably do it. Or the heart attack you had once you saw the car was about to make you a permanent resident of Paris by making you part of the pavement. Chances are you could have survived the impact or heart attack though; or better yet, swerves out of traffic and not got hit at all.

Ya know! You're right! Now go jump off a cliff.
The fall won't hurt ya...

:

Nah. There's software for that now a days. All you need to do is speak....

Now there's an idea. Maybe we can all pitch in, buy the software and send it to Nebo. This way he can install it on his confuser and maybe, JUST MAYBE, we'll hear from him a little more.

You'll have to get Smidgy to agree to install it.

Still calling me a creep? That's it, I'm leaving this TR.

And so off creeps T_Man into the sunset

AFTER it's done.

Check
gotta put up with you for a bit still...


Oh, fine.

Well to make a long story short, They got on this boat called the SS Minnow. The tour was supposed to be 3-hours but the weather got rough. The tiny ship was tossed and the courage of the fearless crew got them through the storm, or else the minnow would've been lost at sea. Now the crew and the guests were stranded on a deserted tropic island. No phone, no lights, no motor cars or a single luxury were around. Like Robinson Crusoe they're as primitive as can be. I think eventually they get rescued but wound up stranded on the island again.

That's amazing!
They should make a TV show out of that!


Nah. It'll never work.

Comments? I meant them as sarcasms. I guess I wasn't sarcastic enough. Man I'm going to have to up my game next chapter.

Oh, please do (said the spider to the fly).

Oh did I just type that thought on here?
I meant to say, "Anytime. I'm glad you liked them."

Uh, huh.
Nice try.

well, how could we have stood you up when we never agrred to the trip? huh? huh? I don't remember signing a contract.

You mean I have to sign a contract to meet you guys?!?!?

my baby brother was at the foot of the eiffel tower new year's eve 2000!. that year they showed new years eve every hour at dif. cities around the world. I think it was 4 pm chicago time. I was at the Riverview pub (I worked at the restaurant in the back, but not that day) having a beer and toasting happy new years to my brother on the tv screen (well, I knew he was there somewhere!)

That's pretty good. For both of you.

Okay, so I am minutes away from reading the last chapter, but Pkondz, I could swear that your birthday is either today or a few days ago.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if I remember it correctly Happy Birthday!!!

And now, to read of the toilet trauma of the Pkondz family.....

Oh yeah, fall soccer season ended for DS on Saturday so now I have a little more free time on my hands!

So we can expect to see you around here more often?



And why yes... It is my birthday today.
Thanks!

Really great chapter Pkondz!

Thanks again!

I love the interesting fact tidbits throughout it. The Sun King, the Fun King, and the Done King.....what a perfect way to keep them straight!

Guess I'll keep plugging them in.
No one's yet told me to stop.

I thought the trivia on the obelisk was neat as well, Egypt wanting it back and the French, oh so artfully snubbing the request. Hee!

Yeah, you wouldn't expect that of the French, would you?

I'm so glad Anna was a great tour guide. The great ones really do make the tour special and well worth the investment. When you can be educated and entertained simultaneously, it's a huge win!

And yes, I laughed out loud with the restroom experience.

Thanks for the great chapter!!

We laughed too.
When Ruby pointed it out and said, "We have to try it!", I was like,
"YUP!"

And you're welcome.
I'm on midnights again tomorrow night so I hope to get another chapter out then or soon after.

 

[Thumper_Man]

And why yes... It is my birthday today.
Thanks!

 

[Thumper_Man]

I don't know.

(Now hit it out of the park)

3rd. BASE

 

[Thumper_Man]

Oh look. Buzz turned into Thumper_Man. Or I can read Buzz's mind and can post her thoughts. We post exactly alike according to Ponzi.

I'm so glad Anna was a great tour guide. The great ones really do make the tour special and well worth the investment. When you can be educated and entertained simultaneously, it's a huge win!

I'm so glad Anna was a great tour guide. The great ones really do make the tour special and well worth the investment. When you can be educated and entertained simultaneously, it's a huge win!

Not only once but twice. Boy oh boy. I'm good.

And yes, I laughed out loud with the restroom experience.

Thanks for the great chapter!!

And yes, I laughed out loud with the restroom experience.

Thanks for the great chapter!!

I guess Pkondz is trying to get in some early tricks here and see if anyone is paying attention. I'd rather have a treat though.

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

I’m back, did ya miss me?

<Cricket cricket cricket>

Guess not. Did you even notice I was missing?

Not important. I finally have some time to myself after a crazy month of vacation and even crazier back to work issues. Let’s just say that I’m happy to have a moment to breathe, and that moment is going to be spent here…

I won’t comment on everything from the last chapter, but there were a few things I couldn’t resist…

I had excellent directions from the tour website.

So you think we got lost, right?


Nah. It was easy.

Grab the subway,
transfer at Bonne Nouvelle to the #8 towards Balard,
jump off at La Motte-Picquet - Grenelle,
walk down Rue de Pondichéry for a couple hundred yards,
make a right on Pl. Dupleix,
a left on Rue Edgar Faure...
and there you are!

See? Toldja it was easy.

You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out., you put your right foot in, and you shake it all about…

We did get sidetracked on the walk, though.

We turned a corner and I spotted this. (I didn't take a picture (there are limits ya know! and I forgot.) so this is from Google Maps.)

It’s finally happened folks…He’s resorting to potty humor.

It's a fully automatic, self cleaning bathroom.

We were early and we each wanted to try it so we all decided to take a turn.

You fly all the way out to Paris, have incredible views and museums and monuments…what did you do while you were there?

Oh …we all took turns checking out a self-cleaning bathroom on the corner of one of the streets.

Imagine the scene (and no, thankfully, no one was around to witness this)...

Three adults standing around a public bathroom yelling back and forth with someone inside:
"I can't figure it out!"
"Are there any buttons?"
"No!"
"Are there any signs?"
"Yes, but I can't figure them out!"
"What do they look like"
"There's a sort of wavy line thing with a circle near it and a square beside it"
(or something like that. I don't remember exactly what the signs were, except that they were supposed to be internationally recognizable. So of course they were indecipherable)

Eventually, she figured it out and emerged older, wiser and mildly traumatized.

That does seem like a pretty interesting scene, at least it is when I imagine it in my head. I'm sure it was a lot less hilarious in person.

Yup. We were doing a Segway tour.

I think this is so cool, but I don’t think I would be able to do something like this. I would be so worried about falling off, or veering off into traffic or into someone else that I would miss all the great sites.

Each of our Segways had names.
Ours were:
Robocop
Segwars
R2D2
and Kay got... Do You Think I'm Segsy

Love the names!

Ruby had some French Onion Soup... and this time, apparently it was really good.
Kay, Elle and I had escargot.

From what we can tell between the last trip and this one, is that your girls are a bit on the picky side of food. It seems they will try anything once but will balk at anything that doesn’t appeal to them. So I have to give them major kudos here for not only ordering but enjoying escargot.

With that said…

Yuck!



Great chapters. I can’t wait to read and see more. I’m loving all the pictures too. Thanks so much!

 

[smidgy]

happy belated birthday from us, too!

 

[pkondz]

3rd. BASE

Atta boy.

Oh look. Buzz turned into Thumper_Man. Or I can read Buzz's mind and can post her thoughts. We post exactly alike according to Ponzi.

Not only once but twice. Boy oh boy. I'm good.

I guess Pkondz is trying to get in some early tricks here and see if anyone is paying attention. I'd rather have a treat though.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay, okay.
That's what I get for posting when I'm dead tired.

It's Halloween.... of course I'm dead tired.
That's the only kind there is this time of year.

But I went back and fixed it anyway.

I’m back, did ya miss me?

Of course I did.
I was bereft without you.

Guess not. Did you even notice I was missing?

YES!

Let’s just say that I’m happy to have a moment to breathe, and that moment is going to be spent here…

Well.... that's flattering.

Wait a sec... I saw you posted on a few other places too...

Should I be jealous?

I won’t comment on everything from the last chapter, but there were a few things I couldn’t resist…

Resistance is futile

It’s finally happened folks…He’s resorting to potty humor.

What do you mean, "finally"?

You fly all the way out to Paris, have incredible views and museums and monuments…what did you do while you were there?

Oh …we all took turns checking out a self-cleaning bathroom on the corner of one of the streets.

Well, not quite.
It turns out that's where they hang the Mona Lisa these days.

That does seem like a pretty interesting scene, at least it is when I imagine it in my head. I'm sure it was a lot less hilarious in person.

Nope it was funnier in your head.

I think this is so cool, but I don’t think I would be able to do something like this. I would be so worried about falling off, or veering off into traffic or into someone else that I would miss all the great sites.

Remember that little girl that was probably under age?
We were all zipping along when the people in front all seemed to slam on the brakes.
I stopped in time, but I heard a commotion behind me.

I looked back and she was sitting on the ground beside her Segway.

She wasn't hurt, but I'm sure either her or her Dad had a bit of a scare.

From what we can tell between the last trip and this one, is that your girls are a bit on the picky side of food. It seems they will try anything once but will balk at anything that doesn’t appeal to them. So I have to give them major kudos here for not only ordering but enjoying escargot.

We let them try it the first time we took them to The Keg Restaurant.
After some coaxing and much hesitation, they each tried it.

And loved it.

So it was no surprise they wanted to order it.

But, yes. Normally they're pretty picky.

Great chapters. I can’t wait to read and see more. I’m loving all the pictures too. Thanks so much!

Glad you're enjoying the TR.
I should be starting the next chapter soon.

happy belated birthday from us, too!

Thanks guys!

 

[queenbetsey]

Happy Belated Birthday Ponzie!
I agree it must have made a great picture all of you standing staring at the bathroom.
Thought about this trip report at work the other day/ The kids were watching Phantom of the Opera and remembered your pics of the opera house, then I remembered the bathroom pic with the image of the four of you gathered around it.... yeah not a good thing to giggle in the middle of that movie. Poor form when you are supposed to be the grown up

 

[buzz1121]

So Pkondz, did you and your family do anything special for your birthday?

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

Of course I did.
I was bereft without you.

Awww...I feel special.

Well.... that's flattering.

Wait a sec... I saw you posted on a few other places too...

Should I be jealous?

I know I shouldn't really laugh at that, but we (me and a co-worker of mine) use the definition of jealousy to convey to the students we work with that jealousy is not a bad thing, it's just in how you approach it with your significant other and how you deal with it that can make it healthy or unhealthy...and unfortunately because that is engraved in my mind now, it's the first thing I thought of when i read your response.

Resistance is futile

I'm not a good resistor anyway...is resistor even a word? Hmm...

Resistance isn't my strong suite.

What do you mean, "finally"?

Good point.

Well, not quite.
It turns out that's where they hang the Mona Lisa these days.

At least you have a smiling face to look at...although I'm not sure if that would be a good thing.

Nope it was funnier in your head.

I'm not surprised...Most things are.

Remember that little girl that was probably under age?
We were all zipping along when the people in front all seemed to slam on the brakes.
I stopped in time, but I heard a commotion behind me.

I looked back and she was sitting on the ground beside her Segway.

She wasn't hurt, but I'm sure either her or her Dad had a bit of a scare.

Poor thing. That would be me. The first time I ever went roller blading I was rolling down a huge hill and there were people just at the bottom of the hill walking along. I knew there were two options for me. Either I could somehow leap over the little rut that was in the sidewalk and possibly crash into the couple walking, or fall on my butt. I chose the latter option for the safety of all involved.

We let them try it the first time we took them to The Keg Restaurant.
After some coaxing and much hesitation, they each tried it.

And loved it.

So it was no surprise they wanted to order it.

But, yes. Normally they're pretty picky.

I was one of the worst picky eaters when i was younger. I wouldn't eat sauteed mushrooms because they looked gross. I wouldn't eat Tuna, because it smelled gross. Most of my childhood was spent making frozen chicken nuggets while everyone else ate some home cooked meal. Once I got to college I started learning to step outside the box on food, but I still see things, such as escargot, and think, no way...

Glad you're enjoying the TR.
I should be starting the next chapter soon.

Very much so. We are slowly but surely getting things moving ourselves, so no worries. I will definitely try to be quicker on the draw though, as long as life keeps moving at a steady pace then i should have no problem keeping up.

 

[pkondz]

I'm being a bad DISer... not keeping up.

And not really caring all that much!

Happy Belated Birthday Ponzie!

Thanks Bets!

I agree it must have made a great picture all of you standing staring at the bathroom.
Thought about this trip report at work the other day/ The kids were watching Phantom of the Opera and remembered your pics of the opera house, then I remembered the bathroom pic with the image of the four of you gathered around it.... yeah not a good thing to giggle in the middle of that movie. Poor form when you are supposed to be the grown up

Only three of us were staring at the bathroom at any given time.

I'll have to rent or buy or something Phantom of the Opera... it's been too long.

So Pkondz, did you and your family do anything special for your birthday?

Got some nice prezzies from the rugrats.
Then we went out to our favorite restaurant, The Keg.
Had Escargot and Fillet Mignon with lobster tail and twice baked potato.


mmmmmmmmmmmmm............

Awww...I feel special.

And so you should.

I know I shouldn't really laugh at that, but we (me and a co-worker of mine) use the definition of jealousy to convey to the students we work with that jealousy is not a bad thing, it's just in how you approach it with your significant other and how you deal with it that can make it healthy or unhealthy...and unfortunately because that is engraved in my mind now, it's the first thing I thought of when i read your response.

So.....
should I be jealous?

I'm not a good resistor anyway...is resistor even a word? Hmm...

Resistance isn't my strong suite.

Resistor is a word. At least in electronics.

But you might not want to tell narrow minded people if you're a transistor.

At least you have a smiling face to look at...although I'm not sure if that would be a good thing.

NOT a good thing.

Poor thing. That would be me. The first time I ever went roller blading I was rolling down a huge hill and there were people just at the bottom of the hill walking along. I knew there were two options for me. Either I could somehow leap over the little rut that was in the sidewalk and possibly crash into the couple walking, or fall on my butt. I chose the latter option for the safety of all involved.

Safety of all involved?
What about your... ummm....

uh..

what about you???

I was one of the worst picky eaters when i was younger. I wouldn't eat sauteed mushrooms because they looked gross. I wouldn't eat Tuna, because it smelled gross. Most of my childhood was spent making frozen chicken nuggets while everyone else ate some home cooked meal. Once I got to college I started learning to step outside the box on food, but I still see things, such as escargot, and think, no way...

Yeah, I'll eat escargot, but there's no way I'll eat snails!

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

So.....
should I be jealous?

It depends. If you feel like something you love (i.e., my postings) is being threatened, then sure...be jealous. Just don't over do it

Safety of all involved?
What about your... ummm....

uh..

what about you???

Plenty of padding on me. So all that was bruised outside of that was my ego.

Yeah, I'll eat escargot, but there's no way I'll eat snails!

[/QUOTE]

Duly noted!

 

[pkondz]

It depends. If you feel like something you love (i.e., my postings) is being threatened, then sure...be jealous. Just don't over do it

When have you ever known me to over do anything???


DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

When have you ever known me to over do anything???


DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!

 

[pkondz]

To Hell in a carry-on

Moving day!

Today we depart France for Germany.

We have a noon train to catch from the North train station (Gare du Nord).


We pack up our suitcases and head off for our final ride on the Paris metro.

And thus began our descent into hell.


Before leaving Canada, I'd given the girls some suggestions for packing.
Unfortunately, Kay took me a little too literally.

I had told them that they should dress for hot temperatures... but to make sure they had clothes for when it rained...
plus we were planning to go to the Alps so it might be cold.


Actually, it kinda amazes me that she could fit her entire flipping wardrobe into one suitcase.

One heavy suitcase...

No, wait... That doesn't look right.

One HEAVY suitcase.



Elle had packed her suitcase, which we'd borrowed from my Mom, and she had no problems with it.

Ruby has a lightweight suitcase with matching carrion which gave her a bit of trouble.
We couldn't figure out a way to attach the carrion to the larger bag, so it kept slipping off.


I'm gonna use Nebo's "carrion".
I think it's clever.
Although to be honest, whenever I think of a "carry-on", the following runs through my admittedly warped mind:

"All right fella, what's in the bag?"
"Nothing, sir!"
"Nothing, eh? Come on! Out with it! What've ya got in there?"
"Just some personal items and liquids in very small containers which are all inside a clear plastic bag and some stuff that I don't trust the baggage handlers with... Sir!"
"Wellll.... all right. I'll let you go this time, but next time you might not be so lucky.... Carry on."


My lightweight suitcase and carrion were fine.

Kay had an older suitcase which would've been okay...
unless of course you have 400 lbs of clothing in it.

So Elle handled her suitcase.
Ruby handled her suitcase.
Kay handled Ruby's carrion.
And I struggled along with my suitcase, my carrion and Kay's 400 lb behemoth.

As we walked towards the metro station, I regularly had to stop and switch the suitcases.
After walking for a bit with Kay's suitcase in my right hand, my left side would start to ache.
Switch.
Walk a bit.
Now the right side is starting to ache.
Walk some more.
Ache.
Pause.
Switch.

Repeat ad infinitum.

When we got to the metro station, after struggling through the gates, we were confronted with our first set of stairs.

It's all just a blur now, but I think this is how we did it:

Elle and I would go down the stairs. Ruby and Kay would wait at the top.
I'd leave Elle to guard the two bags.
I'd trudge back up to the top and grab another bag.
Sometimes Ruby and Kay, together, would wrestle the last bag down.
Sometimes I'd bring it down.

Did you know there's a lot of stairs in the Paris metro?

A lot.


We never did see an elevator or escalator that day.
We'd seen them in other stations... but usually they were for exiting.
We weren't exiting.

Ever.


I think we had to go down four or five separate flights.


After a metro train had stopped and opened its doors, we boarded.
(Happy now T_Man?)

We were a bit concerned that we'd get split up with the crowd,
but everyone knew where we were going next so we weren't panicking.

At Gare du Nord, we all piled out and started looking for the platform where we'd catch our train.

Of course first we had to climb a few flights of stairs.



And then we couldn't find the platform!

We had to catch the Thalys train to Cologne.
At first there were signs all over the place with Thalys and an arrow pointing up flights of stairs.
Then the signs just.

Stopped.

I asked a couple of security guards/cops/military personnel/costumed party goers.....



... where the platform was, and they kindly vaguely motioned up a flight of stairs.

<sigh>

Behold.... a vision of hell.
(Warning the following contains a graphic scene which some viewers may find disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.)



<shudder>

Yes. I took a picture of stairs.
I had to either laugh about it or run around in circles while waving my arms and screaming.

After I stopped screaming, we mounted these last (thank Gawd) set of stairs.


We were in the right area, we could even see a Thalys train,
but there was no indication if it was our train.

I inquired at the Thalys desk and was told that they don't let you know which track/train is yours until 15 minutes before departure.

I have no idea why.

Anyway, here's the train.



The Thalys high speed train from Paris to Cologne travels at speeds up to 300 kmh (186 mph) and covers the roughly 500 kms (310 miles) in three hours and fifteen minutes (some stops along the way).
After 15 years in operation, there's only been two accidents.

At exactly 11:45 they finally anounced the track for the Thalys train to Cologne.
Everybody had 15 minutes to scramble like mad to find the right track, then the right car and finally the right seats.

It was a bit of a zoo... a panicky zoo... but we managed to get on before it was too late.

Oh, sure, that little ol' lady we bowled over will never be the same,
but it was survival of the fittest out there!
Every man for himself!

What?


Because I had booked well in advance (just like booking CRT meals at Disney!) we got a discount on our tickets. (not like booking CRT meals at Disney!)
Four first class tickets were only slightly more then second class.

Our first class tickets actually saved us money since not only did we get more comfortable seats, but we got a free meal served to us.

Well.... about that.
Here's my meal:



Sliced tomato salad with a side of vinagrette, cold bean salad, prosciutto, some cheese that I can't remember, a polenta like substance, cherries and a bun.

I liked it.

I don't remember for sure what the brats ordered... but I know they didn't like it.
Too different, I guess.

Elle stole my cherries.
She's evil that way.


Also on the train that day was the person with the world's loudest phone.
I swear, this thing went off and we all looked at each other as if to confirm, "Yes? You hear it too? I'm not dreaming?"
I can only assume it was that loud because it had to be heard over the noise of the train... and wake him up... if he was in another room... in a building that was on a different continent.

Seriously, On August 6th, around 6am Eastern.
Did you hear a loud ringing?
That was him.

There was also a gentleman on the train who brought two toilet bowl cleaners with him.
You know... puntables.

Small dogs.

One was well behaved and lay down quietly the whole trip.
The other...

I'm not sure, but I think if you took Satan and shoved him in a small furry four legged body... he'd be that dog.
Every time someone would walk by, all you could hear was barking, snarling and growling.
The gentleman, perhaps bowing to the inevitable, made no move to quiet Satan.

It makes sense, of course.
I mean, first we descend into hell, then we meet Satan.

It's obvious, in hindsight.


Later on, a staff member came by and offered sandwichs.
I had to try one when she said it was cheese and fig.

meh.
It was okay, but I wouldn't bother having another one.


Eventually, Kay mentioned that she had to use the restroom, but wasn't sure where it was.
I went with her to find one.
I walked first to the closer end of the train where I was told that the washroom there was not in service, but there was one at the other end of the car.
We turned around and headed in the opposite direction.

Darn it if I hadn't forgotten about Satan.
As I walked past the aforementioned gentleman, I noticed a small dog sleeping at his feet.

Aww. Nice puppy. I miss my dog.

Suddenly, Satan comes charging out from under the seat, barking and snarling and trying....
Well it's a small dog, so I'm gonna say... trying to gnaw on my ankle.

Still, scared the prac out of me (I 'membered this time, Heather)


After a few hours, we arrive in Cologne, Germany.
Upon exiting the train station, the first thing you see is this



I'll have more to say about the incredible Cologne Cathedral in the next chapter.
Right now we're tired and want to get rid of our bags, so we set off to find a taxi to take us to our hotel.

There's four of us with all our luggage.
No teeny tiny euro clown car is going to work.
One of the drivers is commandeering a van, and after sizing up our haul, agrees to take us.
Once all the bags are loaded and we cram ourselves into the cab, I tell the driver that we're going to the Art'otel Cologne.

I'm usually a pretty quick study.
Well, sometimes I'm a pretty quick study...

If you hit me over the head often enough, I eventually realize that something's going on.


The driver's look of disbelief clued me in that perhaps the hotel wasn't overly far away.

Turns out it was about one mile away.


I don't know what to think here.
I get that he didn't have far to drive... but it's his job, right?
I also get that Europeans walk a lot more than your typical person on this side of the pond.
But then again, we did have a ton of bags to schlepp...

What do you think?
Would you walk a mile with suitcases?
Or would you take a cab?

More on this in a couple of chapters.


We arrive at our hotel where I've booked two rooms.
One for the the rugrats
The other for us.

Or you could say, I booked two rooms in an effort to preserve what little sanity we might have left after spending the last few days in one room together.

The kids' room




Evil suitcase in bottom right hand corner!!!


Our room





The green tinge comes from the green tinted windows that were there.
I have no idea, why.
Style? UV blocking? One way?

Wasn't it nice of Elle to come by and model our room for us?

Now get out.

This hotel was ultra modern and was easily Kay's favorite of the trip.


After we had settled in, it was time to find someplace to have supper.
Between our hotel and the train station, I had read that there was a shopping area and an area where there was a collection of restaurants.

We set out and found a nice place to sit outside and have dinner.

Our view from our table



We lucked out with the restaurant as it was the best meal we'd had so far.
I think it was even the best meal of the trip.
I don't remember exactly what everyone had, but I know some of the highlights were sausages and pork steaks.
It was all really, really good.

Now, I'm not a beer drinker.
Usually I'll order almost anything else before I'll have a beer.
But Cologne is known for it's own brand of beer, called Kölsch.

When in Rome....
But when in Germany, drink beer.

So I ordered one.



Not bad, actually.


After dinner, we strolled along Schildergasse.

Schildergasse is the busiest shopping street in all of Europe.
How busy?

How about 13,000 people... every hour.





We strolled the street for a while and popped into a few shops,
but eventually we decided that we were done for the day and it was time to head back to the hotel.

We'd turned around a lot.

So we got lost.


We wandered in what I thought was the right direction for a bit, but couldn't find anything that we recognized.

So on this leg of the race, to find our pit stop, we did what any good team would do.

We popped into a hotel and asked for directions.


And once again, I've totally blown any chance of ever getting my man card back.

Men do not ask for directions.
Ever.

Ah well.


It turns out that we were headed in the right direction, we were just one street over from where we wanted to be.


As we sashayed back to our hotel, we discussed our plans for the next day.
I was really looking forward to knocking another item off my bucket list.

For years I'd heard that one of the nicer ways to see Germany was via a Rhine river cruise.

I had done tons of research on how we could fit a cruise into our itinerary.
I discovered that it's best to cruise from south to north (with the current).
I found that the best part of the Rhine was from Bacharach to Koblenz.
I also learned that you couldn't get tickets in advance, but that there was always plenty of room on board.

Our original plan was to take a train down, take a day cruise up the Rhine then take another train over to Munich.
With a little more digging, we decided that it would be easier to stay another night in Cologne.
This way we could leave our bags in the hotel instead of either lugging them along everywhere on the ship
or storing them in a locker at a train station....
that we'd have to double back to.

The only hitch was the train travel.
If we waited until the day of to get our tickets we ran a small risk of finding that the train was full.

So I purchased the train tickets in advance.

We leave Cologne at 7:53am and arrive Bacharach at 9:30am.
We then have 45 minutes to catch the ship.
If for some reason we miss the ship, there's another one an hour later.
Depending on which ship we're on, we would arrive in Koblenz at 1:10pm or 2:10pm.
Lastly we catch the 3:15pm train which gets us back to Cologne by 4pm.

So we're all set! I can't wait!


Anyway, on the walk back to the hotel, we decided not to do it.


.....


I had made a promise to Ruby that this would not be a GO! GO! GO! trip.
She said she was tired and didn't really want to get up early since we'd just had a full travel day.
Kay didn't want to go either. She wanted to relax, too.
Plus I think she thought it would be boring... which, to be honest, it might've been for her.

Elle wanted to go. But Ruby's vote holds more weight.

It wound up costing us about 100 euros in non-refundable train tickets,
but it wasn't worth keeping our plans if it was going to make Ruby (and Kay) miserable.


Oh, well.
I've done the research.
Maybe next time.


As we got close to our hotel, we decided on a quick detour to a building that was quite literally a stone's throw from our hotel.

I mean, who wouldn't?

Wouldn't you?

It was the Lindt chocolate factory and museum.


Unfortunately, the museum had just closed.
But (surprise, surprise) the gift shop was still open for a bit longer.



We looked and salivated for a bit then bought some goodies for ourselves and for friends and family back home.

Some of the goodies up for sale.





mmmmmm... chocolate.

Back at the hotel, we gathered up our laundry so we could get it done the next day.
I have no idea where a laundromat is, and I don't want to know.
The hotel can do it!
Why not?
We're on vacation!

Next chapter I'll tell you why not.

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Yay! Somehow I caught this on the day of your update! I feel so special now.

Only one of your girls had a heavy bag? I'm thinking you're a very lucky guy....

Nice to have the first class seat with the meal. I'm surprised they didn't have the phone guy turn it down. When we took the commuter train down from Vancouver to Seattle, we got the business class, and they had a no phone rule - you had to step out in the wind tunnel to make a call.

Beautiful view when you stepped off the train! Your dinner venue looked like it was all ready for Oktoberfest! Looks like a great find! Nice hotel rooms! I just thought the green color was for style.

Now I am disappointed that you won't be taking us on the Rhine cruise, but I guess we got to see the chocolate in the gift shop, so that's almost as good.

Nice chapter - thanks for sharing it!

 

[smidgy]

To Hell in a carry-on

Moving day!




We pack up our suitcases and head off for our final ride on the Paris metro.

And thus began our descent into hell.

uh oh!

Before leaving Canada, I'd given the girls some suggestions for packing.
Unfortunately, Kay took me a little too literally.

I had told them that they should dress for hot temperatures... but to make sure they had clothes for when it rained...
plus we were planning to go to the Alps so it might be cold.


Actually, it kinda amazes me that she could fit her entire flipping wardrobe into one suitcase.

One heavy suitcase...

No, wait... That doesn't look right.

One HEAVY suitcase.

reminds me of one trip where I didn't want to wait for pop century to deliver our suticase. I wanted to go get them ourselves. ths was PRE-rolled luggage days, and nebo put his back out carrying one of my suitcases.

now why did I have to go remind him of that?

I'm gonna use Nebo's "carrion".
I think it's clever.

aw, he will be ever to honored!


Although to be honest, whenever I think of a "carry-on", the following runs through my admittedly warped mind:

"All right fella, what's in the bag?"
"Nothing, sir!"
"Nothing, eh? Come on! Out with it! What've ya got in there?"
"Just some personal items and liquids in very small containers which are all inside a clear plastic bag and some stuff that I don't trust the baggage handlers with... Sir!"
"Wellll.... all right. I'll let you go this time, but next time you might not be so lucky.... Carry on."

"carry on, my wayward son

So Elle handled her suitcase.
Ruby handled her suitcase.
Kay handled Ruby's carrion.
And I struggled along with my suitcase, my carrion and Kay's 400 lb behemoth.

As we walked towards the metro station, I regularly had to stop and switch the suitcases.
After walking for a bit with Kay's suitcase in my right hand, my left side would start to ache.
Switch.
Walk a bit.

when we get to the airport, we each have one rolling suitcase and one carrion. and then there is the boarding bag. which,.for some reason, I always end of lugging. I do the hip switch thin quite often. and about once every 15 minutes I complain to Nebo "you're NO riglee!" at which point he corrects me "rig, the boyfriend was rig".. nice deflection....

Now the right side is starting to ache.
Walk some more.
Ache.
Pause.
Switch.

Repeat ad infinitum.

When we got to the metro station, after struggling through the gates, we were confronted with our first set of stairs.

It's all just a blur now, but I think this is how we did it:

Elle and I would go down the stairs. Ruby and Kay would wait at the top.
I'd leave Elle to guard the two bags.
I'd trudge back up to the top and grab another bag.
Sometimes Ruby and Kay, together, would wrestle the last bag down.
Sometimes I'd bring it down.

this reminded me of that brain teaser with the fox, the goose, the basket of corn and a boat that can only bring one across at a time. but you can't leave the fox and goose alone, nore the goose and the corn. so which 2 couldn't YOU leave alone?

I'm thinking they made sure not to leave YOU alone with the 400 lb. behemouth.. you might "accidentally spill some of the contents...

Did you know there's a lot of stairs in the Paris metro?

A lot.


We never did see an elevator or escalator that day.
We'd seen them in other stations... but usually they were for exiting.
We weren't exiting.

Ever.

"will they ever return? no they never returned.. and their fate is still unlearned. they will ride forever neath the streets of Boston. their the group that never returned...."





Also on the train that day was the person with the world's loudest phone.
I swear, this thing went off and we all looked at each other as if to confirm, "Yes? You hear it too? I'm not dreaming?"
I can only assume it was that loud because it had to be heard over the noise of the train... and wake him up... if he was in another room... in a building that was on a different continent.

Seriously, On August 6th, around 6am Eastern.
Did you hear a loud ringing?
That was him.

There was also a gentleman on the train who brought two toilet bowl cleaners with him.
You know... puntables.

Small dogs.

One was well behaved and lay down quietly the whole trip.
The other...

I'm not sure, but I think if you took Satan and shoved him in a small furry four legged body... he'd be that dog.
Every time someone would walk by, all you could hear was barking, snarling and growling.
The gentleman, perhaps bowing to the inevitable, made no move to quiet Satan.

It makes sense, of course.
I mean, first we descend into hell, then we meet Satan.

It's obvious, in hindsight.

loud phones, yapping dogs, yes, you were in hell.

After a few hours, we arrive in Cologne, Germany.
Upon exiting the train station, the first thing you see is this


now that is beautiful!

I don't know what to think here.
I get that he didn't have far to drive... but it's his job, right?
I also get that Europeans walk a lot more than your typical person on this side of the pond.
But then again, we did have a ton of bags to schlepp...

What do you think?
Would you walk a mile with suitcases?
Or would you take a cab?
no queston. I'
d take a cab even if I didnt have baggage.





Evil suitcase in bottom right hand corner!!!


Our room





The green tinge comes from the green tinted windows that were there.
I have no idea, why.
Style? UV blocking? One way?
looks more chartruese to me.

Wasn't it nice of Elle to come by and model our room for us?

Now get out.




We set out and found a nice place to sit outside and have dinner.

Our view from our table



We lucked out with the restaurant as it was the best meal we'd had so far.
I think it was even the best meal of the trip.
I don't remember exactly what everyone had, but I know some of the highlights were sausages and pork steaks.
It was all really, really good.

Now, I'm not a beer drinker.
Usually I'll order almost anything else before I'll have a beer.
But Cologne is known for it's own brand of beer, called Kölsch.

When in Rome....
But when in Germany, drink beer.

So I ordered one.



Not bad, actually.

now that looks like a great place to eat. and I love my beer! I'll bet you had better food than some polenta and grapes

We strolled the street for a while and popped into a few shops,
but eventually we decided that we were done for the day and it was time to head back to the hotel.
I am one of the few women on this earth who isn't into shopping.. meh




I was really looking forward to knocking another item off my bucket list.

For years I'd heard that one of the nicer ways to see Germany was via a Rhine river cruise.

I had done tons of research on how we could fit a cruise into our itinerary.
I discovered that it's best to cruise from south to north (with the current).
I found that the best part of the rhine was from Bacharach to Koblenz.
I also learned that you couldn't get tickets in advance, but that there was always plenty of room on board.

Our original plan was to take a train down, take a day cruise up the Rhine then take another train over to Munich.
With a little more digging, we decided that it would be easier to stay another night in Cologne.
This way we could leave our bags in the hotel instead of either lugging them along everywhere on the ship
or storing them in a locker at a train station....
that we'd have to double back to.

The only hitch was the train travel.
If we waited until the day of to get our tickets we ran a small risk of finding that the train was full.

So I purchased the train tickets in advance.

We leave Cologne at 7:53am and arrive Bacharach at 9:30am.
We then have 45 minutes to catch the ship.
If for some reason we miss the ship, there's another one an hour later.
Depending on which ship we're on, we would arrive in Koblenz at 1:10pm or 2:10pm.
Lastly we catch the 3:15pm train which gets us back to Cologne by 4pm.

So we're all set! I can't wait!


Anyway, on the walk back to the hotel, we decided not to do it.


.....

um.. I am almost as disappointed as you probably were, a cruise down the Rhine? sound lovely.


mmmmmm... chocolate.
nuff said!

Back at the hotel, we gathered up our laundry so we could get it done the next day.
I have no idea where a laundromat is, and I don't want to know.
The hotel can do it!
Why not?
We're on vacation!

Next chapter I'll tell you why not.

I can only imagine...

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Ponzi, I hear you on those train station steps, LOL. Been there, done that...

I swear you followed in my foot steps in Cologne, I think we ate at the same restaurant (outside), visited the chocolate factory (except it was actually open), and of course visited the Dome.

Too bad about the river cruise and wasting the money, but peace is ultimately worth the price.

Great update, thanks!

 

[pkondz]

Yay! Somehow I caught this on the day of your update! I feel so special now.

Which is really, really ironic.
I'd been meaning to start this last chapter for a few days, but I was away from the boards for a bit and had a bunch of other people's TRs to catch up on first.

It was starting to look like work, so I put it off for another day or so.

Finally I knuckled down and spent a day commenting and catching up.


Then you went and posted an update on your TR.


So I had to make a choice.
Write my chapter and respond to yours later?
Or respond to yours and keep postponing this one.


Well, you know what happened....
But I will be getting to yours later today or tonight.

Only one of your girls had a heavy bag? I'm thinking you're a very lucky guy....

Only one girl had a heavy bag load in a crappy bag.
I have no idea if Elle's was heavy or not, she managed okay. That's all I know!

Nice to have the first class seat with the meal. I'm surprised they didn't have the phone guy turn it down.

Maybe he did. We only heard it that one time.


But once was more than enough!

Beautiful view when you stepped off the train! Your dinner venue looked like it was all ready for Oktoberfest! Looks like a great find! Nice hotel rooms! I just thought the green color was for style.

It's the second time I've seen that view, stepping off the train.
The first time, I remember looking up, up, up as my jaw opened wider, wider, wider.

It does look like Oktoberfest, doesn't it? Yet that's pretty common except in winter.

Now I am disappointed that you won't be taking us on the Rhine cruise, but I guess we got to see the chocolate in the gift shop, so that's almost as good.

Nice chapter - thanks for sharing it!

You're disapointed! Then again, I think it'd be a nice way to relax, just the two of us, KWIM?

More chocolate, next chapter!

aw, he will be ever to honored!

Don't let it go to his head.

"carry on, my wayward son

Do you think there'll be peace when I'm done?

when we get to the airport, we each have one rolling suitcase and one carrion. and then there is the boarding bag. which,.for some reason, I always end of lugging. I do the hip switch thin quite often. and about once every 15 minutes I complain to Nebo "you're NO riglee!" at which point he corrects me "rig, the boyfriend was rig".. nice deflection....

It's amazing how much of an impact that TR had, isn't it?

"will they ever return? no they never returned.. and their fate is still unlearned. they will ride forever neath the streets of Boston. their the group that never returned...."

That one I had to look up. I'll have to wait until I'm home to see if I recognize the tune or not.

no queston. I'
d take a cab even if I didnt have baggage.

So you wouldn't walk a mile in my shoes?

looks more chartruese to me.

Sorry, I'm a guy, so that colour doesn't exist.

now that looks like a great place to eat. and I love my beer! I'll bet you had better food than some polenta and grapes

I am one of the few women on this earth who isn't into shopping.. meh

Elle isn't either.

Ponzi, I hear you on those train station steps, LOL. Been there, done that...

I know right? They never seemed to end!

I swear you followed in my foot steps in Cologne, I think we ate at the same restaurant (outside), visited the chocolate factory (except it was actually open), and of course visited the Dome.

Ah, but we're not done with Cologne yet.

Too bad about the river cruise and wasting the money, but peace is ultimately worth the price.

That's what I thought too.

I kept telling Ruby, "Don't worry about the train tickets. Compared to the rest of the trip, it's just a drop in the ocean."

And now that I think about it, we didn't spend something like 80 Euros on the cruise tickets, so it's pretty close to a wash anyway.

Great update, thanks!

Thanks Marita!

 

[Thumper_Man]

Back from hunting. Looks like I'm only a chapter behind.

Did you know that they don't let you cross the Canadian border with a loaded rifle? How silly is that? And you need something called a passport to get into that country? Who knew?

How am I ever going to hunt the elusive Pkondz tasmanian devil that way? Guess I'll have to look more into this for next year's hunt. Just might have to use Lady H to lure him out. Arrange a secret meeting that is not so secret.

Oh well. Off to catch up now.