At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[Oodalally13]

I have no idea how my comment ended up inside the quoted portion above

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

If my wife and I planned to take our grandchildren on vacation alone I would certainly pay the grandchildren's way. Otherwise I'd expect their parents to pay as they can more than afford to do so. We vacation together many times a year. We have a vacation home near Disney and also a cabin in Gatlinburg. My children have open invitations to use either whenever they want, but I'm not paying to get them there. They are very self sufficient and don't need that kind of help from me. All these arguments about how I don't want my kids around and I don't want to vacation with them is simply laughable at this point.

 

[Oodalally13]

Not sure what your interests are, but there's a lot to do in the Branson area that isn't what one normally associates with Branson. Besides the shows, there are 2 beautiful lakes, numerous rivers & streams, a civil war battlefield (Springfield), hiking trails, a butterfly house, golf courses galore, a waterpark, etc. Do some homework before you go & I'll bet you'll find something to your liking

Thanks! I'm not into country music or the outdoor type (fishing, boating, hiking, etc) and none of us golf. I've been looking into mini golf though! Mom and I are more shopping, eating, museum stuff. We rotate who picks each year. 2 years ago mom picked Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama for plantations. Last year I picked Disney and this year is dad's year. He's very much a country boy and I knew Branson would be in our future very soon.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have absolutely no problem with how different families do things differently...
Finances, Family Dynamics, Scheduling, etc.... There are many, many, things that come into play here.

Having said that, I just have to agree with the two posters who can find absolutely no sense in the 'coddling' argument.
It just doesn't hold water.
I do not find an occasional family vacation to be 'coddling' in any way, at all. Not even close.

It has nothing to do with a desire to do things differently.
Either one likes family vacations that include extended family, kids who are now adults, etc.. Or they don't. Either Finances and scheduling and dynamics work out.. or they don't.
That I can handle.

Just don't issue a big negative judgement call and throw out words like 'coddling' that are very negative, and are a form of parent-bashing.

I am well aware of the whole argument: "Take that baby off the breast as soon as possible, by golly, and throw them out to the wolves..." The whole "They have to learn" excuse for such a line of thinking. And that will bother me every time I hear it.

And, yes, this same concept applies to BOTH sides of this issue.

PS: We are going on a vacation soon, and leaving our son, who is not quite yet an adult, behind.
Biggest issues are 1.) Finances... This is an expensive trip. 2.) Dynamics.... this trip might be better as an adult/couples trip.
And, IMHO, it would not be wise to spend huge $$$$ to bring our son who would be the teenaged third-wheel on the trip. (forget paying to bring one any possibility being able to pay to bring one of his friends. Which we did do on a shorter trip back in the Fall.)

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I am not taking any offense whatsoever. Why would I take offense on how you raise your children and their inability to accept a gift without bad things happening to their lives? To be frank, I have never heard such a thing, so I am intrigued.

And, no. I have no idea why you feel that way. So, it makes it even more intriguing and interesting to a nosey person like myself

I don't know how I'll handle things when my own kids get to that in betweener stage of life, but I don't find PP's solution all that unusual. Surprised you've never heard of such a thing.

 

[disney-inspired]

..double post

 

[disney-inspired]

My dad invited me on the family trip to Europe this summer and I'm 26. I already have a few vacations/trips planned for this year so I don't have enough PTO to cover the trip and had to opt out. I'm super jealous but it works out so we don't have to worry about who will take care of the house and dogs.

 

[MomofKatie]

With college costs the way they are, and a DD who will be a senior in HS in the fall, the whole "should we or shouldn't we pay for an adult Child's vacation" is going to be a moot point for us until she graduates (and probably for a few years afterwards). Our only "vacation" will be getting her back and forth to campus. College is EXPENSIVE, y'all.

If she gets the degree she is talking about right now, she should get a job that will enable her to EASILY afford her own vacations (she will outearn us for sure).

 

[mom2rtk]

With college costs the way they are, and a DD who will be a senior in HS in the fall, the whole "should we or shouldn't we pay for an adult Child's vacation" is going to be a moot point for us until she graduates (and probably for a few years afterwards). Our only "vacation" will be getting her back and forth to campus. College is EXPENSIVE, y'all.

If she gets the degree she is talking about right now, she should get a job that will enable her to EASILY afford her own vacations (she will outearn us for sure).

That's why it's hard to have a discussion like this with strangers. Some adult kids have more disposable income than their parents in the early years with fewer responsibilities. Those parents are funding retirement, college for younger siblings, a larger household, etc.

There seems to be a variety of discussions going on though. Some are talking about funding for kids who didn't go on to college. Some are talking about funding for kids who are still in college. Others are talking about funding for an independent 30 year old. I see those situations as very different from one another.

Our oldest graduates college in a few weeks and we're taking everyone to the beach this summer to celebrate. I don't know what we'll do after that point, but once he's on his feet and has a good amount of disposable income, I imagine he will be invited to come with us if he pays his portion of the costs.

 

[NewRVLady]

We vacation together many times a year. We have a vacation home near Disney and also a cabin in Gatlinburg. My children have open invitations to use either whenever they want, but I'm not paying to get them there. They are very self sufficient and don't need that kind of help from me. .

If you have a vacation home near Disney, why were you asking for recommendations in Dec around WDW?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

If you have a vacation home near Disney, why were you asking for recommendations in Dec around WDW?

The Disney based home is a very recent purchase. Man, that's pretty creepy but try again.

And I asked about Universal Studios in those posts. Wow.

 

[NewRVLady]

It was just 2 clicks on threads you started....In SEARCH

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

It was just 2 clicks on threads you started....In SEARCH

Okay, nice try with whatever it is you hoped to accomplish.

 

[disney-inspired]

With college costs the way they are, and a DD who will be a senior in HS in the fall, the whole "should we or shouldn't we pay for an adult Child's vacation" is going to be a moot point for us until she graduates (and probably for a few years afterwards). Our only "vacation" will be getting her back and forth to campus. College is EXPENSIVE, y'all.

If she gets the degree she is talking about right now, she should get a job that will enable her to EASILY afford her own vacations (she will outearn us for sure).

That's why it's hard to have a discussion like this with strangers. Some adult kids have more disposable income than their parents in the early years with fewer responsibilities. Those parents are funding retirement, college for younger siblings, a larger household, etc.

Ah yes, very different scenarios in parents' income level and adult child's income.

As for me, I paid for all my own college expenses so my parents didn't foot that bill but my younger sister is going to a private high school so that's a similar expense. I'm mostly financially independent but I still live at home (apartments are ridiculously expensive) and contribute with 'rent' but I pay all my bills (car, insurance, groceries, etc). My parents treat me to things but I offer to pay my way first. I'm hoping to save enough to treat my mom to a east coast road trip next year.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Now this is totally different circumstances but the end result is about the same. I lived with my aunt...my dads sister from 13-20. They went to Florida twice on family vacations and I wasn't even in college yet and older but I wasn't invited. Many moons later this still really hurts my feelings. Now my oldest is 19. We did go to Maine without him last year only because he was in Army bootcamp. This summer we will be going to NY and Disney and he is in the army so he only gets so much leave so I asked him what he wanted to do with us and what my plans were.

 

[Hrhpd]

If you have a vacation home near Disney, why were you asking for recommendations in Dec around WDW?

You piqued my curiosity. That was a very interesting read. I have always found history fascinating.

 

[LBIJim]

Heck, we dumped the kids at the grandparents several times to go on trips, so it's unlikely I'd want to vacation with them now that they're grown.

I don't think the kids ever went on vacation with us once they were in college. Scheduling reasons, not cost. We paid for older DD's airfare to attend younger DD's college graduation. And more than a few times we paid younger DD's airfare from Florida to here and back after she graduated.

I doubt they'd even want to vacation with us anymore, but I'm open to the possibility. Most likely shared finances, however.

Father-in-law invited us to Italy years ago and offered to pay for everything. We went, but I insisted on paying my family's costs. His philosophy is whoever pays gets to make all the rules. I'm the same way to an extent, so I paid because DW and I wanted to follow OUR rules.

 

[LBIJim]

Double post.

 

[ronandannette]

Heck, we dumped the kids at the grandparents several times to go on trips, so it's unlikely I'd want to vacation with them now that they're grown.
I don't think the kids ever went on vacation with us once they were in college. Scheduling reasons, not cost. We paid for older DD's airfare to attend younger DD's college graduation. And more than a few times we paid younger DD's airfare from Florida to here and back after she graduated.
I doubt they'd even want to vacation with us anymore, but I'm open to the possibility. Most likely shared finances, however.
Father-in-law invited us to Italy years ago and offered to pay for everything. We went, but I insisted on paying my family's costs. His philosophy is whoever pays gets to make all the rules. I'm the same way to an extent, so I paid because DW and I wanted to follow OUR rules.

This is an EXCELLENT comment and I suspect PP's would be making very different comments if the question had been "I'm planning and paying for a vacation and expect my college-aged or older kids to all get on-board. They apparently don't want to and I'm hurt and offended. What's wrong with them?"

 

[elaine amj]

I dont have kids, so its hard for me to say what I think is the right way to do things yet lol But from what I've learned from my parents growing up is the "separate but equal" mentality. So if one sibling has to miss out on something, its made up to them with something else at a later date. IF they deserve it, if someone is left out due to their behavior then that is their own problem.

I think that in your scenario if sibling B is helped out in aspects outside of going on vacation, thats its completely reasonable to treat sibling A to a vacation without sibling B. Just because sibling A doesnt NEED to be treated, I think its a nice gesture if you can do it.

That's one way of handling it. I was one who always (very loudly) demanded to be treated equally growing up. My favorite phrase was "it's not fair!!!". I quit that from my teens onwards as I realised it was silly. When my kids tried it on me, I told them, "you're right, life's not fair". While I still often do stuff somewhat equally, I refuse to keep a running tally of who gets what and repeat constantly to my kids that we love them both equally but will not be treating them equally. Each will get what they need/deserve at any given time. Sometimes the scale tips more to one sibling, and sometimes to the other.

e.g. DH recently took DD on a "date night". I didn't plan a corresponding outing for my son. It will depend on whether there is a suitable occasion. We do have special outings every few months so it will likely balance out eventually.