Are all men picky daters?

[skylizard]

What the heck is wrong with you ladies? If someone posts on here with an alias, why is it your business to call them out with their real name? Seriously?? How does that help? What does it prove? That you're some nosey know-it-all? That you're smarter than the rest of us because you figured it out?? Yeah, that's something to be proud of all right.

Because OP had posted the same question (having trouble dating) months ago and didn't like/take any of the advice offered. Then posts under a different name thinking she'll get a different response.

 

[mrsklamc]

I think that was aaarcher or someone like that who did that, maybe it was on another thread. I thought it was creepy.

If you look at the first page of this thread, multiple people picked up on it right away.

 

[Art 1]

If you look at the first page of this thread, multiple people picked up on it right away.

Yes, but that one looked up back posts, creepy.

 

[lisaviolet]

What the heck is wrong with you ladies? If someone posts on here with an alias, why is it your business to call them out with their real name? Seriously?? How does that help? What does it prove? That you're some nosey know-it-all? That you're smarter than the rest of us because you figured it out?? Yeah, that's something to be proud of all right.

I don't get it. Sorry if I come across harsh, but this happens over and over on the DIS and it's just downright NASTY.

OP, I don't care WHO the heck you are. I just want to point out the truth about low response rate on dating sites. Most people don't have a paid subscription and therefore cannot message nor read receive messages. How do I know? I have made profiles on about 4 sites. I'll occasionally go on and browse (so now my profile looks like I'm active/current), but I cannot read any messages or send any bc I haven't paid. For the heck of it, one time I paid for a month (they were running a special) on eHarmony, and oh my gosh, I had 2-3 YEARS of messages sitting in my inbox!!!!!!! Those men, I'm sure, all thought they weren't good enough since I didn't respond.

Just want to point out that if you're being ignored, it's most likely 80% of your messages aren't getting read.

EDIT: Forget it, let's just stick with the last line.

Happy New Year everyone!

 

[aaarcher86]

I think that was aaarcher or someone like that who did that, maybe it was on another thread. I thought it was creepy.

I did post the Christmas trees being the same after several other examples were given. Let's not act like I did some hardcore P.I. work lol. 10 posts and a good memory hardly makes it 'creepy' but it IS my life's mission to gain your acceptance, after all.

 

[Allison]

What the heck is wrong with you ladies? If someone posts on here with an alias, why is it your business to call them out with their real name? Seriously?? How does that help? What does it prove? That you're some nosey know-it-all? That you're smarter than the rest of us because you figured it out?? Yeah, that's something to be proud of all right.

I don't get it. Sorry if I come across harsh, but this happens over and over on the DIS and it's just downright NASTY.

OP, I don't care WHO the heck you are. I just want to point out the truth about low response rate on dating sites. Most people don't have a paid subscription and therefore cannot message nor read receive messages. How do I know? I have made profiles on about 4 sites. I'll occasionally go on and browse (so now my profile looks like I'm active/current), but I cannot read any messages or send any bc I haven't paid. For the heck of it, one time I paid for a month (they were running a special) on eHarmony, and oh my gosh, I had 2-3 YEARS of messages sitting in my inbox!!!!!!! Those men, I'm sure, all thought they weren't good enough since I didn't respond.

Just want to point out that if you're being ignored, it's most likely 80% of your messages aren't getting read.

Here is the thing. People can throw the same thing right back at posters when they make comments like this.


Moving along..
If people are going to act like they aren't the person others know them to be, they are going to get called on it. Nobody needs to pretend they don't know who it is and they just aren't going to.

People have tried to help this person many times and every time she disputes any advice given and gets defensive and mad at people. That's very relevant.

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

Well...this update clearly didn't go the way I thought it would. Eek.

What the heck is wrong with you ladies? If someone posts on here with an alias, why is it your business to call them out with their real name? Seriously?? How does that help? What does it prove? That you're some nosey know-it-all? That you're smarter than the rest of us because you figured it out?? Yeah, that's something to be proud of all right.

I don't get it. Sorry if I come across harsh, but this happens over and over on the DIS and it's just downright NASTY.

OP, I don't care WHO the heck you are. I just want to point out the truth about low response rate on dating sites. Most people don't have a paid subscription and therefore cannot message nor read receive messages. How do I know? I have made profiles on about 4 sites. I'll occasionally go on and browse (so now my profile looks like I'm active/current), but I cannot read any messages or send any bc I haven't paid. For the heck of it, one time I paid for a month (they were running a special) on eHarmony, and oh my gosh, I had 2-3 YEARS of messages sitting in my inbox!!!!!!! Those men, I'm sure, all thought they weren't good enough since I didn't respond.

Just want to point out that if you're being ignored, it's most likely 80% of your messages aren't getting read.

This was very kind of you, and I know it was'n't really FOR me specifically, just responding to a situation, but wow!

I can tell you are one tough momma bear.

People have tried to help this person many times and every time she disputes any advice given and gets defensive and mad at people. That's very relevant.

I went back and read through this thread. I don't recall me ever being mad or defensive?


Since the original post, I have stepped away from the online dating scene. Which is kind of a bummer, considering a pre-paid for 3 months of match.com. But, I am much, much happier. And content with myself. So, it's worth the trade off.

Anyway, here is a copy of what I posted before, in relevance to my update, just in case anyone missed it, and didn't want to sort through posts looking for it.

I actually did find a tiny bit of success on a religious-based site....well sort of, at least. I "met" this guy and we really hit it off. Sparks and everything. He was telling other people how interested he was in me and they were subsequently messaging me to tell me so. And, I liked him a lot too. A lot, a lot. We were both taking things slow. It would have been long distance, and we wanted to do things the right way. So, before I left for Disney earlier this summer, we had a talk about how once I got back, we would start moving to the next step, talk about meeting each other, get more serious. I was beyond thrilled. Well, four days after I got back, he went to a work conference and guess what? He met a girl. A real-life girl. And things got serious. She has even flown to meet him. And obviously, I am way out of the picture. I'm happy for him, I am....but, I cannot even begin to describe how crushed I was.

At first, I wanted nothing to do with an internet romance or online dating situation. Nothing. I was being very, very cautious, and my friends who had also become friends with him online, were like, "He's crazy about you. You have to go for it." And, I think he was crazy about me. But, life happens, and no one is to blame. But, it still stings quite a bit.

So, that was that. And you can look back at the update. Again, I am trying to be cautious and guard my heart, but when I look at my phone and I have a text from him that HE initiated....I can't help but grin from ear to ear.

And here is the really cool part: I want to meet him. Now. Yesterday. If you had asked me three months ago, I would have said no, that I wasn't ready to meet anyone. But, I don't feel like....I need to get a haircut, I need to lose 20 lbs, I need to get my teeth whitened, I need to do this, that, and the other before I meet him. I just want to meet him....as I am exactly in this moment...and throw my arms around him and hug him and enjoy his company. And tease him. And laugh.

 

[sugahjunior]

So, that was that. And you can look back at the update. Again, I am trying to be cautious and guard my heart, but when I look at my phone and I have a text from him that HE initiated....I can't help but grin from ear to ear.

And here is the really cool part: I want to meet him. Now. Yesterday. If you had asked me three months ago, I would have said no, that I wasn't ready to meet anyone. But, I don't feel like....I need to get a haircut, I need to lose 20 lbs, I need to get my teeth whitened, I need to do this, that, and the other before I meet him. I just want to meet him....as I am exactly in this moment...and throw my arms around him and hug him and enjoy his company. And tease him. And laugh.

MMackeymouse, I know you want people to look at this post and compliment you on how far you have come. Sadly, I read it and see you appearing totally overeager over someone you don't really know and wanting to engage in romance novel behavior that's likely to scare the living life out of him. Take it slow. Both in reality and most importantly in your mind.

 

[NHdisneylover]

MMackeymouse, I know you want people to look at this post and compliment you on how far you have come. Sadly, I read it and see you appearing totally overeager over someone you don't really know and wanting to engage in romance novel behavior that's likely to scare the living life out of him. Take it slow. Both in reality and most importantly in your mind.

I agree. AS I said in my first response to your update, you are moving WAY too fast and focusing on all the wrong things, and that will backfire. Life is not a romance novel and the sooner you stop trying to make it into one, the better off you (and your potential relationships) will be.

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

I know you want people to look at this post and compliment you on how far you have come. Sadly, I read it and see you appearing totally overeager over someone you don't really know and wanting to engage in romance novel behavior that's likely to scare the living life out of him. Take it slow. Both in reality and most importantly in your mind.

I assure you, I am not fishing for compliments, as you so meanly suggested. I really am very happy. I wanted to share my exuding joy with those who have followed this thread. I am joyful and happy with life.

I really feel we have taken things pretty slow. We have been friends for 6 months. It took 3 months to become Facebook friends. It took another 2 after that to exchange phone numbers. At this rate, it would probably be another couple or few months before we meet, IF we meet. I feel like that is pretty steady progression. Am I wrong?

Also, I am not sure how any of this fits into romance novel. I'm not envisioning kissing or romantic dates or walks on the waterfront or anything like that. I just really enjoy our friendly banter and the way we get on via online and phone, and would like to see how it translates in person. I feel like we would get along really well.

I should probably clarify the hug thing. I have a small hug phobia. The only people I truly hug are family members. Even friends, I am a little hesitant about hugging. It is usually half hugs or maintaining space hugs. I just feel a little weird about chest to chest body contact, be it with a guy, a girl, a space alien, whoever. This was a topic of conversation between him and I once upon a time. He is a hugger. As I described, I am not. And, I told him as much. But, I feel like, if I met him, I could hug him wholly and completely without hesitation. That was the point....not that it is a romantic thing, but just...I feel a level of comfort with him.

I want to be his friend. I think we could be great, great friends. And maybe more, who knows. All I know is he brightens my days. I can't turn that off.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I assure you, I am not fishing for compliments, as you so meanly suggested. I really am very happy. I wanted to share my exuding joy with those who have followed this thread. I am joyful and happy with life.

I really feel we have taken things pretty slow. We have been friends for 6 months. It took 3 months to become Facebook friends. It took another 2 after that to exchange phone numbers. At this rate, it would probably be another couple or few months before we meet, IF we meet. I feel like that is pretty steady progression. Am I wrong?

Also, I am not sure how any of this fits into romance novel. I'm not envisioning kissing or romantic dates or walks on the waterfront or anything like that. I just really enjoy our friendly banter and the way we get on via online and phone, and would like to see how it translates in person. I feel like we would get along really well.

I should probably clarify the hug thing. I have a small hug phobia. The only people I truly hug are family members. Even friends, I am a little hesitant about hugging. It is usually half hugs or maintaining space hugs. I just feel a little weird about chest to chest body contact, be it with a guy, a girl, a space alien, whoever. This was a topic of conversation between him and I once upon a time. He is a hugger. As I described, I am not. And, I told him as much. But, I feel like, if I met him, I could hug him wholly and completely without hesitation. That was the point....not that it is a romantic thing, but just...I feel a level of comfort with him.

I want to be his friend. I think we could be great, great friends. And maybe more, who knows. All I know is he brightens my days. I can't turn that off.

The bolded is not too fast, no. It is your reactions (being so distracted daydreaming about this guy that you drive the wrong way down a one way street i an area you know well, wanting to run up and hug him, describing yourself with "blush swoon" etc from getting a text. THAT is the part that feels like trying to make life into a romance novel instead of reality. In real life, adults do not lose focus to that extent over a few phone calls and texts over the course of several months. You are moving too fast EMOTIONALLY, not in terms of how often you speak, or text or when you might meet, etc.

 

[Skywalker]

What the heck is wrong with you ladies? If someone posts on here with an alias, why is it your business to call them out with their real name? Seriously?? How does that help? What does it prove? That you're some nosey know-it-all? That you're smarter than the rest of us because you figured it out?? Yeah, that's something to be proud of all right.

...and yet you are entitled to call other posters out? Being mean and insulting to others while trying to call them out for being mean and insulting...kind of boggles the mind. Calling people "nosey know-it-alls" while coming off exactly as a nosey know it all yourself is ironic and humourous... let's just say you have no right to claim a high horse when you are jumping all over others.

I did post the Christmas trees being the same after several other examples were given. Let's not act like I did some hardcore P.I. work lol. 10 posts and a good memory hardly makes it 'creepy' but it IS my life's mission to gain your acceptance, after all.

And yeah aaarcher don't worry. It was 1000% obvious that this was the same poster to anyone who had ever read one of her other threads anyway.

Hope it works out for you OP.

 

[sookie]

So you met a guy through an internet site, but you had mutual friends and heard from them afterward? How did this happen?

 

[Lynn CC]

I didn't read through,,,, but I saw on GMA last week that if you show your full body picture you will get a lot better results than a head shot. I'm not sure of the percentages but it was significantly higher.

They also said a self taken picture from your cell...got a greater response.

I think it's worth a try, it probably has NOTHING to do with your weight! Take a look around, there is someone for everyone!
HUGS!

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

So you met a guy through an internet site, but you had mutual friends and heard from them afterward? How did this happen?

Yes, let me explain. As I stated, we met through a Christian website. This particular website has occasional chats and forums, much like this one, with different subsections. Most of them are faith-related; some are just general.

Anyway, there was a group of us...about 20-30 regulars, maybe another 25 or so casual participants, who participated in chats, forum threads, and so on. Ultimately, this led to the occasional Skype conference call (before he came around), as well as people becoming friends away from the website.

Many people became Facebook friend, and some have met others within "the group" in real life. I did a campout with some members of the group back in the fall. The gal he shared everything with, was actually my closest girlfriend through the site. That's why she was so sure he was serious...because he would know because of how close we were that she would share everything he said with me, and he said it anyway.

I didn't read through,,,, but I saw on GMA last week that if you show your full body picture you will get a lot better results than a head shot. I'm not sure of the percentages but it was significantly higher.

They also said a self taken picture from your cell...got a greater response.

I think it's worth a try, it probably has NOTHING to do with your weight! Take a look around, there is someone for everyone!
HUGS!

Really? Well, now that is curious. Usually phone pictures aren't that great. Plus, you can't really get a full-length shot with a selfie.

 

[SwimBikeRun]

I'm confused.

He's seeing someone or not? How far away does he live?

Friends is one thing but if he is seeing someone don't get your hopes up! You don't want to be with a man who juggles multiple women or leads someone (either of you) along.

Distance can be a huge factor in a relationship. My BF lives 35 minutes away and between work, our kids schedules, etc. it is extremely challenging. You just can't pop over to see each other when one of you is having a bad day. We live in the Northeast so winter weather makes it even more challenging!

Good luck to you! The offer still stands to help you with an online profile!

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

I'm confused.

He's seeing someone or not? How far away does he live?

Friends is one thing but if he is seeing someone don't get your hopes up! You don't want to be with a man who juggles multiple women or leads someone (either of you) along.

Distance can be a huge factor in a relationship. My BF lives 35 minutes away and between work, our kids schedules, etc. it is extremely challenging. You just can't pop over to see each other when one of you is having a bad day. We live in the Northeast so winter weather makes it even more challenging!

Yeah, um....it's complicated.

Distance-wise, we are looking at about 11 hours driving. Not a short distance for sure. But, it is still closer than most of the East Coast, closer than Florida, for sure closer than the Western US. You are for sure right. You don't get to just pop on over when you want to see them.

But, I believe that and I've seen that long-distance relationships CAN work. One of my good friends from the site met a guy in Texas, about 15 hours away, and now they are pretty close to being engaged. We've both talked about not wanting to put a "Distance Limit" on God. And while we agreed it would be hard, if that person is The One, then they are The One, and you just have to make it work until you can be together.

The gal he is seeing/was seeing, is actually about the same distance-wise, a little bit shorter of a drive time-wise.

Onto the "Is he single?" part. Argh. Yes, I think.

The last time we spoke about her was weeks ago, during the "I don't want to lead you on, but I've met someone" conversation. Ever since, he has never mentioned her to me, part of which I think is his attempt to spare my feelings, which was kind of him.

The last time he saw her was late October, when she went to visit. She posted a pic of them together (I'm not a FB stalker, but she tagged him in her photo, so it showed up on my feed) shortly thereafter. There haven't been any photos or conversations since then, publicly at least.

Honestly, I didn't really think much of it until somewhat recently when he started contacting me more frequently. It just kind of popped up out of nowhere (Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it was a noticeable change) I got to wondering if things didn't work out for them.

In December, he actually had a conference in her home town, the place where they originally met, and he told me he was looking for things to do in his free time. After the fact, I asked if he met up with her, and he just said no. No explanation, no details. Just, no. So, considering he was in town, and they didn't meet up, assuming he was being truthful with me...that's what I'm basing my instinct on. But, of course, maybe she was unavailable or out of town. So, it could mean nothing.

In our conversations, he has still not mentioned her. He tells me his plans pretty often, and he never mentions her. And, he pretty much gives me an hour by hour analysis of his plans. There is never a "Somewhere in between there, I need to Skype with..." or "I probably need to set aside some time to call..." But again, that means nothing, because he never talked about her before so...

 

[okeydokey]

I am confused. If you are wondering if he is still seeing this other girl, and you two have conversations that "make you swoon", just ask him outright if they are still together. Why make things complicated?

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

I am confused. If you are wondering if he is still seeing this other girl, and you two have conversations that "make you swoon", just ask him outright if they are still together. Why make things complicated?

Yeah um....awkward.

Anyone see The Big Bang Theory where Raj tried to convince the girl he is not gay, and he says something feminine and is like, "Oh yeah, I heard it that time."?

That's how I feel right now. Like...reading that response, I feel like. "Yeah, I see how crazy it is now."

I guess I was just a little over-simplistic. I figured I would just enjoy what we have now. Enjoy our friendship, and just let it be. Just see how things played themselves out.

Honestly, my thought was...if he states his interest in me, he must be unattached.

 

[okeydokey]

Yeah um....awkward.

Anyone see The Big Bang Theory where Raj tried to convince the girl he is not gay, and he says something feminine and is like, "Oh yeah, I heard it that time."?

That's how I feel right now. Like...reading that response, I feel like. "Yeah, I see how crazy it is now."

I guess I was just a little over-simplistic. I figured I would just enjoy what we have now. Enjoy our friendship, and just let it be. Just see how things played themselves out.

Honestly[/B], my thought was...if he states his interest in me, he must be unattached.

Seriously? Yes, you are right, that is simplistic thinking. This isn't Junior High. You are thirty years old, if you want to know if he is seeing anyone, be a grown up and ask him.