Angelrose's Journey

[minnie56]

Oh Angelrose, please don't let those kind of thoughts creep in. It was just his time..all in God's Plan. Untimely as it was..we are never ready to let go. We have those 'what if' and 'if only' thoughts..but just push them away. His fate was safe in your hands and those of the Doctors that knew best. You merely executed his wishes..as he knew you would. He wouldn't have wanted to be anything less than he always was and he knew that you knew that as well.
He trusted in you when he couldn't speak for himself to let his wishes be known..and you did. You did what was right when it was right.

It was just a bad day...and they will come along. Tomorrow will be better...

It will. I wish I could take some of your hurt..

 

[minnie56]

Just popping in Angelrose to see how you are today? I do hope it was a little better day?

 

[Angelrose]

Today was a better day by far. I went over to Chuck's house this morning. As soon as I started up the steps I heard Karen telling Jesse that grandmom was coming. He let out a yell and a laugh and ran into my arms as soon as I got in the door. I got lots of hugs from him today. We played with the Hot Wheels I got him while Chuck and Karen made macaroni and potato salad for the barbeque they were going to later in the afternoon. He likes to run full on so I have to be ready to grab him in my arms so he doesn't crush me. LOL I am amazed at how much he is learning. He can say good morning and he was parroting a lot of what I was saying to him. He can pick out animals on flash cards and match them up. He did have a bit of trouble saying hyena but you could understand him. He loves him Mickey Mou. He can't quite get that last part in. LOL He's only 21 months old. I can't wait for him to see DW. After lunch, it was Jesse's nap time and Karen made Chuck go out to mow the lawn. He gave her many humerous reasons why he shouldn't do it. He needed to stay and visit with his mommy was one. LOL Another one was give Jesse a machete and let him do it. It's Fisher Price My First Machete. He gave others but Karen wasn't having it and made him go out. It does my heart good to see them kidding around like that. Just like Ron and me. I told Karen about my bad day yesterday. She talked to me and made me feel better. It's funny, but I can talk to Karen but not Chuck about these things. She went through a lot of the same things with her dad and her mom. So she knows where I coming from. Then we talked about our dining plans for our DW trip this December. Now that was a lot of fun. I left around 3 before Jesse woke up because I didn't want him to cry. Karen said he would cry anyway when he found out I wasn't there. AWWWW he misses me. By the time I got home I was so tired. Jesse is quite an energetic little boy. But I do feel better about everything. I know there will be days when I will go through this whole thing again. But I really do know I did the right thing.

Ladies make sure your husbands take the time to be careful. Just one moments carelessness when they are tired and your whole world can change. My DH seemed to forget his age a lot and tried to do too much at one time. I go through a lot of "if onlys".

 

[minnie56]

Oh Angelrose I am so happy that your day was brighter! Sounds like the perfect day and children have such a way of lifting our spirits as we share their absolute joy in every little thing. How lovely..

It makes sense that you can share your feelings more with Karen...girls are just different. We are more emotional and sentimental and know how to explain our feelings a little better I think. That she has been through a loss certainly qualifies her as a good person to talk things over with too. I lost my Mum 6 years ago due to a drug complication so feel that she also was cheated out of her life's natural course...it's so easy to wonder what we could have-should have done differently. Alas, we must accept and going over the chain of events sadly changes nothing. Just re opens the wound and we hurt anew all over. So..we move on as they would want us to and a little boys eyes sure can help us see the beauty that is there for the taking every day can't they?

I am happy that you have the joyous times in your life as well...sounds like you are one loved Grandmom!

 

[charming23]

Angelrose, I just found your thread this morning and let me express my deepest sympathies for the loss of your husband, Ron. Losing the ones you love is never easy.

Ironically I found this thread because I could not sleep. I was thinking about my father who passed away in late June from complications followinf a massive MRSHA infection. I found all of the prayers and poems in this thread to be comforting.

I too struggle with the what ifs. What if I had taken more time to talk more in depth woth his drs? What if I had insisted that the nursing home actually do what they were supposed to? What if he had gone to the dr when i first started bugging him? Maybe everything would have been different.

The only words of advice I have is to take it day by day as you seem to do and to not be afraid to let the bad ones show. And never let the "what ifs" get to you.

God Bless

 

[minnie56]

Stopping by to say Good Morning and wishing all a good day!

 

[mickeyboat]

Angelrose! Hope you have a wonderful week.

Denae

 

[wvjules]

I'm so glad this thread popped back.

Angelrose, I have never posted to this thread but I have read along. After catching up on it Thursday August 20 I went home for the day. That night I had a dream that you FINALLY had your dream where Ron comes to visit you in your dreams.

I hope he comes to your dreams soon.

You are an incredibly strong woman.

 

[Angelrose]

charming23 I so sorry for the loss of you father. That MRSHA is a terrible infection. I'm sorry you had to go through the "what ifs" too. It doesn't do any good at all to go down that road, but sometimes you just can't help it.

wvjules, thank you for posting. I did have a very short dream of Ron. He smiled at me and touched my arm. I had another dream the following night but I couldn't remember it. That's all I've had. I wish he would come for a longer visit. He seemed happy and at peace. It was wonderful to see his wonderful smile again and see his beautiful blue eyes.

I'm keeping busy by putting out Halloween decorations! Now don't laugh. It's September 1 tomorrow. I'm allowed. Of course on November 1 they all get put away and I start the Christmas decorations. Everything has to be done before our trip on December 11. I'll be putting up my tree early in November with the kids help. So that it doesn't interfere with their holiday decorations.

I did make an appointment with the gyno for the 28th. I'm amazed that I got an appointment so quickly.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Angelrose, I'm sorry I haven't stopped by the last few days ~ I receive email updates and then forget that I've been reading, but not on line so no post!

Now that you are getting ready for Halloween, I will be sure to reply to the bouncing pumpkin today - glad you like it! It is easy to add it - just the way you would for a picture really ~ I find that way easier than how others have told me, but then I need to do everything the pigeon way...more steps, but easier for me!

Take gentle care.

 

[minnie56]

charming23 I so sorry for the loss of you father. That MRSHA is a terrible infection. I'm sorry you had to go through the "what ifs" too. It doesn't do any good at all to go down that road, but sometimes you just can't help it.

wvjules, thank you for posting. I did have a very short dream of Ron. He smiled at me and touched my arm. I had another dream the following night but I couldn't remember it. That's all I've had. I wish he would come for a longer visit. He seemed happy and at peace. It was wonderful to see his wonderful smile again and see his beautiful blue eyes.

I'm keeping busy by putting out Halloween decorations! Now don't laugh. It's September 1 tomorrow. I'm allowed. Of course on November 1 they all get put away and I start the Christmas decorations. Everything has to be done before our trip on December 11. I'll be putting up my tree early in November with the kids help. So that it doesn't interfere with their holiday decorations.

I did make an appointment with the gyno for the 28th. I'm amazed that I got an appointment so quickly.

That's okay to be early Angelrose-the stores are all set already so why not!
Someone told me Costco have Christmas trees up and decorations in as well..of course that is all marketing isn't it?

I am glad that Ron made a little visit in your dreams..he holds your hand all day as well Never far..just seems so.

Hope today is a good day ...

 

[chell]

We have stores with Christmas decorations up too.

So glad to hear you have the gyno appointment scheduled!

That grandson of yours does sound like something else.

And I can't remember what else I was going to say.

We had a good trip and had a great time visiting with my friend in TN. Traveling to so many places in just a few days is a bit too hard on me. I'm SO tired now.

I'm so sorry that Saturday was a rough day. Don't get discouraged when that happens because it is a normal part of the healing process. You are only human and you will think of all the "what ifs" and such. Remember that God was in control and He needed Ron to come Home with Him at that specific time for a reason.

What all are you up to this week? Any movies you plan on seeing?

 

[Angelrose]

Today was a pretty good day. I put out a few more decorations. I kept busy and then watched movies for the rest of the day. In a couple more weeks I will be able to go for my walks. Just as soon as it gets cooler. I can't be out in the heat. It just drains me.

Glad you had a good trip chell.

I was watching Animal Planets Monsters inside of Me last night. They had a man who had a tick disease called Babesiosis. Ron would have been so interested to see that. He had that about 7 years ago. He almost died then. The parasite eats the red blood cells and the dead cells clog the kidneys and if not taken care of, the kidneys shut down. Our family doctor caught it as soon as I brought Ron in. He had chills and fever and couldn't keep anything down. Not even water. They got him in the hospital quickly and started him on some antibiotic. He did have to get a transfusion too. He was lucky that time. The doctor told us that if he hadn't gotten into the hospital he wouldn't have made it through the night. The tick disease started in Massachusetts and has been going further south every year. The said it had gone to New York. They didn't mention New Jersey. A few people have gotten it here too. So be careful of getting tick bites!

 

[chell]

Glad today was a good day!

Goodness, I've never heard of that disease. That sounds so scary. That is another reason for me to just stay inside until Fall really sets in. I'm like you, I can't handle the heat anyway. It makes me sick.


Did you go see Julie & Julia? What did you think of it? I want to go see it when it comes on at the cheap theater.

 

[Angelrose]

The ticks around here stay around all year unless we have a really frigid winter. So you always have to be on guard.

I did see Julie and Julia. I loved it. Although I think I would rather have seen a bio pic of Julia Child instead of all the Julie stuff. I pretty much love anything Meryl Streep is in.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you for the bouncing Mickey pumpkin Minnie&Nana. I've been BOOOO'D.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Aw, you're very welcome! I think chell boo'd you too!!

You know, I felt the same way about Julie and Julia - wanted it to be more of a bio about Julia Child, with Meryl, of course.

 

[chell]

I've been worried that the movie focused too much on Julie and not enough on Julia. Since I was a little girl I always loved watching Julia. There were several others I enjoyed watching as well.

 

[Angelrose]

Chuck came over this afternoon to help with a few chores. I always enjoy that. We sat and chatted for an hour or so after that. He had to get back to do his own chores before taking Karen out for a special anniversary dinner tonight. But before he left he invited me to come all day on Sunday. I am so looking forward to seeing Jesse again. I'm sure we will continue to plan our Disney trip too. Only 97 days to go!

 

[famgel]

Please know that we are praying for you and your husband
Elaine