Am I being too hard - what would you do?

[Snowy-girls]

Well done Joh,i was wondering what the outcome would be.
As for the punishment being strict,sometimes you have to be way over the top for children to actually sit up and take notice.We all have different ways of punishing our children.
It was'nt just about letting her have a snow day,but you having to back down on punishment you had issued+you were completley right to have not backed down,no matter how tough or hard that felt like to you or seemed to others.x.

 

[wideeyes]

10 days does seem to be along time to be grounded for being home 10 minutes late however if you should stick to it if it is what you said.

 

[A&Bmama]

1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

 

[Minniespal]

Well done Jo for sticking to your guns

 

[ilovepoohbear]

I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

OMG mother you lie!!! I said when i got in the dorr 'sorry I'm late'...i rest my case!

 

[ilovepoohbear]

This is just my opinion but....how often is she likely to have an experience like a snow day like this? Probably not very often.

I AGREE

 

[Netty]

I think the 1 minute 1 day grounded is harsh... but if they are your rules then who am i to say that.. you know your kids best! maybe as they get older the rules will need to be adjusted ...

 

[ilovepoohbear]

Emily, I appreciate your sentiments but she had a snow day on Tuesday and chose to spend the whole day in her friend's house watching Scuzz I imagine she would have done much the same today if I'd have let her out so I don't feel too guilty that she hasn't had a chance to get out in the snow.

Bethan and Jade don't like scuzz, and we went into bethans graden and had a snowball fight!

And today I wouldve went into calne, like sina, and probs had a snowball fight with Jade, Bethan, Billy etc...

 

[Cyrano]

Well done Jo for sticking to your guns

Agree. Better to stick to what you started

 

[wilma-bride]

OMG mother you lie!!! I said when i got in the dorr 'sorry I'm late'...i rest my case!

I AGREE

Bethan and Jade don't like scuzz, and we went into bethans graden and had a snowball fight!

And today I wouldve went into calne, like sina, and probs had a snowball fight with Jade, Bethan, Billy etc...

Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

 

[ilovepoohbear]

Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

WOOOO!!! Does that mean that I can go out tomorrow if it snows?

 

[natalielongstaff]

Hmmm, I'm starting to think that the computer ban sounds like a good option.

 

[mandymouse]

WOOOO!!! Does that mean that I can go out tomorrow if it snows?

OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~

 

[wilma-bride]

OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~

Don't encourage her Mandy

 

[natalielongstaff]

OMG, you remind me of my youngest DD ~ too funny ~~

Don't encourage her Mandy

Sadly ive got all this to come

 

[wicket2005]

Sadly ive got all this to come

Don't despair Nat, every family is different. I have not had problems with my two lads. The trouble is with being parents you just have to muddle through it, no one knows the ideal way to bring up kids and you just have to do what works for you.

 

[~Piglet~]

1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

I was rushing home 15 mins late (6pm curfew! -aged 10 ) one evening when my bike wheel caught my friend's bike wheel and i fell off breaking my arm.

I also agree the punishment does seem a bit harsh, but then i'm sure your daughter was aware of the house rule beforehand. As a trainee parent (I have a 2yo) i'm sure I will have a similar dilema in the coming years

 

[MaddieB]

Wow 1 days grounding for being 1 minute late seems very harsh to me. I would have been so upset too if I had missed out on a snow day with my friends as its this kind of 'event' that I remember the most when reminiscing with my them (even though it was only a few years ago! ). I agree that its a good way to stress the importance of punctuality but based on what ive read your DD understood that she shouldnt have been late and that you would have worried if she wasnt home on time so she apologised and texted you to let you know which seems the most important thing to me. I dont know the reason she was late but sometimes you cant help be late for whatever reason. If she needed to be back for a very important reason by that time then fair enough though.

Obviously im not a parent myself though so have no experience of trying to enforce rules and punish children so this is just my opinion as a daughter. I also dont have any particular experience of being punished tbh as my parents never really set any rules, didnt ground me and my DB and generally didnt punish us. As long as we let them know where we were, as well as when and how we were getting home they were happy. Some of my friends on the other hand were not the same and I could see why their parents punished them a lot , so I appreciate that different parents use different methods, rules and punishments etc I can see the importance of not backing down but in this case I thought I would stick up for your DD as I think the punishment was too extreme and she took appropriate 'action' when she knew she couldnt get home on time.

 

[pixiepower04]

1 day for a minute? The punishment should fit the crime, in my opionion the punishment in this case is far, far greater than the crime. She kept in touch, you knew where she was, you could reach her if need be. She should have respected the rules and I do believe that there should be some "cost" to her for not being home on time.

I understand that once you make a rule you have to enforce it but I just keep thinking of my friend's teen brother that was speeding home because he was late for curfew. He lost control of the car and died. I know that is an extreme scenario but I just worry that if there are severe consequences for lateness that a child might put more of a priority on getting home on time than getting home safely.

I agree totally, punishments should fit the crime. Anything could have happened in those 10 minutes to make her late.

I personally think she was being quite responsible by letting you know she was going to be late, after all, if she thought she was going to get grounded for 10 days for being 10 minutes late then why bother telling you in the first place, she could have just rolled up late, the punishment would still have been the same.

We have rules and consequences in our house too but in some instances I let my children choose their own consequence, sometimes they actually punish themselves harder than what we had intended

I come from a military background with strict rules, consequences and punishments and it was a living nightmare, I felt suffocated, claustrophobic and very alone, it also pushed me away and I ended up hating them.

I rebelled, got into trouble, did crap in school for a while and tried to end my life a few times so I refuse point blank to be like that with my own (8 and 10) and for the most part it's fair punishment but I am not a pushover and thankfully my kids don't really turn on the water works because we talk about what they did wrong and what they think they should have done etc.

You have rules and that's good but sometimes rules need to be different for different people. No two people act the same so the punishments should fit the people too.

I hope you get to have a peaceful weekend anyway!

 

[Goofysmate]

It's tough being a parent
sending a hug for you Joh