A message that bears repeating

[LisaR]

Obviously, we have a weight problem in this country. The causes of it are complex, interconnected, and variable, which is why the simplistic ideas we have about weight loss don't work.


There is a persistent myth I've encountered -- usually promulgated by people for whom weight loss is relatively easy -- that all a person has to do is try "harder" or "better" and the weight will come off.

You can work as hard as you possibly can and still end up with a "F" grade, whether it's algebra or weight loss.

And the myth that I regularly encounter is, "You're thin so you can't possibly understand how hard it is." That myth tends to come from overweight people and I find it insulting.

I'm over 40, have PCOS and thyroid disease, obesity runs in my family along with heart disease and diabetes, and I have given birth. All of those things put me at a higher risk of being overweight. The notion that I sit around eating Bon-Bons all day and the weight just melts off of me is ridiculous. I work my butt off to not end up like my parents and grandparents.

It is WORK. HARD WORK! I don't eat fast food or order pizza. I haven't bought things like potato chips, soda, cupcakes, donuts, ice cream, or candy in probably 20 years. But if I say that I get the, "Well, aren't you just perfect" or "You aren't living." Refer to the thread above about being fat and sassy versus thin and angry and sad I work hard to avoid the diseases that plague my family and, for me, that means not putting that crap into my body EVER. It also means exercising regularly even when I don't feel like it.

We just had a homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies (for those that think I am deprived). But I can pretty much guarantee you my cookies aren't what most are use to eating. There are only four ingredients in them and they were perfect because they are exactly what we are used to. If we ate Oreos multiple times a week, I'm pretty sure my cookies would taste like crap by comparison. But that is the choice we have made. So when people say they "do everything" possible to lose weight and they can't, I'm skeptical because I know that most people haven't really done all they can. Instead, I think that most have done all they are WILLING to do. That is fine. Their life, their body. But the PCOS, child-bearing, thyroid disease, genetics, slow metabolism, excuses are just that. Some of us are unfortunately plagued with this curse. Just like my dyslexic son has to work ten times harder than the kid without dyslexia, I have to work ten times harder than the person without all of the above problems. It sucks but it is life.

I love our lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anything. I am very happy but I still work everyday to keep the pounds off.

 

[Andtototoo]

And the myth that I regularly encounter is, "You're thin so you can't possibly understand how hard it is." That myth tends to come from overweight people and I find it insulting.

I'm over 40, have PCOS and thyroid disease, obesity runs in my family along with heart disease and diabetes, and I have given birth. All of those things put me at a higher risk of being overweight. The notion that I sit around eating Bon-Bons all day and the weight just melts off of me is ridiculous. I work my butt off to not end up like my parents and grandparents.

It is WORK. HARD WORK! I don't eat fast food or order pizza. I haven't bought things like potato chips, soda, cupcakes, donuts, ice cream, or candy in probably 20 years. But if I say that I get the, "Well, aren't you just perfect" or "You aren't living." Refer to the thread above about being fat and sassy versus thin and angry and sad I work hard to avoid the diseases that plague my family and, for me, that means not putting that crap into my body EVER. It also means exercising regularly even when I don't feel like it.

We just had a homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies (for those that think I am deprived). But I can pretty much guarantee you my cookies aren't what most are use to eating. There are only four ingredients in them and they were perfect because they are exactly what we are used to. If we ate Oreos multiple times a week, I'm pretty sure my cookies would taste like crap by comparison. But that is the choice we have made. So when people say they "do everything" possible to lose weight and they can't, I'm skeptical because I know that most people haven't really done all they can. Instead, I think that most have done all they are WILLING to do. That is fine. Their life, their body. But the PCOS, child-bearing, thyroid disease, genetics, slow metabolism, excuses are just that. Some of us are unfortunately plagued with this curse. Just like my dyslexic son has to work ten times harder than the kid without dyslexia, I have to work ten times harder than the person without all of the above problems. It sucks but it is life.

I love our lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anything. I am very happy but I still work everyday to keep the pounds off.

Okay, then. I think it's time for me to bow out.

 

[FireDancer]

And the myth that I regularly encounter is, "You're thin so you can't possibly understand how hard it is." That myth tends to come from overweight people and I find it insulting.

I'm over 40, have PCOS and thyroid disease, obesity runs in my family along with heart disease and diabetes, and I have given birth. All of those things put me at a higher risk of being overweight. The notion that I sit around eating Bon-Bons all day and the weight just melts off of me is ridiculous. I work my butt off to not end up like my parents and grandparents.

It is WORK. HARD WORK! I don't eat fast food or order pizza. I haven't bought things like potato chips, soda, cupcakes, donuts, ice cream, or candy in probably 20 years. But if I say that I get the, "Well, aren't you just perfect" or "You aren't living." Refer to the thread above about being fat and sassy versus thin and angry and sad I work hard to avoid the diseases that plague my family and, for me, that means not putting that crap into my body EVER. It also means exercising regularly even when I don't feel like it.

We just had a homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies (for those that think I am deprived). But I can pretty much guarantee you my cookies aren't what most are use to eating. There are only four ingredients in them and they were perfect because they are exactly what we are used to. If we ate Oreos multiple times a week, I'm pretty sure my cookies would taste like crap by comparison. But that is the choice we have made. So when people say they "do everything" possible to lose weight and they can't, I'm skeptical because I know that most people haven't really done all they can. Instead, I think that most have done all they are WILLING to do. That is fine. Their life, their body. But the PCOS, child-bearing, thyroid disease, genetics, slow metabolism, excuses are just that. Some of us are unfortunately plagued with this curse. Just like my dyslexic son has to work ten times harder than the kid without dyslexia, I have to work ten times harder than the person without all of the above problems. It sucks but it is life.

I love our lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anything. I am very happy but I still work everyday to keep the pounds off.

My favorite is "you are thin so you can eat anything". Um, no. The reality is that I am thin because I don't just eat anything.

I also hear the "enjoy life once in a while" line and just don't get it. I love my life. I don't define happiness with high calorie foods or food in general. I like what I eat, I don't force down a bunch of stuff that I hate just because it is healthy. For example, I don't really like cheese that much. It isn't like I'm whipping myself because I don't have it often. I'd rather have most fresh vegetables over cheese even if they were both nutritional the same because I just like them better.

Don't get me wrong, there are things I have in moderation that aren't the best for me. I like craft beers and the occasional dessert but I don't have them every day and then lie to myself and say I "have them in moderation". I think most (but not all) things are fine in moderation but actual moderation.

 

[LSmith]

And the myth that I regularly encounter is, "You're thin so you can't possibly understand how hard it is." That myth tends to come from overweight people and I find it insulting.

I'm over 40, have PCOS and thyroid disease, obesity runs in my family along with heart disease and diabetes, and I have given birth. All of those things put me at a higher risk of being overweight. The notion that I sit around eating Bon-Bons all day and the weight just melts off of me is ridiculous. I work my butt off to not end up like my parents and grandparents.

It is WORK. HARD WORK! I don't eat fast food or order pizza. I haven't bought things like potato chips, soda, cupcakes, donuts, ice cream, or candy in probably 20 years. But if I say that I get the, "Well, aren't you just perfect" or "You aren't living." Refer to the thread above about being fat and sassy versus thin and angry and sad I work hard to avoid the diseases that plague my family and, for me, that means not putting that crap into my body EVER. It also means exercising regularly even when I don't feel like it.

We just had a homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies (for those that think I am deprived). But I can pretty much guarantee you my cookies aren't what most are use to eating. There are only four ingredients in them and they were perfect because they are exactly what we are used to. If we ate Oreos multiple times a week, I'm pretty sure my cookies would taste like crap by comparison. But that is the choice we have made. So when people say they "do everything" possible to lose weight and they can't, I'm skeptical because I know that most people haven't really done all they can. Instead, I think that most have done all they are WILLING to do. That is fine. Their life, their body. But the PCOS, child-bearing, thyroid disease, genetics, slow metabolism, excuses are just that. Some of us are unfortunately plagued with this curse. Just like my dyslexic son has to work ten times harder than the kid without dyslexia, I have to work ten times harder than the person without all of the above problems. It sucks but it is life.

I love our lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anything. I am very happy but I still work everyday to keep the pounds off.

I agree. Heck, I don't even own a thyroid! It was removed due to cancer 6 years ago. I do have a slower metabolism which means I have to watch very, very carefully what I consume.

I have 3 kids and lots of the normal stress that comes with that. Also, tons of diabetes and obesity in the family.

Exercise is an important part of my day. I drag my carcass out of bed at 5:00 am every morning.

I constantly read everything I can on nutrition and change my ways accordingly. I don't (can't) consume soda, sweets of any kind (except some fruit), pasta, rice, fast foods. I eat almost no meat or dairy and am working on eliminating them entirely. I had to give up cheese, my favourite food on the planet.

I exist mostly on plants, which is the best way to get protein.

I travel almost constantly which means paying close attention to what I eat in restaurants and eating out of the local grocery store salad bar when at all possible.

If my pants start getting tight, I know it's time to really get serious.

I also make sure that I feed my children the same way. It is my obligation as a parent to prepare them healthy foods.

It's not easy for anyone given the culture of eating carbs, fast and processed food these days but it is up to us to not give in to temptation.

It is not about the size or the look of the person, obesity kills.

 

[badblackpug]

I avoided even commenting on this thread because I knew it was going to be all the same people talking about how wonderful and fit they are, but anyway...

The whole "bullying" thing is ridiculous. The guy who wrote the email was a horse's butt, but he wasn't bullying her. The email was ridiculous and unnecessary, but it wasn't bullying. It really didn't deserve anything more than the 1 second it would've taken to delete it.

We are a society that is obsessed by appearance, and along with that comes the idea that someone's self worth is based on their appearance. To suggest that this woman was poor role model because she is obese is ridiculous. (after all, didn't we have a whole thread dedicated to Hilary Clinton's hairdo? She's an educated, accomplished woman, who is probably one of the most powerful women in that nation, but her hairdo was really important)

The thing I have figured out over the years is that the people who are so quick to criticize others or so quick to toot their own horn about how wonderful they are, generally, have their own self-image problems.

 

[LSmith]

I avoided even commenting on this thread because I knew it was going to be all the same people talking about how wonderful and fit they are, but anyway...

The whole "bullying" thing is ridiculous. The guy who wrote the email was a horse's butt, but he wasn't bullying her. The email was ridiculous and unnecessary, but it wasn't bullying. It really didn't deserve anything more than the 1 second it would've taken to delete it.

We are a society that is obsessed by appearance, and along with that comes the idea that someone's self worth is based on their appearance. To suggest that this woman was poor role model because she is obese is ridiculous. (after all, didn't we have a whole thread dedicated to Hilary Clinton's hairdo? She's an educated, accomplished woman, who is probably one of the most powerful women in that nation, but her hairdo was really important)

The thing I have figured out over the years is that the people who are so quick to criticize others or so quick to toot their own horn about how wonderful they are, generally, have their own self-image problems.

Who, exactly, said that they are wonderful and fit on this thread? I read that people, like myself, have to work very hard to maintain their weight by diet and exercise. Also, where is the criticism?

 

[jujube]

In the end, those of us with children, spouses, partners, and parents who rely us need to try our best to get and stay healthy. It's taking care of ourselves which unfortunately with all of the stressors in life maybe some feel they don't deserve. As I posted earlier, there's a fitness program that only takes 15 minutes a day. Who of us doesn't have 15 minutes? If you work in a high rise building, start taking stairs, even if it's just one floor's worth at first. If you work in a building that's only one level, park as far as away as you can and walk. For those who like to snack, keep celery, carrot sticks, and boiled eggs in the fridge and grab one of those for a snack instead of less healthy choices. Have a hamburger patty, chicken breast, or some other protein because proteins really satisfy hunger pangs whereas carbs make you crave more carbs and you dont feel satisfied.
Some have said they exercise like crazy, watch their diets, and still can't lose weight. For those people, I encourage you to see a doctor because if you're burning more calories than you're taking in and you're not losing weight, seems like there's a problem.

How many overweight elderly people do any of us see? How many of us want to be around to see our grandchildren? How many of us want to travel or just kickback when we retire? Taking care of ourselves now will help us to achieve those goals later.

 

[Swan4Me]

I have not read all 18 pages here but wanted to mention something about the video
That woman had a very ill fitting jacket 'thrown' over a dress and that made her look even heavier! I have seen heavy women (and we used to have one as a local newscaster) who dressed so they looked great-its do-able

 

[Ember]

Ah, the DIS. The place of perfect people who can look down on others for not being as perfect as they are. We should rename the place "Mary Poppins" seeing as we're all practically perfect in every way.

If you have mastered controlling your own weight, good for you. If you have mastered your money and are debt free with oodles of savings, good for you. If you have the perfect life, relationship, children and friends, good for you. None of this makes you morally superior or a fundamentally better person. Be proud of your accomplishments, but don't look down on others. They are not less deserving of basic human respect or kindness just because they don't meet your guidelines for existing on the planet.

 

[LisaR]

Ah, the DIS. The place of perfect people who can look down on others for not being as perfect as they are. We should rename the place "Mary Poppins" seeing as we're all practically perfect in every way.

If you have mastered controlling your own weight, good for you. If you have mastered your money and are debt free with oodles of savings, good for you. If you have the perfect life, relationship, children and friends, good for you. None of this makes you morally superior or a fundamentally better person. Be proud of your accomplishments, but don't look down on others. They are not less deserving of basic human respect or kindness just because they don't meet your guidelines for existing on the planet.

I personally don't hear anyone here saying they are perfect.

I do believe we (DH & I) work hard for everything we have in life. Nothing has been handed to us. We keep our weight down and our blood work stable with a ton of hard work on a daily basis. We don't give up. Sometimes we complain but we pull ourselves up and get back to doing what we know is necessary to stay on the path we have laid before us. It never once occurred to either one of us that we were morally superior or fundamentally better than anyone else. But when someone says they can't do that, we definitely say, "sure you can." Maybe we should change our attitude. The next time someone says they can't lose weight, we will say, "You're right. Your situation is an anomaly. You are never going to be able to overcome this obstacle before you. Your situation is hopeless and there are simply no answers for your problems. But, hey! Keep your chin up."

 

[jujube]

I personally don't hear anyone here saying they are perfect.

I do believe we (DH & I) work hard for everything we have in life. Nothing has been handed to us. We keep our weight down and our blood work stable with a ton of hard work on a daily basis. We don't give up. Sometimes we complain but we pull ourselves up and get back to doing what we know is necessary to stay on the path we have laid before us. It never once occurred to either one of us that we were morally superior or fundamentally better than anyone else. But when someone says they can't do that, we definitely say, "sure you can." Maybe we should change our attitude. The next time someone says they can't lose weight, we will say, "You're right. Your situation is an anomaly. You are never going to be able to overcome this obstacle before you. Your situation is hopeless and there are simply no answers for your problems. But, hey! Keep your chin up."

Great post!
This is grammatically incorrect because I've added a punctuation mark to a fragment. I'm not perfect so I mustn't be a true Dis member.

 

[Screennameless]

I lurk more than I post, but I couldn't let this go by without saying something.

I just wanted to say thank you to the people who were open and honest about the amount of effort it takes to be fit and not overweight.

I used to weigh 70 pounds more than I do now. It has taken me about 4 years to lose the weight. I took a break to have a baby, but it has been a long, hard process. I started off obese and am now not overweight. I still would like to lose ten more pounds, but I have to cut back even more on what I eat in order to do it.

I had to change a lot of the things that I thought about myself. I had to start to like to eat less and I had to learn to love exercise. I also had to accept that I was making excuses and not working as hard at it as other people. The biggest thing that I have learned on my journey is that I will not lose weight without being hungry.

It helps to have a reminder that it is hard for everybody and maybe I just have to work a little harder to achieve my goal, but it is attainable.

As to the original subject of this thread, I think that we should ALL stop being so defensive about weighing more than we want to. I was only able to lose weight when I took all of the ego and emotion out of the equation. When I did that, it allowed me to see food as fuel and not use more of it than I needed. I still like to eat, I just have to eat a lot more slowly and focus on every bite or I will miss it.

 

[Nancyg56]

..

The whole "bullying" thing is ridiculous. The guy who wrote the email was a horse's butt, but he wasn't bullying her. The email was ridiculous and unnecessary, but it wasn't bullying. It really didn't deserve anything more than the 1 second it would've taken to delete it.

We are a society that is obsessed by appearance, and along with that comes the idea that someone's self worth is based on their appearance. To suggest that this woman was poor role model because she is obese is ridiculous. (after all, didn't we have a whole thread dedicated to Hilary Clinton's hairdo? She's an educated, accomplished woman, who is probably one of the most powerful women in that nation, but her hairdo was really important)

I cannot agree with you. We take the time to have anti-bullying campaigns in school because finally it has been recognized that bullying is a real problem. All you need to do is go to youtube ans search bullying and the clips that young people post that pop up are heartbreaking. The concept that it is okay to tell someone that you do not even know that their appearance is offensive is appalling to me. That the people who so this are adults is even more outrageous. I am shocked that we, as a society, think it is okay to tell a woman who is not a fried or a family member overweight to lose weight is beyond what is acceptable behavior.

It is this lack of boundaries that is frightening to me. Once our children see that adults have determined that there is one or two or three segments of our society that it is acceptable to point out "flaws" to, they will continue this practice. It is okay, Mom and Dad do it,

You know, one email does may not be "bullying" but as we have seen here on the DIS, it is sometimes easy to say hateful things to people we don't see. Kids should be taught that it is not "nice" to say mean things to others simply because you are not looking at them. Would you say it to someone if you were looking at that person? Kids pile on and we all have read the consequences of that kind of attack. What I think the anchorwoman was trying to say, and what I truly believe is that once you make a person invisible it is one step closer to dehumanizing that person. It happens every day and it is not okay.

 

[badblackpug]

Who, exactly, said that they are wonderful and fit on this thread? I read that people, like myself, have to work very hard to maintain their weight by diet and exercise. Also, where is the criticism?

Ummm... the whole thread is about a man who wrote an e-mail criticizing a woman he doesn't even know.

Am I the only one that notices that the folks that regularly jump in on threads discussing weight and nutrition, and always talking about their healthy lifestyles and eating habits discuss only their appearance? We never hear "my cholesterol is X, my BP is Y, my blood sugar is. Z" We hear all about pants size and weight and abs. Obesity should be a concern about health not about appearance. Many people try to say they are concerned about health, but mostly they are concerned about appearance.

It is more acceptable to comment on someone being thin than it is someone being fat because it is socially acceptable to be thin. Actually, it is desirable. "Thin" is never seen as an insult.

We can discuss the interesting dichotomy that while the "ideal" woman has become thinner, and thinner, the average woman had become larger.

Interesting perspective, and admittedly way off the spectrum of what were are discussing here, but I just finished reading a book called "The Five Chimneys." It's about a woman's experience in Birkenau. She comments in the book about how the women who have any meat left on their bones are the coveted ones. She talks about how a year ago these are the women that would have been embarrassed about their appearance and dieting. Now it is the thin ones who are embarrassed.

I try to teach my girls to be strong, smart, and kind. I try to teach them that who they are is much more important that what they look like. There are always going to be people who don't like the way they look, and there are going to be people who will feel the need to comment on this. Everywhere you go there are people who are going to think you are too ugly, or too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too light. The best thing you can do is ignore these people and be confident in who you are.

People who put people down do it because it makes them feel better about themselves. Feeding into that behavior only gives them what they want. It's best just to move on and leave them with their own unhappiness. This, by the way, it's the same thing I would have told this newscaster. I would have told her to hit the "delete" button and move on. This man's opinion has absolutely no bearing in her life.

My whole point here is that someone's appearance, be it fat or thin, tall or short, dark or light, has no bearing on their worthiness as a person. So what this woman is fat? She is a news reporter, presumably she is good at what she does. What earthy difference does it make that she is fat? Being fat doesn't make her a poor role model. Being fat makes her, well....fat.

 

[tefrench]

http://www.suntimes.com/news/nation/15560466-418/wisconsin-news-anchor-strikes-back-after-being-called-fat.html

While Jennifer Livingston aired the initial email, apparently there were several emails exchanged. I know people are saying one email doesn't constitute bullying, but it's interesting to know there were several emails.

People have made very good points - I'll just say I feel very sorry for his wife, especially if she would ever gain any weight. I would think there would be this unacknowledged pressure to be a certain size, or face condemnation and disappointment masked by "concern and helpfulness" . Not what I would want in a relationship.

 

[luvsJack]

None of us here know what lifestyles the rest of us live, how thin or overweight anyone is and what they do to be that way.

But the fact of the matter is, I can bet you that every one of us know someone that is thin and fit and does very little to stay that way. And we all know someone who is overweight and although they try very hard to lose the weight, are hit with obstacles (such a health issues) that keep the weight on.

I have two sons. One is thin and always has been. He can eat anything under the sun and as much as he wants and he doesn't gain an ounce. He works out because he is a wrestler and he wants to bulk up a little. (he will NEVER be a John Cena, but he does bulk up a little). He is the "thin person" that most people think of when they say "thin people can eat anything".

The other son, who has been an athlete all his life is a little different. He is careful of the kinds of food. Lots of fish and chicken and veggies. He works out every day to keep the extra weight off. And he is bigger than his brother but its mostly muscle.

I am overweight and right now, honestly, I am not doing a lot about it. But I do know the struggle it can be.

DD can gain a little, get frustrated putting her jeans on and in a week take it back off--she just changes a little of what she eats, like not so many french fries. Not nearly the hard time I have losing weight. She is a lot like her father's family and my sil is the same way.

I have a friend that is obese. She is also diabetic. She tries to lose weight, but she has other health problems, those things mess with her diabetes and she has to change the way she eats again, and there again, she doesn't lose weight. She just had both knees replaced, and has a hard time with exercise. Are these excuses? No. I see the struggle she goes through every day trying to keep all of this in check. Would losing weight help some of the problems? Probably. But its a hard circle for her and losing weight is hard. Someone suggested she work with a trainer and a nutrionist to help her keep all of it in check but that takes money that she doesn't have.


Every "thin person" doesn't struggle and work to stay that way and every "fat person" isn't just wallowing in self pity and using excuses. How about we just accept that everyone is different and everyone's body is different? If someone is happy and overweight, let them be. If someone wants to make a change, they will try, but we have to accept the fact that sometimes that try is a whole lot harder than it would be for us.

Fresh fruits and veggies are expensive. Healthy, lean protein can be expensive. It just is. And yes, some folks grow a garden. Not everyone can. Not everyone has the space, not everyone has the time. We all lead very different lives.

 

[Colleen27]

In the end, those of us with children, spouses, partners, and parents who rely us need to try our best to get and stay healthy. It's taking care of ourselves which unfortunately with all of the stressors in life maybe some feel they don't deserve. As I posted earlier, there's a fitness program that only takes 15 minutes a day. Who of us doesn't have 15 minutes? If you work in a high rise building, start taking stairs, even if it's just one floor's worth at first. If you work in a building that's only one level, park as far as away as you can and walk. For those who like to snack, keep celery, carrot sticks, and boiled eggs in the fridge and grab one of those for a snack instead of less healthy choices. Have a hamburger patty, chicken breast, or some other protein because proteins really satisfy hunger pangs whereas carbs make you crave more carbs and you dont feel satisfied.
Some have said they exercise like crazy, watch their diets, and still can't lose weight. For those people, I encourage you to see a doctor because if you're burning more calories than you're taking in and you're not losing weight, seems like there's a problem.

Do you realize how condescending this sounds? It really is the old assumption that all heavy people sit on their butts all day eating Doritos and either have no idea what to do better or have some underlying emotional issue. I've yet to meet that person in real life. Most of the overweight people I know are like me - try to fit in exercise when they can but have kids and/or jobs and/or other caretaking responsibilities that consume most of their time and energy. They try to eat healthy, but have those nights where there's a half-hour between work and kids' activities to grab dinner which means fast food or something out of the freezer. And the 5lbs here, 10lbs there, never quite lost all the baby weight adds up over time.

I know I am probably one who should see a doctor to figure out if there are medical options that would help me lose. I'm sure I'm not burning more calories than I take in - if I was I be losing, right? - but I'm also pretty sure I should be. By all the standard metabolism/calorie needs calculators someone my size should be losing at my caloric intake and activity level. But I'm almost phobic about doctors so that's a very last resort in my mind, and right now I'm just trying a few years of healthy eating, eliminating or severely reducing the "science experiment" foods and additives, exercising regularly, and not taking any daily meds to see if I can't "reset" my metabolism on my own now that the days of birth control and major hormonal disruptions like pregnancy/birth/nursing are behind me.

 

[badblackpug]

I cannot agree with you. We take the time to have anti-bullying campaigns in school because finally it has been recognized that bullying is a real problem. All you need to do is go to youtube ans search bullying and the clips that young people post that pop up are heartbreaking. The concept that it is okay to tell someone that you do not even know that their appearance is offensive is appalling to me. That the people who so this are adults is even more outrageous. I am shocked that we, as a society, think it is okay to tell a woman who is not a fried or a family member overweight to lose weight is beyond what is acceptable behavior.

It is this lack of boundaries that is frightening to me. Once our children see that adults have determined that there is one or two or three segments of our society that it is acceptable to point out "flaws" to, they will continue this practice. It is okay, Mom and Dad do it,

You know, one email does may not be "bullying" but as we have seen here on the DIS, it is sometimes easy to say hateful things to people we don't see. Kids should be taught that it is not "nice" to say mean things to others simply because you are not looking at them. Would you say it to someone if you were looking at that person? Kids pile on and we all have read the consequences of that kind of attack. What I think the anchorwoman was trying to say, and what I truly believe is that once you make a person invisible it is one step closer to dehumanizing that person. It happens every day and it is not okay.

I'm not saying that bullying, in a general sense, is ridiculous, I am saying it is ridiculous in this instance.

I absolutely agree that there is bullying, and I absolutely agree that it should be dealt with aggressively. I just don't agree that this situation is bullying. I think that the man that wrote that email is a jerk (I actually think that he is a stronger word than "jerk" but I can't adequately describe him on the DIS) but I don't think he was attempting to bully the reporter.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm not saying that bullying, in a general sense, is ridiculous, I am saying it is ridiculous in this instance.

I absolutely agree that there is bullying, and I absolutely agree that it should be dealt with aggressively. I just don't agree that this situation is bullying. I think that the man that wrote that email is a jerk (I actually think that he is a stronger word than "jerk" but I can't adequately describe him on the DIS) but I don't think he was attempting to bully the reporter.

I agree with you!

The concept that it is okay to tell someone that you do not even know that their appearance is offensive is appalling to me. That the people who so this are adults is even more outrageous. I am shocked that we, as a society, think it is okay to tell a woman who is not a fried or a family member overweight to lose weight is beyond what is acceptable behavior.

I get the impression that you think those of us who disagree that this was bullying think what the guy did was ok. I haven't seen a single person on this thread who thought that what he did was acceptable. It was not, and I think everyone on here has been very clear about that.

 

[Arm Flaps]

Do you realize how condescending this sounds? It really is the old assumption that all heavy people sit on their butts all day eating Doritos and either have no idea what to do better or have some underlying emotional issue. I've yet to meet that person in real life. Most of the overweight people I know are like me - try to fit in exercise when they can but have kids and/or jobs and/or other caretaking responsibilities that consume most of their time and energy. They try to eat healthy, but have those nights where there's a half-hour between work and kids' activities to grab dinner which means fast food or something out of the freezer. And the 5lbs here, 10lbs there, never quite lost all the baby weight adds up over time.

I know I am probably one who should see a doctor to figure out if there are medical options that would help me lose. I'm sure I'm not burning more calories than I take in - if I was I be losing, right? - but I'm also pretty sure I should be. By all the standard metabolism/calorie needs calculators someone my size should be losing at my caloric intake and activity level. But I'm almost phobic about doctors so that's a very last resort in my mind, and right now I'm just trying a few years of healthy eating, eliminating or severely reducing the "science experiment" foods and additives, exercising regularly, and not taking any daily meds to see if I can't "reset" my metabolism on my own now that the days of birth control and major hormonal disruptions like pregnancy/birth/nursing are behind me.

I don't see a single condescending word or feel a condescending tone in what was said whatsoever. It's good advice for anyone, large, small or right in between.