pagehouse
Nate has squatter's rights to Castaway Cay!
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2003
I come to you all in shame. Too much time has gone by and I really should have posted this sooner. We know you are all worried about us and we should have just dropped a line to let you know we are getting by.
I guess the reason I have not written sooner is I just don't know what to say. I'd like to say we are doing better, but that would be a lie. Living this life without Nate is the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We have been talking with grief counselors and trying to take baby steps along this path of despair. One of you told us that we are on a walk that only God can walk with us. I have thought about that so many times and have realized that it's very true. We cannot express how sad we are and it feels very alone, but I know God is taking each agonizing step with us.
There is a very real physical pain in our hearts and only time is going to heal that. My angle has been gone only one month today, and it seems that is not near enough time because I am still numb with grief.
I want to share something with all of you though. As you know, we held Nate's memorial service on Christmas Eve. It was our desire to have a very small, private service. But we were very saddened by the fact that out of both sides of our families, only 5 people came to the service. Of course some friends from here in Texas came, but from our family, only 5 people. There are close relatives that we still have not heard from. (Ive really had to deal with my anger about that) But anyway, I tell you this so you will know just how much I mean it when I say your cards, emails and gifts mean the world to us. I cannot imagine how awful it would be if we didn't have all of you. I mean that. Knowing we have so many friends that care about us and are praying for us is just about all we have lifting us up. We will never forget your kindness and comfort in a time when we needed it most. I know some of you have made donations to the Wishing Well in Nates honor. I have been trying to get my thank yous out, but let me also take this time to say it again. They gave us a wonderful thing and they need the help to give dreams to other kids. We are still receiving donations to Nates trust fund. I thought I would let you know what we plan to do with that. There is a childrens home for special needs kids here. Christy, Nates hospice nurse has had a few kids there and she would just cry and cry after leaving them. It is a state funded institution, and she said they take good care of the kids, but there is just not much there for them. We want to buy some special gifts for the facility for the kids to enjoy. We would like to buy them a large screen TV because Christy said the kids have to spend a good deal of time watching television. Im not sure if the trust fund will have the money to do that, but if not, we will come up with something else for them. I thought Nate would really like to be a part of that.
Last, thanks to a very dear friend, we went to Castaway Cay and Eric and I held a very private and heart warming memorial for Nate. We made a package of some of his things and we went out on the island by foot to an area we were not supposed to be in. (I hope I don't regret confessing that) We found the most beautiful and peaceful spot and we buried his things. We took a picture of the palm that we buried it under and it is now the background on our computer. So everyday when we sign on it comes up and I look and think, "Good morning sunshine." And I know I left his memory in a sunny beautiful place. This was such a healing experience. I will never be able to find the words to thank this person for making this happen.
So, next time you are in Castaway Cay, listen very carefully and you just might hear Nathan's laugh being carried on the wind.
I guess the reason I have not written sooner is I just don't know what to say. I'd like to say we are doing better, but that would be a lie. Living this life without Nate is the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We have been talking with grief counselors and trying to take baby steps along this path of despair. One of you told us that we are on a walk that only God can walk with us. I have thought about that so many times and have realized that it's very true. We cannot express how sad we are and it feels very alone, but I know God is taking each agonizing step with us.
There is a very real physical pain in our hearts and only time is going to heal that. My angle has been gone only one month today, and it seems that is not near enough time because I am still numb with grief.
I want to share something with all of you though. As you know, we held Nate's memorial service on Christmas Eve. It was our desire to have a very small, private service. But we were very saddened by the fact that out of both sides of our families, only 5 people came to the service. Of course some friends from here in Texas came, but from our family, only 5 people. There are close relatives that we still have not heard from. (Ive really had to deal with my anger about that) But anyway, I tell you this so you will know just how much I mean it when I say your cards, emails and gifts mean the world to us. I cannot imagine how awful it would be if we didn't have all of you. I mean that. Knowing we have so many friends that care about us and are praying for us is just about all we have lifting us up. We will never forget your kindness and comfort in a time when we needed it most. I know some of you have made donations to the Wishing Well in Nates honor. I have been trying to get my thank yous out, but let me also take this time to say it again. They gave us a wonderful thing and they need the help to give dreams to other kids. We are still receiving donations to Nates trust fund. I thought I would let you know what we plan to do with that. There is a childrens home for special needs kids here. Christy, Nates hospice nurse has had a few kids there and she would just cry and cry after leaving them. It is a state funded institution, and she said they take good care of the kids, but there is just not much there for them. We want to buy some special gifts for the facility for the kids to enjoy. We would like to buy them a large screen TV because Christy said the kids have to spend a good deal of time watching television. Im not sure if the trust fund will have the money to do that, but if not, we will come up with something else for them. I thought Nate would really like to be a part of that.
Last, thanks to a very dear friend, we went to Castaway Cay and Eric and I held a very private and heart warming memorial for Nate. We made a package of some of his things and we went out on the island by foot to an area we were not supposed to be in. (I hope I don't regret confessing that) We found the most beautiful and peaceful spot and we buried his things. We took a picture of the palm that we buried it under and it is now the background on our computer. So everyday when we sign on it comes up and I look and think, "Good morning sunshine." And I know I left his memory in a sunny beautiful place. This was such a healing experience. I will never be able to find the words to thank this person for making this happen.
So, next time you are in Castaway Cay, listen very carefully and you just might hear Nathan's laugh being carried on the wind.
