2 Kids,2 Dogs,1200 Miles: 2 More Weeks in FL 2 - Finished with a Blast! P40

[Poolrat]

I told you yesterday that I changed my mind about the dumbest thing I have ever done. That occurred approx. 11 years earlier.

I would have been freaked out but I think I would have done it.


I can only hope that the gators that are, shall we say 'eager' and don't follow the line of death rule are not allowed to have raw road kill thrown at them. The ones that behave get the treat.

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

Gatorland, Vol 3 "The dumbest thing I've ever done"

If you can answer this question at all… your better off then I am.
The numbers of incidents of unfathomable “dumbness” in my past are so vast that I can’t even begin to order them.

But I'm not sure where to put this next event on that list. As you can see from the title of this chapter, Bambi clearly ranks it at the top of her list.

So how did you talk her into it then?

I mean, sure, there was an element of danger. What in life doesn't?

Nothing I can think of.

But as I mentioned earlier, there were clearly defined safety procedures and devices in place.

Your emphasis on this point leads me to doubt its veracity (just a might).

The "Line of Death".

This should be entertaining.

and you need to sign up for it and pay (I think it was $10/person, but Bambi's dad paid for this, so I'm not sure) as soon as you get to the park because it fills up fast.

Fills up fast?
Apparently there are whole lot of dumb folks out there.

(like that’s a shocking revelation)

…two Gatorland employees showed up with a clipboard and a wheelbarrow full of chunks of beef

That’s two pieces of hardware that don’t usually get pared up

Because the gators you can see usually aren't the problem - it's the ones you can't that you need to be worried about.

Them’s words to live by

The guide - who was not named Bubba or Cletus…

And I find that fact somewhat comforting

He then took his stick and drew a line in the sand, 5' from the closest alligator. This, he explained is the Line of Death.

OK… five feet… Got it.

So, who's first?

Need I really waste time guessing?

The rules were simple - put a plastic glove on your throwing hand, grab a piece of beef from the wheelbarrow, step up to the Line of Death, throw the meat. Repeat 3 times.

OK, time out. Ya’ know… I’d do this.

Now hear me out.

I’m pretty certain that given the 24 hour news cycle racing down toward the most sensational and least cerebral story line imaginable (and doing it at ludicrous speed), we’d have heard about anyone that had even so much as gotten a minor ouchie while trying this stunt. The complete lack of National Enquirer coverage tells me that it’s likely far safer then we’re all letting on here. For that matter the proprietors wouldn’t even consider this if they thought for one minute that it could result in any injury that would automatically lead to a business-crushing lawsuit. Besides, they appear to have been more worried about keeping your hands from coming in contact with raw meat then they were about keeping you more then 5 feet away from the gators.

I appologize for the lack of pictures of this. It's hard to walk to the Line of Death, throw meat, and snap pictures at the same time.

Yah, but given the lengthy list of dumb things you’ve done in you past…
you could at least have given it the old collage try.

My kids approaching the Line of Death. <sniff, sniff> Daddy's so proud.

But I suspect that momma was near wits end at this point.

Note Bambi in the classic "Sprinter's Stance". She's not dumb - this was by choice.

Again… that’s a mother using her innate mothering instincts.
I’d expect no less.

 

[KatMark]

Nope. Those pictures came from the cruise trip. Maybe someday Barry will finish this TR and get to that one.

I'm not holding my breath. He promised to keep more up to date on my TR from my girls trip last week (which I will probably finish before he finishes this one). I told him I'd make a bet with him that he would NOT keep up on the TR and that if he didn't, I would be sure that you had Ryder wear a Bears hat for the first Packer game of the season.

 

[IheartDDuck]

That was truly awesome. Your kiddos are brave souls. My nephew is exactly the same and I guarantee he would do it too. I didn't even know a place like that existed.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I was asked earlier about the dumbest thing I've ever done. I don't really know how to classify all of the dumb things I've done. My brother and I would tie a sled to the back of a snowmobile with about 40' of rope and zip around the fields and over homemade ramps. I'd often jump 20 or so feet from the rafter beams upstairs in the barn to piles of straw - occasionally holding a pitchfork while doing it. I once had my 1984 Chevy Blazer up on two wheels (Bambi was even along for that one!) Heck, this one time, I even drove to Florida in July in a van repaired by a marginally trained baboon.

One man's dumb is another man's awesome. And really, wouldn't the world be a much more boring place with guys to try stuff like this?

But as I mentioned earlier, there were clearly defined safety procedures and devices in place.

Consisting of a stick and an imaginary line.

The "Line of Death".

I feel like this phrase needs its own soundtrack. Or one of those echo-y sound effects.

The girl started checking people in while the guy walked right up to the shore and and started calling the gators.

Did the gators have names like Bubba and Cletus?

Because the gators you can see usually aren't the problem - it's the ones you can't that you need to be worried about.

Ninja gators!

All the while saying "Hurts, don't it? Hurts, don't it?" See, even when standing within jaw snapping range, it's OK to have sense of humor.

It's all fun and games till somebody gets their arm chewed off.

This, he explained is the Line of Death. If you only remember one thing he said during his introduction, make it be this: Do Not Cross the Line of Death. The Line of Death will always be 5 feet from the closest gator. If the gator moves up, the Line gets redrawn up. If the gator moves back, the Line moves back.

This makes me think of that old Bugs Bunny/Yosemite Sam gag. "I dare you to cross this line. Ok, how about this one? And this one? And this one?"

So, who's first?

Who do you think...

Those are some brave souls, right there. Or very trusting.

(I appologize for the lack of pictures of this. It's hard to walk to the Line of Death, throw meat, and snap pictures at the same time.

Really, I think you did just fine.

My kids approaching the Line of Death. <sniff, sniff> Daddy's so proud.

You should be!

Approach the Line of Death, turn around, and smile for a picture. (Yes, they will sell you a picture, but you can also take your own)

Do they tease you when they take your picture? "Oh, wait, the light's not right. Hang on, somebody blinked..." Not that I would do that or anything.

That is an AWESOME picture.

Note Bambi in the classic "Sprinter's Stance". She's not dumb - this was by choice.

Whereas you look like you're ready to kick back in a lawn chair.

Looks like a memorable experience for sure!

 

[FreezinRafiki]

OH HELL NO!!!!!

I was expecting a response like this. For it to come less than 20 minutes after posting the update was a little surprising.

I draw the line at full grown tigers

Tigers have teeth too, you know.

Good thing those gators honor that "line of death".

They do not honor the Line of Death. They establish it.

 

[afwdwfan]

I'm not holding my breath. He promised to keep more up to date on my TR from my girls trip last week (which I will probably finish before he finishes this one). I told him I'd make a bet with him that he would NOT keep up on the TR and that if he didn't, I would be sure that you had Ryder wear a Bears hat for the first Packer game of the season.

Don't take this the wrong way Kathy, but I really hope he doesn't keep up with your TR.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Not so dumb.. that sounds fun 20 years ago

It was! Besides, concussions are overrated.

What were we talking about?

What's a barn?

Go ask those hacks from Vermont that pretend to make Cheddar cheese

General Lee?

I wanted to put in a horn that played Dixie, but it was a little out of budget for a high school kid.

Ok, you are dumb.

You mean like fending off an entire Brazilian tour group?

The DIS needs a ninja smiley.

Did you ever have the inkling to take a steak to the car for dinner? You said it was hot, you probably could of cooked it on the dashboard in the parking lot.

The thought crossed my mind, but since the gators were licking their lips watching the steak, I'd be afraid one would bolt through the gate after me to get it.

There is no way Mel would EVER let Juliana do that.

She doesn't have to know. (Until she reads the TR. Then you're in trouble!)

Wimp.

Says the guy who won't do this because his wife won't let him...

What was Bambi doing while this was going on?

As I believe she mentioned later, she was simultaneously staying as far from the Line of Death as possible while yelling at Madison to stop crossing the Line of Death

Smart woman you have there! Question: if the gaters came up, would Bambi grab the kids or run them over?

Grab them, run me over.

I think this is the last post I read of this report... it can only go down from here.

There's more fun stuff. Nothing quite so death-defying though.

That picture??? Is terrifying! And thrilling! And I can't decide if I'm brave enough to do it or not! But what a Christmas Card photo!

Definitely thrilling! Do it! Do it!

How on Earth to the Gators not just decide to eat someone?

The Line of Death prevents it.

PLEASE tell me you used that for Holiday cards. You guys are about a kabillion times braver than I am! I'd stay around 100 feet (at least) behind the line of death if it were me! But what an awesome experience!

No, we had some nice ones from our cruise that we used instead. If we had brought our Santa hats to Gatorland, maybe we would have. Hmmmm.....that gives me an idea for next time....

 

[FreezinRafiki]

My husband once put his tongue on a freezing cold pole. I think it is just some guy thing.

Did someone triple dog dare him?

So is this a Wisconsin thing of "dumbest things ever done?" Because I know that nobody in their right mind in Chicago would do this. Nope, nope, nope!

Not even Marky or Andy? They look like big tough guys that would do it to impress their girl friends.

And we both know Mark would do it if they offered silly hats to wear at the Line of Death.

After that last update, I'm afraid to read what comes next.

You can stop breathing into the paper bag, the death defying portion of the day is over. Until we get back into the van, that is.

Those appear to be smiles of experience...

No, that was one of Bambi's less than intelligent moments.

She compared the cost of flying and renting a car for two weeks. In the end, the risk was more economical. I'll take whatever victories I can.

Sounds so ominous... yet really frickin cool.

It is. That's why I always put it in italics.

Where are the Chuck Norris birds now?

Don't know. Off fighting evil?

See, they have procedures in place and she's even being strategic about her picture pose. That's not dumb.

I don't think she trusted the procedures very much.

I've got to disagree. This seemed pretty straightforward and simple. Surely getting in your 1984 Blazer and letting you get it on 2 wheels is way dumber than this.

To be fair, she didn't know it was going to go up on 2 wheels when she got it. For that matter, neither did I.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

The one right behind you seems to be licking his lips.

He's got a good view of where I keep my meatiest parts of me.

Not even in your top ten. Mine yes. Yours no. In retrospect I should have left at this point.

No, the left was the problem. I took that left just a little too fast. And sharp. And the washout that the tire hit didn't help much either.

You did not drive TO Florida. We drove around and to Wisconsin in a van repaired by a complete baboon.

Ooo...I've been upgraded from "marginally" to "complete"! I'm going to celebrate with a banana. Or is that cliche?

I told you yesterday that I changed my mind about the dumbest thing I have ever done. That occurred approx. 11 years earlier.

11 years ago...hmmm...can you narrow it down a little? Was it before or after our wedding?

Please. Clearly defined? Safety procedures? Devices?

Yes. A line. And a stick. They both seemed to work OK.

A line in the sand is not a safety procedure. The gators don't care about the line. Plus he insisted that I actually go to the LINE OF DEATH. Clearly defined would be don't cross but feel free to stand back as far as you want, preferably the other side of the fence.

It must have worked - none of them crossed it.

Is this the device you spoke of? It was not adequate.

A stick is a very good device. You can use it for hitting things...whacking things...smacking things...cracking things...poking things....

Three smacks with the stick was also not adequate.

PETA would get upset if he did a 4th.

Clearly defined would mean that both parties agree to the defined area and remain on their own sides. Not the case in this situation. It also means that IT DOES NOT MOVE.

I'm sure the Alligator's Union lawyers went over the contract terms and agreed that a 5' Line of Death was sufficient.

Mommy is screaming at them to remain behind the line of death. Not a good sign when the guide learns your name because mom is yelling at you remain behind the line of death. (I nearly passed out just typing that).

I almost forgot that part! Mike heard "Madison, back up!" so many times that he started calling her by name.

 

[chloe770]

I was expecting a response like this. For it to come less than 20 minutes after posting the update was a little surprising.


Tigers have teeth too, you know.


They do not honor the Line of Death. They establish it.

Yes but that tiger had a nice thick chain around his neck holding him to the table. Even if he broke it i would have still gotten a head start. And....more importantly...I was only risking my own life. lol

 

[FreezinRafiki]

I said the same thing but the excitement in their eyes was to much to say no too. Now they have an experience of a lifetime.

There you go, Tim - permission granted!

Nope. Those pictures came from the cruise trip. Maybe someday Barry will finish this TR and get to that one.

Clearly, I'm working on it.

I was 15. What did I know? I also believe he may still have the scars from where I grabbed his arm that night.

Yeah, getting up on 2 wheels is the easy part. Getting yourself back down with only your left arm available it the hard part.

Loving your TR! I have read your other ones and it seems that you guys have such a good time! Your little ones are adorable! Can't wait to read more

All of them? You sat through all of my TRs? Is your insomnia that bad?

Just kidding. Thanks for the kind words! I'll have a Halloween Cruise report started as soon as I finish this one.

 

[afwdwfan]

Those appear to be smiles of experience...

Maybe once or twice... but not recently. We haven't had any big snows this year.

To be fair, she didn't know it was going to go up on 2 wheels when she got it. For that matter, neither did I.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Oh, wow. Um, ugghhhhh no way. Forget it. Not me. I don't think so.

I was scared just looking at your photos. (Which are great by the way.) But I was like no way would I be able to do that. Or let my girls. I don't like creepy, crawly, reptile things or slithery things either. Gives me the creeps.

But thanks for the update. It does look like you had fun at Gatorland and I'm sure that is a memory your kids will definitely have forever. And you guys too!

I don't think I'd call them creepy cawly. More like lumbering behemoths. But I see your point.

I can only hope that the gators that are, shall we say 'eager' and don't follow the line of death rule are not allowed to have raw road kill thrown at them. The ones that behave get the treat.

That's where the excitement comes in - all these guys just live in the swamp there - anyone that wants to come up and grab a bite can.

If you can answer this question at all… your better off then I am.
The numbers of incidents of unfathomable “dumbness” in my past are so vast that I can’t even begin to order them.

I just picked a few highlights. And only ones that I cared to share.

So how did you talk her into it then?

I didn't have too. The excitement in the kids' eyes was all it took.

Your emphasis on this point leads me to doubt its veracity (just a might).

Now you're starting to sound like Bambi.

Fills up fast?
Apparently there are whole lot of dumb folks out there.

(like that’s a shocking revelation)

As the quote attributed to Albert Einstein goes "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!"

That’s two pieces of hardware that don’t usually get pared up

Someone's gotta keep track of the beef.

Them’s words to live by

Not so much in Wisconsin.

And I find that fact somewhat comforting

I did too. He had a much more serious demeanor about him.

OK… five feet… Got it.

Well, give or take. He didn't exactly measure.

Need I really waste time guessing?

Probably not.

OK, time out. Ya’ know… I’d do this.

Now hear me out.

I’m pretty certain that given the 24 hour news cycle racing down toward the most sensational and least cerebral story line imaginable (and doing it at ludicrous speed), we’d have heard about anyone that had even so much as gotten a minor ouchie while trying this stunt. The complete lack of National Enquirer coverage tells me that it’s likely far safer then we’re all letting on here. For that matter the proprietors wouldn’t even consider this if they thought for one minute that it could result in any injury that would automatically lead to a business-crushing lawsuit. Besides, they appear to have been more worried about keeping your hands from coming in contact with raw meat then they were about keeping you more then 5 feet away from the gators.

I'm pretty sure you nailed it right on the head there, Rob.

Yah, but given the lengthy list of dumb things you’ve done in you past…
you could at least have given it the old collage try.

Hey, I got a few pictures.

But I suspect that momma was near wits end at this point.

Ummm...yeah, pretty much.

Again… that’s a mother using her innate mothering instincts.
I’d expect no less.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

I'm not holding my breath. He promised to keep more up to date on my TR from my girls trip last week (which I will probably finish before he finishes this one). I told him I'd make a bet with him that he would NOT keep up on the TR and that if he didn't, I would be sure that you had Ryder wear a Bears hat for the first Packer game of the season.

I'll be keeping up with it. I may not finish this one before you, but I'll be keeping up with it.

That was truly awesome. Your kiddos are brave souls. My nephew is exactly the same and I guarantee he would do it too. I didn't even know a place like that existed.

Thanks! You don't hear a lot about it with Disney, Universal and Sea World spending so much on advertising, but it's there and it's a fun time!

 

[that's nice]

Never thought my life was in danger with the tour group. Gators on the other hand...

Oh yea right. Barry's life was in danger while you were fighting off those tour groups!

It is not steak from the store it is road kill.

Oh. He didn't say that. I thought you guys were tossing New York Strips at them there gators.

If you will notice I have my hands placed on Madison so that I can pick her up and run if necessary.

You should of placed one on Barry.... that way you could of tossed him to the gators and made a clean get a way with the kids!

It was! Besides, concussions are overrated.

What were we talking about?

Ummmm.... errrrr.... SQUIRREL!!!

Go ask those hacks from Vermont that pretend to make Cheddar cheese

Don't knock it before you try it.

She doesn't have to know. (Until she reads the TR. Then you're in trouble!)

Trouble as in dead.

As I believe she mentioned later, she was simultaneously staying as far from the Line of Death as possible while yelling at Madison to stop crossing the Line of Death

There you go, Tim - permission granted!

Great! I see it came weeks... I mean months... I mean.... when was this trip again?

Just kidding. Thanks for the kind words! I'll have a Halloween Cruise report started as soon as I finish this one.

From which year?

 

[FreezinRafiki]

One man's dumb is another man's awesome. And really, wouldn't the world be a much more boring place with guys to try stuff like this?

Agreed. None of those things were dumb (well, maybe the truck up on two wheels was pretty borderline). Dumb was the time I was paying to close attention to a movie and tried to reach my hand into the popcorn bucket but stuck it in my Coke instead. That was dumb.

Consisting of a stick and an imaginary line.

As opposed to the line of paint you guys use to keep two cars traveling 70mph from having a head on collision?

I feel like this phrase needs its own soundtrack. Or one of those echo-y sound effects.

Italics was the best I could do until the DIS goes multimedia.

Did the gators have names like Bubba and Cletus?

I don't know, very few of them were wearing name tags. Except one in the back. He had this one:

Ninja gators!

I told Rob we don't need to worry about gators in Wisconsin.


Now we do.

It's all fun and games till somebody gets their arm chewed off.

This makes me think of that old Bugs Bunny/Yosemite Sam gag. "I dare you to cross this line. Ok, how about this one? And this one? And this one?"

I believe you got your grammar wrong. It's "I dares you".
Aside from that, yeah, that's exactly what it was.

Those are some brave souls, right there. Or very trusting.

I like to think a little of both.

Really, I think you did just fine.

Thanks!

You should be!

Well? You going to surprise your kids with a trip to Gatorland this summer?

Do they tease you when they take your picture? "Oh, wait, the light's not right. Hang on, somebody blinked..." Not that I would do that or anything.

You know how photographers get little kid's attention to the camera by waving a toy? They should have a big piece of steak for that here.

That is an AWESOME picture.

Thank you!

Whereas you look like you're ready to kick back in a lawn chair.

That a classic Ray Nitschke linebacker stance. If the gators were going for my kids, they'd have to get through me first.

Looks like a memorable experience for sure!

Yup.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Don't take this the wrong way Kathy, but I really hope he doesn't keep up with your TR.

Hey Andy, how'd the Colts do this year?

Yes but that tiger had a nice thick chain around his neck holding him to the table. Even if he broke it i would have still gotten a head start. And....more importantly...I was only risking my own life. lol

Thick chain...imaginary line drawn in the sand. What's the difference?

Maybe once or twice... but not recently. We haven't had any big snows this year.

Us either. Which is probably a good thing. A 13 year old body can probably handle that a lot better than a 33 year old one.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Oh yea right. Barry's life was in danger while you were fighting off those tour groups!

That carousel spins very fast. And don't get me started on that heffalump that blows the smoke ring...

Oh. He didn't say that. I thought you guys were tossing New York Strips at them there gators.

At $10 a person, I'm not even sure it was cow.

You should of placed one on Barry.... that way you could of tossed him to the gators and made a clean get a way with the kids!

Why are so many people advocating that?

Don't knock it before you try it.

I have.

Trouble as in dead.

I fail to see how this is my concern.

Great! I see it came weeks... I mean months... I mean.... when was this trip again?

From which year?

I think we passed the Titanic on our way out to sea...

 

[chloe770]

Thick chain...imaginary line drawn in the sand. What's the difference?