Mother tells 12 year old she regrets having children

[Teresa Pitman]

Have you seen this article?
https://ca.shine.yahoo.com/my-mom-told-me-she-regrets-having-children-171134777.html

People were talking about it on a radio show I heard this afternoon. I thought it was very sad. The host said he thought it was okay to feel this way but that you should never tell your kids. I think kids probably know if their parents feel this way even if they never say the words.

I have definitely had times of frustration and worry with my kids, have wished I had more money and more help, etc. But honestly, I have never ever regretted having them for even a moment. They have brought me so much joy and pleasure (and still do, now that they are adults).

Just wondered what you thought - do ever regret having children? Would you tell your children that?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I don't regret having my children.

I do occasionally think "what might have been" or wish I'd waited a few more years.

I wouldn't have a problem telling my kids that I've had those feelings once they are old enough to understand.

 

[Arielle22]

I think that is something you should never say to your children, no matter their age. That is one of those comments that can never be taken back or unheard.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I remember my mom saying, "If I had it to do over again, I would have had none of you." It was in the heat of the moment when us kids were arguing, and now that I've been a parent I can understand it, but I still remember it 50 years later.

 

[DizBelle]

It would seem that people who "regret" having children didn't really put enough thought into having them in the first place.

 

[joannjoe]

I remember my mom saying, "If I had it to do over again, I would have had none of you." It was in the heat of the moment when us kids were arguing, and now that I've been a parent I can understand it, but I still remember it 50 years later.

I agree!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Kids? Never. Pets? ...............

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I'm with you. I now have three dogs - the one I bought, the one my daughter bought and then couldn't keep so I ended up with her, and my dad's old dog who needed a home when my dad went into the hospital. Three big, rambunctious dogs who all shed (a lot), chew on things, fight, and need to be let out 100 times a day (at least it seems that way). I kind of regret taking on all three, but what can you do?

 

[luvsJack]

I would never say that to one of my kids. It has been a bit of a mine field when talking to dd about having a child too young like I did her oldest brother. I don't regret having him or any of my kids but there were times that I wished I had waited and of course I want her to. So trying to say "I should have waited" but not come across as regretting my child is sometimes hard.

As for the pets, yes sometimes I sooo regret the last one we adopted. He is a Curr. We had one before that died but this one is much more rambunctious and clumsy and affectionate to the point of being aggravating than the other one. But he loves dd and I think he would lay down his life for her, so that makes him a keeper.

 

[verleniahall]

the DH's mother said that to him - the only reason that he wasn't given away to a different family was because he was of use as extra food stamps ... effects him to this day

 

[klo1335]

I think I often say, "you guys drive me absolutely crazy." But I have never said that I regretted them. I've told DH in private, "if I could do it all again." Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[Ambear]

I don't think it's bad at all to feel this way, so I don't think any parent should feel guilty about having these thoughts. It's one reason I've decided to stay child-free for a long time and we'll see if I ever change my mind.

But if my mom told me that she truthfully feels this way, I'd be pretty affected by that. I'd rather she just never tell me.

 

[hops&dreams]

I would never say that to one of my kids. It has been a bit of a mine field when talking to dd about having a child too young like I did her oldest brother. I don't regret having him or any of my kids but there were times that I wished I had waited and of course I want her to. So trying to say "I should have waited" but not come across as regretting my child is sometimes hard.

As for the pets, yes sometimes I sooo regret the last one we adopted. He is a Curr. We had one before that died but this one is much more rambunctious and clumsy and affectionate to the point of being aggravating than the other one. But he loves dd and I think he would lay down his life for her, so that makes him a keeper.

I know what you mean. This kind of stuff is just starting to come up with DD. She's 11, and it's all puberty talk, etc. But a friend's wife has openly said that she regrets getting pregnant, because she had so much she wanted to do. I find it EXTREMELY selfish of her, and we have actually stopped hanging out with that family because of it. My other friends find it highly amusing that she complained to me, of all people, about it. See, she was married for 6 months when they found out they were pregnant. DH and I had been dating less than 3 months when I found out I was pregnant.
Yes, DD was a complete surprise, but has come to be the best surprise of our lives. No, it wasn't always easy, and no, we didn't always know if we were doing the right thing, but it's worked out for us... All the struggles have made us who we are, and as cliche as it sounds, have made us a stronger couple/family.

 

[Jedana]

I've said that I regret the circumstances that I was in when they were born, but not them.

I was a teen mom with DD1, and it was very tough. My birth control pills didn't work (always took them at the same time every day, never missed a dose---and had 2 babies with them) and the person that I created DD1 with was not a good guy. I regret the how, but never the result.

 

[verleniahall]

I've said that I regret the circumstances that I was in when they were born, but not them.

I was a teen mom with DD1, and it was very tough. My birth control pills didn't work (always took them at the same time every day, never missed a dose---and had 2 babies with them) and the person that I created DD1 with was not a good guy. I regret the how, but never the result.

One of my frieds was the same way - but the ONLY way she coudl get pregnant is on birth-control - it regulates her hormones somehow - sorry - off topic

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm sorry but that's just a line you don't cross. How terribly self-involved to feel you need to get that off your chest without consideration for what it would do to your child.

 

[mnrose]

I would never say that!!! I even regret saying "we were trying for one" to my kids....when they asked whether we "wanted" twins. Now, they will say sometimes "which one of us is the mistake?" LOL. I always say neither of you is a mistake, but one of you was a happy bonus! I went through hell and back to have my kids, and I was hoping for a single miracle baby (my doctor told me it would take a miracle!), and was beyond happy when we learned that there were two.

I do sometimes wonder what my life would be like without them. But life is a one way trip. No going back. No do overs. Even if I COULD go back, I'd still do it all over again.

They've brought me such joy and purpose. My son (15) sang at both his grandfather's funerals in April. Let me tell you, hearing your son sing like he did made every single moment of pain trying to get pregnant, and every sleepless night when they were newborns ALL worth it. I did not know my heart could feel such pride.

 

[mjkacmom]

My twins are our happy accidents and bonus babies! Not planned, but still wanted.

 

[cjbcam]

No I've never regretted having my kids. I would never want my kids to feel like I did either.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

We call our twins "Buy one get one twice the price". Twinning!