Wedding payment advice!

[nkereina]

The baby shower thread spawned me to ask this question for some advice.

I'm getting married next year in a non-traditional style of wedding. We're doing a small (immediate family only) ceremony at the botanical gardens and having a large party/reception pig roast at a county park two weeks later. I'm an only child (female), so my parents have offered to pay for it. My fiance's mom told me last weekend that they (fiance's parents) want to help financially and to let them know what we'd like them to contribute. She wouldn't commit to a figure, and wanted us to tell them.

Since our wedding is not traditional and there is no rehearsal dinner (where the groom's parents usually pick up the tab), we weren't sure what a fair figure would be for them. The total for our ceremony and reception will be about $8,000. The figure we came up with for my fiance's parents to contribute is $2,000. Too much? Not enough? Looking for honest opinions. My mom thinks it's too high, but everyone else I've consulted seems to think it's fair. Thanks for the help!

 

[disneyeveryyear]

I would try to figure out what a rehearsal dinner would have cost in your area for the number of people in wedding party and ask for that amount.

My MIL told us she would pay for our rehearsal dinner or if we did the food ourselves (DH was a chef), she would give us the cash and we could keep the difference. We did it ourselves and she never gave us a penny.

 

[mickeyboat]

Are you taking a honeymoon? Can your fiancé's parents contribute towards that? How about having them cover the cost of a particular service like flowers or photography? Does your fiancé have siblings who have already gotten married? That might help you come up with a figure they will be comfortable with.

 

[pigletgirl]

I would figure out what they would be contributing to the wedding/reception before talking numbers. Is there something you would like to have during the pig roast? It's wonderful they want to be a part of it, money wise.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

I would put a budget together with all of your planned expenses and show it to them. After they see how much you are planning to spend and what you are spending it on, leave it up to them to decide how much they are able to contribute. Maybe they will say they will cover the food or the flowers instead of saying they will contribute a specific dollar amount. I think giving them a dollar amount you want from them could start a problem in case you ask for $2000 and they can only afford or had only planned on contributing about $1000.

 

[SMD]

Is there something concrete they can pay for? Like the cost of the pig, or maybe drinks or champagne for a toast?

 

[vrajewski10513]

I would go with asking them to pay for specific things for the wedding, and keep away from a dollar amount. Like a PP said, I would give them a list of all expenses and see what they are willing to contribute to.

 

[Laura66]

I would never ask for a set amount.
I would probably figure out what the 3 most reasonable expenses were and say - if you really want to help - we would be appreciative a delighted of you cover (these are examples) the flowers or pictures or put money towards out honeymoon. Whatever you feel comfortable doing.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Could on set pay for the wedding itself and the others pay for the pig roast

 

[aaarcher86]

I would just give them a list of costs and allow them to decide. I HATE talking money with family or friends, and I'd feel uncomfortable giving an actual figure.

 

[slo]

I'd give them my parents phone number and have them discuss it.
They may decide on something you would never think of.
My parents and DH's parents split our wedding 50/50 and they did all the discussions.
I never talked about it with either of them.

Congratulations on getting married.
I'm sure you'll have a very special and beautiful wedding

 

[nkereina]

Thanks all! Some good ideas. We live in a different city from our families. Since we have a lot of moving parts and vendors to coordinate, the tentative plan was just for me to pay for everything and when it was all said and done, my dad would reimburse me. I could break the costs down and let my inlaws pick what they want to pay for. Just trying to keep it as cut and dry as possible.

Thanks again!

 

[Dawnlight]

I would put a budget together with all of your planned expenses and show it to them. After they see how much you are planning to spend and what you are spending it on, leave it up to them to decide how much they are able to contribute. Maybe they will say they will cover the food or the flowers instead of saying they will contribute a specific dollar amount. I think giving them a dollar amount you want from them could start a problem in case you ask for $2000 and they can only afford or had only planned on contributing about $1000.

Yes, this exactly.

I also wouldn't feel comfortable with a dollar amount, nor suggesting they pay for specific items, but once they know your budget and costs, I'd let them decide on how much to put towards it.

It's very nice of them to want to contribute. I love that you are doing a small, intimate, and modest affair while not expecting either set to pay. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding day!!

 

[MrsDuck]

I'd pick a vendor and ask if they're comfortable paying that bill... flowers, liquor, food, photography, whatever.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding!

 

[Mizzoufan]

By the way OP congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

I would beak down the costs, share them with both sets of parents, and have your MIL call your Mom. Let them discuss how they want to contribute

 

[BellsFam]

DH and I had each other's parents pay for their respective guests lists.

So DHs parents paid for DHs side of the family, then they offered to pay for the DJ as a gift...

This worked out really well for us...

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I commend you for keeping your costs relatively low. I think $2K is reasonable, and it works for your situation.

 

[mom2rtk]

That sort of sounds like picking your way through a minefield.

DON'T DO IT!

It's best to learn now how to avoid family traps just like this.

Actually, you've had some great advice already. Lay your budget out and let them commit on their own.

And congrats on the wedding!

 

[jodifla]

I'm surprised how much your wedding is costing considering what you are having, particularly not inviting people to the important part -- the wedding!