How do you and your spouse resolve "small" money disputes?

[disykat]

These two statements seem contradictory to me...all families are different. DH and I don't really have this type of money disagreement, but several people have said that they do.....It also makes sense that a group of IRL friends have similar reactions. It also makes sense that a bunch of strangers on the internet have very different reactions.

I used that phrase because the other poster did first so we'd have something to agree on. I think an unusually large amount of people on here have said they never have disagreements about money. Sorry, but that just really surprises me. I honestly can't think of ANYTHING my husband and I always agree on. DH and I consider ourselves fortunate that we've never had to fight about money because we have similar enough ideas, but that doesn't mean we don't disagree sometimes!

He thinks "why on earth would she need two crockpots!" I think "haven't you got enough of those tools already?" He thinks I leave the lights on too often, I wonder why he has the fan on when he's not in the room, etc. Little things, but things we talk about because we tend to talk about everything that crosses our minds.

DH and I disagree regularly about lots of things. Even in the things we agree on, there are variances within those things! That certainly doesn't mean we fight, but we do discuss.

 

[swthrtpallanes]

All of our money is pooled into one account. We also each have our own individual bank accounts. We each get $60 to spend on whatever we want a week. I take care of paying all the bills, groceries and gas for cars. Any clothes we need also comes out of that account, repairs and whatnot. My DH has access to the "bill" account and my logbook so he can always look into our spending whenever he wants. On the flip side my hubby is a veteran and going to school, so he receives his sizable housing allowance every month. This is his 100% to do with whatever he wants. I am lucky that he is a smart shopper, saver, and also does home improvements with it. We are very open with our money and always in the same page.

Best example I can give is that during our honeymoon in Vegas, my DH won a jackpot, I was ready to cash out and go shopping DH quickly reminde me that we needed to furnish our new empty apartment. He was right and I agreed, I would have had a full closet in my empty apptartment.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

We don't argue about money, either. Even the little stuff. And we don't do "final say" here. (Ain't nobody got time for dat!)

 

[Darcy03231]

DH and I have never had an issue over money. We both tend to be frugal so it works for us.

Friends of ours solved the problem by them both getting an "allowance" every week to do with what they want. They can spend it or save it for something big. It works for them.

 

[lucyem]

We don't fight over little purchases. Neither one of us is going to get upset at the other for a $100 or less purchase. Just giving an arbitrary figure but thats the idea and a lot depends on the purchase in question. Anything much more and we discuss it and either convince the other of our view or compromise in some way.

 

[Marionnette]

I'm amazed at how many people say they've never disagreed about money.

People are turning this into a major "having fights and arguments" thing. I don't think anyone here is talking about that. I thought we were talking about minor money disagreements.

I'm really amused that someone is actually assuming my dh and I had a knock down drag out fight over a crockpot!

I didn't say that we never disagree over how to spend our money. That's not what the OP asked. We don't even discuss small expenses like dining out or back to school shopping or whether we can afford a new crock pot. Those things just aren't on the radar.

 

[mrsklamc]

He thinks "why on earth would she need two crockpots!" I think "haven't you got enough of those tools already?" He thinks I leave the lights on too often, I wonder why he has the fan on when he's not in the room, etc. Little things, but things we talk about because we tend to talk about everything that crosses our minds.

DH and I disagree regularly about lots of things. Even in the things we agree on, there are variances within those things! That certainly doesn't mean we fight, but we do discuss.

None of those things would rate discussion, or even awareness at our house. If I bought a second crockpot (or DH did for that matter,as he cooks a lot) or he bought tools, we would just assume that they needed or wanted them, and be happy they got what they needed/wanted.

 

[texasroni75]

When we were both working, this type of discussion wouldn't have been necessary. (our budget was more flexible and small purchases weren't a huge concern). But, now that I'm a SAHM and don't have a paycheck of my own - money is a bigger issue. DH manages the big bills, and I come up with a budget for "everything else", and tell him how much we need to cover the little things. It's not so much a who-has-control-of-the-money type thing, but more of a "make sure we're both aware of where the money is going" thing. I do get annoyed if he questions whether I really need something, but it's a knee-jerk reaction because I was so accustomed to not having to be accountable for my spending when I had my own paycheck. And to be fair, I grumble over some of his little purchases because in my mind I'm thinking I have a "better" way to spend the $$. LOL. As long as we are talking and not fighting wars over pennies it's all good though.

FYI - we just had a garage sale a few weeks ago and we split the money. I have no idea how he spent his share. Mine went to my Mickey jar so I have more spending money for our trip next month

 

[ssawka]

When we were both working, this type of discussion wouldn't have been necessary. (our budget was more flexible and small purchases weren't a huge concern). But, now that I'm a SAHM and don't have a paycheck of my own - money is a bigger issue. DH manages the big bills, and I come up with a budget for "everything else", and tell him how much we need to cover the little things. It's not so much a who-has-control-of-the-money type thing, but more of a "make sure we're both aware of where the money is going" thing. I do get annoyed if he questions whether I really need something, but it's a knee-jerk reaction because I was so accustomed to not having to be accountable for my spending when I had my own paycheck. And to be fair, I grumble over some of his little purchases because in my mind I'm thinking I have a "better" way to spend the $$. LOL. As long as we are talking and not fighting wars over pennies it's all good though.

FYI - we just had a garage sale a few weeks ago and we split the money. I have no idea how he spent his share. Mine went to my Mickey jar so I have more spending money for our trip next month

Although it is important to stay on budget and make sure you cover the necessities, it is also important that each of you have some discretionary funds that you can spend without being questioned. This is important not only for marital bliss, but also for your own sanity. No one likes to be questioned about every penny they spend.

For us, fortunately we both work and we are debt free except for our Mortgage (which by today's standards is quite low). The one thing that absolutely drives me crazy that my DW does is if I go out to a happy hour with friends or eat dinner while at school, she immediately looks for somewhere for DD and her to go out to dinner. Really, just because I am eating dinner out you also have to eat dinner out? This is not an all-the-time thing, maybe once a week at the most (while school is in session), but it is not like she never gets to eat out. We go out for dinner just about every Saturday. I don't think she realizes how much we spend on restaurants. Either that or she just chooses to ignore it!

 

[IUTBAM]

The one thing that absolutely drives me crazy that my DW does is if I go out to a happy hour with friends or eat dinner while at school, she immediately looks for somewhere for DD and her to go out to dinner. Really, just because I am eating dinner out you also have to eat dinner out?

Why would that drive you crazy? Doesn't she deserve a night off from cooking if you are out with your friends? I think it's awesome that she takes your DD---she could very easily get a sitter for your DD and go out with her friends. My husband doesn't do nights out with friends, but when our kids were younger and he traveled quite a bit for business, I would usually take the kids out for dinner when he was out of town. I'm a SAHM who cooks 2-3 meals a day for the family, and if I see the opportunity to get a break, I'm taking it!

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

Small stuff like that is not a big deal to us. We would both go with whatever.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Pigeon]

I used that phrase because the other poster did first so we'd have something to agree on. I think an unusually large amount of people on here have said they never have disagreements about money. Sorry, but that just really surprises me. I honestly can't think of ANYTHING my husband and I always agree on. DH and I consider ourselves fortunate that we've never had to fight about money because we have similar enough ideas, but that doesn't mean we don't disagree sometimes!

He thinks "why on earth would she need two crockpots!" I think "haven't you got enough of those tools already?" He thinks I leave the lights on too often, I wonder why he has the fan on when he's not in the room, etc. Little things, but things we talk about because we tend to talk about everything that crosses our minds.

DH and I disagree regularly about lots of things. Even in the things we agree on, there are variances within those things! That certainly doesn't mean we fight, but we do discuss.

My husband and I agree on practically everything, religion, politics, worldview, childrearing, etc. It's sort of freaky really. I think our biggest area of disagreement is reading material. He likes westerns and I like mysteries.

 

[Pigeon]

Why would that drive you crazy? Doesn't she deserve a night off from cooking if you are out with your friends? I think it's awesome that she takes your DD---she could very easily get a sitter for your DD and go out with her friends. My husband doesn't do nights out with friends, but when our kids were younger and he traveled quite a bit for business, I would usually take the kids out for dinner when he was out of town. I'm a SAHM who cooks 2-3 meals a day for the family, and if I see the opportunity to get a break, I'm taking it!

Yeah, me too. If dh isn't home for dinner, chances are excellent I'm not bothering to cook.

 

[ssawka]

Why would that drive you crazy? Doesn't she deserve a night off from cooking if you are out with your friends? I think it's awesome that she takes your DD---she could very easily get a sitter for your DD and go out with her friends. My husband doesn't do nights out with friends, but when our kids were younger and he traveled quite a bit for business, I would usually take the kids out for dinner when he was out of town. I'm a SAHM who cooks 2-3 meals a day for the family, and if I see the opportunity to get a break, I'm taking it!

Yeah, me too. If dh isn't home for dinner, chances are excellent I'm not bothering to cook.

I have absolutely no problem with her taking a night off of cooking and going out! However, she gets several nights off from cooking. I really don't see the need to go out just because I do. Besides, she goes out with friends too, so I guess I should take DD out every time she goes out too. Also, as I mentioned before we go out every Saturday and I usually cook on Sundays. If she wants to go out, I have no problem with that. It is really the tit for tat spending that drives me crazy. Really, she's an adult, does she really have to have an "excuse" to take DD out? There are some nights when I have school. She would never say "I am going to take [DD] out for dinner", unless I say I am going out first.

I should also add that she does not have to cook for me if I am eating at home. I am quite capable of cooking for myself.

 

[mrsklamc]

The one thing that absolutely drives me crazy that my DW does is if I go out to a happy hour with friends or eat dinner while at school, she immediately looks for somewhere for DD and her to go out to dinner. Really, just because I am eating dinner out you also have to eat dinner out?

That sounds fair. Plus, if you are really concerned about how much is being spent at restaurants, it seems like an easy fix.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

Dh and I never have arguments or even discussions about money often if ever.

If I need something or the kids need something I just tell him that I am going shopping for whatever it is.

He is usually very good about just letting me buy whatever I want because I don't overspend or go crazy with the money.

The only times we ever discuss money is when we are coming up with a budget for a vacation.

 

[ssawka]

That sounds fair. Plus, if you are really concerned about how much is being spent at restaurants, it seems like an easy fix.

I agree with you when it comes to me going out to happy hour (which is maybe once every other month), but when it comes to me having to eat out because I am studying, that's a different story!

 

[MrsPete]

Small money disputes? We honestly don't have them.

I do remember ONE time when we hadn't been married long that my husband thought I'd spent too much on groceries. He'd been accustomed to spending less when he was a bachelor, but he didn't stop to consider that 1) he was buying only for himself. 2) we went out frequently when we were still dating, but after we were married and moved out of the city, we ate at home more often. So he thought we were over-spending. He told me what he thought I should spend on a week's groceries, so the next week we shopped together, and we put that amount of groceries into the cart. Little meat, no sodas, no snacks, no beer. Being a visual person, once he saw the cart and knew that we'd chosen the items with budget in mind, he realized his idea had been skewed.

We've both realized over the years that he has a BIG PROBLEM with seeing money go out the door . . . but he doesn't mind a bit if I spend on necessities. I pay the bills, and I buy the kids' clothes, etc. He doesn't really have much of an idea what things cost, but he knows that I don't go overboard. Our frugal-level is just about identical. We both like to know that we have decent clothes to wear and a pantry full of food, but he trusts that I search out the lowest possible prices for those items.

When we buy something big -- like a TV or a car -- we do some investigative shopping, and we agree upon a general price we're willing to spend. Generally, if it's an item we're going to use for years, we're both willing to spend what it takes to get the item that really suits our needs best; however, at the same time, we're both willing to walk away from the steak counter if the price is just too high this week.

We definitely discussed how much we were willing to spend for our oldest to go to college, and that's been the hardest thing we've decided upon recently. We felt it was hard because 1) we had to make decisions without knowing just how much the cost might increase over the coming years, and 2) we felt we were making the decisions for both our children. The financial boundaries we set in place for one will be the rules we'll enforce for the other as well, and 3) we wanted to know without doubt that we were getting a good value for the dollar; that is, that she'll be highly employable once she's done with school.

 

[Dsnyfireman]

My wife tells me I spent too much and I say I'm sorry, and I won't do it again. That's how I handle it, she is the boss ya know!

 

[si-am]

Easy, for us. We each work and we have our own bank accounts. We put money into the joint account for mortgage and bills/house repairs, but after that neither one of us knows or cares what the other is using our money for.