How do you and your spouse resolve "small" money disputes?

[ssawka]

Maybe this is not a healthy view, but in your scenario my feeling is that extra money is extra money. That means that it should not have to go to necessities such as clothes, which you would most likely be buying whether you made money from the yard sale or not. Fortunately we are not in a position where our budget is so tight that we would have to spend every dollar on necessities.

 

[disykat]

I'm surprised at the answers on this thread. I think the "small" money decisions are actually what generally what make or break financial harmony. DH and I are pretty similar in our spending habits (frugal) so we don't have too many issues, but certainly more of our disagreements are on small money issues than on big money decisions, which we tend to agree on easily.

We have never disagreed on buying a house, car, tuition, etc., but we have disagreed on buying crock pots and tools!

Many times have I heard things on this very board like "I work so hard to save money and then DH eats lunch out every day!"

While small money disagreements aren't a "big deal," they can add up to irritation pretty easily. Things like that sneak up on you and become argument fodder, whereas the bigger purchases have probably been negotiated and communicated about.

 

[Dayton Flyer]

Pretty simple: she gets what she wants, and I deal with it.

Saves a lot of headaches.

 

[danygirl]

We each have some side money from pt jobs. Dh can use that for his golf trips and to play. When he wanted to join a baseball league that had to come from the side $$. Each person does need to have $$ of their own to spend. The rest of the time I tell him it's not in the budget!

 

[scrapquitler]

I'm really curious to get opinions here about how you and your spouse resolve "small" money disputes. I'm obviously not talking about things like buying a new home/car or making large purchases....just little things that tend to pop up in life. For example, you get some extra cash from a yard sale, and DH wants to put it towards vacation fund and you feel the money needs to go towards new clothes for the kids for fall ( not a real example in my life ,I'm just thinking things like this). Or, your spouse wants to spend more money per week "eating out" than you do because you feel the money would be better off in savings.

So, how does it work in your family? Does someone have the "final say" ? Where and how do you find the compromise?

I don't even know how to answer this because we don't ever have disputes about these small kinds of things DH wouldn't ever question expenses for the kids because he knows that I never do extravagant shopping for things for them (he is more likely to do that, honestly, and when he wants to, i don't comment or worry about it because it's not a big deal). Any 'extra' money we get just goes in our account and we use it for whatever it needs to be used for. If I want to go buy something for myself, I do. If he wants to go buy something for himself, he does. There's never any dispute because we both know that we are on the same page and we are both responsible.

 

[nalajms]

Wow, I can't believe how few people would argue over this. We definitely talk over things like this, but I've given up fighting since DH will just do what he wants at the end ... he's a spender.

DH had a garage sale last fall. He made around $350. I thought we were going to put it towards our Nov vacation. Nope. First thing he did was call his family and told them we were taking them out to dinner! Since it was mostly his stuff that was sold, I took $50 of it and he spent the rest on dinner and other junk to add to the next garage sale

 

[powellrj]

I'm surprised at the answers on this thread. I think the "small" money decisions are actually what generally what make or break financial harmony. DH and I are pretty similar in our spending habits (frugal) so we don't have too many issues, but certainly more of our disagreements are on small money issues than on big money decisions, which we tend to agree on easily.

We have never disagreed on buying a house, car, tuition, etc., but we have disagreed on buying crock pots and tools!

Many times have I heard things on this very board like "I work so hard to save money and then DH eats lunch out every day!"

While small money disagreements aren't a "big deal," they can add up to irritation pretty easily. Things like that sneak up on you and become argument fodder, whereas the bigger purchases have probably been negotiated and communicated about.

I guess different families operate differently. I can honestly say we have never had a fight about something as small as a crock-pot or tools. If I want a crock-pot or anything new, I go out and buy it. I am not sure DH would know one way or another if I had a new something unless I told him. The same with his things. I have no way of knowing if he buys a new tool unless he tells me about it. I have even bought new cars without him being there. I told him I needed a new one and was going out looking and then if I like it I buy it. We both have a general range of what we feel comfortable spending and don't go over that number.

We are far from wealthy, but we both have the same numbers in mind where we feel comfortable spending and its worked for us so far!

 

[Eastern]

We're pretty much on the same page. Sometimes I will threaten to spend a lot of money and DH will say, 'go ahead, I know you won't' and he's right. I'm too cheap. He is, too.

I highly advise marrying your money twin. Even if you're both spendaholics, you'll have fun going bankrupt together.

 

[martikus]

I too am in the camp that I cannot remember a time when we would have had this discussion.

We do a monthly/yearly budget for everything and agree on it. Extra "found" money would probably just go in savings since we already budget all our other stuff and have no need for "found" money.

When in doubt, DH would let me do whatever because he doesn't mind me handling the finances.

We've fought about a lot over the years, but thankfully in all 16 years it's never been about money, even in the super lean times.

 

[a742246]

Whenever we have found money, I usually take it and buy something for my wife. Everyone is happy! Example, thats how we got our DVC timeshare.

 

[ceecee]

Pretty simple: she gets what she wants, and I deal with it.

Saves a lot of headaches.

GO Flyers!

 

[disykat]

I'm amazed at how many people say they've never disagreed about money.

People are turning this into a major "having fights and arguments" thing. I don't think anyone here is talking about that. I thought we were talking about minor money disagreements.

I'm really amused that someone is actually assuming my dh and I had a knock down drag out fight over a crockpot!

 

[writersblock42]

The best thing we did was to give each other an allowance. All money that is not household is put into the account. If we earn the money outside of the regular paycheck then the person who got it gets to decide what to do with it. If it is something that requires sacrifice on both our parts (even if it is the other person working and being away from family) then it goes into the general fund. For example, I sell something that I purchased with my allowance-the money goes back into my allowance account. A yardsale would be whoever had the yardsale. We still fight over money but it reduces the daily little fights.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

We have several checking accounts - his, mine and ours.

That way we NEVER have to talk about money or small things. Heck we rarely talk about big things - we have each purchased cars and not told the other one until we got home. I even let Alan buy a house in Florida that I had never seen (it was in the subdivision I wanted) - I trust him!

Having my own money means no one can say anything if I want a $1,000 handbag or a case of expensive wine. Alan can buy all the Bears tickets he wants and trick out his car - and it does not impact me.

This has worked for us for years.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm amazed at how many people say they've never disagreed about money.

People are turning this into a major "having fights and arguments" thing. I don't think anyone here is talking about that. I thought we were talking about minor money disagreements.

I don't think most people are talking about fights and arguments...I think most people are saying it's just never occurred to us to be concerned about such small amounts of money if it's something our spouse wants.

 

[powellrj]

I'm amazed at how many people say they've never disagreed about money.

People are turning this into a major "having fights and arguments" thing. I don't think anyone here is talking about that. I thought we were talking about minor money disagreements.

I'm really amused that someone is actually assuming my dh and I had a knock down drag out fight over a crockpot!

I'm not assuming you had a knock down drag out about a crock-pot. You were the one that mentioned it being a disagreement and I said it wouldn't even come up in conversation at our house. Dh would never know or care if I came home with a new crock-pot or a new anything really.

Yes if I came home and said we are moving into a new house next week, he would be mad at me, buying a new small kitchen appliance wouldn't even come up in conversation.

Like I said, every family has their own style with money and small purchases aren't any big deal for us. A house yes, pretty much anything else no.

 

[disykat]

I guess families are all different because I do notice when DH buys stuff and he notices when I do. We're generally minimalists so when new stuff appears, we notice. Noticing doesn't mean it's a big deal.

IRL,when my friends and I talk, it seems like people notice what their spouses buy and often the conversations are punctuated with eye rolls etc. indicating a level of mild irritation, so this thread still surprises me. I've also seen many threads here over the years about this very subject.

 

[mrsklamc]

I guess families are all different because I do notice when DH buys stuff and he notices when I do. We're generally minimalists so when new stuff appears, we notice. Noticing doesn't mean it's a big deal.

IRL,when my friends and I talk, it seems like people notice what their spouses buy and often the conversations are punctuated with eye rolls etc. indicating a level of mild irritation, so this thread still surprises me. I've also seen many threads here over the years about this very subject.

These two statements seem contradictory to me...all families are different. DH and I don't really have this type of money disagreement, but several people have said that they do.....It also makes sense that a group of IRL friends have similar reactions. It also makes sense that a bunch of strangers on the internet have very different reactions.

 

[BeatingtheOdds]

It's interesting to see all the different view points! I was just curious to see if there was any creative ideas to minimize disagreements in this area. I definitely didn't mean *fighting* about these issues, just having moments when you're both on different pages.

 

[chris31997]

I have found the comments intersting.

But like others, we don't fight. We talk. We have a budget. We use cash. We can take whatever we need from the differant envelopes. When we have found money, we talk about what we want to do with it. Usually, it involves a compromise.

But everyone has to do what works for them.